11-3! Two THE AUGSBURG ECHO goal): Pa’uulide By Beryl Johnson Upon this great Event, this spev cial day We seek to glorify the fool, And since we wish to find the place most suitable, It does seem best to analyze our school. Now, at random do I pick a fool; But with so many prospects—how shall I... Show more11-3! Two THE AUGSBURG ECHO goal): Pa’uulide By Beryl Johnson Upon this great Event, this spev cial day We seek to glorify the fool, And since we wish to find the place most suitable, It does seem best to analyze our school. Now, at random do I pick a fool; But with so many prospects—how shall I start? To leave out one of these would be cruel! Let‘s see, I think I see one now Who bendeth low before the box. (I think she seeks to find some malc?—-mail), But as my dear contemporary said, “What fools ye mortals be!" And now within the classroom do we find, An eager, but a foolish mind, As hopelessly he seeks to grasp Somc common knowledge to re mind Him of the subject of the course in which he sits. Oh, how in great pcrplcxity his brow he knits. So now we move dining hall. (Oh, here is when: I find more inspiration For my masterpiece!) \Vc sec thc studcnts lincd up wall to wall, Their cycs protruding, in a strangc uncanny starc As hungrily they wait and wait to iistc this food 5H rare. our fellow Students as, In dcspcration, sharpening their teeth upon thc door. Thcn crawling slowly on the floor, They seek to pcncirazc the line uncc man. from class to But this is war! For all their curving comrades Have caught them in the net, And now, attack! (0, bloody sight! 0, terrible fate! Why rush around at such a rate To eat? When satisfaction is but tempo' rary; Why do it three times, or more, a day? Why not devise a simpler way - As does the dog, who eats but once?) We wander now into the gym, As we again must find a fool; And there before us does appear A likely victim for our ridicule. He is the one, of many, who Standeth now against the wall \Nhile the girls in suim of green Do play. in earnest, with a ball; \Vhy does he stand and gaze upon this scene? Does he not understand the mat' tcr of the gene? To tell him this is girls’ phy ed would be too mean! Before we close our journey Through Fools‘ Paradise We must drop over to the Music Hall. For here we find the band upon their knees As earnestly, the little bees Endeavor to recall The place where lies the long'lost chord. And, now I meditate upon this sad attempt Which did defy the meter and the foot; I only hope you were not bored, Or that I did but prove myself, the Fool! How to Cut Without 3 Cut Thcre have been frequent cries of late coming from students faced With the "elimination process". In order that these students might lead a more pcrfect life Without living in fear of too many class cuts, we have devised the “scissorless systemuino cuts, We have four "colorful" foolproof methods of cutting classes Without a cut, I. The “green” way—Report of illness is most appropriate for this occasion. For such diseases as flu, bad colds, or anything else influential, there is an added benefitga free can of "health fee" juice. 1. The “black” wayV—Upon entering the classroom, joyfully bounce to the front of the room and hold a brief but pertinent conversation With the instructor and then plunge to the back row to take a seat. In the heat of discussion grease body liberally and slide out the door on hands and knees. 3. The shotgun method—oops! Sorry, we haven‘t tested this one yet. 4. The “white’I way—Just as the class is about to start, provoke one of your fellow classmates to anger. When he utters his first insult, slash back with a blackboard eraser chok full of chalk. Recruit one or two allies and commence with this smoke screcn effect. A few added comments whispered into various ears might add to the dlS‘ pcrsal of a bit more dust. At the peak of battle, dash for the door and you are free! (Precaution: This method should not be used if the classroom is above the ground floor. Tests have pmven that the screen is so effective that it is rather hard to distinguish between doors and windows.) J , ’ lit a: n . THE AUGIBUDB ECHO deWth‘khh-‘MhhdbymdAmbw'cdhp. cud»... . . . . . . . . , . . ..i_hmaumn—¢ Mao-W” .. . . . . . . . . . .,o.uy.uut a... . . . . . . ,. in... Matwpsanu .. hum»... hligiouCo-Edm mamas—Min. wane: . . ., Ipbkhnon Span! Doe John-u. Cheri-I link-i, [any Mill-Infant, Duck Mm. M's-donut...- Copy Editor . .. . . . . . . . . . ,. V-l ryl. cimww ww.mmm.mqu Photograph-n . . . . . . . .. , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..M on. W Vane-Ame SdmNnr-m E '. m. I. M mhzimmmmamwmm lbeo-n' In.th Thad-y, Apn‘l l, 1952 £21 (huh 1 Rule Emir 112m Who is on the throne of your heart? Does the devil reign? Or does Christ reign? Is there rebellion? lfso,itisasthesinofwitch> craft or divination—being in league with the devil. Is there stubbornness? If so, it is as in- iquity and idolatry (I Samuel 15: 13). Iniquity as used here has the same meaning as idolatry (RV); Contests Highlight Teachers’ Meeting On Saturday, March 29, from 9 am. to 5:30 pm, Augsburg played host to the preliminary an nual regional contest of the Min nesota Music Teachers‘ Associar tion. Over 1,200 student musicians throughout the state will compete in piano contests, and about 450 students from the Twin Cities area competed at Augsburg on Saturday. Anyone from the primary grades through the age of twenty! one may compete in these con! tests provided they have been reg' istered by their teacher. The reg! istration fee is $1. The contestants competed in several classes begin' ning with the primary and pro— grossing to the artists. The artist group does not compete, but just performs. The students were re' quired to select one number to present from a given choice of three or four. The contest at Augsburg was held in three different rooms with 'a group of three judges in each room. The judges were piano teachers judging in any area in which none of their own stude were participating. Those who won rankings here were given cer- tificates of merit which entitle them to take part in the Ten- Piano Recital, given annually at the University of Minnesota in conjunction with the yearly con- vention of the Minnesota Music Teachers’ Association. In clfirge of the local arrange, ments were Mr. Sateren and Mrs. Thur, assisted by several music majors here at Augsburg. By Knuth Tuned and idolatry as used here refers to the worship of images. The devil',notGod,isonthethrone of our hearts when we set our stubborn will against God‘s will. into-awash churn Soulmdmmed' linkingnodo His will when Sail m humble (rt-“littkin (1 Samuel 15:17). Pride and corvet- mmludcmptinmS-il'sbm untilnowhebad ' God. This ' ‘encewascounted rebdlionorwirchmft, anallyofthcdevilJ‘lissuflabor-n- nuswucoumtedasidolalry—die worshipofanotherthnnGod. Even as God spoke to Saul through His prophet Samuel, God speaks to us through His Holy Word. We should expose our hearts to God's word daily and by prayer in faith and humility seek cleansing on the basis of Christ‘s atoning grace. If we harbor sin in any form it grows and brings forth more sin. When sin is full' grown, it brings forth death Pre-Sems Discuss [Common Hymnal, The Pre'Sem Open Forum will hold its last two meetings of the year during the month of April. Tomorrow evening at 7:00 in room 8213, Mr. Leland Sateren Will speak to the group on the topic, The New “Common Hymnal". This should be a very enlightening as well as a vital presentation. Mr. Sateren is a member of the Lutheran commit! tee which is working on the "Common Hymnal" which will be used by all Lutherans and will be able to give the Pre'Sems the lat— est information on it. The last meeting of the year will be held on April 30th. The program to be presented is not definitely set at this time. WADS By Audrey Wan-lid Of course we all know that Easter is the Christian spring fes' rival commemorating the Resur- rection: but did you know that to ancient Norsemen the term is de rived from Ostara, the divinity of Spring; who was welcomed in a festival of celebration on her annual return. This festival. called Ostara or Eastre (whence Easter) was especially the season of new birth: and from it arose the sym' bols of the Easter egg and of the Easter bunny. All the customs or folkway which we follow at Easl (er time had their beginnings in those ancient days. And as all customs have a beginning, we may wonder when and how Eas' ter vacation originated. Well, I don‘t know either, but as long as we're having one I'll not be particular. Happy Easter! 9.. Was I mentioning spring with all this snow on the ground? It seems that over at Morton Hall Audrey Fascia and Arlene Rein~ ertson have not forgotten that the season for making snowmen is over. They set up a miniature snowman in Beryl J ‘5 room and upon her arrival home a min' iature (.7) snowball fight ensued! ovo Here is a note of interest to some of the upper classmen: “Myrt” Olson and Paul Hoplin have announced their engage' ment. "Myrt" was a star guard on the Parkboard team last year. 099 Have you seen a robin yet? That‘s a sure sign of spring! HAPPY APRIL, FOOLS! Mortensen’s Mental Memos Here‘s a chance to try your skill in figuring out puzzles. In Lth group of words there is one word that is a misfit. Find it! Girl...be ..night...moon ..car...l:00's...hands.,. love . . . perfume . . . Friday . .. Angling . . . cop . . . m3!“ We} I mi '1 moon (lanes 1:15). It was this harbin- ing of sin which choked out Soul‘s spiritual life. When Saul's ins were fully wn, he was spin-iv ually dead ‘ will was contrary to God‘s will. Not God but the devil reigned in his heart. In us by the light of God‘s word take on "inwud louk' ad The sophomore class is busy making plans for its class proj- ects, Beginning in the near future the sophomores will sponsor tours to various parts of the city. Team: of ten girls or ten boys are now being organized. They will tour him: to visit such places as the Star and Tribune Building, the Ford Plant and the Slate Each team will make about three tours, Any student from any class is invited to add his name to one of these teams by contacting George Lusk, Rm Lance. Val. borg Kylln or joyce Suvney. « As another project President Jerry Trelstad reports the sopho~ more class will attend a Lutheran Students‘ Association meeting at the University of Minnesota Sun- day, April 6. They will join with the LSA students for an evening of worship and fellowship. The committee arranging this is Put Eggen, Florence Helland, CIrl Jensen and Lowell Kleven. The class is also making plans for an outing to be held on May 10. At the recent Class meetings the sophomores took first place in the attendance race. Prexy Trel' stad offered a door prize and about fifty students attended. When the time came for the drawing. Clin- ton Peterson reached in the hat and pulled out a card with the name “Willie Lump-lamp”. The sophomores looked puzzled as they tried to find this mysterious new member. Jerry Hjelmellnd finally owned up and walked off with the mysterious “hidt'a'way brush". Business Club New Addition Something new has been add- ed! A Business Club has been or' ganized at Augsburg. The first meeting on the organization was held Monday, March 10, at 8 o‘clock, to nominate officers, dis! cuss some objectives for the club, and to plan for future meetings. Oflicers elected were Richard Pearson, president: Roger John- son, vice'president', and Alice Gjudahl, secretary'treasurer. Miss Lund is the adviser for the club. Some of the objectives of the club are: I, to spoan an out! standing business student in a high school; 2, to stimulate busi' ness interest here at school; 3. to ask employers what qualities and standards they require of em ployees; 4, to investigate some of the various job opportunities. The second meeting, Monday, March 24, was in the form of a field trip to the plant and offices of the Star and Trib- une. If you are interested in gaining more business knowledge, we in' Vite you, especially girls, since the present membership contain! three times as many boys as girls. to join this club. Show less
.iB‘aseballJraclg'I-ennis Prospects Warm-up . To Compete in Full Conference Slate '51:“ Sport Briefs By Bodenuon An unusual situation concern— ing two guys named Bill exists in the Auggie sports scene this spring. First, there is the case concern' ing Bill ' Bill has been Augsburg‘s outstanding... Show more.iB‘aseballJraclg'I-ennis Prospects Warm-up . To Compete in Full Conference Slate '51:“ Sport Briefs By Bodenuon An unusual situation concern— ing two guys named Bill exists in the Auggie sports scene this spring. First, there is the case concern' ing Bill ' Bill has been Augsburg‘s outstanding pitcher in baseball for the past two seasons, and was destined to be one of the best pitchers in the conference this year. But because of having received money for playing in a game outside of conference play during the season last spring, Bill has been declared ineligible for competition for one year. (Bill is a senior.) Bill Kuross is the other person contributing to this unusual sit- nation. Bill won the state singles championship in tennis last spring, but will not be competing this year because he has used up the four years of athletic competition allowed under conference rules. Thus we have two exceptional athletes in school this year who will not be competing because of eligibility rules. On the brighter side of the sports picture, the prospects for this year's tennis team are very good. With the return of Pee Wee Nyhus and Sonny Knudson, both of whom will be out to win their third letter in tennis, chances are that this will be the Auggies' strongest spring sport representa' tive. Pee Wee worked at the Nicollet Field Tennis Club last summer, and played tennis every day against some of the best com— petition in the city. Sonny may be slowed down for a while because of a foot injury, but will add greatly to the team strength when he is ready to play. The baseball team started 05' cial practice in the gym March 26 , . Dave Hagert is acting coach of the track team . . . Con' gratulations to Don Roberts and Jim Hanson for winning the state extra'mural doubles cham' pionship in handball. Sport-Elimi- Today, April 1, 1952 THE AUGSBUDG ECHO SMSW Bob Johnson Page Three Aussie Athletes Superior to M.l.A.C. Opponents; Join Midwest By Chas. Repercussions continue to rock our campus following the shocking announcement that Augsburg is severing its membership in the Min- nuon Intercollegiate Athletic Conference to join the Midwest Con- ference beginning next fall. This dramatic revelation was made known by Athletic Director Ernie Anderson late last night after a stormy session with the Board of Directors. Coach Anderson explained the decision by saying: “Pr-i- mnrilydfiachangehasbemmndeoopermitiutouseAudreyFn-asch CmmyeartorqslaeeGdiringwhoisarmybound.Girlsm dlowedto, '_r inthe"'L islbeanewertoourprlyen” BY THE WAY... SPRING? W.A.A. This past week the gang has been meandering down to the Club to bowl. By setting our own pins we get to bowl at the reduced rate of 15c a line. You bowling enthusiasts had bet- ter take advantage of this. With spring just around the corner (2') our thoughts have been turning to sports such as loftball and tennis. As soon as weather permits these will be the new activities. Until then we‘ll have to keep the rafters over in the gym ringing by playing ll'ldl’ vidual sports of our own choos' mg. Let‘s keep it all under our has until “Mr. Rubin" decides to come back to this wilderness of now. It'll give us somethmgto dream about while we're plowmg W the snow and slush. C ' and ' ' Pravda Other reasons advanced includ- ed these: tired of acne opponenm year after yur, especially in try- ing to drum up homecclning slo gens; elimination of the trip into the wilderness to ploy Concordia: looser 'i "ly rulu; more lu- crative player subsidintions; and better Twin Cities' sports cover- age. Meanwhile, basketball Captain- elect Don Reimer, refusing to play in corny Iowa, as would be re quired by joining the Midwest, plans to mnsfer to St. Thomas for his senior year of competition. Don chose the Tommies because he feels he will be able to concen- trate solely on basketball, free from female interference. To compensate for Augsburg‘s secession. College has inked a ten'year pact with the MIAC and today announced that Jim “Tiger” Kotxom has signed as head football and basketball coach! _ So long, Hamlme, Camus. and the rest! It‘s been so good to know ya! APRIL FOOL! When Old Man Winter finally melts his icy paw, the Auggies have a full spring sport schedule ahead of them. Members of the baseball team have been working out in the gym and over in the U. of M. fieldhouse for about a week. The squad has nine retum' ing lettermen from last year's team which finished second from the bottom in conference stand! ings. Graduation left big holes to be filled, especially in the infield. New men who are expected to help fill these gaps are “Swede” Swenson, Phil Gronseth and John Fredetidtson in the infield; Paul Munson, Ray Henjum, Ron Welde, pitchers, and Jerry Fuller- ton, catcher. In the conference St. Thomas and Hamline are ext pected to be two of the stronger teams. The Augs open their sear son playing Hamlin: here on April 18. This year‘s home games will be played at the Parade Stat dium and Nokomis field. ‘Edor feels that the succass of this year‘s team depends much upon the play of the frosh and new men. Dave Hagert will hcad this year‘s track entry. Other returns ing lettermen are Bob Young, Jim Hanson, and Lyle Young. New men are expected to round out the team. Two letter winners. Leon Radde and Glen Carlsen, are the only rc' turnees from last year‘s golf team. Radde will be the student coach of this year‘s team. LeRoy Nyhus will be the stu' dent coach of the tennis team. Other returning letter winners are Stan Benson and Sonny Knudson. Anyone interested in going out for any of the spring sports should report to the Athletic of- fice as soon as possible. AUGSBURG BASEBALL SCHEDULE — 1952 April 18 Hamline (home). 23 St. Mary‘s (away). 29 Hamline (away). May 1 St. Thomas (away). 3 St. Mary's (home). 6 Minnesota (away). 8 Macalester (home). 10 St. John‘s (away). 13 Gustavus (away). 15 St. John‘s (home). 20 St. Thomas (home). 