Search results

(61 - 80 of 8,246)

Pages

Title: Augsburg Echo April 19, 2002, Page 03
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: April 19, 2002 é’éFeatures page 3 The Diversity Committee: history, mission, goals Dan Jorgensen, Anne Garvey Co-Chairs, Diversity Committee WW The posters you’re starting to see on campus aren’t advertising a website...at least not yet. The posters, designed by current students, advertise the...
Show moreApril 19, 2002 é’éFeatures page 3 The Diversity Committee: history, mission, goals Dan Jorgensen, Anne Garvey Co-Chairs, Diversity Committee WW The posters you’re starting to see on campus aren’t advertising a website...at least not yet. The posters, designed by current students, advertise the Diversity Committee at Augsburg College. Augsburg’s mission is to nurture future leaders in services by, among other things, “an intentionally diverse campus community.” So what does that mean? What does that look and sound like? The Augsburg Diversity Committee is one group striving toward this diversity and looking to answer the questions posed above. An intentionally diverse community is more than a diverse group of students, who on the surface appear to be different, and then co—exist, without interaction, while getting their degree. Likewise, an intentionally diverse campus community encourages community members to look beyond surface similarities to learn more about one another. And, creating an intentionally diverse campus community is not the sole work of a committee--it’s the work of everyone on campus. A diversity committee has actually existed at Augsburg since 1991, when the Board of Regents, at the suggestion of President Charles Anderson, estab- lished a standing committee on diversity. Lee Cook, Assistant to the President for Diversity, was the ﬁrst chair of this committee. The committee’s purpose: to study and suggest ways to improve the campus cli- mate of diversity, monitor current activities, and pro- pose needed action to the president for implementation. In 1993, this committee published its philosophy and rrrission, which included a commitment to: l) Becoming a community that was characterized by shared values emphasizing dignity, respect, and equal opportunity for all students, faculty and staff mem- bers; 2) Achieving an environment in which people of all backgrounds are appreciated for their contribu— tions, both locally and globally; and 3) Achieving an environment in which all individuals on campus will develop values reﬂecting the dignity of all persons. That committee continued its work along these lines throughout the 19905. Kathy Lufti chaired the committee when Dr. Frame arrived as President. President Frame endorsed the continuation of the committee, and supported committee work on train- ing, inventorying diversity—related achievements, developing a protocol for handling incidents of racial or inter-cultural tension, and developing some system for measuring progress toward the college’s diversity goals. In the fall of 1998, the Board of Regents outlined nine critical goals to help implement a strategic vision document known as, “Augsburg 2004.” One such goal was: . Continue to develop a climate which both maxi- mizes the welcome Augsburg provides to people from a broad range of cultures and supports the edu- cational experience which can be gained from the interactions among members of its diverse commu- nity. “Augsburg 2004” explicitly states that the college will fully integrate diversity into all aspects of cam- pus life. The vision was in response to the objection that the current free—standing Diversity Committee is directly responsive to the president. A non-goveming body of volunteers committed to helping the college reach its diversity goals, the Committee’s mission is to assist the governing structure of the college-- including the president, all ofﬁcers, staff, faculty and students--in implementing the “best practices" regarding diversity. The point of this mission is to create and support an environment in which the “isms” wither and our sense of community is strengthened because of our differences, not in spite of them. The Committee will accomplish Augsburg’s goals by acting in the following roles: 'As a Change Agent The Committee has been granted the authority to lead the college’s diversity initiative by creating tac— tics that further the implementation of the diversity vision, and by developing new policies and proce— Diversity continued on page 7 Yoshida family talent Compiledby tion, The Angel Overgaard FMIIQI,,.,,,, From March 15 to April 18, the Gage Family Gallery dis— played “Artistic Inheritance: Stu- dents of the Yoshida Family." The Minneapolis Institute of Art also hosted an exhibition enti- tled “A Japanese Legacy: Four Generations of Yoshida Family Artists.” The exhibition featured eight artists from the Yoshida family, spanning four generations and over 100 years. In conjunction with this exhibi- Gage Gallery featured the legacy of one member of the Yoshida family, Yoshida Toshi. In 1970, and again in 1974, Toshi taught Japanese woodblock print- making at Augsburg College. The Gage Family An Gallery presented the works of seven stu- dents of Yoshida Toshi: Suezan Aikins, Noboru Sawai, Susan McDonald, Mary June Erickson, Micah Schwaberow, Carol lessen, and Yoshida Tsukasa who is both student and heir to the Yoshida Hanga Studio. The featured picture to the left was done by Yoshida Tsukasa. This information was taken from http://www.augsburg.edu/ galleries. Family Art artistic / \ Sp ring- Heeled Jack A weekly serial by Jonathan Helland Previously, in Spring-Heeled Jack, lord Darnhamshire discov— ered that Charlotte had been wilfully been aiding SpringHeeled Jack and that she was aiming his own pistol at her head. And, due to time constraints, I used more adjectives and similes than I am completely comfortable with. Chapter 6, The Accomplice: Part 2 From the journal of Benjamin Evans, Lord Darnhamshire I dared not turn and face Charlotte while the abomination that was once Aleister Bombeck stared me in the face with his demonic eyes. It seemed inﬁnitely more important at that moment to stand tall against the ﬁend than it did to preserve my own life, but only for a moment. “Charlotte, what are you doing, he’s a monster!” I yelled, still not daring to look away from Spring-Hesiod Jack. He preened before the stretching his neck and basking in my fear. “He’s my husband." Her voice was cold, with no hint of its ear- lier hysteria. “Aleister’s your husband, not this abomination!" Jack’s lip curled up and a low growl reverberated through my spine. I braced myself for an attack but he moved much faster than I could react, in a heartbeat he’d grabbed my arms, pinned them to my sides carried me across the room and slammed me into a bookshelf, stealing my breath. Than it began to speak, it was speaking in another language, growling guttural tones with no pauses in the words, but even as he did so another voice, Aleister’s own could be heard clearly in Eng- lish. “She is MINE, seduced by my darkness long before that pathetic priest...” he stopped abruptly and I saw a magnificent transforrna— tion. The ﬁre left his eyes and his pupils rounded out again, his iron claws retreated from the wounds they had driven into my arms, and the wiry frame of Aleister Bombeck, wholly himself, quivered from the effort of holding me two feet of the ground. Charlotte saw none of this. “Its true, I’m afraid, so terrible sorry to deceive you,” she smirked at me while resting a hand tenderly on Aleister’s shoulder, “don’t get me wrong, I’m quite pleased that Aleister was chosen. he’s far more fun than old Lord Esterton ever was." Aleister and I shared a meaningful glance at this confession, and I was unceremoniously dropped on the ﬂoor as Aleister spun around to face his wife. His hand swept around clasping her wrist and pulling the pistol sharply against his chest. His free hand removed the ridiculous conical helmet and he stared at his Wife for several moments before speaking. “I think you should leave now; leave or kill me." He spoke softly through gritted teeth. “But, Aleister 1.. .1” “Leave Or Kill Me!” And so she left. I slowly got to my feet, walked over to Aleister, and reached out for the pistol that he still held by the barrel against his chest. “You should end it, you should kill me before 1 hurt someone." He said it slowly in obvious effort to hide his emotions. Neverthe- less, I could here the effects of Charlotte’s betrayal in his voice. “No,” I said ﬁrmly, “not while there’s another way.” “There is no other way.” He replied in a whisper. That night, the Reverend Aleister Bombeck checked himself into St Bethlehem’s Asylum with me at his side, and was safely locked away where he could harm no other. Is this the end of Spring—Heeled Jack? Of course not, don 't you remember the ﬁrst issue? Two heart-pounding, edge-of—your-seat issues remain. so come back next week for Part I of the conclusion to Spring-Heeled Jack. \ What’s new under the sun: a historical perspective The college is just too large to know shorthand, and label people according to 7 themselves,‘ added Schncidcr. lt's impor~ Campus roles versus individual people K. Lucin Staff writer,,,. , In February of 1996, the co—editor in chief of the Augsburg Echo. Eric Schneider, said he‘d “come to realize that many people take their roles on campus too seriously." He went on to explain his belief that people tend to stereotype and pigeonhole others according to the groups they belong to, rather than getting to know them personally. This pigeonholing is a danger in any community. but becomes an even greater hamrd in a small community like Augsburg. everyone by name, but it’s also small enough that we know many people by their reputation, and even more through their affiliation with certain groups: the Echo, the wrestling team, student government. QSU, weekend college, campus ministry, the Tai Chi group, or the international stu— dents. Whether the group is formal or not seems not to matter. According to Schneider, “Every respec- tive group gets its own stigma and deper- sonalization ensues." However, I'm not sure that “depersonalization” is really the way to put it. Over-simpliﬁcation might be a better word. Because there are so many people whose names we can’t remember, we use their respective groups. Perhaps this is a necessary mechanism, and perhaps not. Either way, it can cause a lot of trouble because people do not always agree with their organizations’ policies. This is easily illustrated. There are prob— ably many Republicans who think that George W. Bush is incapable of doing any— thing more intellectual than tying his shoes. There are probably just as many Democrats who think that Al Gore has the personality of a very intelligent and wordy piece of granite. “When stereotypes are perpetuated enough. people tend to live up to them. with many Auggies running the risk of actually becoming their perceived roles rather than [am that we all remember that people arc more than the groups they belong to, and that it's far more imponant to be yourself than to conform to any group, even a group you dearly love. Schneider seemed more worried about the “campus stigma" of being on the licho staff than anything else. However, he did have a valid point. "Ultimately. it‘s important to remember that we're all individuals that do have lives outside of our perceived Auggic roles," said the Echo (Jo-editor in I996. We are our roles. But we are also more than our roles.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo April 19, 2002, Page 05
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: ___.W,_ N page 5 April 19, 2002 Jazzand the Revolution Nukes and Fritos “Spirits of Havana ”.' Documentary with a Cuban Beat Joel Wolf A&E Editor As part of our spotlight on the SLPaul/Minneapolis International Film Festival, I will take a look at oneofthemanyﬁlmsthatwillbe showing. “Spirits of...
Show more___.W,_ N page 5 April 19, 2002 Jazzand the Revolution Nukes and Fritos “Spirits of Havana ”.' Documentary with a Cuban Beat Joel Wolf A&E Editor As part of our spotlight on the SLPaul/Minneapolis International Film Festival, I will take a look at oneofthemanyﬁlmsthatwillbe showing. “Spirits of Havana” is a docu- mentary with two subjects. 'lhe ﬁlm seems to be about Canadian jazz musician Jane Bunnett, but really the ﬁlm tries to open the eyes of the viewer to life in Cuba after the fall of communist Russia. The documentary is in two parts. The ﬁrst part of the ﬁlm follows around a husband/wife jazz ensemble as they tour across the Cuban countryside, recording with various jazz legends. This is a yearly trip for the couple, and Jane Bunnett has even earned the name “Cuban lane” from mem— bers of the Canadian press. Starting out in Havana, Jane and her trumpet—playing husband set out on a cross country trek to capture the sounds of Cuba. Their rehearsal style is less structured than what we may be used to—- musicians run out in the middle of practice to work on their rustic automobiles. However, the end product is some of the best damned jazz music one will ever hear. The ﬁlmmakers ﬂy to point out how dangerous this jazz music was before the 1959 revolution. One of the musicians even relates how the Batista government (in conuol prior to Fidel’s bloody coup) imprisoned him. In post- revolution Cuba the people are now allowed to not only play their music. but also they get the oppor— tunity to record in the hopes of exposing their rumba sound to new listeners. 'ItlS use“ ‘ "ﬂew-- Md The engaging scenes, though, are the ones that don't involve music. Early in the ﬁlm, Jane’s husband gets a chance to talk baseball with some people on the street. For those of you who don’t know, Cubans most are passionate about their baseball and are will- ing to pit any of their teams against any team in the Majors. They aren’t afraid of the Yankees or even the Twins. Another scene takes lane to a hairdresser. In a hilarious aside to the camera Jane’s husband calls her new hairdo “a disaster." That’s not the importance of the scene, however. Edited into the middle of the scene, a young girl sings in Spanish of peace and freedom, topics we Americans don’t always associate with our neighbor ninety miles south of Florida. This is what the ﬁlmmak- ers are trying to do. They want to get viewers to see another side of Cuba. It is a side that the Ameri- can media has overlooked in their portrayal of Castro as an evil com— munist Chieftain. The second part of the ﬁlm centers on a musical instrument restoration program started by Jane and her husband. Part of their yearly trip takes the couple to a school for the arts where they repair instruments and teach a few classes to the children. They also bring a number of new and used instruments that have been donated by families in MITSUBISHI‘S EDUCATIO” 0 DOWN Canada and the States. The ﬁlm- makers, in 'a broad way, attempt to show the shortage of goods that i every Cuban faces from the fall of the Soviet Union. It is a direct attack at the outdated embargo still carried by our government. By showing the shortage of musi- cal instruments, the ﬁlmmakers : hope to point out to the viewer that this isn’t the only shortage facing 1 the Cuban people. However, it is in these scenes that the viewer starts to drift away from Jane as the subject. She comes off as cold and even annoyed when she works with the kids. It seems that the language barrier is too much for her to over- i come. I ﬁnd that interesting since she has no problems playing with adult Cubans who speak little English. “Spirits of Havana” is an insightful documentary dealing with the economic problems fac— ing Cuba since the collapse of the Soviet Union. The ﬁlmmakers are ' very subtle in their attack on US. policy with Cuba, using music as a means to unite the two worlds. If only they could have found a dif- } ferent person to follow around. . Sonnenfeld Brandi Bennett Sniff Writer After a seven month shelving due to the events of September ll. “Big Trouble” ﬁnally reached the theaters two weeks ago. In fact, it’s not hard to understand why the film was postponed--it is, after all. a movie centered around a Russ- ian nuke. On the other hand, the plot, which bursts with implausi- bility, is so out there that it could never be possible. “Big Trouble” is based on the I ﬁrst novel by Pulitzer Prize win- ning journalist Dave Barry. Barry. who writes a column for the Miami Herald, is known for his humor and teams up with director Barry who brought such ﬁlms as “Get Shorty" and “Men In Black” to the screen. The ﬁlm features an ensemble cast with the names of Tim Allen, Rene Russo. Stanley Tucci, Tim Sizemore, and J aneane Garofalo, who all deliver off the wall, over the top perfor- mances. Allen stars as newspaper columnist Eliot Arnold who gets ﬁred for kicking in his editor‘s computer monitor, starts an ad agency, becomes a “loser,” and is the father of disgruntled son, Matt (Ben Foster). Miami’s ﬁnest (Janeane Garofalo and Patrick Warburton) show up when Matt attacks wealthy and corrupt Arthur Herk‘s (Stanley Tucci) stepdaugh— ter Jenny (Zooey Deschanel) with a squirt gun as part of a high school game called “Killer.” Meanwhile, Frito munching burn Puggy (Jason Lee) witnesses ‘ the whole thing, as well as the two I o INTEREST PAYMENTS FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR” AND A $500 REBATE 'hhlhhﬂhﬂhmthuwmuwwddmabout:llml-ouﬂti the-numb! and: non- I-ym—uuh-bahwupﬂan ﬂatmates—Sn datum 3360.90:- ms uln- mhn “Imam “Ilium m muses-m mun-gm. ilhﬂi at mil-Wyndva “ti-ni- ne “shun-quota“, in ududl bun-"mu EDGE PROGRAM: uwhhhﬁ’iludw, ‘ hit men who were hired to kill Herk for embezzling. Oh. and did I mention there’s a bomb? Yup, Herk, pissed off at his bosses for trying to kill him, goes to some Rus— sians who operate the bar Puggy works at. buys a nuke, and then gets kidnapped by two idi- otic thugs, Snake (Tom Sizemore) and Eddie (Johnny Knoxville). They take Herk to his house, take bunches of money from him. and swap Herk for his stepdaughter (I guess they think she‘s more tractable). Then. with Puggy carrying the silver suitcase with the bomb in it. which looks like a garbage disposal. they head off to the airport to split for the Bahamas. With the nuke. Let's just say that at this point. some Feds show up, operating under an Executive Order some— thing-or-another, a high speed chase happens. there‘s some goats. and the bomb gets smuggled onto a plane. Outrageous and full of off- color humor, this movie abounds with fun moments. Garofolo delivers her usual dead—pan sar— castic humor, Sizemore and Knoxville act wonderfully stupid (there’s a great scene with nylons where they can‘t see through them while they kidnap Herk). and hit— man Dennis Farina suffers through the antics and a terrible talk-show, making fun of Florida Gators fans. The plot is terribly incongru- ous, never really making much sense. Insanity prevails. with numerous plot threads winding in and out of the story. making an insensible and incredibly fun movie. Despite the presence of a nuclear weapon. the most danger- ous weapon of the movie is really a squirt gun, because whenever it appears. real bullets also appear. thanks to hitmen. drunk security officers, and the bullets invariable ability to hit Herk‘s brand new television. In the end though. this movie really is about love. Herk‘s wife (Russo) leaves him for Eliot Arnold; the stepdaughter, Jenny. and Matt Arnold get together; and Puggy gets the Herk's gorgeous maid (Sofia Vergara). As Arnold says at the end. “Sometimes it takes something profound to bring two people together; sometimes all it takes is Fritos." ad“ History Club: upcoming event April 28th @ 6:30pm “Where the Spirit Lives,” hosted by Professor Eric Buffalohead in the library
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo April 19, 2002, Page 01
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: E :3 .9 (I) o m www.a sbu cc a 5:" 4.» April 19, 2002 Volume 108 Issue 18 In this issue: QSU denied: students, faculty react, page 2 Diversity comittee: history and goals, page 3 “Big Trouble,” hilarious romp, page 5 Asian Heritage Month observed, page 6 Men’s and Women’s track ﬁnish fourth in St...
Show moreE :3 .9 (I) o m www.a sbu cc a 5:" 4.» April 19, 2002 Volume 108 Issue 18 In this issue: QSU denied: students, faculty react, page 2 Diversity comittee: history and goals, page 3 “Big Trouble,” hilarious romp, page 5 Asian Heritage Month observed, page 6 Men’s and Women’s track ﬁnish fourth in St. Cloud, page 8 Somalis discuss education and health David Rettenmaier Co—Managing Editor At the Somali Seminar on Tuesday, April 16, speakers and Augsburg students expressed con- cerns that people do not care to understand the large Somali com- munity in Minneapolis. By some estimates, there are approximately 10,000 Somalis liv- ing in the Minneapolis area, most of which reside in the Cedar- Riverside neighborhood, of which Augsburg is a part. Dr. Siyad Abdullahi, one of two keynote speakers for the event, provided an overview of why so many Somalis come to Minnesota. He said, in general, that Minnesota was a welcoming place to settle. More importantly, though, most merely followed the lead of those Somalis that origi- nally settled in Minnesota. When the ﬁrst family immigrated to Minnesota others followed because there is a “strong sense of community” among Somali peo- ple. One example of their commu— nity was what he called “The Star- bucks Bug.” The Starbucks on the comer of Riverside and 25th Street has become a hangout for Somalis in the area, a venue for socializing and community soli- clarity. Dr. Abdullahi speciﬁcally came to speak about health care prob- lems for Somalis. Generally, the problems of Somalis access to health care are due to miscommu- nication. Often, when Somalis first immigrate to the United States, they speak very little Eng— lish and cannot begin to “navigate the system," which is very differ— ent from their own. But the problems run deeper. After leaving their war-tom home- land, Somalis tend to be suspi- Adventures in the Arts Music Therapy Week shines spotlight on Augsburg program Sara Seekins Katie Lindenfelser Contribugirs 7 Music Therapy Week is a state- wide recognized event. The Bach- elor of Science in Music Therapy at Augsburg was created by Roberta Kagin in 1978. The degree follows the national stan- dards for the board certiﬁcation. Augsburg is unique in that it is the only private college that offers this degree in Minnesota. Minnesota has a high concentration of music therapists, which allows for an enriched education for Augsburg students. This is the published deﬁnition of music therapy according to the American Music Therapy Associ- ation: Music therapy is an estab- lished allied health profession using music and music activities to address physical, psychological, cognitive and social needs of indi- viduals with disabilities. The pro- fession was establist in 1950 as a result of work done using music with patients in Veterans’ Hospi- tals following World War II. Today, over 5,000 music therapists are employed throughout the United States in settings such as hospitals, clinics. day care facili- ties. schools. community mental health centers. substance abuse facilities , nursing homes, hos- pices. rehabilitation centers. cor- rectional facilities and private practices. Nearly half a century of research in music therapy sup— ports the eﬂectiveness of music therapy in many areas such as facilitating movement and overall physical rehabilitation; motivatv ing people to cope with treatment: providing emotional support for clients and families; providing an outlet for expression of feelings and providing process oriented psychotherapy. The schedule of events for next week, April 20-27, includes: Saturday, April 20 - Music Ther— apy Association Annual Spring Conference from 9—3 pm. at the Masonic Homes Monday, April 22 - Capitol Hill Day, with music therapists lobby- ing for music therapy from 9-12 pm. Tuesday, April 23 — “Adventures in the Arts," a day for kids in grades four and ﬁve to celebrate the arts, sponsored by Augsburg music therapy students and VSA arts of MN. This takes place in the music building from 10-2 pm, and volunteers are welcome. If anyone is interested in volunteer- ing, please call Katie at x6565. cious about other social and politi- cal systems. “There‘s a distrust of anything govemment[al];" Abdul— lahi says, “there's a distrust of anything institutional." The second major problem that Somalis have when moving to the United States is education. Qamar Abraham, executive director of LEAD, a leadership program for immigrant women, spoke about educational barriers for Somalis in the Minneapolis school system. Most of these problems can be categorized as discrimination. One of the most obvious manifes- tations of discrimination is the general disrespect for the clothing that Somali women wear. As Muslims, they must adhere to dress codes, but the primarily Christian mainstream refuses to understand these religious require- ments. Abraham also ﬁnds that some teachers are not accommodating toward Somali immi— grants. She says the mindset is often, “You’re a Somali; you wouldn’t understand it.” In general. though, Abraham ﬁnds Somali experience in Min- nesota to be over- whelmingly positive. Several Augsburg students echoed this sentiment in a panel following the speakers. Muhamad Hussein, Dega Ali. and Abdul- rashid Salad all have had a positive Augs- burg experience, but there are problems. Low enrollment is one. Hussein com- mented, “We feel like endangered species at Augsburg.” The pan— elists suggested that Augsburg try Photo by Kellen Bree-egos Melekesh Tessema and Dega Ali Serve up some authentic Somali food. to welcome Somali students by getting involved with the sur- rounding comrnunity. Attendees Photo by Dawn {Mrmmnw German students serve beer to their peers. This table in Christensen Center was part of a week- long observance of International Students Week. As of Wednesday, Asian, Latin American, and German students had all tabled in Christensen. Don’t worry, the beer was non-alcoholic. Wednesday, April 24 - Music ther— apy student recital at 7 pm. in Sateren Auditorium. Everyone is welcome. Friday, April 26 - Second Annual drum circle in Murphy Park at 12 pm. Everyone is welcome to join! Photo courtesy oi Katie Linoentelser A tew Music Therapy majors: (tst row L to R) Jenna Hammel. Jana Skn’en, Melissa Huebsch. (2nd row) Maureen Parker, Katie Lindenielser, Mandy Brobst, Sacha Hammer, Sarah Lahr, Jody Montgomery, Prof. Roberta Kagin. ‘ Augsburg, Trinity connect again Kellen Bredesen Co-Managing Editor In the Augsburg tradition of partnership with community orga- nizations. the college has joined in a task force with the West Bank‘s Trinity Lutheran Congregation. The Augsburg—Trinity Work Group, made up of Trinity repre— sentatives and Augsburg adminis— trators, staff, faculty, and students, is exploring new partnership opportunities with Trinity. The scale and nature of the joint pro- jects are yet to be determined. The Work Group has explored community outreach, worship. and educational goals. At its next meeting, the group hopes to hear an update from a similar commit— tee Trinity has formed with Uni» versity Lutheran Church of Hope. Trinity Congregation has been connected to Augsburg since the college's inception in 1869, and the church has seen Augsburg through its Augsburg Academy. Augsburg Seminary. and Augs— burg Collegc days. Although Trinity and Augsburg share a rich Scandinavian past. the two have gradually become more distant in membership and activ- ity. Still, Trinin has ofﬁce space on Riverside Avenue and holds Sunday worship services in Augs- burgk chapel. Trinity has a pastoral vacancy and has invited Augsburg religion faculty members to preach at Rs Sunday services in the coming weeks.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo April 19, 2002, Page 02
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: April 19, 2002 ﬁOQinion page 2 6 Editors Let Them Eat BAGLS! Doug Green QSU Faculty Adi/cisterns, , Perhaps in adapting my title from the famous words falsely attributed by Rousseau to Marie Antoinette, I am in danger of unjustly accusing the President of the Student Senate of similar princely...