22 St. Olaf (away). The Nelson'Men have tenta’ tive practice games with River Falls, but the recent weather change has dimmed the chances of these games being played, These games were to be played before the Hamline opener, Please, Mr. Sun! by Qua-t At Augsburg April is noted for two things: showers and student government elections. The showers will be dealt with by the weather man, and the students will deal with the student government. In order that you, Joe Blow College, the voter. may better bc able to cast your vote in the coming elections, I would like to present some prejudiced views on this year's student government. Looking at the student council as a hole. no slam meant of course, we see that they have done nothing particularly outstanding, With the exception. perhaps, of last fall's leadership workshop. Opinions concerning the success of even this venture varied from "a WJSIC of time" to “stimulating”. In looking for reasons for this rather lazy attitude I checked the attendance rocords for Council mcctmgs. Thcrc are twenty’eight members on thc Councrl and it [llliL‘S twenty mcm‘ hers to form a quorum. Seven times out of the last fifteen meetings the Council has failed to have a quorum and on one instance there were only eleven members there! No wonder they don't accomplish much. But there are a few faithful membch who attcnd regularly and I would like to commend Rudy Borntson for being thc only muni— bcr with a perfcct attcndancc rccord. Continuing to hmk at individual attendance figures thcrc is one mcmhcr of the Council whn has n so six meetings in a row and thcrc arc a numbcr of uthcrs \\'l[h rccnrds that come close to that. It might also be mentioned that during thc period for which the Council has attendancc ligurcs they never had a meeting with pcrfcct .ittcndancc. Taking iust Il’llS .uicndancc rccmd into account is a big hclp in explaining lhc apathetic .Itlltudu Much is found in almost all school organizations. \thn the lmdcrs of our student government fail to shuw L‘nuugh mtcrcst tn rvcn .Ittcnd the Council meetings rcgulnrly thcn how can we expect thc lcsscr lcadl‘rs to do any better“ Tl’llS would probably be A good mm In l’t‘mllltl the newly—clotted Student CUllllCll mcnibcrs 3 \\'L‘ll us the rc-clcrrcd ours. (hilt by accepting the wb of rcprcscn mg Kllt‘ll’ lclhm' studnts they are acccptmg .i rcsponsrbility t0 scn'c wisely and to the host of thcir ability. But attendance isn’t the only place where the student government is in a questionable light. In the department of finance we have a ft-w interesting figures. The money that the student body gets to spend comes right from the pocket of you and me, and because of this we have every right to question concerning how our monty is spent, When this year’s Council went into office last spring one of the first moves that they made was to send ten men on a trip to Washington to push the “wheat for India” program. While no one can deny that this was a good move as far as getting publicity for the school and a vamtion for those who went goes, we would point out that this ven- ture cost you and me, the taxpayer, two hundred and thirty dollars— and this is highly questionable. Another item that could prove to be misuse of money might be that over twenty-five dollars was spent for stationery this year. The Student Council must be doing a lot of letter writing, if nothing else. The last thing I’d like to mention under finance is the fact that the Council had to subsidize the Sophomore class to the tune of thirty dollars. Now this is not only unusual but it sets a precedent for other classes to follow. A final word concerning our chief executive, the President. I think he has done a rather good Job when one considers that up till late November and December he hadn't read the constitution enough to know that last year‘s Council set up a social fund to pay for all'school socials (what are they?) And, what other President would take the time to write up play'by'play accounts of all the basketball games? The Home Class Hears Guest Speakers 0n Marriage and Home Problem Situation Mrs. Dorothy Dyer, head of family life education at the Univ versity of Minnesota, spoke on "Psychological Adjustments in Marriage" to the class in the home on Friday, March 21. She was the first of a group of guest lec— turers to speak to the class for its study of the unit, “Ad)ust' ment in Marriage". Dr. C. R. Wall, the school th' sician, will address the group on "Biological Adjustments in Mar! riage". "How to Meet Crisis" such as death, sickness, desertion, divorce, drinking, gambling, and so forth, Wlll be presented by Rev. West» by, member of the Augsburg su- ciulogy faculty. A local pastor has been invited to address the class on “Aspects of Spiritual Ad)ustment in Mar rage and Establishing .n Chllstldn Home." Rev. Luther Strommen spent an hour With the class discussing how Christianity can be effective in a courtship and home situation. Under the direction of Miss Gada Mortensen, the class is making plans for a field trip to the St. Paul Festival of Nations. King Edor Looks to [Rebuilding] Job Mr. Edor Ndson, likeable Auggie baseball menv tor, in six years at the helm of Auggie nines, has had two state champions, one runnerup, one third, and two clubs that ended in the second dwision, In 1946. Edor‘s first year at Augsburg, his club won the title. This was followed by a runnersup shot in 1947 and a championship again in 1948. In 1949 his club placed third and in 1950 and 1951 he had those two second division clubs. Some of the most outstanding baseball players Mr. Nelson coached at Augsburg are such classy ' and Ar! Marvin, out— fielders like LeRoy Carlson and Bob Howells, stellar receivers like Bud Leak, Dave Dillon, and Kelly Rods, and pitching stars like Claire Snowmen, Red ' Onisdault. These are but a sam' pling of the many stars Augsburg has turned out under the capable direction of Mr. Nelson. infield stars as Red Brmnamanstll “b61952wa Thiswasaqunflionaikod Mob-us of Mr. Nelson recently. gie n'lts. inbaseball? Edor answered this quation by saying, “This is the year for anyone who has played some ball to p've it a try as 1952 will be a rebuilding year for Augp'e baeball." Returnees from whom Edor looks for a lot of help are Bob Hage, Jack Schwartz, Arlo Dahlager and Wayne Nebon, seniors; , Don Reimer, Henry Sechler, and Chuck Howard, letter winners. Thme fellows will form the nucleus for the rebuilding job Mr. Nelson plans this seaon. As for his Views of this year‘s baseball confer' ence race, Mr. Nelson says that on paper Hamline, Gustavus, and St. Thomas look like the teams to heat, but you can never count any team in the con» ference out as they are all always up for the Aug' DonEchofi' Call for baseball candidates Will be around March 3151. so anyone interested in trying out for the Auggie nine should contact Edor Nelson in the Athletic Office as all positions are open, and all prospects Will be welcomed. Show less
PageFour THE AUGSBURG ECHO Augsburg Previews Plans for Campus Library Addition Tentative plans have been laid down for Augsburg‘s new library. Nothing is absolutely definite as yet but here are the plans as they stand: The building will be situated in the space between the Science Hall and... Show morePageFour THE AUGSBURG ECHO Augsburg Previews Plans for Campus Library Addition Tentative plans have been laid down for Augsburg‘s new library. Nothing is absolutely definite as yet but here are the plans as they stand: The building will be situated in the space between the Science Hall and Memorial Hall. The main entrance will be connected to the Science Hall in the place next to the switchboard. Upon entering the ground floor, one will find himself in a large reception room similar to the Student Lounge in the Science building. The main purpose of this lounge will be to entertain visitors. Off to one side of this room is an office and next to it is the Educational Methods Laboratory. The function of this room will be to teach the educa- tion students the various methods of teaching and how to apply them. Next. connected to the edu- cation room is the Audio Visual Center. Here they will keep all audio-visual equipment. Students will be able to preview all movies in this room and also the educa- tion students will be taught the use of movies in the classroom. Adjoining the other end of this room is the library classroom. The nanlt‘ designates its purpose, a classroom for teaching library students. A large part of this floor will be given over to stacks with a section reserved for the archives. Thv lirst fluur of this new budd- ing will ht- druith cntircly to thc siiidciit library. Thcrc Will be a largc rcading room, stacks. and .u iiiimbrr iii scniinar or cunt-cr- ciicc rooms. Thcrc Wlll .ilso bc variiius ntlicr moms such .is a staff ruuni. cataloging rooms. an ofiicc. a lobby :ind vcstibulc. The top floor will be divided by GREYHOUND lound into two sides. 0n the south will be five seminary rooms, and on the north will be a large seminary reading room and the stacks. Bel tween the two sides will be a hall making up an exhibition gallery. The capacity of the building as a library will be 100.000 volumes. a sizeable amount. L L Leaders Here During Holy Week “Learning by doing” will char, :icterize the Leadership Training School to be conducted at Augs« burg College during Holy Week. April 9'13. A group of between 75,100 Luthcr League leaders from the entire midwest. including presi' dents. V'lCC’pl'L’SldEntS. secretaries. trcasurcrs. PTM sccretaries and adViscrs will function as a rcgu’ lar Luthcr Lcaguc. broken down into fivc commi ‘cs with the part of the fivc .idi'iscrs being played by faculty mcinbcrsiRev. Erling Tungseth, P r c s l d c n t Luther Lcaguc chcration: Rev. Merton Stromrnen. Youth Dircctiir Luther Lcaguc chcratinn: Mr. Frank Ario, First VlCC‘PrCSlant Luther Lciiguc chcratiun: Mrs. Georg- ette Ario. fornicr PTM Sccrctary Luthcr Lcaguc Federation; and Mrs. Marguerite Storley. Youth Secretary. Scssinns \Vlll includc practical pcriods on busnicss proccdurc. program preparation, project prof motion, special features—~sessions being conducted in such a way that students learn by doing and can make application of the train— ing to their local league situation, Evaluation pcriods will point out strong and weak paints of each scssxon Students will be housed at Augsburg. using rooms that Aug! gics have offered. A commcnt typical of the re! action to a similar school held at Pacific Lutheran College, Park- land. \Vash.. ovcr Christmas var cation was, "It's the best thing that's happened to the West Coast District Luther League." Lowdown On Higher-ups Conferences seem to be the rule as much as the exception these days and many are including our faculty. The Second Minnesota Confer ence on Christianity in Higher Education was held on the Uni- verSity of Minnesota campus on March 28—29. The conference was designed to examine the relation' ship between the methods of teaching and interpretation in class. regardless of the mbject. if the instructor uses Christian prin- Ciplcs. The conference also cov- ered research and administration. A number of our faculty joined the approximately 130 represen— tatives from Christian and sec- tarian Protestant colleges. Com- ments on the Friday evening ad— dress were given by Dr. Christensen. Another conference attended by faculty members. Miss Margaret Sateren and Dean Dahlen, was held at Macalester. The main top- ic was Retarded Reading and steps for improvement were con- sidered. On March 29 Dr. Christensen attended a meeting on athletics .it St. Thomas. Thcrc is also some non’confcr' cncc news. as that concerning of' fice sccretary Beverly Eckman. Shc is planning to be married on May 3 at Mt. Olivct Lutheran Church The groom.“ Art Kuross. Mrs. Lawrence Quanbeclt who was temporarily in charge of thc mimcograph ofiicc. lcft Tuesday, March 18 Shc has becn replaced by Mrs. Young. Tiled-y, April 1, 1951 .9 flute. 3t Here. I entered Science Building. the oldest building on the campus. and stood in front of Mr. Larry Quanbeck‘s office. I had noticed that the campus had changed since I had been last here. larry and I left the office and started a tour of the grounds. First, the and joy of Augsburg. the new girls’ dorm, mllnd Mortensen Hall. From the maid: it was a mun! marvel and when we entered I was more astonished. At the end of the lot-g hall I could see «salmon. look- ingtotheleftandthemain lounge I saw television sets, many oriy‘nal abstracts and under foot rugs with two-inch nap. As the rmidents were not in yet. larry andlwentinmthelivingquar- tels: individual rooms with differ- ent plus and color schanu for eachone,andtotq)itallofi, picture windows overlooking the river. Before leaving we took a look in the recreation floor and crafts room. Next, we went on to the Grad! uate School, another beautiful ad' dition to the campus. From the Graduate building Larry and I went to the gym. There was ev' crything in there. Four swimming pools. two basketball courts, one track run. indoor courts and other equipment for the athletes of the famous Auggie squads. One hour later and having gone through the President’s home, the faculty building, and the library. we approached the stadium and found a scrimmage in play. The football team wa fighting the Iowa Hawkeyuandootheaidb linst'haewaaEduNelsomlinie Next the Music building and the First Choir. Leland Sateren was preparing a music program for the coming tour of Europe. He told me that he also had small' er tours planned for the second and third choirs. Rooms in the Music building were set aside for composition, orchestration. while the bands had their own rooms Leaving Lee we. Larry and I. finally came to the end of our tour at the Echo building. We en- tered the newspaper building and found the copy girl, Femti Anderv son. who was to take us throu h. Pemti took us into the main 0 0e and the journalism instructor took a minute to talk to us. Next came the pressroom and a noisy place it was. Glenn Carlsen was the de- partment head and also religious editor; he always did like variety. Now — BBBRRRCLANNDDR! What the world? Oh. don't tell me that German class is already over! 9 O O Augsburg has at lean a “perfect April Fool". Who else but the receptionist and switchboard op- erator, Carol Swenson. When Grim One approached thia “fool” and asked for a foolish remark. she w“ heard to say, “At least l have an excuse!" Happy birth- day, Carol. Thank you. from one fool to another. Vacation Lovers Grape For Paradise Suffering from mid'term fatigue? Then you're one of the many at Augsburg who are looking forward to Easter vacation. Beginning on Thursday. April 10th. and lasting until Tuesday. April 15th. Easter \V‘lll supply a long weekend in which to recuperate from the headaches of the past Winter. lt appears that most students will be using their vacation time for catching up with school work. Gottlieb Schmitt says he'll be reading stacks of phil' osophy books and writing two term papers. while Edsel Isaacson also intends to spend every available minute studying. Joyce Slavney has been thinking longineg of going to Seattle but admits it would be too far for such a short time. For Darlyne Deena. however. Montana isn’t at all too far. Jackie Bugley has that look in her eye which means she also will be going homeAto Gatzke, Minn. Tom Ohno and Bob Amundson are two fellows who might possibly be going to Chicago for some rather mysterious reasons. Mavis Strand intends to "work". while Lynn Smith Will "hit the sack and stay there!" But whatever is Bev Williams going to do? She was caught in the library doodling: "Easter cggs. whiskey kegs." 34¢ 2m Greeting Cards, Gifts and School Supplies at m messenger ms: 2120-2122 Riverside Avenue Way Ill. lo Crone, wa. s 3.45 s 5.21 when... Win. 7.5: 13.57 Wot-noun, s. o. 5.“ 10.29 mm, N. u. “no 19.26 Fargo. N. o. m 9.32 Duluth, Minn. 11‘ 5.73 Moukoto. Minn 2 30 4.13 Owutonnu, Minn. 2.07 3.74 Montevideo, Minn. 139 6.15 Seattle, Wash. 35.99 63.77 i Tux lneludod GI" 29 N. Save-uh AI‘ $473 Again: STAN LU'DVICKSON 522 BETA HOUSE A 8: D Hardware Co. 2‘ 24 Rivetside ATlantk 5708 SMILEY’S POINT For...I’lowei;s,Food,IndFr-ienda JUST A BIOCK OFF CAMPUS gel istic Mov. Hanson, Pres. of FOR YOIIII SlllllIAY DEVO'I'IOIAI. PLEASURE 2:00 EM. K.T.I.S. (900) on your dial “Voice of Lutheran Evangelism"; Speaker: Rev. Evald J. Conrad, Exec. Dir. of Luth. Evan- 3:30 PM. W.C.A.L. (110) on your dial "Christ for Toda "; Speaker: Dr. Oscar C. utheran Bible Institute. 4:30 P.M. K.T.I.S. ‘9001 on your dial “St. Paul's Lutheran Hour"; Speaker: Rev Maynard G. Halvorson. F or Your Daily Quiet Time 7:15 A.M. W.C.A.L, (770i on your dial 9:15 A.M. K.E.Y.D. HMO) on your dial I "Psalm of Life”; Speaker: Rev, W, E Klawn- ter, Radio Pastor of the Lutheran Institute. W from Linen!" Amedalld Now is the Day of Salvation - Share Christ Today! Show less
Billings’ ’mobiles page 3 lno Jazz Festival III page 6 Judicial Council lifts election freeze By CAROL DUBOVICK Co-Edltor The Judicial Council late Monday night unanimously decided to lift the freeze on the installment of elected Sudent Body President Eric Spore and Vice President Arlene Shorts.... Show moreBillings’ ’mobiles page 3 lno Jazz Festival III page 6 Judicial Council lifts election freeze By CAROL DUBOVICK Co-Edltor The Judicial Council late Monday night unanimously decided to lift the freeze on the installment of elected Sudent Body President Eric Spore and Vice President Arlene Shorts. The decision followed a three-hour open hearing and one and one-half hours of closed deliberation by the Judicial Council in its opinion announced at about 11:40 p.m., the Judicial Council stated that they found election guideline violations had taken place, but did not believe the violations warranted an overturn of the election results. They therefore decided that Spore and Shorts would take office, following a train-in period of five full school days beginning Tuesday, March 28. The Council also announced that recommendations will be made in its formal opinion concerning the election guideline violations. Monday night’s hearing resulted from the Judicial Council’s earlier decision to hear the allegations brought before them in a brief presented by Roz Nordaune at a March 18 meeting. The brief, prepared jointly by the Walter Bradley-Nick Choban and Robyn Whitbeck-Brad Elliott teams and supporters. outlined questionable campaign practices dur- ing both the primary and general elections, The brief recommended that a new election be held on the grounds that the campaign and election violations invalidated the election. It was also at the March 18 meeting that the Judicial Council froze the final election results. Spore and Shorts were scheduled to take office March 25. At the 'Monday night hearing, attended by about 60 students, Judicial Council members Margaret Anderson, Jeff Blixt, Glenda Cunning» ham, Dr. Richard Marken, Chair- person Suzy Moe and Margene Petersen heard evidence, in the form of testimony, solicited by representa- tives of Spore-Shorts, Bradley- Choban, Whitbeck—Elliott and the students who signed petitions which accompanied the brief. Judicial Council members not present at the hearing were Dr, Myles Stenshoel and Kevin Peterson, who had previously removed themselves from the council to prevent any possible bias. Dr. Keishiro Matsumoto also was not in attendance, for reasons unknown to the ECHO at press time, A time limit of one—hour was set for each team to present their case. Nordaune, representing the approxi- mately 100 students who had brought the brief before the Council, Bruce Olson, representing the Bradley» Choban team, and Denise Schafbuch, representing the Whitbeck-Elliott team, began the proceding by calling witnesses to substantiate the allega- tions made in the brief. The brief, as originally presented to the Judicial Council March 18 outlined the following nine charges: THE DEFENSE—Elected vice Presrdent Arlene Shorts [I] and PreSideni Eric Spore [c] listen to testimony at Monday night 5 open hearing Jlm Bern- stein [r] served as the Sparesnorts' spokesman and presented the defense arguments. —EC~C‘ pth’USCi Car: Socc. P —intense peer pressure to influence votes, especially in Urness Tower. —bal|ot spillage and early sorting, —failure to receive election day procedures from Election Chairman Dan Larson. —posting violations by the Spore- Shorts ticket. —questionab|e acquisition of mater- ials by the Spore»Shorts team. —partisan workers behind the election table during the general election by the Spore-Shorts and Bradley-Choban tickets. —an illegal P.O. Shore-Shorts ticket. —persona| violations of posted school policies, specifically parking violations, by the Spore-Shorts team. —neg|igence in exploring conse- quences of a fundraiser. stuff by the Only four of these allegations were raised at the hearing. in the process of proving the allegation that intense peer pressure was used to influence votes, Kris Peterson and Denise Karalis, re- ceptionists at the College Center desk, were called by Nordaune to testify. Peterson stated, that while working, she observed Spore milling around the election table for about 10 minutes on the day of the final election. Karalis testified that she observed Cindy Hill, an Urness Tower Resident Assistant (RA) and Spore-Shorts supporter, and an unidentified friend, lingering around the election table for about 45 minutes. She said Hill sat in the main lounge and confronted people as they approached the election table to vote Rachel Koski. also an Urness Tower Fl.A.. and freshmen Peggy Schnee~ wind and Frank Dickson testified to intense pressure and intimidation they experienced in Urness Tower during the campaigning. In the cross examination of Koski, Schneewind and Dickson, directed by Jim Bernstein, spokesman for the Spore-Shorts team, it was revealed that no physical threats had ever been directed to the witnesses by campaign supporters. According to Dickson, it was "feelings" and a "domineering atmosphere" which prevailed in Urness Tower. Hill, called to testify by Bernstein, stated that she did not say anything to influence voters during the time she was near the election table. The remainder of the allegations were pointed at the decisions made by Election Chairman Dan Larson during the election period. According to the brief, partisan workers had been placed behind the election table to help with the voting procedure. Explaining how he selected persons to work behind the election table, Larson stated that he tried to find persons who were nonpartisan. He admitted, however, that he had to resort to allowing partisan persons help with the balloting during rush periods. Continued on page 5 THE PLAIN TIFF—Representing the parties seeking to invalidate the election because of alleged questionable campaign practices and election gurde/ine .iiOiations were [l to r] Denise Schalbucn, Roz Nordaune and Bruce Olsen Augsburg College, Minneapolis, Minnesota Vol. 83, No.19 Aprili,i977 Show less
Adjusted income ceiling raised for federal loan eligibility By GINNY BONDE Stall Writer Federally Insured Student Loans with an interest benefit are available to more students now than last year, according to Herald Johnson, director of Student Financial Services. Follow- ing federal action last... Show moreAdjusted income ceiling raised for federal loan eligibility By GINNY BONDE Stall Writer Federally Insured Student Loans with an interest benefit are available to more students now than last year, according to Herald Johnson, director of Student Financial Services. Follow- ing federal action last November, the maximum adjusted income of parents of a student eligible for a loan has been raised from $15,000 to $25,000. “Virtually all students at Augsburg will be eligible now because of this liberalization and other means to make the loan available to students," said Johnson. “Just a few will not be eligible." This eligibility is for the interest benefited loan. Any student may take out a loan with a 7 percent simple annual interest rate from the federal program. A federally insured loan with an interest benefit is more beneficial to most students than is a personal loan from a bank, said Johnson. For example, if a student has borrowed $900 each of four years he/she has attended Augsburg, no interest is assigned the loan during those four years. Starting May 1977, when this hypothetical student graduates, he] she has a grace period of nine months before payments of the loan must begin. After the nine month waiting period, the student has 10 years to pay back the $3,600 loan. That is equal to $30 per month, plus the 7 percent simple interest. The interest begins to accrue only when payment of the loan is due. If a student is able to replay the loan before payment is due, the pre- payment will be interest free and, unlike some loan policies, there is no penalty for early payment. Other types of loans—a personal loan from a bank, for instance—are issued at a higher interest rate and may include a policy whereby one would be penalized for early payment of the loan. The conditions of an interest benefited or “interest-free“ loan are: —a student must qualify for the loan by showing need. To determine need, his/her parents’ income and expenses are assessed to find adjusted income. —a student must attend school at least half-time for at least nine months olf the year. If this condition is not met, the nine-month grace period will begin. —the limit on the loan is one-half the total cost for a year of school. For 1977-78 Augsburg students, one-half the total cost is estimated at $2,435 for residents and $2,110 for commuters. For students with such fees as music lessons, total costs would be higher. —the absolute maximum loan for a year is $2,500. Students wishing to apply for loans can obtain forms in the Student Financial Services Office. After the student, his/her parents, and Augs- burg have each completed their respective portions of the form, it must be filed with a lender. The lender may be a savings and loan, other banking Chin Wag remains the same in new board plan options By DIRK J. ABRAHAM News Editor In a last-minute revision of proposed board plan options for the 1977-78 school year, both the Chin Wag and Food Coupons will be retained in their present form, according to Student Body President Ron Robinson. This decision was reached Friday by a special committee consisting of: Burt Fosse, vice-president for finance and management; Marianne Sander, vice- president for student affairs; Carl Stromer, director of food services; Doug Wasco, director of auxiliary services, along with Robinson and Eric Spore. At the March 16 Student Senate meeting, Sander reported that under the final proposal by the President's staff, the Chin Wag would become totally a vending operation, coupons would be eliminated, and there would be just two board options: a full board plan costing $725 and a meal card plan costing $400. According to Robinson, this pro- posal met with such disapproval from students and faculty that the special meeting was held. Fosse told those present that the housing contract for next year was being printed, and the board plan uncertainty was delaying its completion. Major complaints centered on the lack of flexibility in the proposal, Robinson said. “We went into the meeting with the intention of compromising by splitting the $400 option into $200 worth of meal cards and $200 of coupons,” Robinson said. After some debate, it was decided to change that to $250 worth of cards and $150 worth of coupons, retaining the present Chin Wag setup in the process. The key difference between the presidential staff proposal and the compromise is the amount of revenue generated by Food Service. “The aim of the presidential proposal was to increase revenues in the Commons,” said Robinson. “Revenues won’t be as high with the compromise, but the student and faculty protests make it justified." Burte Fosse said that changing the character of the Chin Wag would have been “a poor decision." He also stated that, “If the majority feel they do not want a change, then there is a price to be paid in other areas. If we do not save money here, there will not be money for other things that various groups would like to have done.” Doug Wasco commented, “I really feel it is a good compromise to meet the needs of increasing costs of food service and still allow flexibility for students on board plan." Robinson explained in an interview Sunday night that many students don’t understand the use of Food Service revenues. “There’s a big debt on the College Center, which students help to pay for with $50 of their tuition. Food Service has to contribute also, as a user of the building. Any Food Service profits go to help this and other areas of the College budget," said Robinson. Robinson went on to say that he is very pleased with the compromise, terming it “a victory for the students." Robinson also mentioned that some phases of Chin Wag and Commons operations, such as hours, are still being debated and will be announced later. firm, or an insurance company. If the loan is issued, a check for the amount will be sent to Augsburg. Once the check is endorsed by the student, it is receipted. If the student's account is overpaid, Augsburg will issue a check to the student upon request. Alternatively, the student can leave the credit in his/her account for future expenses. In Minnesota, the federal loan program is also called Minnesota State Student Loans. In the Minnesota program of insured loans, the federal government is the insurer. In the case of death or disability, the government insures the lender against loss. Policy differs slightly from state to state. The federally insured program is an important one for Augsburg monetar- ily, according to Johnson. He estimated that $450,000 comes in from various lenders through this program. Because fall semester payments are due August 20, 1977, next year's students are urged to beginapplication by this June. Alpha Phi Omega elects new officers Augsburg's Omega Beta chapter of Alpha Phi Omega Fraternity, a national service oriented fraternity, elected new officers at its March 17 meeting. Taking office March 24 were: Scott Langguth, president; Steve Wehrenberg, vice president, member- ship; Randy Asman, vice president, service; Jon Moren, secretary; and Phillip Styrlund, treasurer. The fraternity, which became an official chapter in May of 1976, is currently conducting a membership drive. Pledge members this spring will be initiated next fall, according to new president Scott Langguth. One of the chapter‘s objectives is to recruit new members from the freshmen and sophomore classes. "Many of our members are juniors and seniors, so we’re trying to build up a base by recruiting underclassmen,“ said Langguth. He pointed out that although nine new members were initiated March 4, raising the chapter's membership to 19, nine members will graduate this spring. Alpha Phi Omega Fraternity has been involved in many service projects in both the Augsburg and surrounding community since its installation last spring, according to Langguth. Members recently installed the bell in the Art Building to help make the building more accessible to handicap- Confinued on page 5 JIM PURDHAM SCOTT BOUMAN ERIC N HANSON DAVID C WOOD. Faculty Consultant CAROL DUBOVICK . . . STEVE WEHRENBERG . . . . . ..Editors-/n~Chiel LARRY JEDDELOH , , . . . . . . .Business Manager DIRK ABRAHAM . . . . . . . . . , . . . ..News Editor MARK MIKELSON .. LAURIE SUTTON. ., DAVID RAETHER . . , , . .Head Photographers THE AUGSBURG ECHO. Published weekly each . . . . . . . . . .Sports Editor , , . . . . . .Features Editor . . . , .Fine Arts Editor .Cartoonisi Annual subscription rate is 55.00. Friday except during Augsburg interim, vacation periods and holidays by the students of Augsburg College, 731 - 21st Avenue South, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55454 Phone. 332-5181, Exl, 301. Opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the supporting staff. ad- mmistration faculty. or the remainder of the students. Member oflhe aSSOCIZTeD C 0L LeonaTe we”? April 1, 1977 Show less
Augsburg economics prof James Billings 'rolls’ in style By LARRY COUTURE Staff Writer Rolls Royces can be seen frequently around the Augsburg campus now that spring is here and they are out of storage. Do they belong to an Auggie commuter? Well, not exactly. Actual- ly, they are prize possessions... Show moreAugsburg economics prof James Billings 'rolls’ in style By LARRY COUTURE Staff Writer Rolls Royces can be seen frequently around the Augsburg campus now that spring is here and they are out of storage. Do they belong to an Auggie commuter? Well, not exactly. Actual- ly, they are prize possessions of Augsburg Economics Professor James Billings. Billings has three Rolls Royces—a 1952 Silver Wraith, a 1953 Bentley Silver Dawn, and his greatest classic, a 1933 Phantom II. Billings has frequently opened his Lake Harriet home to students and last week he extended his hospitality to some of the ECHO staff by treating them to a Minneapolis ride in his Silver Wraith. The Wraith is his sleek black classic. Billings bought it last March in Jamestown, ND, and he says, “This model is very rare. Only 1800 were made over a 14 year period. Rolls Royce contracted out the coach building to 150 separate coach makers and this particular car was done by James Young, the most elegant of coach builders. The original dollar adjusted cost was about $85,000 and by 1959 they had stopped making this model." The interior of the car is intricately paneled with the finest satlnwood and walnut stock. Paneling and mirrors border the top quality leather upholstery. A "picnic bar" accom- modates back seat riders along with the first class leg space in the coach—complete with footrests. The Bentley Silver Dawn is the sportiest of the Billings Royces. The two-tone silver beauty is complement- ed by a red leather interior and the classic Royce grillwork, "I once drove the Bentley to a special concert for the King of Norway at Orchestra Hall and somehow the people got it mixed up with the King's car. All the old women were running up along side and banging on the windows." Billings chuckled. Billings takes pride in his Phantom II, conSIdered by many to be the best of all Royces. The car is 6 feet 4 inches tall, 20 feet long. and with a black paint job could pass as a Nazi staff car to the casual observer. Actually. the car was owned by the niece of King George V. Lady Mary Gosling. and comes complete with seats facing - g“ EYEBALL TO HEADLIGHT with a 1953 Bentley Silver Dawn. one 0/ three ciassrc Roi/s owned by Prof. James Billings, who calls himself an “art economist. " PROUD OWNER BlLL/NGS April 1, 1977 Invites an ' photographer to experience the interior or PlS 7952 Smer * ECHO '5 r' R0 5 Royce Oni‘, i 800 «(ere made were 14 year iii": Pr?” Laue Ecrs'eiri each other in back. Side mounting tires and flags stand out when the car IS in full dress. “The Phantom is my favorite. probably because it‘s the classic Rolls Royce.“ Billings beamed. "Rolls Floyces are rising at about 25 percent per year and there aren't many to be found. For a while you could get them for $10.000 to $12.000. Now the less expensive ones aren't around." According to Billings. driving a classic car is really much cheaper than people think. He pointed out the appreciation in classics as opposed to depreCIation in new cars. And Billings adds. "i pay a lot more insurance for my Ford. which I think has no market value." All four cars have one feature in common—the Augsburg parking permit stuck to the back of the mirror. Cars are not the only Billings passion; art may be his first love. He keeps his cars at his mini-mansion on Lake Harriet along with his art studio and living room gallery. His collection ranges from Old English paintings to Persian rugs. His house is a jungle of antiques. Many have already been sold and are now awaiting transport to the new owners. Many of his experiences in art dealing are brought into the classroom. like the Friday he spent in a Minneapolis precmct station. it seems he had been contemplating buying “an official. registered pair of police handcuffs“ at an auction The handcuffs came without keys but Billings had already tried one on before he realized that he was no longer in any posnion to bargain lor a good price. Billings travels and telephones across the country in pursun of an art deal. Many of his sales are completed Sight unseen by the buyer, pOSSibly illustrating the respect his colleagues in the art world have for him. The classtc Rolls Royce could also be considered a work of art, Billings likes to think of himself as "an art economist“ and seems Willing to sell anything at the right price. Auph iscul Whulori/ Utah 550 million years ago, this tiny trilobite was the most highly developed animal alive, living at the bottom ol the sea in what is now southern Utah Preserved In fossil term, it is now part at our Collocmrs' Cabinet, which features but- terflies, grasshoppers, beetles, spiders, lossils, rock: For appreCIators, beginning and advanced collector! $10 to $25 depth of field i 405 ceda, rer. ‘ Show less