Show moreApril 19, 2002 ﬁOQinion page 2 6 Editors Let Them Eat BAGLS! Doug Green QSU Faculty Adi/cisterns, , Perhaps in adapting my title from the famous words falsely attributed by Rousseau to Marie Antoinette, I am in danger of unjustly accusing the President of the Student Senate of similar princely high-handedness. When President Brendan Ander— son decided to exercise his legitimate authority to veto the Senate’s commissioning of QSU, the ratio- nale he presented, a copy of which I have read, cer- tainly suggested some legitimate reasons not to commission QSU (or any other group, though it does- n’t say that explicitly) at this time. It was also full of inaccuracies about the history of QSU. Unfortu- nately, because of its belated justiﬁcation. however reasonable sounding. the veto appears to be a person- ally motivated coup de grace. Others can speak at length to the actual history and record of BAGLS/QSU, which elected to change its name only last spring. The by-laws of QSU are closely modeled on those of BAGLS though they now stress the inclusivity the group had always intended and built into its original principles—thus the new name Queer and Straight in Unity. As a fac- ulty adviser to BAGLS/QSU-essentially the same organization despite the name change—since 1989, I would be the ﬁrst to admit that a group supporting an often beleaguered minority on campus (read the rele— vant Echo archives over the past fourteen years) has had its ups and downs in terms of membership and support. To be frank, it has generally been very difﬁ— cult for women and nearly impossible for men to come out and be out on this campus-~students or staff/faculty. For that reason I think it a miracle that a few brave students have kept this organization alive until its gradual but sustained blossoming over the past sev- eral years. initially by increased involvement in pro- gramming. alone and in collaboration with other organizations. and gradually through increased mem- bership. The group has also served those who. for a variety of reasons. could not or would not join it openly. In this regard. the history of GLBT students at Augsburg is best understood as part of the larger history of the GLBT population in the US. though clearly at Augsburg such self-conscious understand- ing is apparently a long way off. Certainly, great strides have been made on this campus. particularly Augsburg College President Charles Anderson‘s clear statements that we adhere institutionally to the Minneapolis Civil Rights Code on the issue of sexual orientation and the current President‘s unambiguous support for Augsburg’s domestic partner beneﬁts. But we all know that changing rules and laws is very different from chang- ing hearts and minds. The timing of the veto. despite some good reason- ing. suggests that behind the last-minute legalistic reluctance there is something deeper and. for me. sadder at work here. which we can hear in these words: “It is this kind of success that makes me con— ﬁdent that putting off QSU's commission until their “I think there are more contribut- ing factors than [don't know about." important QSU.“ step --Sara Seekins. Senior “1 think that it would have been an --Lindsay Bonner. Senior stability can be veriﬁed once and for all is by no means a negative thing." The words, though presum- ably well-intended. sound all too familiar, especially in the context of American social and political his- tory. Moreover, as an English professor. even though I know the phrase was not intended in this way, I can’t help but laugh, rather bitterly, at a call for any group afﬁliated with the H—word to put off their aspirations until “their stability can be veriﬁed” by someone else! By whom? A jumble of geneticists? A den of demographers? A sortie of sociologists? A swagger of psychiatrists? A homily of homophobes? Views of homosexuality (the narrowest and most clinical of applicable terms) have never been unbiased (clearly my own aren’t), no matter who was doing the look- ing: how much stability would be enough and how on earth could it be written into new general proce- dures for commissioning student organizations? And why the call for such procedures now--at the eleventh hour? Look, I know that Brendan Anderson has to be working from sincere good intentions: there was a certain bravery involved in taking the stand he thought necessary on a controversial action. I admire that. though I don’t agree with the action and think that the argument not to commission should have been made very early in the debates, which had been going on for some time before last week’s vote. Not making his views--and his intentions-—clear early on has given rise to all sorts of unnecessary suspicions about motives, suspicions that hurt not only QSU but the effective operation of student government. What‘s done is done. At this point. and from the admittedly safe distance of sabbatical leave, I would encourage QSU to protest the veto by all legitimate means, as it intends to do. I hope many others will support their efforts. But I would also suggest that until such time as clear guidelines are devised for commissioning, if that is what is really at issue here, NO OTHER ORGANIZATION should be commis— sioned either. That prohibition is inherent in Brendan Anderson’s rationale, but it needs emphasizing. No one need point out that any process devised to govern the commissioning of student organizations should be based on input from groups seeking to be commis- sioned as well as from other individuals and groups and that in the current climate the ﬁnal procedures will be scrutinized for fairness. The whole question of whether groups already commissioned (under the irregular procedures of the past?) will have to resub- mit or undergo review in light of new guidelines has not yet even been raised but is highly relevant: it also makes me wonder whether this highly contentious route is really the best way to go. Finally. I hope for the sake of all the organizations involved that “their stability”--or rather their track records, their histories--will not be foreshortened and reshaped because they changed their names or revised their charters to reﬂect better the campus and community constituencies they serve. Do you tlji‘nk QSU should be a hired organization? commiss “Given that PASU was commis- sioned two years ago. it seems that the decision has more to do with the fears of bigoted homo- phobes than clear guidelines." -—Matt Pavelka. Senior to commission ‘ regarding Anderson not straight with queers and allies Nicki Ziegler Comm.Nalues Editor At last week's senate meeting, we experienced the joy QSU’s commission for only a few sec- onds before President Brendan Anderson vetoed the motion, which was already passed by sen- ate, and read his statement. As co- chair of QSU, it is the content of this statement that I am concerned about. It contains a lot of false information. One of the largest concerns is that there are no clear-cut guide- lines for commissioning an orga- nization. Although it is true that there are no guidelines, this is not the fault of the organizations. There has been no concern the commissioning process until now. Another concern was based on our stability. Anderson assumed that since QSU changed its name a year ago, this signiﬁes how unsta— ble we truly are. The truth is. we decided to change the name to match the college mission more closely and also to be intentional about including straight, transgen- der, and questioning students. We are an organization that has been established with numerous pro- grams for 14 years. Our former name was Bisexual and Gay/Les— bian Services (BAGLS). It is false to say that all of the founders of QSU’s name change are still its active leaders. Our previous co-chair stepped down before December of 2001 and was replaced by a freshman that has been trained to lead this group for next year. I am conﬁdent that the concerns about turnover and insta— bility are unnecessary, as every organization experiences turnover from year to year. We also have more active members than ever before. Commissioning QSU would have been an important step to recognizing the importance of gay. lesbian. bisexual. transgender, and questioning students here at Augs— burg College. Editor’s note: At last Thursday’s Student Senate meeting, the senate voted to change QSU's status from “chartered” to “commissioned.” President Brendan Anderson vetoed the motion and read a statement, which can be viewed at the Echo Online: http://wwwaugsburgechecom. There were not enough “yes” votes in a separate motion to overturn Anderson’s veto. Mock-Ademia Reaz‘tributions K. Lucin Staff Writer Most people like to read quotations, but often, they would be much funnier if someone else had said them. For instance, Walter Winchell actually said “A friend walks in when the whole world walks out," but it would have been much funnier if Benedict Arnold had. The African proverb. “Hold a true friend with both your hands” would have been much more interesting if Captain Hook had said it. Gracie Allen, a comedienne with a clever turn of phrase, actually said “Never place a period where God has placed a comma," but every Eng- lish professor on this campus has said it, too. “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." said the beautiful Audrey Hepburn. Eng and Chang. the original Siamese twins, meant it. Steven Wright said, “You can’t have everything,” and asked “Where would you put it?” Zsa-Zsa Gabor wonders about this every day. Grandma Moses very wisely said. “Life is what we make it." So did Dr. Frankenstein. “Enjoy yourself. “Hell yeah! A group with QSU’s experience should be commis- sioned!" —Mel Freitag, Senior If you can't enjoy Mock-Ademia continued on page 7 35%?“ "I don't real] care." —Tyler Montgomery. Junior
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo March 22, 2002, Page 04
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: page 4 March 22, 2002 Ringworm continued from page I gon with the brainless ferocity of yaks. But now they can't eat a roast beef sandwich until they have devised a differential tensor equation for the resilience of the bread or drawn a scatter graph of the distribution of salt on their ﬁsh patty...
Show morepage 4 March 22, 2002 Ringworm continued from page I gon with the brainless ferocity of yaks. But now they can't eat a roast beef sandwich until they have devised a differential tensor equation for the resilience of the bread or drawn a scatter graph of the distribution of salt on their ﬁsh patty in order to seek out naturally occuring equilat- eral spirals. I mean, come on! Nick Slack missed the whole season because he was busy solving pi! What did that, get him? A Nobel Prize? Can‘t hang that on the gym wall! And whatever happened to the days when wrestlers used to pump iron while looking at themselves in the mirrored walls of the weight room? Now they just draw math equations all over them and spend more time having schizophrenic delusions than they do screaming, “Push, you weak bastard! Push!" I think we need to examine our priorities here. Are we really willing to sacriﬁce years of total domination in the world of Greco-Roman wrestling for a team with a 4.98 GPA? Call an exterminator and pesti- cide bomb those mats. Death to brilliant ringworm! Lets get Augsburg back the way it‘s supposed to be: where the wrestlers are dumb, the women are gay. and the tuition, is well above average. "Ole [0 self: I Think about how smart I’ll look to mom and dad when they find outl am having UPS pay for my college expenses. AUGSBURG + UPS + YOU SUCCESSIIH Get up to $1,500lsem - $3.000/yr in V College Education Assistance The UPS EARN d: L EA R N PROGIIAM Package Handlers Part-time positions available $8.50 - $9.50 per hour APPLY TODAY! ! Consistent work schedule Weekly paychecks Comprehensive benefits package NO WEEKENDS! United Parcel Service will reimburse Augsburg students at the end of W 651-681-2800 www.upsjobs.com ID F‘qtial Opportunity meloyer K Naturai permits eniargmnent is possibile \ ...and it doesn’t require any pumps, weights, surgery, straps, clamps, holsters, oils, creams, lotions, or magnets. Safe and natural exercises can be used to improve your penis’ ability to have a larger, stronger erection. Membership to our site is only a one-time fee of $29.95. For access, or more information regardin membership and the ordering process, please visit our ‘F Q’ section on our website. The address is http://www.penisresource.com. / Benefits of our penis enlargement program include: * Increased penis length and girth, especially while the penis is in a ﬂaccid state * Firmer, longer-lasting erections * More powerful orgasms * Improves your sexual confidence * Learn how to train your muscles to control and withhold ejaculation * Our exercises make a number of men multi-orgasmic. *Qver 60 pages of original, nonrepetitive, and informative documents, covering every thing from anal sex and aphrodisiacs to erotic massage and the Kama Sutra. * Doctor—recommended exercises to help cure and prevent erectile dysfunction (impotence) » * Help prevent urinary and prostate disease and prevent and rehabilitate from Peyronie’s Disease Excerpt from our ‘penis enlargement’ section: “First. moisten and soften the skin of your penis using any lubricant. Then using one hand, gently but ﬁrmly grasp your penis behind the head, and pull your penis toward the floor. Then use your other hand to rasp the base of the penis, and slowly pull the skin and muscle tissue downwards. Stop pu ling just before it starts to hurt. Hold that position for several seconds. If ou become erect, stop. and wait for the erection to subside. This exercise “milks” the penis, encouraging new growth and development in differ- ent ways. The head and shaft of the penis are encouraged to lengthen, and the base is encouraged to widen. . Each pull downwards constitutes a rep. This exercise is extremely taxing, so do it eve other day. At ﬁrst, try to do 50 good repetitions. 31‘ his will be enough to spark some seri- ous growth. After you are done, you’ll see that the ﬂaccid penis is enlarged and espeCially long. The huge immediate gains are temporary. but you Will start noticing small increases every week. Build up to doing 200 reps 1n a single sitting — if done properly. this should take 15 or 20 minutes to complete.” . Remember all your penile questions and problems are just a click away @ htt :// . en' source.com. Kp wwwp isre j J2; F 3 “Avera McKennan is really a great place to work.” l Karen Brown, RN. CORN. Avera McKennan nurse tor 11 years. Ask Karen Brown why she loves her iob .it Aver.) McKennan. She'll tell you there‘s an art to nursing, and it begins with a focus on exceptional patient care. “I ’m proud to be part ot’an organization that listens to me, values my skills and judgement and encourages my professional (1 velopment. I ’m caring for my patients. backed by the region’s most complet network of resources. ” And ioining the Averi McKennin family of care is more than just a good- career move. it's .1 move to the Sioux Falls community. consiStentlyjranked among the best places in the country tor quality of lite. With .1 booming economy, excellent schools, safe neighborhoods and endless opportuniric for run a: leisure, Sioux Falls is .1 great place to live! Practice the art of caring ﬁn lite. on ma Macaw Hum Rrsouncrs AT 888 -677-3222 TODAY, AND our faintly 0f C316. Avera 95". A McKennan @) — — Avera 1139(2ch 5 tre 36th hospttat in the eaten to be 'eccgrqed to! excellence n wring 'V
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo March 22, 2002, Page 03
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: page 3 March 22, 2002 Hot nude hobbits seduce viewers Ron Jeremy Contributor to our delinquency The Academy has a new category for the Oscar awards this year: Best Adult Film. However. this is no contest. There is a front runner above the other four nominations this year. It’s the Disney—produced...
Show morepage 3 March 22, 2002 Hot nude hobbits seduce viewers Ron Jeremy Contributor to our delinquency The Academy has a new category for the Oscar awards this year: Best Adult Film. However. this is no contest. There is a front runner above the other four nominations this year. It’s the Disney—produced “The Lord of the Nipple Rings.” The story centers on a band of companions who have been chosen for a dire quest. They must destroy the evil Nipple Ring of Power before it falls into the hands of the Soreass. the evil demon that constructed the nipple accessory in the ﬁrst place. Leading the way is Grabass. a powerful sorcerer with a mighty wand. He has entrusted the nipple ring to his good friend Homo Baggins with the warn- ing of never piercing his nipple. Homo of course disobeys Grabass only to be detected by Soreass and his dominion of sex slaves. It tums out that the nipple ring has the power to turn the wearer invisible, which Homo takes great advantage of. In one such scene Homo has fun with himself in the corner while Stripper the Ranger goes at it hot and heavy with a lovely elﬁn maid. With Soreass hot on their tail, the band takes off for the mountains in order to escape. Once inside the dark cavern. the company takes turns trying on the nipple ring and sneaking around and playing pranks on one another. The best of these pranks is when Homo is given a good donkey punch. leaving him on the ground cold for two days. What makes this ﬁlm a shoe-in for the Oscar this year is the terrific direction by Peter Jackoff. His eye for detail is exquisite. and the performances he‘s able to get out of his actors are amazing. It looks as if they are truly enjoying themselves. The money shots are great as well. The camera gets so close to the action the audience feels like they might get a little something on them as well. I The other great quality of this ﬁlm is the actors themselves. Classic porn star Samantha Cox is ter- riﬁc as the elﬁn maid that is passed around the group. making it hard for the Academy to overlook her in the Best Actress category as well. But the best performance is the cameo by Ron Jeremy as Dildo Baggins, Homo‘s uncle. I guess it was a good idea to cryogenically freeze those porn stars from the early 2lst century. Jeremy really gets under the skin of his character as he gets under the sheets with Homo and discloses the nipple ring to him the ﬁrst time. This is one of the best cinematic achievements of our century. The Lord of the Nipple Rings has it all: intrigue. sex. a great cast. sex. a wonderful director at the helm. oh and lots of sex. Gays take over college Nicki Ziegler One hot editor! ALERT! ALERT! The ECHO has just received inside informa- tion regarding the gays on cam— pus. They only need to recruit two more freshmen to receive a brand new toaster! Run! Augsburg College has seen an up rise in the amount of “homo— sexuals" at an alarming rate. Where have they come from. you might ask? The federal govem— ment‘s special task force has uncovered an organization called United Recruiters Get A Yes (URGAY). This organization sends out groups of people to campuses around the country to recruit as many gays and lesbians as possible. URGAY organizers haw been pulled through the press and are being charged by right wing politi- cians with the latest attempt to grab the children. One hetero student. who wished to remain anonymous. stated. "I hide in the darkness and hope they don‘t catch me!" In a press release yesterday. President Frame said. "I was not aware of how quickly the hetero‘s were being assimilated. At this rate next year. all freshmen will be gay!” President Frame himself has experienced the powers of the URGAY; his wife was recruited by‘ the gays two weeks ago. She has been spotted with the popular group Dykes on Bikes. Cow farts destrOy O-zone Peter North @MlormGyL- .7 Due to the Pneumatic Cow Doubling of 2879. Earth H’s atmosphere has been composed of 87 percent methane for over 200 years. As you all know. because of the replacement of armored cars with armored cows, bovines and cockroaches were the only animals to survive the Ted Danson nuclear fallout. Congress‘ deci- sion to counteract the resulting over—balance of farting animals by constructing huge Aerosol spray cans along the Atlantic and Paciﬁc-times-Z oceans has caused a mighty big hole in the Mo—zone layer (which replaced the Ozone layer in 2006 when the world needed mo zone). At ﬁrst. con- gress thought this was a ﬁne coin- cidence and that the hole would let all that noxious butt-gas out into space. Of coarse. we would soon learn that space is composed entirely of anal miasma. So things just got worse. Recently. there has been a movement among the Oompa Loompa Herbalist colonies of West Carolina to create seeds that grow in mustaches. If they suc- ceed. men will be able to plant fra— grant ﬂowers directly in their mustaches. This will prevent much of the uncontrolled vomit- ing that has become a way of life. though it will do nothing to rem— edy the debilitating neural side effects that a life of methane expo- sure can produce. Congress has already called for an act to pre- serve as historic monuments the vomiting troughs on Riverside Ave. This reaction comes as a result of pressure from con- stituents who want to maintain old-world values and traditions. Feminists have cited the pro- posed herbal-mustache-plant— growth solution as a sexist one. Many women do not have the ability to grow mustaches. and few are willing to undergo the rad- ical hormonal treatments and ovary—descending surgeries required to grow one. Advocates of the other side say woman are asking for it. They proclaim new lines of clothing, like the fashion— able Labia Gear, as ' models of feminine promiscuity and corrup— tion. The conservative. male-gov— erned group “Say No to Camel Toe” has led the charge to imple- ment the herbal solution. Spokesman David Duke LXV said at a press conference yesterday. “If they want to live so bad they can plant rhododendrons in their pubic hair! They seem to really love showing THAT off!" Mr. Duke was sporting a mustache sown with prototype Snapdragons, As a reply to this outburst. the women of the world have threat- ened to use the rocket boosters installed on the underside of their island to leave Earth II forever. The loss of Isle Big Booby Baby Machine would be a terrible blow to North Virginia‘s political situa- tion, seeing as how they would lose two seats in the senate. Another hetero couple bites the dust at the hands of gays on campus! Nu Cw Back to the future We thought it would be a good idea to look forward and see what’s in store for us all. From acrobatic monkeys to FCA singing and playing guitar in the middle of busy interstate highways. we dug up some craaaaaaazzzzzyyyyyy stuff! Take a look. 3001: 3000: 2500: 2225: 2100: 2075 : 2050: 2025 : 2020: 2015 : 2010: 2005: High quality H20 freak delivers “power bomb” Enrollment Center returns a phone call Squirrels extinct; college rejoices Vertical parking catches on Murphy’s gets even grosser Students mortgage houses they don’t even own yet to pay for college Snow emergencies declared 52 weeks in a row! Superman real and living on the West Bank, teenage girls say Safe sex is cybersex, but is it fun?: Your opinions Dance squad does a good routine President chooses not to disclose his “personal business if-you- know-what-I—mean" Vocation-mania sweeps the nation! Gays take over the whole world Gus Yourfriendly gulligan Man A sudden merger between Pepsi and Gatorade will result in the exploration of a super caffeine energy drink. The new beverage is already being hailed as the future of athletic supplements, as it will supposedly replace electrolytes twice as fast and dramatically reduce the lactic acid build-up from exercise. The cooperative effort has already begun a promotional campaign that includes old. mediocre athletes such as Randall Cunningham of the Dallas Cowboys. Craig Billington of the Washington Capitals. and Felton Spencer of the New York Knicks. Opposition has arisen among competi— tors. chiding the drink as the next "quick ﬁx" to ﬁtness. Local customers were shocked by the actions of an aquatic engineer from New Orleans. A Mr. Bobby Boucher XXX was extremely distressed about their recent promotional campaign that lampooned traditional beverages like water, “A — A - According to—to the facts. the o - o -0nly way to re—re— replenish your body is th—thr—through High Quality H20." Mr. Boucher went on to brutally assault a customer of the new beverage by delivering a “Power Bomb cou— courte—courtesy of Captain lnsano." He was lured into the physical alterca- tion by the customer's taunts. Accord- ing to witnesses. the customer said, “Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better. it tastes better too...Water sucks. I! really really sucks. Water sucks." Unable to detain the mad man. the police have deemed him mentally unable and are considering him dan- gerously stupid because of an imbal- ancc in his medulla oblongata. A spokesman for the merger is fearful that Mr. Boucher may strike at the unveiling ceremony in a month.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo March 22, 2002, Page 01
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: Volume 1 O8 erio March 22, 2002 Issue 16 The future ain’t what it used to be The Echo’s Vogel travels to year 3043, brings back Augsburg’s future past Rufus Master of the phone booth Mi Things change from time to time. As our intrepid Photo Editor Aaron Vogel found, very little remains the same...
Show moreVolume 1 O8 erio March 22, 2002 Issue 16 The future ain’t what it used to be The Echo’s Vogel travels to year 3043, brings back Augsburg’s future past Rufus Master of the phone booth Mi Things change from time to time. As our intrepid Photo Editor Aaron Vogel found, very little remains the same from now to 3043A.D. He recently had the opportunity to cross the river of time, and in fact to stop there and ﬁsh a little. Surprisingly, in the 3lst cen- tury Augsburg still exists. But it is vastly different. There are no pro- fessors, no classrooms, no dorms. and no library—-at least in the sense that we think of them now. As you might expect, a thousand years and then some has been more than enough time to implement online everything. Augsburg is run online, along with the world. Time, no space When Vogel emerged from his time machine (actually the steeple Mutant ringworm debilitates wrestlers Gooby Trumbola inymsﬁatﬂover Ear. For the third year in a row, the Augsburg Wrestlers have failed to make the Nationals. This three— peat of defeat comes as no sur- prise. We have come to expect this sort of performance ever since the entire wrestling team was infected with super—intelligent ringworm. It seems that intelligence and good wrestling have an inversely proportional relationship. Once scientists discovered that the Si-Melby wrestling mats were infested with big—brained para- sites, the long tradition of quality wrestling at Augsburg was over. Having been instilled with the propensity for abstract reasoning, the wrestlers have lost motivation. They can no longer give 110%, because they are infuriated by the logical impossibility of that notion. Luckily for Augsburg, the foot- ball players have been unaffected by these vemtinform think-bugs. (Although a few did contract the ringworm from the pads on the work-out machines in the weight room, these cases only resulted in syphilis, and the players were able to translate their funky posture and spontaneous muscle contrac- tions into a wicked running game that has garnished Augsburg a 10— 2 record this season! Go Aug- gies!) But back to the genius wrestlers. These guys can‘t buy a match, mostly because they keep contemplating the implication of a symbolic currency that is no longer based on any form of tangi- ble rarity and increasing returns to the globo-socioeconomic para- digm. They just can’t focus! didn’t show up to play. In fact, as wrestler Kevin Rassmusen told us after his match yesterday, “I didn‘t come here to play, I came here to resolve Xenobe’s paradox. Apparently they don‘t give you trophies for THAT!" I think the problem is a lack of conditioning. 1n the glory days. wrestlers used to ﬁll Murphy’s all day. pounding down chuckwag- Ringworm continued on page 4 Primetime Player Tinea Corporis — Sr. — Funk, NE Corporis, otherwise known as “ring- worm,”ﬁnishedouttheseasonwitha 436-10 record. beating out mono, hepatitis, and ebola as the number one infectious disease in NCAA wrestling. Hislastmatchmokhimalmosttodie lirniLashishostprovedneadytoo cleanly to infect. Cmporis should be 1 WMfothispusevaanoe. GO AquiE must! , copying They 3 that tops Augsburg’s “Mr. Vogel," said the Chapel, apparently voice. which he now built by some fed- recognized to be that up physics pro- of middle—aged fessor), he bearded man. "this thought the is what‘s left of damn thing did— Augsburg." n‘t work. All He explained to that buzzing him that not and whirring long after spit him out he in what looked like the exact same Chapel on the exact same day. Not until he walked outside. did he notice any difference: “I thought somebody had left me a gaseous little present just outside the door ‘cause man did it smell like shit out there. You couldn‘t imagine it.” And then he started choking, his eyes watering. but oddly he couldn't stop taking deep, like-it‘s—Spring breathes. He would ﬁnd out later that the envi- ronment had been pumped full of sulfur, which serves to preserve all the structures that are no longer used. He wandered in the stink for hours. looking for people but found nothing. All Augsburg‘s buildings still stood, but they were eerily empty. Finally. when searching around Cooper‘s Attic. he heard a faint hum from below. He saw a small trap door on the floor creek open and a set of eyes, which said, “Hi. Why don’t you come down here where it‘s nice." The voice was gravily but inviting; Vogel had no other choice, so he climbed down into the dark tunnel. While he followed the shape in front of him, a din of what sounded like a newsroom became louder and louder. They came to a huge steel door; his leader opened it and Vogel was flooded with light and hundreds of people at key- boards, on phones, in front of machines. but the machines made all the noise. They glanced up at him and returned to their work. left Augsburg, the school decided to offer online courses. and thanks to the wonderful IT Department, it became one of the leading institu— tions in that market. However. as Augsburg progressed more and more into that mode, the campus proper suffered, and an aging (and some think hopelessly senile) President Frame began ﬁring the staff. An uproar ensued and when the Unions got involved. Frame could ﬁre no more. Before he retired though. Frame forced the faculty to design an extraordinarily in—depth cur— riculum. ostensibly to “carry Augsburg through the 21st cen- tury," but his real intention was to get rid of all Augsburg‘s Profes— sors. Once the curriculum had been implemented online. the fac- ulty was gone. and the Unions were powerless to stop it. “For almost a millenium now, Augsburg Online has been running on its own accord. and we the staff have been typing, calling. and organizing nothing-avow become zombies." He trailed off. “But our wages are good and we‘ve negotiated an excellent ben- eﬁt package. “Still, we want it to be back to the way it used to be——when stu— dents wandercd the campus and we offered services that few peo- ple used but that we could feel good about offering—we need someone to ensure that Augsburg has a physical future. For exunr ple. we still run the Echo every week. but just like in 2002. no one reads it. If people gave a rip about stuff, this never would have hap- pened." She looked at Vogel intently: “We've been waiting for you for a long time. Mr. Aaron Vogel, will you be our Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan?” Vogel says he smiled. very cool. very collected. With a sense of purpose. he asked. “What num- ber um I thinking of?" [Jurrng Ins stav In Augsburgis future. Vogel hurl a (‘llunu' tr) Milt/l t/le ('lt't'llth’S ()f the Et'lm'x ﬁllltl‘t’. the following t.\‘,\[l¢' selection (it'his ﬁndings. contains (1 1'. Stallions!" Together we are “Wild ‘ ’ .-«' i W _ 3% you, they say I long- heldbeiie‘ftha‘twaterisagood ” Aeoqrdlngtoa [ spokespersontromtheAmerican embassy in Australia, “water is good no matter which hemisphere you’re in.” BobbyBoucher agrees. The peace, war, peace, war Majorworldpowerscannotdecide ’whemertowagewaroneadroﬂier orbepeaeetut. ‘Peaceisso Nation,wﬁy World \ Consumers prefer “square meals” 831% have skyrocketed for toodleomputer/travel/educationlentertai 1 . nment (in other words, just about ? everything) industry giant Microsoft. “These meals are well-rounded--with an edge!” said Bill Gates llVCD. Echo way behind the times The Augsburg Echo is now the only newspaper in the whole world to still be published on real paper. “We’re such losers,” sobbed Editor Penny Loafer. “Did you know that it you spray Windex on Astrobright Goldenrod paper, it will turn red? she
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo March 22, 2002, Page 02
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: March 22, 2002 FLU-I Students burn in sun, don’t get credit for it Trap-Jaw Evil Henchman Augsburg administration has come under vicious attack during the 3005-3006 academic year for its General Education require- ments. The current system requires one "intergalactic travel experience" before...