editorials GUI IUI lUlb John 19:30 . . . It is finished . .. At approximately 11:40 pm. on Monday, March 28, Judicial Council officially terminated what seemed to be an endless election process that has brought out the worst in most everyone involved. The ECHO has watched and noted all the... Show moreeditorials GUI IUI lUlb John 19:30 . . . It is finished . .. At approximately 11:40 pm. on Monday, March 28, Judicial Council officially terminated what seemed to be an endless election process that has brought out the worst in most everyone involved. The ECHO has watched and noted all the proceedings carefully: the mundane platforms that surfaced in our paper five weeks ago, slightly lightened by a hamster and two freshmen; the “spirited” and surprising write—in campaign and victory exactly three weeks ago; the huckstering, the muckracking and the name-hacking that has predominated since then; and the broken friendships that may silently linger on. This was a difficult time for little Augsburg College, where two opposing spokespersons in the Judicial Council hearing play on the same IM broomball team; where one alleged election malefactor and one Judicial Council member live in the same house on campus; where supporters and candidates of opposing tickets attend the same classes, frequent the same parties and pass each other daily in the quad, in the Center and in the Commons. Now it is finished—el tinis—thanks to the Lord and more thanks to Judicial Council. Some may call the Council members spineless for taking the easy, most convenient way out of an unprecedented controversy. But we feel Judicial Council could have reached no other decision based on the evidence, or lack of evidence presented to it. And even if all of the allegations presented to the Council Monday night by the Bradley-Choban and Whitbeck-Elliott tickets — intense peer pressure, ballot spillage and early sorting, failure to receive election day procedures and partisan workers behind the election table—were proved true, they are certainly not substantial enough to invalidate an election. We still fail to believe that any of these “questionable” campaign practices could have biased the election and swayed the outcome. President OscorAAnderson By the time this is printed, I trust the outcome of the stu- dent society election will have finally been determined. Whatever the result, the tradition of capable and responsible student leadership at Augsburg will be continued. In the years I have served the college, I have not been dis- appointed in the caliber or character of the elected officers of the student body. And they have not always agreed with the administration, by any means! I confess that I cannot go along with the cynics who claim that student government is a Charade and that student society officers are lackeys who are ineffective in shaping the experiences of our college community. Strong student leadership is a vital factor in fostering the welfare of our entire enterprise. Because I believe students should be responsible for their part in our life together, I hesitate to make any suggestion regarding their affairs. But I shall risk an observation which may mean, if it results in a change, a more effective student government. I am referring to the time of year student society elections are held, something that has not been changed even though changes have taken place in the academic calendar over a span of years. As | see it, to hold elections in late February or early March actually deprives the incumbent officers of a full year of effective administration. See what actually happens. Newly-elected officers take over about the first of April, usually around the time of the Easter break. The period after Easter becomes a time of organizing the student society for the ensuing year, while running pell-mell into spring exams and the summer hiatus. After cranking up again in the fall, things go along well for a few months until Christmas, after which the January Interim interrupts all normal student government. Then suddenly the new term starts in February, it's time to think about elections again, and the incumbents quickly become lame ducks. What if—and this is just a suggestion which may have little merit—what if elections were held early in May with results ascertained before exams? The elected officers could, I think, use the summer months to get their administrative team together, with greater certainty about what returning students are available. The opening of school early in September would give a new student government the usual impetus and spirit which go with the start up of another academic year. The officers and their colleagues could then look forward to a full term of office which would coincide with the entire school year. Well, this is not an extremely crucial issue. But I confess to wishing that the fine student society officers the Augsburg student body elects might derive the benefit of knowing their administration coincides with the established academic calendar instead of the start and stop, start and stop schedule presently the case. What do you think? cruiters which was initiated by the Committee Against Racism. Burtness reacts Dear Mr. and Mrs. Editor: Who is this character called Neil Pauluk and what is he trying to do to this campus? In a feature article in last week's ECHO, Mr. Pauluk was reported as setting up camp in the College Center so that the college would build a house to accommodate drunk commuters. Why does Mr. Pauluk urge commuters to get drunk? Doesn't Mr. Pauluk realize that total inebriation is not conducive to a healthy mind. body and soul? Mr. Pauluk should don his pajamas with feet in them and made to carry on a conversation with a moose in a coma in the Quad. My attention was also directed to Dave Wood's Letter to the Editor. Davey‘s mastery of the language and sentence structure is such that he really should plan to major in English. Ftich Kammakazi also wrote a Letter to the Editor badmouthing Eric Spore and Arlene Shorts. For his naughty words and now thoughts. Rich should be shot wrthout trial. As one final point. I would like to wish Er Vinniger as much luck with his baseball team as he had with his basketball team. Tootles ’till later, Eric Burtness Wag consolidation is Fiscal Creativity To the Editors: In the March 25 issue of the Echo, Dave Wood refers to the consideration of consolidating the Chin Wag with the Commons as being done in the name of "Fiscal Responsibility." As | see it, the consideration was one of Fiscal Creativity. Consolidation would have provided cost reductions. Cost re- ductions here would permit cost increases responding to a list of legitimate and important requests as long as your arm. As is announced elswhere in the ECHO the final decision was not to consolidate. Cost savings will not be available: requests will remain unmet. You can't have your iefse and eat it too. Burt Fosse Protests against funnies To the Editors: I think the time has finally come to protest against the infamous ECHO cartoonist, this person who is apparently so ashamed of his own works that he signs them E.N.H. In the previous seven months of ECHO fun-land, this lampooning cartoonist has made light of all things sacred to the minds and hearts of every conscientious Augsburg student. His lampooning has ranged from criticizing our beloved Carl Strommer and his delectible veal-patties to maliciously slandering the crucial student government elections. The next thing we know, this anonymous E.N.H. (whoever he may be) will be making unmittigated assults upon the drummer of Augsburg's Jazz Ensemble I. In the immortal words of Lee (Ada) Hanson, “He has been banned, and he should be barred!" In protest, Tony Moen CAR misleads T; the Editors: | wtsh to comment on the letter in the March 25 Echo concerning the protest against Marine Corps re» I am just as much against racism as is the CAR, and I hold no brief for the macho posturings of the Marine Corps. However, I feel that CAFl’s position is logically untenable. Of course there is racism in the military. There is racism in many institutions. However, it is an untenable position to deny a given group a hearing simply because some of its members practice racism. To deny the Marine Corps an opportunity to recruit at Augsburg because some marines are racists is an example of McCarthyism. Those of us who vigorously fought McCarthyism in the ‘50‘s called such a position "guilt by association.” I am not a First Amendment absolutist, but I do know that such purists would object vigorously to a ban on Marine recruiting. After all, if such a social parasite as Larry Flynt should be allowed to publish his “Hustler,” then Marines should be allowed to recruit. I wholly missed the part about “the working class.“ I assume that “the working class" is comprised of all of us who have to work for a living. This includes about all of us except the idle heirs ol fortunes, the disabled, the retired and the welfare recipients. Those who have to work for a living are so heterogeneous a group that it would Continued on page 5 April 1, 1977 Show less
Etta air Culla'S T' Sliiir‘l' no book; CW): 1 Aaliilas JOHN ZETA A PA Wio‘lorl’lC‘iJ lid” Continued from page 4 be impossible to speak of “the interests of the working class.“ It is a misleading half-truth to speak of war as “the real business of the military." Although the military is the... Show moreEtta air Culla'S T' Sliiir‘l' no book; CW): 1 Aaliilas JOHN ZETA A PA Wio‘lorl’lC‘iJ lid” Continued from page 4 be impossible to speak of “the interests of the working class.“ It is a misleading half-truth to speak of war as “the real business of the military." Although the military is the organization which wages war. war is certainly not its sole business. An equally important business of the military is defending the nation. and as long as there are people in this world who are not gaverned by reason and peaceful intentions, there will be need for a defense organization. Perhaps differently chosen words by the CAR would have influenced more people in the good light against racism. William E. Oyler Asst. Prot. of German Dept. oi Foreign Languages April 1. 1977 Music Building is coming To the Editors: What ever happened to the new music building? It's coming folks and it's coming real soon, On Monday, March 21, I was fortunate enough to sit in on a meeting of the music faculty. the architects and an acoustician. The new building has taken shape and i am very excited about the plans. I am also pleased to see that with each phase of the planning. input is being sought. The building which will soon occupy the muddy parking lot next to the Art Budding. Will be a structure well thought out and a fantastic addition to Augsburg College. Brod Anderson §Ol|flDIflGS V/ \\\"//// RLC plans Easter celebration By PAULA GEISTER AND TIM HOKANSON Religious Life Co-Commissioners RLC is planning a week long celebration of Easter beginning on April 11. the Monday after Easter vacation. One event already on the calendar is the Eucharist service on Wednesday, which the FlLC is in charge of. We're hoping that it will be something out of the ordinary. Thursday evening the musical, “He Lived the Good Life” will be presented by a group of people from area churches who have formed the Right Direction Company. The musical is based on the life of Jesus. Singing led by LYE will be floating through the College Center during noon hour on Monday and IVCF is bringing in a speaker to speak on the topic “Evidence on the Resurrection." During the first part of the week, time will be given to preparing for the Eucharist service Wednesday night. Everyone is invited to participate in preparation for worship by blowing up balloons, making banners, baking bread, preparing special music or volunteering your time and talents for whatever use we can make of them. A handful of people have been involved in the planning stages, but everyone is needed to make it a week of rejoicing and celebration. Our attention will be focused on the rolled away stone and the empty tomb; the victory over sin and death accomplished by the resurrection of Jesus. We challenge you all to personally examine the meaning of Easter in your lives and to publically witness that meaning within the Augsburg community, Easter can be used as a time for looking over the past year and evaluating yourself, your priorities, your relationships with others and your commitment to Christ. Because of Easter we live in the knowledge and hope that our short-comings and failures have been forgiven and forgotten, and we‘re given the opportunity to start all over again. The cross speaks to us of suffering and rejection. Bonhoeffer writes in The Cos! o/ Discipleship, “Suffering and rejection sum up the whole cross of Jesus. To die on the cross means to die despised and rejected of men . . . the disciple is a disciple only in so far as he shares his Lord's suffering and rejection and crucifixion.” Through baptism we die with Christ and are reborn to live in Christ and partake of his cross. The RLC hopes that this Easter celebration will promote growth and strengthening of our Christian faith. And that through it we will meet the needs of those around us by allowing them to meet Christ through us and all that participate. We are here to proclaim Jesus Christ. Let‘s celebrate this Easter! ! l! Continued lrom pagel dumped the ballot box at 1:45 pm. According to reports, the bottom of the ballot box was not tightly fastened when Cunningham lifted the box, causmg about half the ballots to fall on the floor in the College Center Continued on pages “I had to use whoever was willing to work," he said. Another allegation that surfaced was Larson‘s failure to hand out election day procedures to the candidates. Larson stated, “I did not feel the material was relevant. If anyone would have asked for a copy I would have given them one." Continued from page 2 He testified that he was available to answer the candidates' questions throughout the entire campaign period. He claimed that he was personally asked. numerous times throughout the election, to clarify guidelines. The final point stressed by Nordaune was the ballot spillage which occurred when Bruce Cunning- ham, student body vice president, first Personals Dear J.P., A.B., and. inobstrusively. J.K. Fooled you! He heingly yours, DR. and El. P .I "WILL Fran Tarkenton sign with the Vikings next year? J.E. and J.K. Alpha ped students, continuously collect paper in Mortenson lor reclycling, and frequently meet with underprivileged students from Holy Rosary School for smmming, sliding and other activities which always are available to the children. Last year the chapter headed the Blood Drive and aSSISted the Public Relations Dept. With Parents' Day. This fall A.P.O. members dressed down for the infamous “Ugly Man on Campus Contest" during home— coming. In th future, Langguth said that the chapter hopes to expand its paper re- cycling program to include both annex housmg and Urness tower and also to acquire an OillClal APO. house for some of its members who live on campus. 5 Show less
I" JAZZ GUESTS — Gerry Niewood on soprano sax and John Faddis on trumpet perform with Augsburg '5 Jazz Ensemble I during last week-end’s Jazz Festival III. Reviewed By ADA Staff Writer If you likejazz, last weekend was the time to be at Augsburg. For two nights and one day you could hear all the... Show moreI" JAZZ GUESTS — Gerry Niewood on soprano sax and John Faddis on trumpet perform with Augsburg '5 Jazz Ensemble I during last week-end’s Jazz Festival III. Reviewed By ADA Staff Writer If you likejazz, last weekend was the time to be at Augsburg. For two nights and one day you could hear all the jazz you wanted around the campus during the 1977 Augsburg Jazz Festival. Eighteen high schools jazz bands played at one time or another Saturday, while Friday night trumpe- ter Jon Faddis headlined the show and Saturday night’s performance featured reed man Gerry Niewood. The festival got off to a solid start Friday night in the sweaty confines of Si Melby Hall. In a marathon three hour session plenty of good music was heard. The evening opened with Jazz Ensemble ll, moved to combos II and IX, and then finally Jon Faddis and Jazz Ensemble I. Combo II was highlighted by the solo work of trombonist Brian Cornish and sax man Ken Holmen. Combo I was up next with better overall talent especially their solid rhythm section, and put together a good performance. Gerry Niewood sat in on one number and was excellent, to say the least. Sally Jones added vocals on that all time night club tune, “Lushlife.” After the tight, veteran group‘s performance, the stage was set for Faddis. Jazz Ensemble I came out smoking with “Wind Machine" and then brought out the bizarre Mr. Faddis, Once onstage, he seemed a reservoir of bad jokes and inane antics, which ruined the show for some people—but not me. Why? Pure and simple: Faddis may well be the best trumpet player around today. He can play lead and the high notes necessary for this, and he can play "jazz solo." And he does everything effortlessly. He does not warm up. and even when he plays incredibly high notes he appears to use no pressure at all. He is only 23 years old too. The set opened with a Dizzy Gillespie chart. "Manteca.“ with the band chanting “We‘ll never go back to 6 Festival is sizzling success , . L. ‘- .1 —ECHO Photo by Mike Vaientiner Oakland!” “I Remember Clifford," “Lover Come Back to Me,“ “’Ftound Midnight," were next, the blisteringly paced swing chart, “Things to Come” followed. Throughout all the tunes Faddis played with all the qualities previously mentioned. The only time the band seemed to semi-break down was in “Things to Come," where they started at the right tempo but eventually slowed, although not enough to wreck the piece. piece. Saturday night was definitely the highlight. First, Jazz Ensemble I played two electric sets, ending with the sizzling “Backwoods Sideman." Sax players Mike Murphy and Ken Holmen traded riffs and left the audience ready for the third set. Bob Gardner opened the third set with a quasi-Spanish guitar solo, and then Gerry Niewood came out to play soprano sax on “Spain.” Torn Lunquist also soloed on trumpet. Niewood turned flutist on the ballad “Silence of the Snow“ and ended his set in a duet with Murphy in “Two Franks." Throughout all three charts he proved to be a very inventive soloist. Even though he plays in the somewhat confining linear style, he was never in a dearth for ideas. He is the type of guy you would like to play with because his well never runs dry. What followed these pieces was what I had been waiting for. Faddis was brought back and he and the reticient Mr, Niewood jammed, along with the rhythm section. for at least 10 minutes on “Manteca.” They played together; they traded licks; they did it all. The concert should have ended there, but it did not. As a joke, the Jazz Ensemble played the classic "Tuxedo Junction“ to foil Faddis and then burned through "Things to Come.“ The audience for two nights was treated to two of the cleanest. straight ahead sol0ists they will ever hear. Mustcally, the 1977 Jazz Festival was a SUCCESS. Fitzgerald? stories fail on film By DAVID RAETHER Fine Arts Editor One of the side benefits of being Fine Arts Editor for the Echo is that you often receive invitations to opening nights and premieres of new productions around the area. Not long ago I received an invitation to attend the national premiere of the first film in a series to be aired on PBS called The American Short Story on Film. It is a series of nine films, funded by the National Endowment for the Human- ities, covering a period from the civil war to today. The film that I was invited to see was a film of F. Scott Fitzgerald‘s short story “Bernice Bobs Her Hair.” The National premiere of this film was held at the University Club. The University Club is an impressive old building set on the edge of a hill where Summit Ave. swoops down to the city of St. Paul and reality. St. Paul was the birthplace of Fitzgerald, and Summit Ave. was the setting of many of Fitzgerald's major moments as a youth. The major discomfiture of the evening was the interminany long line of speakers the well dressed and very polite audience had to sit through before being allowed the opportunity to View the film. The first major speaker was Bruce Vento, congress— man from St. Paul, who gave a thoroughly trivial speech on how dear F. Scott Fitzgerald is to the fine people of St. Paul and how his works still have meaning for us today. Things started to pick up when the sixth speaker, an eminent Fitzgerald scholar, gave a brief talk on some of the thematic elements of the story, such as the theme of rite of passage from youth to maturity and of the role of women in modern society. This speech was followed by a set of remarks by Dr. David Nobles,, historian from the University of Minnesota. Nobles discussed Fitz- gerald’s place in American intellectual history and the theme of the crises of cultural writings. Finally, Norris Jackson, a friend of Fitzgerald‘s from his St. Paul days and a classmate of his at Princeton, stood up to speak, “I must say," Jackson said to the audience, “that after hearing these remarks I hardly recognize the man they are talking about." He then proceeded to tell all sorts of wonderful stories about Scott and Zelda and Princeton in those days. “Scott was many things,“ said his old friend, “but he was never boring." The film itself was nothing notable. I have noticed a rather disturbing trend in films based on Fitzgerald’s works. When there is an attempt to do a translation of his works on to film, the people involved in the project are so careful to bring the work literally on to the screen that inevitably the film is stilted. “Bernice Bobs Her Hair” suffers this same purist plague which mummified “The Great Gatsby." The pacing is slow and the acting, particularly by Shelley Duvall, is at time langorous. The langorous pacing muffles the comedy inherent in the story. “Bernice” is about the adventure of an old-fashioned girl from Eau Claire who spends the summer with her sophisticated cousin in the East and all of her cousin's sophisticated friends from Yale and Princeton. The world they move in is not unlike the glittering world of Restoration Comedy. The film, however, by attempting to bring the story to the screen so literally, loses the marvelously witty surface of the story. After the film was over and after the reception, during which meat hors d‘oeuvres and chablis were served, I walked out of the University Club, whose glory seems to have faded slightly over the years, and hitchhiked home along the graceful, tree—lined Summit Avenue, passing on the way the house where F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote his first novel, This Side 0/ Paradise. identity in Fitzgerald’s TEACHERS WANTED: West and other states. Placements since 1946 Bonded, Southwest Teachers Agency, Box 4337, Albuquerque, NM 87106 I l I l I l l l l §\\lll CAMPUS -t ) TRAVEL anfi CENTER i l l . 2506 RIVERSIDE AVENUE . MINNEAPOLISMINNESOTA 55454 — OFFERS — i MPLS / LONDON . June 8-Aug. 4 [Closes 4/14/77] : $339.00 i i i — ALSO — MPLS / FRANKFURT June 6—June 21 [Closes 4/12/77] $359.00 L------- ------------- TV. 19“ Color port. $125, 19" SW $45, 12" SW $40. 636-3575 after 6 p.m. Logos Bookstore requests the honor of your presence to examine their wide selection of wedding invitations 8: accessories from nine companies including hand lettered invitations 8: many unusual designs. Books—designed to help you plan a creative. unique wedding—yours. Logos Bookstore 1310 S. E. 4th St. (Dinkytoumi Minneapolis. MN. 55414 (612) 331-2480 April 1, 1977 Show less
Former student body pres. makes comparisons Gildseth-Poulson platform stressed involvement, community By ANNE BENSON Staff Writer Augsburg’s recent student govern- ment elections prompted memories of undergraduate days for Bruce Gild- seth. executive assistant to President Anderson. Gildseth, a... Show moreFormer student body pres. makes comparisons Gildseth-Poulson platform stressed involvement, community By ANNE BENSON Staff Writer Augsburg’s recent student govern- ment elections prompted memories of undergraduate days for Bruce Gild- seth. executive assistant to President Anderson. Gildseth, a 1962 Augsburg graduate, served as president of the student body during his senior year at Augsburg. BRUCE GILDSE TH, executive assist- ant to President Anderson, served both as Augsburg ’5 Student Body President and captain of the basketball team in 1961-62. Running with Kermit Paulson, who is an Augsburg physics professor, Gildseth entered his presidential race as somewhat of an underdog candidate. Though both he and Paulson had been involved in Student Senate, neither was a member of the “in” circle of student leaders. Their opponents were a part of the student government "establishment." The Gildseth-Paulson ticket offered the student body a wide range of interests. Gildseth, who was captain of the basketball team and a resident assistant, recalls that his sports involvement didn't result in a “jock” image during the campaign, but that Paulson's high academic achievement was a prominent part of the ticket. Their platform was not unlike the platforms of this year‘s presidential candidates. The issues were general, stressing student involvement and a sense of community. Gildseth's decision to run for student body president was not an easy one for him to make. it was made after Gildseth was aware of what his responsibilities would be as basketball captain. An influential factor in his decision to run was a talk with Coach Ernie Anderson, in which Anderson advised Gildseth to think only of basketball while on the court. but to forget the sport while off the floor and to pursue nonvathletic interests, Gildseth recalls that about two~ thirds of the way through the year he was exhausted, "I can sure identify with Ron Robinson," says Gildseth in reference to this year's student body president, who Is captain of the April 1. 1977 football team as well as president. Despite a very hectic nine months in office, Gildseth has no regrets for having undertaken the job of president. His administration "accom» plished nothing very earthshattering," but went through a “solid healthy year” nevertheless. For Gildseth, one of the highlights of the year was a trip to the University of Wisconsin for the National Student Association Congress. Her he was exposed to some of the first murmurs of student unrest which was to erupt on the nation’s campuses a few years later. Creating a very controversial con- ference were speakers like William F. Buckley, representing a conservative Young Americans for Freedom, and Tom Hayden, the liberal activist who later became known as a member of the Chicago Seven and who recently ran for the Senate in California. Gildseth notes with interest the similarity of the political calm of Augsburg's students during his undergraduate days and that of students here today. He spent the years of greatest student unrest away from Augsburg—as a graduate student at the University of Minnesota and as assistant dean of students at Kansas State University. By 1972, when Gildseth returned to Augsburg, students generally had returned to the same rather conservative political stance they held in 1962. While Gildseth has noticed con- tinuity in the political consciousness of Augsburg students over the past 15 years, he is aware of many changes in the college. The most significant change, perhaps, has been in Augsburg‘s sense of community. Gildseth feels that some of this community identity has been lost, and he offers several possibilities as to why this is so. Changes in Augsburg's physical setting have influenced the community greatly, he believes. Fifteen years ago Augsburg was set in a strictly residential area. The Cedar»Fliverside developments hadn‘t taken place, the St. Mary's/Fairview complex wasn‘t as large as it is today, and l-94 hadn’t been built yet. Gildseth today misses the proximity of faculty. staff and students which was possible during his student days at Augsburg because of the residential character of the neighborhood. He recalls fond memories of evenings at the nearby home of Professor Gisselquist, suppers with Gerda Mortensen and many other intimate Telephone: 333-0919 DENNIS THE BARBER 27TH & FRANKLIN Complete Line of RK Products contacts with faculty members. In addition to alterations of Augsburg’s physical environment, Gildseth feels that changes in city living in general have contributed to the loss of sense of community. An increased intensity of city life, coupled with a greater mobility, has resulted in a student population which is not tied to the Augsburg campus and which seeks to leave the urban setting whenever possible. While Gildseth‘s memories of a closer Augsburg community are fond ones, he doesn't regard the changes Augsburg has undergone as being negative. He believes that the Twin Cities locale is a tremendous asset to the college. Though the great variety of students drawn from the metropolitan area and the opportunities for involvement in city activities and organizations make student life today more of a challenge, according to Gildseth they also present the potential for a much richer learning experience. And while the community “spirit” at Augsburg is much less intense than it once was, Gildseth feels that it still exists. "The identity and support students associate with Augsburg." he said, “gives them the confidence to break out into the urban setting." Did you know? that Saturday, April 16 is the Spring Affair. This formal evening will be held at the Minneapolis Women‘s Club from 8 pm. to 12:30 a.m. Faculty, students and staff are invited to attend. Tickets may be purchased in 50.5. no later than Wednesday, April 13. The cost is $5 per couple. It is sponsored by student government and 8.05. that there is a roommate file in 8.0.5. it you need a roommate, stop in at 8.0.5. and fill out a card. more . . . . Term l — June l3-July 1] Registration opens April 1. Macalester College Summer Session 1977 Day and evening classes in over 100 courscs uVulidhiU , , . wide variety of subjects including ('hcmistry. Wutcrcolor Painting. Developmental Psychology. Creative Writing. Physics, Foundations of Education. MUsic Apprcciution. (‘ultural Anthropology, and ()n 'd Term I] ~ July l3—August 9 For more information. write the MdcaiC‘SICY f‘ollcge Summer SCEMUH ()iilLC. Saint Paul. Minnesota 55105 or ca“ (612; 647-6330 4 7 Show less
Cornell headed for European pro league By LARRY COUTURE Staff Writer Augsburg senior basketball captain Dave Cornell is going to Europe in May to check out a basketball offer, and if everything works out he will be playing basketball professionally in Italy next year. “I don't know too much bout... Show moreCornell headed for European pro league By LARRY COUTURE Staff Writer Augsburg senior basketball captain Dave Cornell is going to Europe in May to check out a basketball offer, and if everything works out he will be playing basketball professionally in Italy next year. “I don't know too much bout the offer or specifics, but an agent who scouts American players is going to take me to Italy this May to check things out," Cornell explained. “I guess Italy is the best place to play in Europe as far as pay and basketball are concerned. I don't know about liv‘ng there, though." So it appears Cornell not only got an offer but he got a good one, good enough to put it ahead of the one given to him last week by Athletes in Action, at Christian witness pro team. The Buffalo High School graduate came to Augsburg four years ago after being recruited by former basketball coach Butch Raymond. “Erv (lnniger) and I arrived at Augsburg at the same time," Cornell recalls, “and since then I've had nothing bad to say against him, either as a person or as a J -C0uncil Continued from page 5 The persons involved in recovering the ballots said they were convinced all the spilled ballots had been returned to the box without any losses. Nordaune introduced figures which indicated that a 8.5 percent absolute voting discrepancy was present upon comparing the number of ballots to the number of persons marked as having voted. Nordaune also charged that the sorting of the ballots, which took place before voting closed, was in violation of election day procedures. She alleged that the candidate representa« tlves had not been duly notified of the change in procedure. In her closing argument to the Judicial Council, Nordaune urged the Council to invalidate the election on the basis of the doubts and violations presented, She stressed that the appeal was not directed at any one team. She asked that a new election be held and regulations dealing with elections be enforced. Bernstein stressed, in his closing argument, that the allegations had not been proven. If proven, he said, the allegations would not be sufficient enough to overturn an election. Hearing of the Judicial Council‘s decision to uphold the election results, Bradley stated, “I will accept the Judicial Council‘s decision. “I feel they made it because of what they felt would best benefit the student body, however. I don't think the Council based it on the defense presented by the Spore-Shorts team." He added, "The point was to show that there were discrepancies. The things that were brought out were true. Discrepancies are facts and should be looked at in future elections. "To prevent this from coming up in later elections, I believe there should be a stronger set of guidelines. I think the Judicial Council should enforce that portion of their decision,“ Bradley stated. Whitbeck also said she will accept the Judicial Council's decision. She believes it was made because the Council was afraid of setting a precedent and because they were dealing with a controversial issue. "There were some reliable charges made and the rebuttal didn't begin to attack them," she said. Whitbeck stated that she believed the hearing succeeded in releasing tenswn. Nordaune agreed that the open hearing was valuable in that it April 1, 1977 allowed students to air their opinions. She added, “In the Judicial Council’s opinion they acknowledged that everything presented was justifiable. We made our point that from now on, elections should be accountable.” Spore said that after hearing some of the evidence he felt it was not worthwhile taking it to the Judicial Council. Shorts added, “Their basic contention was to make guidelines. That could have been done through the Student Senate.“ Spore said, however, that he felt the Council handled the procedure well. “To have something of this impact fall into its hands, the Council did a good job," he stated. Spore concluded, “I'm glad its over. Now we can go to work uniting the students, making appointments, work- ing with the new Senate and _ studying." We're the cutters who Promise to listen to the way ygg want your hair cut. I week (Mon. at Thurs. ’til 9 pm.) NO APPOINTMENT (INCLUDES SHAMPOO, HAI acur AND eLowsn shrme PRECISION HAIRCUTTING FOR MEN AND WOMEN MINNEHAHA MALL, Next to Target This Weekend Register to WIN A 10 Speed Bicycle! coach." Even though he was recruited by Raymond, Cornell is quick to point out that lnniger Is “an excellent recruiter, probably one of the top in the state and with such a good program he finds it easier to get people." Cornell has always been a winner. His three years at Buffalo netted the team a 61-10 record. During his senior year they only lost two games—both by one point. Having been denied the chance to play in a state high school tournament, Cornell was involved in post-season play each of his four years at Augsburg. The Auggles finished second, first, first, and first in the MIAC respectively, with his career climaxed by a trip to the national tournament in Kansas City and a 31 point effort by Cornell. His career high was during the Christmas tournament this year when he hit 32 points. His junior and senior years brought him All-MIAC honors. Cornell is third on the all—time scoring and rebounding lists at Augsburg. The feat is remarkable, considering the number of injuries that have hampered him or kept him out of games, especially in his first three years. He broke his right foot his freshman year, had severely torn ligaments in his leg his sophomore year and had a bad left foot his junior year. When asked if he has ever thought about what may have happened had he chosen one of the Big Ten schools over Augsburg Cornell replied, “Sure I've thought about it a lot, but I don‘t regret coming here for a minute. The teams have been great, the coaching Open 5th days NECESSARY Dave Cornell excellent, and Augsburg has been good for me." Dave Cornell has been good for Augsburg. mum—gm..— DAVE’S BARBER SHOP “We Cut Hair and Inflation " 1 Located In Dinkytown iBehind EurgerKingl 4 41414th Avenue SE. Telephone: 331-9747 v to <1 in in :' .E E .2- 3 n. a o I: .E 2 Augsburg College Show less