Show moreMarch 22, 2002 FLU-I Students burn in sun, don’t get credit for it Trap-Jaw Evil Henchman Augsburg administration has come under vicious attack during the 3005-3006 academic year for its General Education require- ments. The current system requires one "intergalactic travel experience" before graduation. “I hated my trip to Mars." said Junior Jenny Jillioopsie. “It was so mundane. I’m sure it was just like taking a tour of Hennepin County back in the day." Other students concurred. “I went all the way to Pluto. spent a whole semester doing tests on all the aliens there. came back. and found out it doesn‘t even fulﬁll the intergalactic travel requirement. The people in the registrar's office say Pluto isn't technically a planet and that it just wandered into our solar system. I think that's a bunch of processed lunch meat right there." said one sophomore. Efforts to improve the college‘s general education system have been going on for more than a thousand years. Last week marks the anniversary of a landmark set- tlement involving the college's newest policy. Augsburg paid an estimated $55 quadrillion to the families of four unwitting wrestlers who highjacked a rocket and went to explore the sun. “We never heard from them again," commented the Dean. “It's always sad when a student suffers a horrible, disgusting. painful. tortuous death." 1: Fish-boy gets an A For the first time since the implementation of Equal Rights for Sentient Beings. which Includes the Fish- Headed Mutants Act. a fish-headed curiosity scored an A on a geology exam! Congrats Fish Boy! in the right direction Find what you‘re looking tor at Abbott Northwestern Hospital. the Twin Cities‘ largest health can provider. New Grad RN: dsoovor at oxati future at our stated-thean aolity. Call New Grad RNs... Begin your career Augsburg as soon as you leave Dear Augsburg. I just wanted to write this letter to tell you how 9 SE‘.‘ " » .' as .. ,_ m 4 :Zy ' it ‘; t. m .. A weekly serzal by-a _ _ S . Lanwéeuﬁmnymmmdmamm «swag-Hem ' [m only the second time in the [Wand-some your: that I have been new [memorandfmm the fronting-a We plat-mist, so this week renders “hunted!” macerharlqmbackro'myordroutimofpmenrimdidbmw pointlesslyardaaicmge. ' ‘ \ ‘ a» g»; at q» 3 c t. L; §vvr Legion ofherMajesty the mnemtmwmmmmmmm colour oftheskywas , ~ 7‘ 1 r. ~ Thoughldarenotsaywhatvileforcesnmedtheskytosominora pitch, I suspected it was no other than the work of that‘hidoous con- ductor himself, Yogsoﬂaothothothothothal. “Look yon, Lord Arthirnideas Lubrioous the 2nd ,” said‘I. “Both the skies not appear to thee a hoary shade of thm-wlnch-is-not-procisdy- black-and-otherwise-krroWn-as-grey?’ “They do,” he replied, “There is the foul work of the Ocka-Pae in this, and their malevolent religion, the Tay-ae-ina—winnnnn.” Then he ﬂung a serpent at me, which I deftly averted with the speedy administratiOn of a mongoose. I stood to confront the man before me and tochallengehimtoaduel, butthcmnnheforcmcwas no longer a man. ~ Lord Arthimideas Lubricous the 2nd had become some other and most terribly more than a man. His countenance was other than human. It was horrible, ifI wound to describe it to you here you would most certainly die ofhorror , Thevery words I writedown,ifthcyhadtodowithtlmtvilc,inde— scribable visage, would melt right through the page and burn you on - t , "c ‘ : j ass adjectivesluse,forifyouevcnglimpsedashadowofthcgtote$t1uc form which my words suggest your brain would explode md take your skull along! ‘ ‘ g . Turnawayfromthesepagesnow,beforethcnamroofthisugly thing enchants you even through the sparse descriptive phrases that I otter. The very thought of that bestial mutant makes my ﬁngers wet with icky swaat, makes my brain swoon as if from opium-induced hal- lucinations by which I might discern the true identity of the Ripper...wait, wrong one-dhncnsional Victorian mwm was I? 0 yes, the shocking, terriﬁc, grimappalling, emailing. dreadful, fearful, frightful, thrilling, tremendous, dire; heart-breaking, tending, tending, odious, ‘ . a A. oﬂ’ensivc, » M” ’ italﬁllllillh I ;~: \i 6 Editors when I was born! Thank you for being so wonderful! IT: You helped me fix my computer so many times. and every single time. you showed up within minutes of my call. with a smile on your face and a free cookie in your hand! bugs, and the Macs never crashed on me! (Thank Your software had no _ us tor an on-site tour at your convenience—See tho drttoronoo. _ Other benefits indudo: ' - ' ' On-oito BSN Completion Program - College of St Catherine . Tuition & School Loan mm 0 Relocation mm o Highﬂagoo-FlubloSutﬁngOptiom o Excel-rd NIndPotiont Ratio - Unique New Grad Residency Progom Straight night diftorontial- “thorn tor regularly scheduled RN: Apply to: Hun-n Home”, 800 Eat 28‘ Strut. W. W 55401-3799. For: (612) 863-5485. Ph: (612) era-mo or mil to: tantrum nllinaoom or mkk.dom@dhnoom Call to arrange an make tour! EOE Patients are the reason we exist. a People are the reason we excel. » ABBOTT . NORTHWESTERN HOSPITAL Alumna-h wwwallinacom wonderful my experiences at Augsburg have been these past four years. Yes. I am a graduating senior and I intend to give lots and lots of money to the col— lege when I get my ﬁrst job as a famous movie actor. but let me move on to the gist of my letter. I want to thank everyone who was so nice to me. The faculty gave me had grades, but that‘s totally cool with me because I deserved them. and it was my fault for not going to class or getting my homework done or taking the ﬁnals. They were so great! And the Enrollment Center! You guys were always so sweet and helpful. I never waited in line over there. and everyone knew the answers to any questions I asked. even “What is the meaning of life?" (By the way. thank you for that particular answer: you have given me a mission in life and a really good reason not to take math classes any- more!) My applications were processed the same day I sent them in. and I don't know how. but you totally have a handle on everything that I ever sent in! I‘ll bet that you still have that pre-application form my parents turned in twenty-three years ago you for explaining why they have no ﬂoppy disk dri- ves, too. I learned never to poke a sharp implement into my computer because of you.) I don’t know why so many people complain about your depart- ment--they must be really stupid! And ﬁnally. thank you all for the easy graduation requirements! I only had to take one class outside my major, which left me with plenty of open slots so that I could take Underwater Basketweaving 101 eighteen times! It was wonderful. and if anyone at Augsburg ever needs an underwater basket. let me know! I owe you so much! I will donate lots and lots of money as soon as possible. and I will force all my children to go to Augsburg! A Satisﬁed Auggie .. -. mum“... ... «r ,.".,........,-a.._ a“... a w.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 07
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: page 7 5°§Continued Ads November 2, 200] released ‘continuedfmm page I Adamson asserted that “this is clearly a point when de—escalation had The security ofﬁcers went upstairs, and Washington began working out. Some minutes later, however, security ofﬁcer Rusty Haines, who was not involved with...
Show morepage 7 5°§Continued Ads November 2, 200] released ‘continuedfmm page I Adamson asserted that “this is clearly a point when de—escalation had The security ofﬁcers went upstairs, and Washington began working out. Some minutes later, however, security ofﬁcer Rusty Haines, who was not involved with the initial identiﬁcation check. went downstairs along with Oﬁicer Prentice to check Washington’s identiﬁca- tion again. Adamson suggested that this request caused the situation to escalate again. Washington became angry at the repeated requests by security, and although he once again ﬂashed his identiﬁcation, he was “uncooperative.” Security then asked Washington to leave the facili- ties, but he refused and went back to exercising. Security followed him into the weight room, and students who were using the facilities began a “ver- bal interchange” with security. At this point, security called the Minneapolis Police. A single police ofﬁcer came to the scene and asked Washington for his identiﬁcation. Washington complied. But when the police ofﬁcer asked him to leave, he refused. If he did not cooperate, warned the ofﬁcer, he would be arrested and removed from the facilities by force. Washington would not leave, so police arrested him. Adamson emphasized that once the police had arrived, Augsburg Security became backup. Any force used to subdue Washington was instigated by the Minneapolis Police, not Augsburg Security. The committee devised ﬁve recommendations and resolutions in response to this incident: 1. Augsburg “will no longer call upon the ser— vices” of Ofﬁcer Rusty Haines. Anthrax scare ' {continued from page 1 2. Ofﬁcer Prentice, who was involved in the ini- tial identiﬁcation. will have his position reinstated with further training. 3. Policies on the use of campus by alumni will be reviewed. At this time. they are still allowed to use training facilities. 4. There will be further review to “determine if students should be put in a position to provide secu- rity." 5. The college will work closely with Vivian Jenkins Nelson with Inter-Race Relations to access training opportunities and “strengthen operations.” One of the student members of the committee Gianna Sorrel] spoke about student concerns. Through meetings, protests. and petitions, Sorrel] and other students gathered opinions and questions from a cross-section of the student body, from which they devised a list of concerns. The students she contacted thought that the role of students in security should be revised, calling for “some kind of restrictions to their duties." She also addressed the topic of training. Without sufﬁcient diversity training, Sorrel] noted, students ask the question. “Who is security protecting the stu- dents from?" And the answer seems to be, “White students are being protected from all minorities." Finally, she added that there should be a better system in place for dealing with campus conﬂicts. Students doubt that administration listens to their concerns and may feel alienated by a lack of com- munication. The committee plans to continue its investigation and to hold further sessions on this and other issues. Hemmuuhnr ‘ ' Club safety. Robyn Newhouse, supervisor of Shipping and Receiving/Outgo- ing Mail, stated, “We decided to hold our packages until we found out whether or not they would be safe. In the future, ] don’t think it is any- thing to be paranoid about. The U.S. Postal service checks all of our mail three times. just to be safe." The suspicious package was discovered to be a book written in Spanish, possibly addressed to the wrong University department. Although Benson took all appropriate precautions when the package was received, Benson also stated “It is a difﬁcult situation. We need to be cautious, but we need to relax from our levels of severe tension con- cerning U.S. mail.” continued from page 6 featured on Fox 29! It’s a great opportunity to let the community see how many students can come together to provide a safe place for Hal- loween activities. The haunted house is sponsored by student volunteers from Blake High School and was erected in Anderson Hall. Another exciting change involved using the ASAC equipment to transform the Mortensen lobby into a scary entrance for kids! Discover your future as a Health Practitiéfr‘rérl'ac .» h Northwestern Health Sciences University. We oﬁer the widest array‘of natural health care programs in the United States. A new group on campus l. The club is for social work, or potential social work majors, freshman-senior years. 2. It is a SOCIAL work Club: emphasis on social de-emphasis on work. 3. Focus on networking, which is forming relationships with stu- dents and professionals in the human service field. 4. Activities: movies, plays, speakers etc... 5. A place to discuss internships, Augsburg as an institution, com- munity service, social work as a department etc... 6. A forum for problem solving. ‘ 7. HAVING FUN mm This is a We zone aII opin- ions and ideas are accepted and encouraged. , ' western has earned on international g N "t ‘- 05 a pioneer in natural heath care education, patient care and scientific research. the individual attention and access to educational resources our students receive help; tlten onset in Morita to practice as outstanding health are practitioners. With our unique pioneering clinical education programs and our personal assistance in job placement. Northwestern provides an incredible educational experience. For more information or to schedule a campus visit. call ﬂue ofﬁce or Admissions a: 1mm. III. as or 9° “'4‘” “ www.cdl -Northwestem Health Sciences University Minneapolis. Minnesota _g Programs available include: timed: m M m quu than t” now to Slf: ‘ V ; Think about how smart I'll look to mom and dad when they find out] am having UPS pay for my college expenses. AUGSBURG + UPS + YOU SUCCESS]!!! ; j m UPS Get up to $1,500/sem - $3,000/yr in EARN & College Education Assistance LEARN PROGRAM —TAPPLv"7 grooAYu. Package Handlers Part-time positions available $8.50 — $9.50 per hour Consistent work schedule Weekly paychecks Comprehensive benefits package NO WEEKENDS! United Parcel Service will reimburse Augsburg students at the end of 651-681-2800 www.upsjobs.com O Equal Opportunity Employer SPRING BREAK INSANITY! www.inter—campus.com or call 1-800-327-6013. Guaranteed lowest prices! We’re the best - forget the rest! Fifteen years experience! We have the [hottest destinations, parties and hotels! Wanted: Representatives and Earn a free trip, money or both. Mazatlan Express is looking for students or organizations to sell our Spring Break package to Mazatlan, Mexico. (952) 893—9679 FOR TICKE'IS & IN] ()RMAI‘ION no ()NUNL: minnesotaorchestra.org OR CALL: 612-371-5656 or 1-800-292-4141
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 08
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: November 2 , 200 1 .éﬁSports page 8 Game on for men’s hockey,eh? Paul Putt Sports Editor As most readers of the Echo know. the Sports Editor may be a little biased in covering the Auggie hockey teams. because I am a member of one of them. However. I can honestly say that this season is a little...