he Phil Adamo, still a clown? Augsburg College 41-) The College’s Student-Produced Newspaper MURPHY SQUARE ‘ . Murphy Square, 1928-2011 Friday, April 1, 2011 Minneapolis, Minnesota Volume CXVII, lssuc 8 As our readers may have noticed, today is April Fools Day. As always, we decided to celebrate... Show morehe Phil Adamo, still a clown? Augsburg College 41-) The College’s Student-Produced Newspaper MURPHY SQUARE ‘ . Murphy Square, 1928-2011 Friday, April 1, 2011 Minneapolis, Minnesota Volume CXVII, lssuc 8 As our readers may have noticed, today is April Fools Day. As always, we decided to celebrate by giving you an entirely farcical issue of the E cho. Please note that all of the content in this issue, including quotes and citations, have been made up by the writers and editors for this issue. Noth- ing printed here should be seen as the personal beliefs of the Echo or those who wrote them. If you have comments, questions, or concerns. please email: iversonr@ugsburg.edu or visit our website at www.augsburgecho. wardpress. com. DAWN OF THE HIPOCALYPSE Kncre LUCCHIN‘I Closet Hipster Today, on April I, Minneapo- lis Mayor R.T. Rybak announced his total evacuation plan for the City ofMinneapolis as well as its surrounding counties. Officials had been worried for months about the possibility of the hipster apocalypse or hipocalypse and the consequences it could have on not only the citizens but the city itself. “The city is under attack" said Mayor Rybak. “We must evacuate before H2H, Hipster too Human, infects all of our citizens." H2H, Hipster too Human, was discovered in early Septem- ber 2009. Ofi‘icials began seeing the crippling effects immediately. “Within weeks we could see the destruction it had on our city. Their bikes were everywhere,” said Chief of Police Timothy Dolan. “Some stacked two, three bikes tall. There dark rimmed glasses broken all over the streets. We even noticed increased sales in record stores and underground book stores." There were shocking reports of singing and guitar playing hap- pening on various street comers, as well as handmade flyers being passed out by the hipsters. The flyers had slogans such as, “Sweat- shops are death. . . man,“ “Save the baby Whales... dood,” and "Help make PBR cheaper.” Local resident, Gerda Johan- son, stated, “Ya‘ know, I went to some of those damn hipster things and I hate ‘em. The nasty things are always leaving at all hours of the night. The house always smells like a skunk and those darn cigarette butts are everywhere. Ya‘ know, I told my husband Frank to get out there and do something about ‘em, but the damn hipsters convinced him the buns were some OFFICIALS FEAR A VIRUS-LIKE. HIPSTER EPIDEMIC THAT COULD SWIPE THE TWIN CITIES “biodegradable hoopla.“ However, while many citizens fear for their lives, many support the H2H epidemic. Local liquor store owner, Marty Hodge stated, “I like the hipsters. They don't bother me none. Ya‘ know. I‘m always sold out of that there Pabst Blue Ribbon but I hear it’s ‘cool‘ with the kids. It took me a while to get used to the paying in quarters but the wife likes it so she can park downtown.” While some show their sup- port, Mayor Rybak and Tim Dolan are determined to end this epi- demic and save as many lives as possible. “The people of Minne- apolis think this is small pennies, but it’s not,” said Dolan. “It won’t be funny when the dam university Minneapolis officials have been worried for months about the possibility of the hipster apocalypse or "hipocalypse" and the consequences it could have on the city and its residents. shuts down because the kids all wanna go to art school. It won‘t be funny when Hard Times opens at another location, or two. We have to stop this now.“ The evacuation will take place Friday, April 8. Citizens are urged to take only necessities including clothes. foods, and valuables. However, police urge citizens to take all grandma clothing. vintage anything, and hard liquor or beer. “We are going to save this city and the fine citizens that call this home“ said Rybak. “Those damn hipsters don't scare me." Augsburg scraps science hall plans, plans even bigger fireworks show Mnce GALLAGHER Baseball Extraordinaire A source familiar with Augs- burg College’s budget and upcom- ing plans told me late Tuesday that, despite pleas by those with common sense, that Augsburg would be passing on the proposed construction of a new science hall and instead get “bigger and badder“ fireworks for next year‘s homecoming festivities. “You have to look at what fur- thering education really means," said the source. “Yes, a new science hall would serve a lot of practical purposes, but think of how many more fireworks you could acquire with a few million more dollars. Plus, fireworks have an immediate payofi‘, i heard a minor that said the science hall wasn‘t going to be done until the 22nd century.“ While Augsburg's reputation as a growing academic institution will be sure to take a hit, the office of the president released a state— ment defending the decision. “In this modern day, we as a college believe it is important to enthuse our minds of tomorrow. We also believe that as a Lutheran institution, at some point science and religion have to split since they don't really get along. Addition- ally, we believe that ifthe big man upsmirs had the technology we do in his time, he would‘ve taken full advantage of it. In this institution‘s collective mind, science is a thing of the past, while special effects and explosions will never go out of style. We are proud of the spur-the-moment impulsiveness ofthis decision, and look forward to showing the University ofMin- nesota that we may be smaller. but we can still be ballet." The last part of that mono- logue drew some confusion, but some light was later shed on the confrontational statement directed at the U. The planned upstaging ofthe roughly 60,000 student institution across the street seems to stem from an incident between Augs« burg President Paul C . Pribbenow and incoming University of Min— nesota President Eric Kaler. When Kaler was the president ofStony Brook University (N.Y.). Pribbenow was in New York tak- ing in a basketball game at the famous Rucker Park. Much like Pribbenow‘s philosophy. Kaler is determined to get involved in the community, and was having a picnic in Harlem with his constitu- ents. He spotted Pribbenow from across the way and instructed his posse to accompany him in ap- proaching Pribbenow. According to the story. Kaler tapped Pribbenow on the shoulder and Kaler asked him “are you giv- ing out free samples?" “I‘m not sure I know what you mean sir," said Pribbenow. Kaler persisted. insisting Prib- benow and his trademark bowtie resembled Orville Redenbacher and that he be granted a free sam- ple of his popcorn. "l am the president ofAugs- burg College Paul C. Pribbenow sir." he said. “And let me say I find your comments quite offensive." “Well come on Paulie." said Kaler. “The bowtie, the comb over, i would‘ve thought it was Halloween and you were passing out popcorn instead ofcandy." From then on the Pribbenow- Kaler feud has continued. and one has to wonder whether this fireworks display is just a per- sonal way for Pribbenow to exact revenge on Kaler. Whatever the reasoning may be. it looks as if Augsburg is headed in a direction that will be slightly less academic. and slightly more explosive. Show less
Page 2 News Minneapolis, Minnesota Lutheran Awareness Week to passive- aggressively encourage interest in Lutheranism JOEL MENK Lultjrisk Connoisseur Augsburg Campus Ministry is encouraging students to take part in ELCA Lutheran Aw areness \\'eek r\pt'll 4-“. Similar to the recent Muslim... Show morePage 2 News Minneapolis, Minnesota Lutheran Awareness Week to passive- aggressively encourage interest in Lutheranism JOEL MENK Lultjrisk Connoisseur Augsburg Campus Ministry is encouraging students to take part in ELCA Lutheran Aw areness \\'eek r\pt'll 4-“. Similar to the recent Muslim Awareness \\'eek. each day of Lutheran Awareness \\'eek will hav e a special Lutheran» inspired actn ity that students will be encouraged to participate in. Pastor Da\e \\’old said that “the idea behind Lutheran Aware- ness \\'eek is to educate the student body on what is quite frankly a wry misunderstood group of people. Did you know that the merage Augsburg student only knows the first si.\ words to ‘A Mighty Fortress Is Our God".‘" The \\ eek “I” start otT with "Actually Go To Chapel Day." w here students “I” be encour- aged to actually attend the daily chapel sen ice otTered by Campus Ministry. "So many students miss out on the rich cultural experience that the maroon Lutheran Book Of Worship has to ofl‘er." explained “old. The special chapel service will feature guest speaker Sven Oskcrvaard. a representative from the Lutefisk Dinner Preservation Society. Seating is limited. so stu- dents who wiin to sit towards the back should arrive early. Lutheran World Relief will be introducing their new fair trade coffee blend after the service. “brown water: made for the discerning Lutheran palate." Tuesday is “Talk Like A Lutheran Day." during which students will be encouraged to greet each other by saying “peace be with you." and "and also with you." Students who wish to ad- vance their Lutheran language skills are invited to a workshop at 3 p.m. in the Marshall Room hosted by guest Pastor Lars Jensen from Lindstrom. Wis. The workshop w ill focus on how to say “hear our prayer" with as little lip movement as possible, In observance of Lent, Wednesday will be "Don‘t Be Happy About Anything Day." “Many students observe Lent by giving up something: sweets. Facebook. alcohol. etc.“ said Wold. "We would like to invite students to take a day to really soak Editors-in-thef Becki lverson A&E Editor Betsy Collins Featurg FAitgr Sara Klemp News Editor Dave Madsen ()1inionx/lxlimrialt luglitor led (,4Iltt)\Cl' \portx ltdttur Mike (rallagher E—mail — ccho@augsburg.edu Phone — (612) 330-1102 reflect those ofthc ofthc students. :- subject to revision. appropriate. Augsburg College Echo Fall 2010 Staflr 73] 21st Avenue 5. CB 148 Minneapolis, Minnesota 55454 The Augsburg Echo is published each Friday —— except during vacation periods and holidays — by the students ofAugsburg College. Opinions expressed in H1: Ec/m are those of the authors and do not necessarily ' ustaff, ‘ ' ' The lie/m does not necessarily promote the products or services it advertises. Advertisements can be placed in the Echo by contacting the advertising manager. Suhmisstons are welcome and can be sent to uho@augsburg.edu. All submis— sions should be between 500-700 words and accompanied by the writer's name and contact Information. All submisswns become the property of the Echo and are The Echo reserves the right to edit submitted material because of space limita- tions. repetitive subject matter. libelous content or any other reason the editors deem Printed by l’rint Group Midwest on recycled paper. Sergio Montctrubio Mggg‘ng Elm; Becca Anderson Adi-grtising Manager CL ho@augtbutg.edu l'acultgy Advisgt Boyd Koehler Tips — echotips@gmail.com Fax — (612) 330—1666 faculty. ‘ or the ' ' in the deep somber mood that they should feel during all the weeks of Lent.“ Students who may be feeling too happy and wislt to be brought back down to earth are invited to screenings of Old YL’l/L’I' and Reqnit'mjbr a Dream that will be taking place throughout the day in the Century Room. Students are encouraged to bust out their favorite Norwegian sweaters on Thursday for “Dress Like A Lutheran Day." For stu- dents who may not have invested in a Norwegian sweater, Campus Ministry will be hosting a paint- your-own sweater party in the quad from I] a.m. —2 p.m. Blank sweat- ers as well as spray paints and rosemal stencils will be provided. The week will end with “Lu- theran Cuisine Day.“ From ll am. to l p.m.. students are invited to the East Commons to participate in an authentic Lutheran cooking demonstration. Campus Ministry has invited special guest chef Gladys Carlson to demonstrate how to make a complete meal while using a soup base in each dish. “When you are in college. it ~taAN~ ti WE can be diflicult to find foods that suit a palate that prefers for every- thing to be ‘creamy.’ My grandson goes to Gustavus. and he told me that their cafeteria serves salads made from the green leaves of it E fi‘;- plants instead ofpasta!" Carlson will also have a sign- ing/meet and greet in the library from 2pm to 3pm in promotion of her new book Jello: Reimagined. Bo Burnham to play SpringJam, insults your ailing grandmother "nan CONOVER 80's Fan 4ever Comedian and YouTube sen- sation Bo Burnham has returned to Augsburg without any son of invitation from anyone. "Look who‘s back, ass- holes?“ Burnham said. Burnham was last seen “tee- peeing" trees in Murphy Park and leaving flaming bags of dog excrement outside of the Depart- ment for Public Safety Office. Manically giggling to himselfand taping “I‘m with Stoopid” signs on people's backs even though no one was paying attention to him. Burnham vowed to perform at Augsburg‘s annual Spring Jam. “People love my jokes! Hey! Hey! What's the difference be- tween an Auggie and a feminist'.’... Auggics don‘t have hair on their backs!“ Burnham said to a group of students clearly not interested in anything he had to say. Students seem bemused at best when asked about the pres- ence ofthe comedian on campus. Organizers ofthe Spring Jam deny asking Burnham to perform. say- ing in a written statement “He kept asking ifl wanted to sleep over at his mom's house so we could watch Cinemax and drink Moun- tain Dew. i told him to ask Seth Lineard. Seth loves Mountain Dew and smutty television. But Seth's Mom didn‘t want him associating with a boy like Bo. Bad influence and all.“ When asked about his Mom‘s rule of“No Bo," Lineard said, “but mom!!" Several students were asked what they thought of Bumham‘s antics. Students cited his context in global hegemony and patriarchic politics. “His style of performance is a testament to how far we have to go to reach equality in this country,“ said Junior Sarah J ergenson. “Plus he‘s a poo-poo head and smells like, well. poo." Jergenson’s feel- ings on the subject arefairly wide- spread on campus. When asked about Bo, Presi- dent Pribbenow had this to say: “What's the difference between Bo Burnham and comedian Daniel Tosh7... Nothing. Show less
Friday, April 1, 2011 Minneapolis, Minnesota Page 3 Excerises Man hits ball with stick, hailed by onlookers DAVE MADSEN W13an In an impressive display of athletic prowess last Friday, student Mike Gallagher swung a large metal rod at an incoming ball constructed of both cork and cloth, which then... Show moreFriday, April 1, 2011 Minneapolis, Minnesota Page 3 Excerises Man hits ball with stick, hailed by onlookers DAVE MADSEN W13an In an impressive display of athletic prowess last Friday, student Mike Gallagher swung a large metal rod at an incoming ball constructed of both cork and cloth, which then sent the orb hurdling in the opposite di- rection from which it was originally thrown. In a fit of celebration, Gallagher ran in an extended, counter-clockwise motion as his peers clapped loudly to celebrate his hand-eye coordination and subsequent ability to connect the aluminum-alloy instru- ment with the rounded projectile. “Hooray,” an onlooker shouted as Gal- lagher finished his lap. “Your physical apti- tude excites me and the recently-increased number on the scoreboard afiirms my deci- sion to support this collection of players!” Prior to Gallagher’s swinging of the meter-long metallic pole, he and his peers donned matching outfits which signified the group’s solidarity against a rival col- lective of young men from a neighboring academic institution. Then, the troupe of athletes gathered around a diamond-shaped field as the opposing group of students fi'om the rival school sat on a nearby bench. One by one, a member from the non-Augsburg team attempted to defend himself, when opportune, from the aforementioned cork- cotton sphere. Afier enough time of throwing the ball and running around the grounds, the assem- bly of Auggies attempted to likewise hit the ball as the antagonizing team attempted to catch the ball in mid-air, throw the ball in the proper direction, or touch our students with the stitched, white orb. Surprisingly, those who attended the event did not appear bored or disinterested. Keith Bateman, faculty supervisor of Augsburg College’s collection of stick- swinging, ball-throwing students, was pleased with Gallagher’s performance on Friday. “Mike excelled in his effort to per- form at a high standard while remaining within the guidelines placed upon him by our division’s rulebook,” Bateman said. “Though pride for my students swells deep within me after this victory and the smell of a sweaty uniform afier a long and brutal The joy of cricket Corns STANHILL Law-Abiding Citizen Let me tell you something about cricket. “The game underwent major development in the 18th century and became the national sport of England," as They tell us. Another century passed and saw the advent of the county club system and the controversial ascent of overarrn bowling over the classical preference for roundarm (although the Isport goes as far back as Tu- dortimes when it was known as “fuzbaal"). It has since become a haven of wicket- wranglers, overarrn bowlers, loose men, bold women, roundarm revivalists, and liberal (“with a lower case ‘l,’ of course") values. Now let me tell you something about Contemplatives whose Perceptions have been Cleansed. “They do not have to stay in their rooms," as Huxley tells me. “The cricket- ers, on the Other Hand,” 1 can just see Aldy saying, ‘fcan stuff it.“ No amount of nervous scribbling on the back of my hand and humming frantically to Bowie’s “Heroes,” which had been on the radio this morning, could keep the Man from waxing loquacious about the need for an abandoning of the achievement principle to the abafi Freudo- Dialecticians and ego-mongers and supplant it, betimes, with contemplative satisfaction, unimpressed by “the pursuit of power or the drearier forms of pleasure.“ (Years later he would use that one in a fimny little pamphlet called “The Doors of Perception.“ But I always remembered it as | . ABE : vou I LOOKING AT? my own little souvenir of that mid-Spring picnic.) - As for the cricketers, they stuffed it and made way for real sports. Like professional wrestling. Like professional wrestling— Let me tell you two things about profes- sional wrestling. It’s a hardcore spectacle. "Hardcore," despite its common usage as an adjective, is in fact the only adverb in the English language without an adjectival derivation. Serendipitously, this colloquial adjectival usage has given the word a unique capability to turn nouns into verbs, in a deli- cate flourish fusing form to content, thereby betraying even more of its true meaning in the usage than in the definition. It describes. uncannin the feeling of contact with another man‘s ribs, through a solid inch of sinewy flesh. against the bare—skin bone of your own lefi knuckle. Pretty sure that‘s Webster‘s; might have been von Sacher—Masoch‘s. The other operative word in the phrase. adjudicably, was “spectacle.” This umbrella term encompasses Their vast arsenal of dis- tractions,‘ assurances and other soma. From the spectacle of advertising, which infiltrates both public and mental space. to aesthetic spectacle at the cinema (all of it anesthetic in effect). All of which serve to instill and perpetually reinforce false senses of reality, self-identification and experience on the masses in order to obscure the degradations of consumerist life. “it is not a collection of images, rather. it is a social relationship between people that is mediated by images,“ as Debord warbled to the oozing wretches. match reminds me of a time more simple, I must restrain myself from an extensive use of hyperbole; suffices to say, I am very happy with the outcome of our work as an independently-fueled yet singularly—focused cooperative.” Gallagher, who has been methodically perfecting the physical movements neces- sitated by this season-specific activity since he was a child, took his enormous triumph The overeager and strumptuous young men and women of the golden noughts would realize, within a two-decade. that the technocracy. having not only fully intemal~ ized, but henceforth projected back out the consumerists spectacle, resulting in the discreet manifestation of their self-defined and perpetually self-defining hyperreality. itself hermetically sealed from any physi- cal exoreality (their space colony‘s only imports being products part and parcel of the consumerist spectacle itselfand its only exports being crippling laissez-faire expec- torant). the elite have sealed themselves into a constant feedback loop which constricts upon itself toward a singularity - known ofhitting a ball with a stick in due stride. When asked how he managed the endeavor, Gallagher responded. “It‘s a relatively simple concept: I simply sought to maximize the force of contact between the stick and the ball through an efficient use of inertia. In order to do so. i had to determine torque—which is essentially the positioning of my arms to the aluminum rod as it relates to the angular velocity of the swinging movement—and the distance between the Contact point and the axis of rotation.“ “it‘s simple physics," Gallagher added. Reports from athletic sources indicated that Gallagher and his companions will again attempt to out-do another group of students from a neighboring Midwest col- lege next Tuesday. Though spectators are not guaranteed to witness the exact same feat of strength and coordination from Gallagher. there is speculation that at least one student from Augsburg will hit a ball with a stick and run around a section ofthe field. Plus, sources said, it‘s a great excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday afiemoon. as the spectre ofthe spectacle. it has been suggested that this ultimate homogenization toward a single unit of spectacular con- sciousness will explode in a second big hang from inside the already extant universe. and the meta—universe which emerges from the spectre ofthe spectacle shall be a single all- consuming and ever-expanding Cocafola adven. The other thing about professional wrestling is that “in order to score by pin- lall. a wrestler must pin both his opponent‘s shoulders against the mat while the referee slaps the mat three times (referred to as a ‘threc count').“ As They tell us. Show less
Page 4 Hems 8c Hcrws Minneapolis, Minnesota Echo opinions editor plagiarizes articles Conover later hired at Fox News TED Conover: Storyteller Ted Conover. opinions/edi- torials editor for the Echo is a hackneyed hack of a writer and boring to boot. Unable to think ofany original ideas for the... Show morePage 4 Hems 8c Hcrws Minneapolis, Minnesota Echo opinions editor plagiarizes articles Conover later hired at Fox News TED Conover: Storyteller Ted Conover. opinions/edi- torials editor for the Echo is a hackneyed hack of a writer and boring to boot. Unable to think ofany original ideas for the Joke Issue. he decided to shamelessly lift blog posts and Pitchfork Media one—liners into his section e copy and paste style. In an inteniew. I asked him what he thought the meaning ofirony was. “I think I know what that means." said Conover. “Doesn‘t it mean. like. rain on your wedding day. or something?" Conover‘s road to medioc- rity has been a long time coming. After submitting a piece on what he called the “fascinating dynam— ics of billboard manufacturing." editor Becki l\erson realized her opinions editor was a dud. lverson. Afier going over what college students think is funny over and over again. (for example. poop jokes. guys who yell “Don‘t taze me, bro!.“ Old Spice advertise- ments, and Keyboard Cat) lverson gave up and in no uncertain terms told her opinions editor he needed to spruce up on his popular culture. “Just go on the lntemet and learn what it means to be a col- lege student. College Humor, The Onion. anything! There‘s bound to be something funnier than what he could come up with. even on Al lazeera! Did this kid grow up un- der 3 rock or something?" lverson said. Taking his editor‘s advice as literally as possible. and with a stony look of grave seriousness (and with a bit of drool on his chin). Con0ver copied articles he thought would be funny. At first this had disastrous results. Unable to discern the sar- castic from the genuine (especially in print), Conover submitted pla- giarized articles he thought were jokes. such as “Rybakv to speak at Augsburg“ (“I thought we were in St. Pauli”). “Brett Favre to Retire" (“wait, I thought he pitched for the Yankees!“). and “Walker to Cut Teacher Positions“ (“I think I‘ve heard ofthese Chuck Norrisjokes before. . ."). But over time. Conover be- came more adept at ripping offar- ticles and printing them under his by—line. Finally. he found the right places to find articles he could plagiarize. However. he got in hot water when he tried to submit a serious. personal piece entitled “My Life as a Cameroonian Wife.“ Conover was recently ex- pelled from Augsburg for his jour— nalistic debauchery. but promptly landed a position with the Fox 9 Twin Cities as a writer. Conover, above, was caught plagiarizan articles in The Echo. Upon being expelled from Augsburg, Conover was Immediater hlred as a script writer for Fox News. “Billboards? Really?!“ said April fool’s COLLEGE STANHILL Arrgslvrugs Metonymnxis You may not want to hear it. but I love you. And you know who you are. And you know why you are. Why is anything? To be. That‘s the answer. the experiential infini- ti\ e. Augsburg, l l0\e you. Enough to lay \\ reaths ofballoon air: dripping love honey: at your footstep and bar the embearassment of your walking by and calling it all talk. You may not want to hear it. but it's all talk and it loves you. so faras you mum its aural arcane: Love love love. Love loves In love In ve. Lore can turn all things, and I can turn love inmfishes. Love is olher people. You are other people. Augsburg, and] [are you. That‘s why I brought some Emerson to share. I thought you may want to hear it. It‘s from Nature. "lfthe stars should appear one night in a thousand years. how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many genera— tions the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! But every night come out these envoys of beauty. and light the universe with their admonishing smile." My greatest pleasure, On this holiday of chicanery and cynicism, would be for you to share with me forjust a moment in victimless delight at the wording ofJames Joyce, “The word of Mr Costello was an un- welcome language for him for he nauseated the wretch that seemed to him a cropeared creature ofa misshapen gibbosity born out of wedlock and thrust like a crookback tcethed and feet first into the world, which the dint of the surgeon‘s pliers in his skull lent indeed a colour to, so as it put him in thought of that missing link of creation’s chain desiderated by the late ingenious Mr Darwin." “What is the hypotenuse ofhyperreal- ity? What is the cosine ofhappiness? How does polar bears know what apples is?" you ask. I say, “Put it on the pizza and get I love you to living well!" You may not want to hear it, Augsburg. but We can love the numbers right out of you. Dig it. Augsburg. it’s a revolution! Dig it. Augsburg: Aldous Huxley! “What iris and rose and carnation so intensely signified was nothing more. and nothing less, than what they were — a tran- sience that was yet eternal life. a perpetual perishing that was at the same time pure Being. I continued to look at the flowers. and in their living light I seemed to detect the qualitative equivalent of breathing but ofa breathing without returns to a starting point. with no recurrent ebbs but only a repeated flow from beauty to heightened beauty." It’s a revolution. Augsburg. not out of resistance. mind you. but a revolution of love, revolting embrace. loving so many things so much that they soften under the mild pressure of persistent good vibes to be- come as malleable and remarkably remak- able. existence anew. Don‘t let Them make a fool ofyou this day! Have an unscheduled whirlwind romance with reality! My feet are as dry ice and I love you Augsburg, you understand. I feel in a state oflucid sanity. like I’m in sanity itself. I hope you like E.E. Cum- mings. “Bob Cowgill’s beard hair is longer than his real hair. Just saying." As Aaron Wells once told us. i love you: you: like I‘m insanity itself. Also, did you know the entire world could fit in Uranus and still leave plenty of room for gas? That’s how much I love you. On useless papers , and expired pringles‘ Dear Professor, I am an intelligent, educated individual with a wealth of ideas and a general openness toward learning and academic endeavors. That said, I cannot bear to complete your ridiculous assignment. . It is a four to five page paper assigned three weeks ago. I have sat down in an efl'on to work on it probably 15 times in the last week, and have been largely unsuccessful each time. Not only is the assignment uninteresting and unimportant, but it also is poorly described on the as- signment sheet which has led to hours and hours of aimless searching for the information you seem to be asking me to regurgitate for you. It is as if you are sending us off into a cave that is pitch-blacktofind' a needle you have hidden in a haystack somewhere in the back. This . unnecessary quest is something I do not appreciate. Instead of sufi'ering through this assignment. I have Facebook stalked people I don’t care about at all, instant messaged people I also don’t care about at all, web-surfed for nothing in particular, shopped online, downloaded music, watched. ‘ movies and bad television, drank absurd quantities of Diet Coke, Red Bull, and coffee, prepared several snacks and meals, smoked hookah, ate a Pringle that was “best sold by" May of 2009 (worst decision ever), applied for jobs, sent emails, wrestled with a dog, laundered clothes, deep-cleaned a kitchen, showered, beautified, contemplated other assign- ' merits, played for hours alone with a beach ball, and I even wrote this rant 1‘ in letter-fonn. All of it was more enjoyable than the time I have spent attempting to focus my mind on this ridiculous life-wasting assignment. In fact, instead of doing this assignment, I would probably rather eat an entire can of expired, 2009 Pringles or a carton of rotten eggs with .' curdled milk, shave off my eyebrows, cut off a toe or two, run 75 miles through the Gobi desert, avoid Diet Coke for 5 years, starve myself for a month, abstain from listening or playing music for a month, give up my driver’s license and all of my fieedom in general so...be locked in a tower for months, and I would probably consider giving up my first. born child if it’s a boy. - Unfortunately, I will not give up my degree or my graduation deadline of May. Therefore, I will suffer through channeling the mental fortitude of chess champions, Harry Potter, and the religiously oppressed. I Will stay up all night tonight and all night tomorrow because I have spent- three weeks doing everything but this assignment and it must get done. So professor, I hope you are happy, and I hope you sleep well tonight H while I slave away. . t. Warmly, Lindsey Grafl‘ Show less
Friday, April 1, 2011 Minneapolis, Minnesota Hems 8: Haws No change in the Echo} administration Iverson to remain as editOr-in-chief for the foreseeable future Augsburgians, I have an announcement to make. As many of you might be aware, I am nearing the end of my third consecu— tive year as... Show moreFriday, April 1, 2011 Minneapolis, Minnesota Hems 8: Haws No change in the Echo} administration Iverson to remain as editOr-in-chief for the foreseeable future Augsburgians, I have an announcement to make. As many of you might be aware, I am nearing the end of my third consecu— tive year as editor-in-chief of the Echo. I have approached this looming date with I foresee my career path as one that benefits everyone it affects. and I am much fear and trepidation, and I think I have found a solution to the problem of attempting to locate my replacement next year. While many people might view three consecutive years editing a student produced newspaper as an absurdly long tenure, I beg to differ. My institutional knowledge and journalistic skills are impeccable, and I think the newspaper and proud that I have chosen a life that will never leave the hallowed halls ofAugsburg College. There is not much to discover off campus, anyway. I appreciate the support readers have given me over the years, and I am sure the overwhelming accolades the Echo constantly receives will continue as long the school will only be helped by having more of the same in the future. It is for this reason that I will be remaining as editor-in-chief of the Echo for as long as I like. It’s a tough world outside of my institutional cocoon, and I simply don‘t feel like expending the effort it will take for me to be hired in a ‘real job.’ (Not that] could get hired anywhere anyway. If Brian Krohn has to go to graduate as I am here. Ifthings go as well as I hope. I might even start running “borrowed” articles from other papers alongside ours without accreditation, just to see if read- ers can tell which is which. If anyone has questions or suggestions for ways to improve the newspaper school to put off paying back his loans, there is no hope for the rest of us). I have decided not to consult anyone else on making this decision. It is im- Cheers. portant to have a unilateral, pseudo-totalitarian vision for a student organization, and I feel making this choice on my own is the only way to go about it. The Echo can lead all other students on campus by example in this respect from here on out. Continuing my position as editor-in-chief is also a solution to the Echo‘s chronic lack of participation. The more warm bodies we can get to participate in our escapades, the better As long as I don‘t have to worry about things like show- ing up to class and doing homework anymore, 1 will have much more fi'ee time to force English majors into self constructed cages in the Echo office to pump out articles for my journalistic machine. (Rand Engllsh professor Robert Cowglll asserts that Stanhtll's pants represent “a worrying current at antl-lntellectuellsm spreadan across college campuses that needlemly rejects great classics, such as the tweed locket, In favor ct empty and superflclal pleasures such as comfort." Becki Iverson Eternal Editor, Augsburg Echo (other than article sharing and reprinting previous work) in the future. please feel free to contact me at my personal email address (echirson4evaz@paragonofmc- diocrity.com) or stop by the Echo office. which will double as my apartment as long as I remain without a real job. President Obama, Lady Gaga, and the Ghost of Al- len Ginsberg Vow to Fund Murphy Square Forever BRIANNA OLSON-CARR Looking For A lab Word of the famous Murphy Square literary and visual arts journal getting decommissioned has spread like wildfire these past few weeks. Hundreds of students have been pounding on the doors of the Auggie's Nest demanding: “WHAT DO WE WANT? ART! WHAT DO WE WANT IT? COM- MISSIONED!“ President Barack Obama could hear the cries ofthe Auggies all the way from Wash- ington. He sent a public address to the college, or “State of the Augsburg": “As you know, I‘m from Min- nesota. I once spent a long week- end at Mall ofAmerica and lkea. But seriously. I want to address the decommissioning of Murphy Square: it's no secret that those of us here have had our differences over the last two months. The debates have been contentious; we have fought fiercely for our beliefs. And that's a good thing. That's what a robust democracy demands. However, six people in a room who have not heard of such an incredible literary work as Murphy Square need to get out of the Christensen Center basement! 1, President Barack Obama, will personally see to it that Murphy Square is read all over the nation." This overwhelming national support for Augsburg‘s literary journal caught the attention of international superstar. Lady Gaga. She wrote to President Pribbenow to encourage self—expression in the face of“The Man“: “You're on the right track. baby, you know? It‘s all about the art. I sing an. I wear an. I am an. You know. you can promise you‘ll be kind, but you won't stop until you have the funding. Hey, I‘m your biggest fan. 1‘" fund you ‘cuz you all love me. And because I love the arts." The support from Lady Gaga had Aug- gie‘s noses pressed up against the windows ofthe printer for Murphy Square, which has been personally overseen by Bill Keller. the execu- tive editor for The New York Times. Ted Conover, editor-in-chief of Murphy Square said of working with Keller: “He‘s a pretty okay guy. He had a couple good ideas for thejoumal. I mean. it‘s not the same because he‘s not part ofthe Murphy Square cult. He refuses to get the required tattoo of Bob Cowgill‘s Ray-Bans on his thigh. But yeah, he‘s um..,nice." Murphy Square commotion even brought back Allen Gins- berg frorn his grave. Ghost Allen Ginsberg. or as he prefers to be called now, Ghostberg, \owed to inten‘upt all future Commissioning Committee meetings by shouting uncomfonablc poetry about mas- turbation for the rest of all time. He has been whispering in the ears ofProfessor Doug Green and sprinkling demons down his turtle- necks. Green reported Ghostberg's intentions to haunt any Senator. and their extended social network, who does not want to commission Murphy Square. Obama, Gaga, and Ghostbcrg have made themselves clear: they plan to fund Murphy Square FOR- EVER. Show less