Show moreNovember 2 , 200 1 .éﬁSports page 8 Game on for men’s hockey,eh? Paul Putt Sports Editor As most readers of the Echo know. the Sports Editor may be a little biased in covering the Auggie hockey teams. because I am a member of one of them. However. I can honestly say that this season is a little bit different then past years. as game one of the season draws nearer and excitement grows. The most noticeable difference in the men's team is that none of the players remaining on this team travelled to the ‘NCAA Frozen Four' four years ago. This year‘s team also holds a considerable experience gap. as many players were products ofjunior hockey. with ages reaching into the mid- twenties. This team has a resident “old man" in veteran Brad ‘Whitey' Schwartzbauer who played minors in the Colorado Rockies organization before coming to Augsburg. but even the seniors are relatively young with Nick Murray. Joe Johnson. Frank Huebner. Jan Lasek. and Shawn Carney all direct products of high school hockey. This group of young seniors will have to lead what coach Mike Schwartz calls “the Rodney Dangerﬁeld of Division III hockey" due to the lack of respect and con- sideration given by opponents. Jaro Cesky. the leading scorer of the past two seasons. is looking for a breakout year. as the depth at forward will not allow teams to play their top players against him at all times. The emergence of a few solid wingers. co-captain Nick Murray. who had a remarkable junior campaign. and Joe Johnson. the workhorse on the ice who was second on the team as a +24. will help this situation. A few former Lake Conference boys will be part of a strong support— ing cast as Joe Pontrelli. Brad Bjorgum. and David May look to ﬁgure in on some scoring while the team will be led on and off the ice by Co— Captain Jake Wegscheider. The defensive corps. despite the perception of inexperience. can play with the best in the league; Brad Holzinger makes his claim as being among the cream of the crop for blueliners in the league, Between the pipes will sit 63" Pete Samargia. taking over for McIntosh. A back up from the University of Minnesota. Pete transferred here after two years with the Gophers, Chrissy Baune StaffVWriter W 7 7g 7 Mg The Augsburg Cross Country teams competed in the MIAC Championships on Saturday, October 27 at Como Park in St. Paul. Senior Chrissy Baune had the highest ﬁnish among the Auggies as she crossed the line in 18:59.8 to ﬁnish 6th and earn All-Conference Hon— ors for the second straight year. The womens' team tied for 10th place with St. Mary's. each with 290 points, defeating St. Cather- ines. The mens' team placed 7th in 220 points to beat out Concordia, Gustavus. Bethel and St. Mary's. "It's really great to see Chrissy run another All- Conference race." said Coach Dennis Barker. "She has moved up to become One of our all- time top three cross country runners." Behind Baune was the "freshman trio": Andrea Carlson placed 94th in a time of 21:23.8; Hannah Dietrich, competing for the ﬁrst time in two weeks because of an injury. finished 119th in a time of 21:50.1; and Becky Welle ﬁnished in 13lst in a time of 22:02.4. "I'm really pleased with our freshmen this year," said Coach Barker. "They have added a lot to our team this year with both their strong running and great attitude. " Rounding out the top ﬁve was senior Laura McGehee who ﬁnished in 140th in a time of 22:14.7. "Laura has really worked hard for the team this year" said Barker. Also running well was senior co—captain Marit Thorsgard. Thorsgard had one of her best times this year as she ﬁnished 16lst in a time of 22:40.9. Behind Thorsgard were sophomores Danielle Slack Auggie runners grab their Nikes (182nd/23:18.5). Amy Mackner (2013t/24:05.7), and Rhia Gronberg (211th/24:49.8). Freshman/Ericka Schomstein was forced out of the race with an injury. There were 227 runners in the women's race. On the mens' side was sophomore Ryan Nevin and senior Chris Ohnstad leading the Auggies. Nevin ﬁnished 35th in a time of 27:19.5, and Ohn- stad ﬁnished 40th in a time of 27:24.6. The two were only about 15 seconds away from All-MIAC Honorable Mention. "Ryan and Chris have been the center that we have built the team around this year,"said Barker, "They have been reliably good all season long.” Next were freshman runners Alan Wilson (58th/27:54.2). and Dan Vogel (ﬁst/28:16.2). Both have really had a tremendous season in being key players for the team.“ “Alan and Dan have steadily improved and are real gutsy racers," said Barker. The ﬁfth runner was sophomore George Spears who ﬁnished in 96th with a time of 28:47.9 to count towards the team score. "George didn‘t have his best day. hilt still ran tough for the team." said Barker. Also running well was senior Allen Lundberg who ﬁnished 112th in a time of 29:11.0. sophomore Jason Edwards (164th/30:52.2), and freshman Tony Schaden (184thl32:57.8). The ﬁeld consisted of 191 runners. The Auggies now have two weeks of training before heading down to Grinnell. Iowa for the NCAA Division 111 Regional Championship to determine who goes on to Nationals. Senior Chrissy Baune has been close in the past and probably has the best chance among the team to qualify. Primetime. Player , _ Scott Westermann - Assistant Athletic Trainer Scott Westermann has been the assistant athletic trainer at Augsburg for the past three years and unfortunately. will be leaving the program. Westermann served as equipment manager and athletic trainer at Golden Valley (Minn) Lutheran College from 1975 to 1984. After completing his degree requirements at Minnesota, he served as the head athletic trainer for the Greensboro (NC) Hornets minor league baseball team in 1988. From 1988—96. he served as athletic trainer at Osseo HS, and served at Maple Grove HS as athletic trainer from 1996-99. His trademark move “The No-Look Taping” will be missed at Auggie Tech. - Not pretty, but a win Paul Putt Sports Editor Since losing to Eau Claire. the Auggie defense again kept the team in the game. The offense was bitten by the turnover bug as the Auggies furn— bled seven times. ﬁve of which were lost. coupled with two inter- ceptions. second one of the second half count. John Gooddale started the march down the ﬁeld in excellent position. The defense stopped the Pipers who turned the ball over and left the Auggies at their 42. Gooddale completed two passes to leading receiver Mark ﬁrst touchdown of the year. The defense stepped it up a notch after getting the lead: allow- ing only one Piper ﬁrst down for the rest of the game; catching two interceptions. one by Luke Wit- trock the other by Joe Cullen: and forcing four turnovers on downs. Earlier in the game. Larry Lyden also had a pick. Normally teams would light up a team for at least twenty points off seven tumovers. but the Auggie defense knocked out the ‘Fighting’ Pipers cold as they generated a mere 139 yards of total offense on 55 plays from scrimmage. with the longest play an lS—yard run. The Auggie offense was effective at times. until a costly turnover. The game started with an introduction of the ﬁfteen seniors who will be leaving the friendly conﬁnes of Edor Nel- son Field for the last time. Ten of those seniors are members of the defensive corps. After the festivities were ﬁn— ished. the game began. sort of. It took over forty minutes for someone to break a scoreless tie: fortunately it was the Auggies. After one possession ended with a punt. the Auggies made the Pitt: :w Pam Pig: Luke Wittrock intercepted a pass in the game versus Hamline. Johnson for 34 yards while TJ Bramwell rumbled for a 23-yard gain. The scoring play was a l9-yard connection between Gooddale and Johnson. marking Johnson's 8th score of the year and Gooddale's Dave Sherry extended his team leading sack total to 8.5 with a sack in the second quarter and his third overall in league play. Ben Paul and TJ Bramwell again were ‘thunder and light- ning‘ in gaining 148 yards on the ground in 32 tries. They have combined for 820 yards and eight scores in seven games. averaging 117 yards and a score per game. To put the defense in perspec- tive. a comparison with the league is needed as the Auggies are ranked third in total defense. second against the pass. and third in sacks in the MIAC. With this week behind the Auggies. hopefully they can move on from Edor Nelson Field and pick up the last two wins of the year--one at Bethel and the other in the Metrodome versus Concor- dia. Young guns Women’s team looks to reestablish themselves Paul Putt Sports Editor? “Runners-up to the national crown.” “MIAC Co—Champion,” and “Division III hockey power” are three ways to describe the women‘s hockey team two years ago. Last year, the Auggies were because we have that depth." Finding leaders will not be dif- ﬁcult as Kristi Brusletto and Annie Matthison join McGowen as co-captains. having proven themselves to be vital to the team. On the forward lines, Dottie Gilkerson brings her speed to the Auggies, contributing despite surprised. as ﬁghting the was the rest injury bug. of the 9 league, when , i:~ :5. Christina they failed to ~ " L,» 1 .- ’ Hughes and make the : v _ ‘ M J, . .. I» April Leger MIAC play. ' 5 ' ' x will be joined offs. How- \A by the numer- ever. this ” , ous‘ fresh as year’s Aug— r “u . Lauren Chez- gies look Q . W ick, Melynda nothing like U \ Kleevin, Cor- last year’s ’ rie Knyska, Gone Photo by Paul Putt Cﬁmenne are me to? A few of the Auggie newcomers pose for Sfebeﬂv C3" three SCOT' a photo op outside of their Alumni game. 11¢ erS in team From left: Lauren Chezick, Melynda Velemhenko, history. Kleevin, and Lisa Knutson. Hannah Diet- Angie rich, and Ash- Rieger. ley Owens all Stephanie Johnson. and Amber have the possibility to get ice time Nadreau. this year. This line contributed 255 The backline sees three return- points in their four years. leaving Laura McGowen as the top- returning scorer with 33 points in three years. With the number of girls on the team, it is anyone’s bet who will lead this team in scoring. “We’re going to be spread out this year in our scoring." Pohtilla said. “This is probably the most balanced. team-oriented group we’ve ever had here.” “We will have different players rising to the top on any given night. We will be spread out. and that will be an advantage'for us. It will be diﬁ‘icult to defend us ers and a few newcomers leading the charge: Rachel Leger, Laura Hoffman, Katie Cheese, Lama Prasek, inka Homer, and Lisa Knutson. In the net. the competition for the starter's position will be more intense with four goalies battling. The incumbent is Katie Fedoryk who held a 2.07 GAA while earn- ing a 7-7 start. Other goalies in the fray include Kristin Opalinski. Laura Hind, and Kristin Johnson. The women head to Ohio to compete with Findley this week- end.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 06
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: EECommunit Values page 6 Student cancer survivor shares his story Nicki Ziegler Comm.Nalues Editor 77.7 M V 77 Earlier in October I walked through the lobby and saw someone raising money for the Cancer Kids Fund. It grabbed my attention and eventu- ally resulted in a conversation from a person I...
Show moreEECommunit Values page 6 Student cancer survivor shares his story Nicki Ziegler Comm.Nalues Editor 77.7 M V 77 Earlier in October I walked through the lobby and saw someone raising money for the Cancer Kids Fund. It grabbed my attention and eventu- ally resulted in a conversation from a person I have much respect for. Ladley Welfling—Duvall. a senior American Studies major. spent all day raising almost $400 for the Cancer Kids Fund. After asking why he was doing this, he replied that he’s, “wanting to support the Cancer Kids Fund. which has been a very special program deep in my heart because they helped me cope with my own cancer." Ladley was diagnosed in November of 1981 with acute limphoblastic leukemia. Leukemia is one of the most common blood disorders that children receive. In Ladley’s situation, he was given less than a 10% chance of survival. The doctor’s told him that if he hadn’t come in when he did. “[he] would have died within two days.” He received massive amounts of radiation: over twice the amount kids currently receive. as well as other drugs to slow the leukemia down. When his treatment began, there was not much support for the families of children with cancer and other blood disorders. His parents had to sleep on concrete floors to stay with him. The money from the Cancer Kids Fund helps to pay for rooms with beds. and aid families as much as possible. In recalling his story, Ladley could not talk about his recovery without mentioning his own doctor. Dr. Larry Singher. It was with great care and dedication that Dr. Singher founded the Can- cer Kids Fund. He holds a special place in Photo by Nicki Ziegler Ladley’s heart as well as many other patients and families. _ Ladley also talked about the personal relation- ships he built with his doctor and nurses. He recalled one nurse, Teresa, who gave him orange popcicles when he could not leave his room. And Dr. Singher, again, helped him through the pain of treatment. “I remember the pain. the shots I got were done without pain killers. The knowledge back then was not what it is today”. Unfortunately, Dr. Singher died of cancer him- self after he retired. Even though he has moved on, people like Ladley are here to carry on the work of volunteering‘and raising money to support others in need. Ladley put it all together by saying, “I know how close to death I was. I really put the goal of my life to help those in need, I volunteer to help at chil- dren’s hospitals. It’s really given me a different path to walk down". Student has her own “coming out” Karen Lohr Contributor When I graduated from high school. I went off to college. not only to get an education. but to learn more about who I really was. Coming from a small town that was not open to change. I chose to come to a large city that was very diverse. In the two years that I've been here. I‘ve learned a lot about myself and other people. Last spring, I took a chance and “came out" to my roommates. I wrote them a letter explaining things to them because I was unsure how to tell them what I was trying to say. Finally. I was able to say those words that had been so difﬁcult for so long. “My mom is a lesbian". l was able to explain to them that I don’t think my family is that different compared to other families. It's just a part of who I am. I didn’t know how they would react. but they were cool with it. I have since been able to talk more openly about it and can now say with pride “my mom is a lesbian" and not be ashamed or worry what people will think. I have also learned that my family is one of over 600.000 families in the United States with GLBT parents (according to the 2000 Census). Two great resources I have found that help is: a book called Out of the Ordinary. Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian. and Transgender Parents and an organization called COLAGE (children of gays and les- bians everywhere) whose website is www.collage.org. There is a local chapter in the twin cities area. FOX 29 on campus: to. Halloween Safebiock..: Nicki Ziegler CommNaiues Editor On Monday, October 29, the Augsburg LINK sponsored the annual Halloween Safeblock. Each year, we invite children and families from surrounding neigh- borhoods to come onto campus and play games, trick—or-treat able to sign up over 100mm offer treats and welcome tricks. These students waited in their rooms during the Safeblodt time and passed out candy. Munyof these people dressed up it? cos- tume. During last year’s Safeblock. wecouldbeseenonGoodDay Be safe, Be smart. Haven’t we heard it enough? Nicki Ziegler Comm.Nalues Editor Each year we get the "alcohol" talks. we learn how to make healthy choices. and we hear sortie statistics on death by alcohol. Haven‘t we heard it enough? My guess would be no. Each year we also hear about death closer to home. for exam- ple. death at the University or seeing paramedics on our own campus. Mistakes are made. too much has been drank: it could happen to us all at sortie point. AIL‘ohol Awareness Week was October l9th to October 26th. Many events took place in sup- port of non—alcoholic activities and education. After the rootbeer kegger and mocktails at din- ner. “Stories of Use and Recovery" was held in the Anderson lounge. About 50 students gath- ered to share and listen to stories of those involved with the Step—Up program. By hearing about the lives of different students. we were able to begin to understand what recovery really means. Much appreciation goes to the students who shared their lives with us that night. I‘m just a social drinker. What does it mean to drink "socially"? Drink- ing with other people around doesn't make you a social drinker. Social drinkers may drink regu- larly and \\ ith people. but they do not get drunk. Thcy also don‘t display any signs of alcohol addiction. including violent behavior while under the inﬂuence. severe memory loss. and inability to control alcohol cra\ ings. Somebody kicked another hole in the wall. Each one of us has been directly affected by holes in the \\".tll\_ Damage on campus is collec— ti\cly blllcd; simply meaning we till take the fall for it if nobody comes forward. Who has to pay for the $460 of stolen furniture in Anderson this scntcstcr'.’ Ewrybody in that building will be billed. Docs it make you angry? Because new \I‘JIS say that 80% of residence hall damage is due to alcohol use. Most damage is done on weekend evenings or early mornings. New Hall has seen more damage this year than others. with holes in the walls. scratches along walls. ﬁre extinguishers stolen. and paint thrown on the hallways. The carpet now has to be redone because of the paint. That means a lot of money has to be spent on ﬁxing things. ‘Granted. nobody can say that these damages are alcohol related. but the understanding is that people tend tp get a little out of control when they drink. and some things may get damaged. And as Nate Gamb. the New Hall hall direc— tor states. “It‘s possible that damage is being caused by a small group of individuals. but it still represents a potential problem. And because we don't have RAs or CLs. the residents need to take responsibility for monitoring their living environment". New Hall residents can expect to see these issues faced. Off campus events see damage as well. Dances that have been well planned by commit- tees often end up dealing with underage drink- ing. stolen property. and vomit in random areas of the event. There will be meetings to see how we can make off campus events more of a safe place. I’m going to put her to bed and she'll be ﬁne. The chances of alcohol poisoning are very high. especially since many people come to col- lege without and prior experience with alcohol. Alcohol poisoning is something we may think were prepared to deal with. but sometimes when it‘s sitting right in front of us. we make excuses and pass the responsibility onto someone else. Even if a person has passed out. you should try to \\ ake them up. If you can't. you should then put the person on their side and call campus security. Campus security can also decide whether or not someone needs more help if you cannot. through dm'm halls, and walk through the haunted house! This year, with much help from Residence Life, we were Manesotaandthisyearwewere ‘ . m V—ﬁ Echo Augsburg the Managing Editor David Rettenmaier Copy Editor Kayla Scrivner mum Greg Solheid News Editor Kellen Bredesen Opinion Editor I’m too worried about getting caught. This is what many students may think and the decision to get help is a difﬁcult one to make. When you put it into a different perspective though. most people would rather deal with a friend being mad than a friend being dead. And death does happen. This summer. I was shocked and sad- dened to hear about two girls from my Soon B'bus hometown. They had been drinking and dri- A&E Editor ving and were being pulled over by a police Joel wo|f ofﬁcer. Instead of getting caught. they tried communim/Values Editor to speed away and ended up hitting a mov— Nicki Zieg'er ing train and dying. All because they were too worried about getting caught? Is it worth it to die like that? ' And if you are too worried about getting Features Editor Angel Overgaard S orts Editor caught. then don‘t put yourself in that posi- Paul Putt tion. Sound simple? It‘s not. because stu- photo Editor dents face many social pressures. But before Aaron Vogel you make your decisions. the professors say online Editors just think it through. Be safe. Be smart. Information from this article was taken Ian Anﬁnson from www.hadenough.org and www.fact- _ , sonmp'org W Jake Collins Facul Advisor Boyd Koehler The Augsburg Echo is published each Friday —- except during interim. vacation periods. and holidays -— by students of Augsburg College. 73] let Avenue South. Minneapolis. Minnesota 55454. Opinions expressed are those of the authors and don't reﬂect those of the supporting staff. administration. faculty. or the remainder of the students. The Echo does not necessarily promote the products or services it advertises. Statistics say: “Each year the average college students nationwide spend $5.5 billion on alcohol. that‘s more than money spent on books. soft drinks. tea. coffee. milk. and juice combined. H300.000 of today's college students will eventually die of alcohol-related causes. MOne night of heavy drinking can limit your ability to think critically for up to 30 days.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 04
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: November 2, 2001 :éEFeatures page 4 Ominous Hummmmmm: sounds of an emerging medium By K. Lucin Staff Writer “Mark Trail" has been an ongoing source of mystiﬁcation to many born in the last few decades. It's a serialized comic syndicated in many newspapers. and so it must be pretty popular. but...