Page 6 Variety Minneapolis, Minnesota Augsburg ultimate frisbee team releases most widely renowned lit mag in Augsburg’s history BETSY COLLINS 7i:th Frisbee As an English major involved in the art community. I‘m fairly \ ested in the creativ e endeavors of my peers. [n the wake of Murphy Square... Show morePage 6 Variety Minneapolis, Minnesota Augsburg ultimate frisbee team releases most widely renowned lit mag in Augsburg’s history BETSY COLLINS 7i:th Frisbee As an English major involved in the art community. I‘m fairly \ ested in the creativ e endeavors of my peers. [n the wake of Murphy Square Iv I.\ISr]) untimely and hor— rific death. I thought that l. and the campus as a vvhole. \\ ould lack this opportunity. No longer would I be able to access the creative writing and art of the people I‘ve been educated alongside. Fortunately. a new lit mag has stepped up to fill .lISq It void. The majesty and sheer bril— liance of The Flyer. the recent publication from Augsburg‘s own ultimate frisbee team. eclipses Murphy Square once and for all. and makes me confident that it has been an utter and complete waste of money for the past 82 years. Money that could be getting local rap groups to play on campus. Where .‘Ilu'pltt Square failed. The F/lcl‘ succeeds. The high vis— ibility ofthis commissroned orga- nization has allowed full campus in\ol\ement. ln fact. at least one submission front each and e\ er_\ Augsburg day student is show cased in tltegioumal because of this. After all. only student orgs \\ ho eng it the entire campus should be guaranteed any FRED TORVIK .-\lllt‘fl(tlll Post» Tii'ecn "Friday". by Rebecca Black. sprung forth from the depths of \ouTube purgatory into the \\ est- ern cultural lesicon a mere si\ tortnights prior to the time of this \\ riting. _\ et young Black laged l3) seems as though she \\ ere always intended to be here. During the last great wave of American Post-T“ een. Britney Spears. Jessica Simpson. and Man- dy Moore came Closer to discov er- ing the flawlessly studio-polished opus than previously thought possible. Yet. e\en the seemingly almighty Spears failed to meet the demands ol‘the discerning public. which expected nothing short of absolute Disney Lab perfection. Spears. who was tragically force—fed to Kevin Federline in 2004. seemed to many proof enough that the Lord your God hath prohibited such a force from entering earth. Nonsenscl, I say, for now. we have Rebecca Black. Listening to the singular, fo— cused sound of Black‘s voice, one can hear an artist who‘s arrived fully-formed: free from the con- straints of “tone-color.“ resolute in her commitment to the only six notes she deems worthy ofher singing, and above all. devoid of true investment in anything save basking in the weekend‘s delicious inception. The true. rib-crushing weight funding. While Murphy Square only highlighted students with a vested interest and aptitude for writing and art. The F/yer has compiled a completely avant garde manu- script. Quality be damned. Conti- nuity be damned. Recognition be damned. The real art is contained in the fact that there is no art. No organization. No thoughtful cura- tion. In the end. everyone's a loser because everyone‘s a winner. Content ranges from thought- ful tweets from Twitter Major Joel Menk “Check out this meme. dude." to a 3 second clip ofa Fris- bee toss from the ultimate frisbee team‘s own Ben Krouse-Gagne slowed down to eight minutes titled. “Poetry in Motion,“ Poetry it is. Ben. Poetry it is. My favorite piece is a cell phone photograph by Alex BischolT with his thumb obscuring the lens. I guess itjust really makes me think about life. and stuff. The most radical thing about the lit mag is the form, Though The Flyer got the full surplus of the frisbee team‘s yearly al- lotted budget trougth 310.000 after all of those new frisbees) the team decided against con- tinuing the leg ‘y of the printed book. t'Cause. like. books are dead. man). Instead that ten grand of the song isn't readily apparent unless listened to in conjunction with the music video. which \tasn‘t directed by Francis Ford Coppola or D.W. Griffith to ho are currently collaborating on Jack ll. starring Chris Tucker and Jackie Chart.) The \ideo begins with RC- becca Black opening her eyes. ris~ ing spriter at 7:00am. l'ler energy flows freely upon reentering cogni- /ance. and she greets the sixth day of the Babylonian calender week with a vigor resen cd henceforth for‘gettin‘ do“ n" and hay Ing “fun fun fun fun.“ 133.33 percent more fun than the Beach Boys ever had.) Her tenacity must be conserved. for immediately upon waking up. the day‘s responsibilities impose themselves. She‘s gotta be fresh. gotta go downstairs. She‘s gotta have a bowl. and what‘s more. she‘s gotta have cereal, Cereal! By the time she gets to the bus stop. she sees her friends, and we see a glimmer of happiness in a face that had previously been smiling only in its acute aware- ness ofwhat was expected of her. As her friends arrive (just in time for an evenly rounded first verse to end), Rebecca casually ponders the merits of kickin’ in the front seat and chillin' in the back seat. And now, with a wry, knowing smile, Black, fully aware the only open seat is the middle in back, asks her listeners to place her wherever they‘d have her. The Flyer, a publlcatton from Augsburg's Ultlmate'Frlsbee team ‘ "Friday’j or, Rebecca Black sings about you not being important because life is unfair With that, the video cuts to a gleeful Black, surround by thirteen year-old friends and drivers (hope- fully!) Again. slie‘s “gotta get down," what with it being Friday and all. but having accepted her place in the car (as though THAT isn‘t a metaphor for her social dichotomy) she seems at ease with her obligations. Before you know it, the video is a whirlwind ofstanding in convertibles. outside concert/parties, and a guest rapper, Chuck D, who can rhyme and drive at the same time. ln the video, Chuck seems without a care. His flow is effort- less, revealing the influence ofhis longtime partner Flava-Flav. Also smacking of Sir Flav is the levity with which Chuck tackles his sub- ject matter. Gone is Black Panther who once spat fire over beats by The Bomb Squad. Here, Chuck is at ease, by himself, balancing serenity and enthusiasm in a way only someone unconcerned with their spot in a car can. As the focus shifts back to Black. we see now her struggle. Her proclamation, “Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!” rings false. We see -her. fully aware of her week's shortcomings, snider reveling in the adoration of her peers, who remain unaware of the Black‘s solidified emotional disconnect. With each chant of. “Friday, Fri- day, Gotta get down on Friday“ Black courts contradiction. There’s went straight to paying for their domain name (wwaitmagdude. com) and web hosting for exactly one year. “Not only is it green or something,“ says Krouse-Gagne of the decision, “but it also speaks to the imperrnanence of life too, ya know? Think about it.“ I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, actually. Never would Murphy Square been able to foster such a beautiful idea of a temporary website that will never be accessable to our children or the future in general. While MSq wasted its time trying to make an important contribution to Augs- burg as an institution, The Flyer is more concentrated on Facebook promotion. I hear they’ve gotten thirty-five thousand hits on their website so far. Website hits are where the future of literature lies. If Murphy Square wants to get its funding back (and its good reputation with former fans who are now faithful Flyer followers) it should concentrate more of its effort and budget on those web hits. I mean. why read a book when you can just google it, right? So shake in your boots. Murphy Square. and ask yourselfthis before you apply for any more funding » How many of those intemet website visitor hits did you get this year“? an unmistakable crucifying mirth in her gaze that asks the viewer, “What else are you going to do on your day off, you sad, lonely little man?!” I regret never having realized the extent to which the very idea of a Friday highlights the time in our lives spent pathetically slav- ing away. Friday, our perennial dangling carrot, leads us into the abyss week-by-week, promising (falsely) that escape lies in dis- traction. Rebecca Black is keenly aware of this at 13, and I, hav- ing never given Thursday, Bratz Dolls, or Jamba Juice any serious thought, eagerly await her next release. Show less
Friday, Ap 1, 2011 i Minneapolis, Minnesota Page , Variety Novel mash-up is book of the century KACIE Luccrmn Still NotA Hipster This past weekend I read the book of a lifetime. I hate to drill this point home but of the 20 something books I’ve reviewed for the Echo, of the hundreds of books I’ve... Show moreFriday, Ap 1, 2011 i Minneapolis, Minnesota Page , Variety Novel mash-up is book of the century KACIE Luccrmn Still NotA Hipster This past weekend I read the book of a lifetime. I hate to drill this point home but of the 20 something books I’ve reviewed for the Echo, of the hundreds of books I’ve read for fun, this book is literally the most amazing book that has ever been written. The Harry Potter Girl with the Twilight Tattoo written by J.K. Rowling, Steig Larsson. and Stephanie Meyer is a classic novel that will go down in history for its literary merit, entrancing plot line, and unforgettable char- acters. The novel opens with Sella Bawn getting a magic letter from Warthogs College in some sketchy town in England. Sella, not being especially smart, accepts the letter because it‘s the only college she can get into. As she arrives, Sella begins to experience a lot of things. Other peers at her college judge her for the heart shaped scar on her for- head. the one she gave to herself afier falling madly in love with Edwardo Cullenito. Sella however is determined to overcome the heartbreak she feels for Edwardo by using her photographic memory to solve murders and catch rapists. However, complications arise when Edwardo shows up at Wart- hogs. Sella is torn between her feelings for Edwardo and her feelings for her female professor Mucwango. Professor Mucwango is a confident determined woman who thinks she is a cat while Ed- wardo is a dark, emo high schooler who thinks he is 250 years old. As the love triangle begins to build, Sella must also deal with her dark past: a father that is a creepy old cop/mobster who is trying to kill her. a mother who keeps visit— ing her in mirrors. and old friends Battle: Los AWESOME Iosu SIBLEY Stafl Writer Battle: Los Angeles is more than just a movie: it’s an experi- ence. This isn’t just the Citizen Kane of alien invasion flicks — it's the best science fiction film of all time. Despite what the title sug- gests, this film is so much more than a battle in LA; it’s a character study of how people deal with the annexation of one of America’s gleaming cities. The film starts out in a battle over LA in which we get a sense of how spine-chilling, and ma- levolent the aliens really are as they shoot at our heroes in a helicopter. The extra terrestrials in Steven Spielberg’s film used lasers to incinerate people and then harvested their blood and used it to change the Earth. That was all too far-fetched and “out there” in Battle: LA — the space men use machine guns. Machine guns surgically attached to them. It’s a moment of genius from the film’s writers. By giving them a weapon that we have, there is no way we could stop them. The film‘s greatest strength is the writing. Our heroes are all marines and thefilm avoids cliches and gives us Christopher Nolan levels ofexposition. Each charac- ter is so well drawn out and written that you feel like they could be a real person. Like Aaron Eckhart's character Captain...well his name eludes me right now, but we feel for him and his goals that he can't achieve because of the invasion. They story is not predictable in the least bit. It surprised me when they defeated one of the mother ships with a single mis- sile and disabled all of the flying drones. You would think that it would take a nuclear bomb or something to destroy the spaceship of that size, but that’s the genius of the writing keeping us on our toes. The cinematography is so glamorous and bewildering that it brings tears to my eyes just reflect- ing upon the sheer magnificence of the actions sequences. The open- ing battle sequence in Saving Pri— vate Ryan looks like child‘s play compared to any battle in Battle: LA. The camera shakes so much it gives us the sense that we are who try and convince her that she can use a piece of wood to make books float (wingardium leviosalt. Love, drama, and magic all culminate in this timeless classic you won‘t be able to put down. 1 know 1 could barely follow the plot. none the less drop the book! This is surely a book that genera- tions will be talking about. getting tattoos for. and keeping Hot Topic in business, 1 would like to dedicate this article to the best former Hot Topic employee. as well as my favorite editor for The Echo. Betsy Collins, EAITLEiUSANtELEs in the war with the otherworldly- machine-gun-wielding-beings. The editing really nails the pace of what an actual crusade against aliens would be like: total chaos. While most people would experi- ence epileptic seizures due to the fast cuts and vertiginous camera, the cinephiles will ardor the real- ness the battles have. You can’t enjoy Battle: LA like you would any normal piece of cinema —— you have to live it. Visually it‘s the decade's best film and on a the large scale ofcinema history it will be revered as a clas» sic and will take it‘s place among The Wizard of Oz. Casablanca, The Godfather and Star Wars. This is not a movie that will be forgotten easily. It shakes you to your core and reminds you of what it feels like to be human. Usually I would give a star rating but stars are not worthy enough to rate Battle: LA. It is above the stars. Bro in quad learns chords to Jason Mraz classic, female students adore in droves DAVE Manson Asshole A totally chill sound emanated from steps of Christensen Center last Thursday as senior student Aren Olson reportedly learned the chord progressions for the 2001 hit, “Body is a Wonderland“ by famed singer John Mayer. As Olson jammed out the simple. sen- sual melody, a few pre-tanned girls sporting Ugg boots, jeggings, and fluorescent headbands reported: “Omigod, 1 love that song!" Olson chose the song upon successfully learning the 2005 Jack Johnson song, “Better Together" and—according to sources—he needed another slow. acoustic ballad in order to seduce drunken sophomores at the various parties in Anderson. Olson appropriated the commercially successful song in his signature style of working in certain women‘s names as they passed by him. The latest ad-lib: “One mile to every inch of/your skin like porcelain/one pair of candy lips and/your bubblegum tongue, Molly Dunne." ‘ The public response has been mixed since Olson debuted his hit cover of the Mayer tune. While many female students have adored hearing the familiar, “really cute" song on their way to the gym, a few renegade Music majors have scoffed at his attempts to give new life to the Grammy-winning single. “I remember when music used to have integrity,“ senior Fred Tor- vik said as he passed by Olson’s virtual mating call of a perfor- mance. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go listen to more Animal Collective.“ Torvik was later seen wildly air-drumming to the neo- psychedelic, nonsensical tracks of Mem'weather Post Pavilion. Other art students have reject- ed the student musician’s attempt to woo his female counterparts. “That guy is a creep,“ reported senior Natalya Flaten. “He once told me that he wanted to ‘swim in a deep sea ofblankets‘ with me. I think I threw up in my mouth a little." Even Prof. Bob Cowgill joined the hate as he flicked a half-smoked cigarette at Olson as the guitar~strumming bro finished the third verse. “Honestly, I don’t give a shit about that song he‘s singing.“ Cowgill said. “1 just needed to get back at him for stealing the spotlight from me: where else am 1 going to receive fruitful glances from young. art-obsessed college girls?“ However, as evidenced by the sheer amount of delighted. audible gasps from the women ofAugsburg, Olson‘s song hasn‘t gone without his praise. Junior Daley Konchar Farr re- ported. “Even though Aren doesn‘t appeal to my rich appreciation for new-wave, post-punk instrumenta- tion. there’s something about his raspy voice. his piercing gaze . . . it‘s delicious.“ Junior Lily Morris couldn‘t help but to lay on a patch of grass near Olson as he slid into Mayer‘s refrain. ln hopes of making eye contact with Olson. Morris bobbed her head in time with each “Ba ba dup ba da da da“ the dreamy senior cranked out. The efforts of Morris were ultimately crushed as Lindsey Graffdeclared Olson hers by throwing an ample amount of elbows at whoever made eyes at the young singer—songplayer. “Get back. you harlots," Gratf screamed as she brandished a broken hockey stick at the nearby women ofAugsburg. “This man is mine!“ Olson declined to comment. but when asked about where he sees his musical career going in the future. he simply smirked and re- peatedly slid his right index finger in and out ofhis loosely clenched lefl fist. A-List BE‘I‘SY COLLINS Things 6- Stufl Friday, April 1, 10:10 a.m.-10:40 a.m. Augsburg Interpretive Dance: Dance with Jesus during Chapel! Price: Free Saturday, April 2, 7 pm. Colin Stanhill reads one poem in the Quad, then leaves The Quad, duh Price: $80 Sunday. April 3, 8 pm. Creepers: A telephoto lens photography exhibit Somewhere in Uptown. srsly Price: Your soul, or your first born child (You choose!) Monday, April 4, 9 pm. Weekly Whiners (and wine-ers!) Come get drunk and listed to acoustic emo music Acadia café Price: Free cover, pay for your own damn wine Tuesday, April 5, 5 pm. A selection of terrible lo- cal high school bands Early show so musicians can get home for bedtime 400 Bar Price: $5 Wednesday, April 6, 6 pm. Yoga, Yogurt, Yo-Yos, Yo! Movement Arts Center Price for one class (Yoga OR Yogurt OR Yo-Yos): $40 Price for the series: $140 Friday, February 31, 2012 Lecture Series: The Pretentious Art Object Walter Arch Center Price: Free for hipsters $114 Show less