Show moreNovember 2, 2001 :éEFeatures page 4 Ominous Hummmmmm: sounds of an emerging medium By K. Lucin Staff Writer “Mark Trail" has been an ongoing source of mystiﬁcation to many born in the last few decades. It's a serialized comic syndicated in many newspapers. and so it must be pretty popular. but many just can't read it. They missed the ﬁrst few thousand episodes. and it’s tricky to jump into some- thing like that. Starting in the middle of a story with no knowledge of any of the char- acters isn‘t easy. after all. Serialized newspaper comics have been dying a slow death for the past few decades. but comics in the same style are popping up in a whole new medium: the Internet. They are a great success. because past comics are archived. and new readers can start at the beginning of the strip. Webcomic artists can write a single plot arc over many months. and newbies can still ﬁgure out what's going on. "Schlock Mercenary." a webcomic with an audience of about ﬁve thousand viewers. has been around since March of 2000. Howard Tayler. the artist and writer. began the strip because he had “wanted to write sci—ﬁ stories for a long time." and “realized that the webcomic medium was a valid way to do it. I’ve met with much more success than I [had] expected to." For a comic that’s made a bare $1.200 this year (contrasting to the huge payoffs of syndication in a newspaper). “Schlock Mer— cenary" looks pretty darn good. The story- Schlock Mercenary ByzHoward Tayler line involves a group of mer- cenaries who take on the job of marketing their own space— travel device. and end up shooting “many. many more people than they expected to." According to Tayler. “It’s a comedy. first and foremost. But the action/adventure/sci- ﬁ elements will always be donejustice." One of the many advan- tages of an online comic is the increased potential for instant fan response. Many web- comic artists have their own forums. where they regularly interact with their readers. Howard Tayler frequents the Schlock chatroom. He claims that fan response is a big motivator for him: “After all. I’m still very ﬂattered that anyone. much less intelligent people. will let me capture their imaginations like this. I mean. it‘s scary. Some of you have guns. I’ve read ‘Misery.’ by Stephen King. I know what happens ifI let my fans down." “Schlock Mercenary." which comes out every day in full color. is hand—drawn. and takes Tayler about ten hours a week to cre— ate. That’s a long time to spend on a hobby. especially with a full time job and a family. He denied popping heartburn medication like M&Ms (really. it was just a vicious rumor). and says that since “the drawing table is in the front room. I [can] interact with the kids while I draw." Tayler does not believe he’s competing with the newspaper comics. “Most of Y0“ SHOL' mY mncif’ﬁl ‘PRINCIPAL‘ ATTORNEY? YOU'VE RETAINED MORE THAN ONE? Security speaks out continued from page 1 or COHRSE. WE HﬁVf l‘iﬁf [HOPE WNW DROHES ﬁl’JHl' HERE 0” OUR Lthl l’fﬁlll. Photo courtesy of K. Lucin Howard Tayler those strips are very LCD . . . lowest common denominator. I see myself as bridging some gaps between the current newsprint comics and the long-form comic book.” He does see competition from other online artists. how- ever: “I‘d like to see web- comics ‘discovered' by net denizens at large. so that there are millions of webcomic readers instead of a mere 100.000 or so. If I had a half— rnillion readers. I could live off the merchandising if I did it right.” His ﬁve thousand viewers seem like a large number. but Pete Abrams. author of the webcomic “Sluggy Freelance.” has over a hundred and ﬁfty thousand viewers. each of whom check the comic nearly every day. “Sluggy” has parodied everything from “Star Trek” to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (Mufﬁn the Vampire Baker?) to “Alien.” Abrams has actually managed to make a living from his comic. but few online artists can survive purely off the revenue of their art. Many of them don’t even try. Michael C. Martin. author of the year-old “Weishaupt Scholars." started his online comic in order to learn how to draw. He estimates his readership to be between 150 and 250 people. and doesn’t expect to achieve Pete Abrams-style popularity. “I have no real ambitions for ‘WS‘. This is the product of a total amateur. and a cre— ative outlet." he says. and notes that his cartooning skills have improved since he started “Weishaupt.” According to Martin. “Peo- ple that get into web- GET AS MAD AS YOU WANT. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A HARD TIME SUlNG ME. comics because of the major ones will occa- sionally look at the minor works too.” Then more popular artists allow new artists to ride along on their fame. In fact. many webcomic readers do read more than one comic on a regular basis. Some read as many as seventy comics. and some thirty. On a modem. reading that many webcomics is a very long process indeed. Jarett DeAngelis. of Staten Island. New York. reads six webcomics, including the popular “College Roomies from Hell!!!." 3 comedy serial that follows the worst possible set of roommates anyone could ever have. “I’d like to say it’s breath- taking how much raw. insanely good. undiscovered talent there is out there-and it’s great to see a tiny sliver of it when we read stuff like ‘CRFH.’" he says, speaking for many of those involved in the webcomic community. Webcomics can provide a dramatic sto— ryline. a clever punchline. superb artistry. and a way to give instant feedback all at the same time, in a way that traditional newspa— per comics and even comic books cannot. The webcomic phenomena is gaining momentum every year. with thousands ,of sites devoted to it cropping up all over the place. In spite of the many even smaller. ama- teur webcomics that throng the Internet. Howard Tayler still believes that he’s still a small ﬁsh. “And the pond really ain‘t all that big. But I can smell the ocean from here. and can hear it roaring like an overex- tended metaphor on a power trip." Some webcomics to check out: “Schlock Mercenary" “College Roomies from “SluggyFreelance” “Weishaupt Scholars" “Clan of the Cats“ “Nukees” “Acid Reﬂux" Hell! l !" work the next day. Nanoff was the ﬁrst security ofﬁcer hired when Augsburg began in-house security. and he had been with the depart— ment for over 10 years. “There may or may not have been incidents before the incident." said Baker. “He was probably on the way out anyway." All agreed that Nanoff was a great boss and worked hard for the security department. Baker did. however. emphasize that the cam— pus-wide e-mails Nanoff sent were his own doing and in no way repre- sentative of the entire security department. “But when the President's e-mail came out.“ Baker added. “that really hurt our department and me individually." Kellogg contended that the e-mail attempted “to discredit us." Kel— logg is a post-certiﬁed Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) instructor and a former Minneapolis Police Ofﬁcer. so she hoped that people didn’t assume she was unqualiﬁed. She contended that to her knowledge. Frame and the administration hadn’t done any background—checking before they accused security of lacking training: “They just threw it out there." Baker also mentioned that the ofﬁcers involved were not directly told that they were suspended. “There was a lot of second— hand information that was given to us." added Mulder. At the meeting last Wednesday. both Shropshire and Mulder addressed campus concerns regarding their role in security as students. Shropshire cited his extensive training and previous armed security position at the Federal Building in Minneapolis as evidence that being a student has nothing to do with being a security officer; it has everything to do with qualiﬁcations. which Shropshire contended he clearly had. Mulder later added. “I know that there is a lot of confusion surrounding the event." She was never involved in the Washington‘s detainment. yet. she continued. “A bunch of people have approached me and said. 'How could you arrest him? I know you were down there.‘ This confu- sion hasn't been addressed and will not be addressed.“ The ofﬁcers contend that the campus hasn’t been properly informed regarding who had initial contact with Washington and who was involved in his Photo courtesy of Jennifer Kellogg Augsburg Security Officer Shropshire at a training session. detainment. Baker emphasized that people don’t know what the student security ofﬁcers have gone through to reach their positions. “They worked for years on dispatch under me.” he said. “and I recommended them to be student ofﬁcers. They are great ofﬁcers. and I wouldn’t have recommended them if I didn’t think they could handle it.” ’ Shropshire and Mulder added that they have done a lot of training. both ofﬁcial and unofﬁcial. “I was personally offended by the ques- tions regarding our training. I have set aside a lot of time for training. certiﬁed and non—certiﬁed," commented Mulder. When asked about diversity training. Shropshire replied. “We took a class a year and a half or two years ago. I can’t recall all the subject matter in it. but some of it was situational. A lot of it was understanding cultures. anything from gang cultures to particular subcultures in America.” Baker mentioned that he didn’t recall any speciﬁc diversity classes. though he was sure he’d had a few. Mulder added. “We’ve been to numerous seminars. but they’ve never been labeled ‘Diversity Seminar.’ but that has been included. Baker continued: “I take it upon myself-J just go and talk to people—communicate with the community. That's all the diversity training you need.“ Security will continue to ﬁeld criticisms and questions from the Augsburg community: all they ask for is an even—handed assessment.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 03
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: page 3 November 2, 2001 “Training Day” succumbs to - lackluster scripting Missing “Bandits” would be highway Kari Lucin Staff Writer Two crooks escape from jail on impulse. and then Joel Wolf begin to steal their way out of the country using a A&E Editor 7 novel gimmick: the night before the...
Show morepage 3 November 2, 2001 “Training Day” succumbs to - lackluster scripting Missing “Bandits” would be highway Kari Lucin Staff Writer Two crooks escape from jail on impulse. and then Joel Wolf begin to steal their way out of the country using a A&E Editor 7 novel gimmick: the night before the planned crime. "Training Day" is a textbook case of the good idea that just didn’t quite work. The story of police corruption and ethics ends up succumb- ing to a poor script laced with hokey plot devices. The only thing that elevates it above the conventional action ﬁlm is strong performances from Denzel Washington and Ethan Hawke. Washington plays Alonzo Harris, a narcotics ofﬁcer that administers his own brand of street justice. The only way to reach those outside the law is to stretch the law. The other side of the coin is Jake Hoyt, played by Ethan Hawke. He is a rookie assigned to Alonzo‘s squad for training. In the course of the day Jake is forced to smoke pot laced with PCP. shake down a wheel chair bound drug dealer, and raid another dealer‘s house (and all before the ﬁrst half of the movie is up). As the ﬁlm progresses, Alonzo takes a very wicked curve. He goes from being a jaded, but diligent, police ofﬁcer that will do whatever it takes to serve and protect, to a smarrny corrupt cop. Played with deli- cious zeal by Denzel Washington, Alonzo is rescued from being a cari- they stay overnight with the bank manager and fol— low him (or her) to work the next day, thus enabling them to rob the bank while it is unprotected. Unfor— tunately. they take a hostage. Kate. who becomes a point of contention when both men fall in love with her. While Bandits sounds very much like the typical buddy crook movie. it has a few features that make it standout in its fellows (like “Three Fugitives". “How to Steal a Million". and the extraordinarily weird “Plunkett and Macleane"). For one thing, Billy Bob Thornton is the oddest little man alive. In this movie. he‘s practically play- ing himself; he even managed to work his bizarre real-life fear of antique furniture into the script. He’s twitchy, neurotic, and peculiar. He’s got a severe "I’m a bored housewife whose husband is a real jerk" routine has gotten old. but Blanchetl's Kate becomes real. with all the human vulnerabilities of temper and a fair measure of quirkiness. The scene in which she and Terry compare weird pho- bias is priceless. The soundtrack for Bandits had to have been cature of corruptness. enjoying this rare turn as the vil- lain. The script by David Ayer (“The Fast and The Furious”) is cliched. The plot twists in the ﬁlm work out too well, and thus lack believability. The charac- ters are all underdeveloped to the point of making the viewer won- der why such credible actors would take such small, uninter- esting roles. Perhaps it was the chance to work along side a great actor who gets the chance to play a really bad guy, because that‘s the only thing worthwhile in the entire ﬁlm. Washington chews the scenery, obviously case of hypochondria and even the mention of a dis- ease will make him believe that he has that disease. His character, Terry. the brains of the operation. gets all the best lines in the movie. Bruce Willis, on the other hand, cannot help the slim characterization the writers have given him. All we ever learn about Joe is that he has an anger man— agement problem and likes ‘805 music. Most of the time. the only thing Willis can do is smirk knowingly into the camera—except. of course, when he‘s busy doing the actual bank robbing. At least he‘s good at smirking. Cate Blanchett. of “Elizabeth”. takes her stereo- typed, uninteresting role. and makes it her own. The compiled by someone who had actually bothered to read the movie script. Bonnie Tyler‘s "Holding Out for a Hero” is Kate’s theme song. and ﬁts her helpless anger with her idiot husband perfectly. Bob Dylan’s nasally gorgeous "Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee" ﬁts the squabbling bank robbing duo. who end up physically ﬁghting each other over Kate. "Bandits" is an excellent way to spend your evening and your money. Be warned. however: the movie has a standard plot line that will only be a surprise if Terry‘s behavior distracts you enough to stop thinking for a while. Luckily. it probably will. Cooking hero, ugly virgin: “Iron Monkey” wacky and fun Kari Lucin gamma ,, , , , - , A great martial arts master’s father has been murdered, and on his quest to avenge himself against the killers, he (or she) must battle miscellaneous villains, inept guards. and an evil woman or two. If the plot sounds famil— iar, you shouldn’t be surprised. It’s one of the most common plots of martial arts action movies, including the popular “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”, released in 2000. “Iron Monkey". recently re-released, shares the same plot line. Like “Crouching Tiger". “Iron Monkey” has stunning martial arts sequences. a romance between two of the leads, and gor- geous scenery. Unlike “Crouch- ing Tiger". however. “Iron Monkey" is not a heart—rending drama with tragic heroes and insoluble conﬂicts. Instead. it is a comedy, with characters calling each other silly names. like "ugly virgin." Rather than having just one bumbling guard ineptly defending the governor. “Iron Monkey” has a whole cadre. trip- ping and falling and eating enor— mous quantities of shark ﬁn soup—supposedly an aphrodisiac. Instead of one wife. the govemor in "Iron Monkey" has nine. (Wow. that soup must really work! i The subtitles in this movie are hilarious. The lead-in at the beginning of the movie. which gives the audience the entire plot in a nutshell. informs us that "warlords and ﬂoods" have plagued the province. Are the warlords dog—paddling, or are they in kayaks. using sharpened pad— dles as weapons? Are they wearing so much armor that if they fell off the canoes. they'd sink? Kayaking warlords aside. this movie has many moments of pure hilarity. Quentin Tarantino pro- duced the re—release of this movie, and that probably gives a better summary of what the movie is like than comparing it with other Hong-Kong action ﬂicks. Some of the best moments in the ﬁlm involve a pair of sunglasses and a ridiculously obvious false beard. If bad guys are really this stupid. how do they stay in power? The strangest thing about this movie is actually how good the acting is. The buffoonish guards are so obviously stymied that it‘s like watching Sgt. Schultz from "Hogan's Heroes". One of the two heroes. Wong Kei-Ying (played by Rongguang Yul. is thoroughly impassive. and never seems to worry about whether he‘s going to win or lose. Fulﬁll- ing the "love interest" quota is Orchid Ho (Jean Wang). who hardly seems to‘have a personality at all. but can deﬁnitely beat peo- ple up in interesting and painful ways! Iron Monkey is a prequel to the much-lauded Once Upon a Time in China series. so perhaps it’s not surprising that the best character is young Wong Fei-Hung (remarkably portrayed by child actor Sze-Man Tsang). who becomes the hero of the other movies in the series. Unlike most movie kids. Wong Fei—Hung is a normal kid. He sasses back to his father. but actually gets punished for it. He doesn't have hair hang— ing down in his face. like many movie children do (they must have bad mothers. since they never seem to get haircuts). He doesn‘t have a cutesy little child— ish lisp. either. And he kicks some serious butt with a variety of weapons. Most movie kids don‘t do that. either. More‘s the pity. Get over any irrational fear of subtitles you may have. and go watch this movie as soon as you can. It‘s one of the best action movies that‘s come out this year. and at the same time. one of the greatest comedies as well. Medeski, Martin, and Wood; and wood David Rettenm’aier Managinsﬁgitgt ,,. , ._ At the end of the band‘s ﬁrst set, I, was inspired but also embar- rassed. I would have to stand. get refreshments, smoke. and talk. But for a variety of reasons I felt immobilized. I could move around in my seat okay, but standing would reveal my afﬂiction. The slippery melodies were still ringing in my head. charged with impulses of elec- tricity and wood. To me, the three piece jazz/funk/tribal/jam band Medeski. Martin, and Wood, represented an odd mixture of technology and tradition. The keyboard player Medeski had three electric organs and one piano. Only in the traditional jazz numbers did he manipulate the acoustic keys. He most often pounded on his electrical instruments,’ forcing them to sound like dying goats or ﬂying saucers. Meanwhile. Martin was all over the place on his ample percussive exhibit. Beginning with a trap set, he often expounded to his xylo- phone. knocked on things African, and even crumpled up pieces of paper for the sound of sand. These were clearly three guys who spent a lot of time fucking around. One of the things to look for in a band often dubbed “experimental” is whether they have paid their dues. They seemed committed to showing us that they had. for the concert was full of tension and release--oddity. smoothed with groove. Bassman Martin seemed to hold it all together. Whether he was on his electric bass or precarioust slouching over his stand up. he always brought the music back to Mingus-like roots. His bass work continu- ously alluded to jazz, funk. and rock riffs, but he always meticulously pruned the bushes around the roots. never blatantly exposing them. After their second set, they played a signiﬁcant number of encores. obviously playing until they felt like stopping. At one point. Martin thanked the crowd for coming only to be interrupted and forced to sit by soaring strokes from Medeski’s keyboard. They played and then they stopped; the lights turned on and the word that popped into my head was “tasty.” “The slippery melodies were still ringing in my head, charged with the impules of electricity and wood. ”
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 05
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: page 5 E’SFeatures November 2, 2001 Roediger: race Death in Namibian perspectives David Rettenmaier Managing EdiLQL , , The title of Dr. David Roediger’s speech on Monday. October 22 was “Counting Incidents or Telling Tragedies? Writing the History of Working—Class Race Relations.” To a mostly...
Show morepage 5 E’SFeatures November 2, 2001 Roediger: race Death in Namibian perspectives David Rettenmaier Managing EdiLQL , , The title of Dr. David Roediger’s speech on Monday. October 22 was “Counting Incidents or Telling Tragedies? Writing the History of Working—Class Race Relations.” To a mostly full chapel, Roediger spoke about events and anecdotes from his and others’ lives that adressed the race question. The main focus of his presentation involved the tendency of histo- rians to turn horrible tragedies into mere incidents. The gravity of an event becomes lost in the compilation of data. Historians play the blame game, trying to decide who is at fault. This “race for inno— cence" causes us to “ignore the misery of race." Race itself is a category that necessarily causes misery, said Roedi- ger. “Racism made whites embrace misery, including their own.” For example, Roediger described the closing of the town pool in Cairo, Illinois, where he was raised. Rather than desegregate the pool, the white town leaders decided to close the pool to everyone, thus allow- ing race to dictate life. Calling on his background in labor history, Roediger discussed race relations among Steelworkers in the US. South. He mentioned an incident in which a white Steelworker taught a black one to use a crane, a nearly anomalous occurrence in a society where strict segre- gation was the norm. Roediger showed a video of the black worker who learned and.loved the skill of crane working. The black man i cried when he recalled that after two weeks, he was removed from the crane and sent back to his previous, more menial job. For Roediger, the point of discussing this event was to relay a small, yet tragic occur- rence in US. race relations. While Roediger discussed more and more anecdotes of race, the 3 relevance of the recent “incident” on campus became apparent. Race is still an extraordinarily sensitive subject, and in a discussion after the speech, Augsburg students, faculty, and staff joined with Roediger and Professor Bill Green to explore how we talk about race. Green noticed that with the recent “incident” on campus, some white Auggies have become alienated, sick of having the race card being played again. Roediger and others agreed that this cynicism might be the result of fears regarding race. How do we speak about color without offending someone? Roedi— ger contended that although we no longer close pools in the name of segregation, people still often grow up with an inherent racism. We must begin by acknowledging that fact, which allows us to open a dia- logue of honesty. Angel Overgaard Egtyres Editor, , , ,7 Werner Rihungira Kauuova, a program director at the Center for Global Education and an adjunct profesor at Augsburg’s sister school in Windhoek, Namibia. recently passed on. He commited suicide on August 20, 2001. A memorial service was held at Augsburg College within the fol- lowing week or two. Kauuova was a Namibian by birth and a member of the Herrero. He is sur- vived by his wife, Else Vehonga Kauuova, and his two sons Wycliffe Pandipara and Riron— geree. In 1989 Kauuova recieved his Diploma in Theology from Wind- hoek Evangelical Bible College, ‘ his Licentiate in Theology from I the Bible Institute of South Africa in Cape Town, and his Certificate in Relgious Studies from Cam- bridge University. In 1994, the same year Augsburg’s sister school in Namibia was estab- lished and accredited, Kauuova recieved his Honors BA. from the University of Namibia. His major was Biblical Studies and Contextualization, in which he analyzed the social structure which led to the present structure of the Biblical text and also ana— lyzed the texts behind the Bible. He graduated Cum Laude from the University of the Orange Free State in 1995, receiving his MA. in systematic theology. The topic matter of the degree included ethics, dogmatics, and compara— tive religion; among the subjects covered under his degree were suicide, euthanasia. and biomed- ical issues. Finally he received Stall Writer _ ~ last ﬁlm in Spring-Hesiod Jack, some people talked to each‘bﬂter and I came very close to revealing the plot. _ W’s Tale” Part 1 From The Journal 0! Benjamin Evans, Lord ' Darnhamshire _ ...ldidnot,atdietinw.mkereoordofthetale Aleismﬂdmaywmmfmgiwwaayinmm— _nolcsinthe‘stozyaslrecallit. Restassurodthat ‘ “important hits are marked indelibly on my .mindospeoiallyinIinfaﬂdicdarknessthat has some. than, is the story 3%Mdyswﬁyeusagowtmeverydung “ towardsthe endofmysaéﬁmdaysﬂmfowmany ofmy going to the pub when I ‘memmymobusyfman ', dﬂ‘mmmusedmhaveatthe ,expmofourioaowsmdemoffnnh I. of aggmssmautwbylgwineawsay dayS and quickly set out to discover themofmy newfoumdloneliness. “thnlaskedmyﬁa‘endEugenehesaid. ‘Oh. well we've found new sport and it’s jolly fun.‘Hewentontoexplainthattheyhadjoined somesonofclubthatdemandedmostoftheir time and ‘wewouldhavc invited you in, butit‘s mmmyousee?‘ “loom:in with Eugene'thatl shouldjoin rightaway.notbecauselhadanyintemstinjohi-_ \ingoneofthoseludicmus ‘secret societies‘like ing. /§ . »' ‘ \ Spring-Heeled Jack you hear about on the continent all the time, but rather because I have always been cursed with an extreme natural curiosity. Nothing aggravates my temper more than to be ignorant of something. In my youth, I once taught myself Portuguese just to understand what our maid had shouted when she cut herself on a broken dish. Nevertheless, Eugene happily told me the time and place of the next meet— “I intentionally arrived late the next night to the lecture hall at which this group was meeting. Late enough that I could witness events in progress; I feared that I would be party to some watered down initiation ceremony and my questions would never be answered. The door to the lecture hall was unlocked, and as soon as it was open, I had only to follow the rhythmic chanting of a language I could not at the time identify. Fear gripped me as I crept closet. for now I was sure that this was no harmless ﬁ'amal organization. V though unlit halls I began to hear some thing else below the chanting, it was like a growling just out— side the range of human perception that neverthe— less sent tremors and vibrations through the red stone walls of the building. “When I ﬁnally reached the source, large room in the basement, I saw a scene that did not belong in the modern rational world so much as it was straight out of the most reprehensibly lurid godiic romance. Nay.ifsuchasceneaslsaw throughtheopencrack ofdiedoorwercmbewrittenasﬁction,nomoral society would stand for it. it would be condemned notonlyasﬂievilestoflies,butalsoastheworstof attacks upon human decency...” Next week: The Giaplains Tale, Part 2. As I drew ever closer / his Ph.D. from the University of the Orange Free State. writing his dissertation on ethics in the African context. He began his teaching career with the Ministry of Education and Culture in 1984. teaching English, math. and Biblical stud— ies and lived his life as a pastor at the Evangelical Bible Church in Namibia from December 1989 to December 199]. The course he taught at the Augsburg Abroad University was entitled “Reli- gion and Social Change in Southern Africa" (REL 346). Students learned about the changing role of religion in Southern Africa before and after colonialism, traditional African religions and the results of their meeting with Christianity, and the way in which traditional African religions and Christian- ity were involved in the libera— tion struggle. Orval Gingerich. the Associ— ate Dean for International Pro- grams here in Minneapolis, knew Kauuova. When discussing the pastor and professor with others. he always heard similar com— ments about how Kauuova was “very caring" and what a won- derful job he did introducing stu— dents to his own culture in Africa. helping to bridge the cul- tural gap from United States cul— ture to African culture. In fact. in his teaching role, his students called him Pastor Werner. For his outstanding perfor- mance during his educational venture he was awarded the best prestige in English and mathe— matics at Okakarara Secondary School (1979-1982). was the ﬁrst recipient of the BP Scholar— ship for the best student from 1980 to 1983, and also recieved an award for being the Most Hard—Working Student at Okakarara Secondary School (1981-1982). Among his many accomplishments he was also the ﬁrst black man to enroll in an all— white theological school in South Africa, and he and his family were the first black family to become members of an all-white church. Obviously. being the ﬁrst in these two signiﬁcant situ- ations, he faced discrimination. But he broke through the barriers in his own soft-spoken manner through kindness, listening to everyone. and always thinking carefully before he spoke. According to Gingerich. although “he knew things weren‘t perfect. but he brought change to his community." MAKE A DIFFERENCE! Willi WOFIGNG IN THE COMMUNITY WITH PEOPLEWHO HAVE DEVHOPNENTAL DISABllTlES. Branch Namibians are typically a cat— tle—raising people. They have many cultural quirks. as do all cultures,. that US. students may ﬁnd a bit baffling. For example, they drink sour milk, and consult their ancestors through holy tires. which many traditional house- holds have near or on their land. Gingerich said that these were just a few things to which Kau- uova helped students adjust. Kauuova knew both worlds well too. Although he had traveled to the United States and gone to universities in Africa and in Eng- land, he still owned about two dozen cattle in the rural commu— nity where he grew up. Accord— ing to Gingerich. he Irascended his roots without abandoning them. According to the Namibians that Gingerich talked to, suicide was not a common occurancc. yet oddly. the husband of a woman who worked at the Center for Global Education in Namibia also committed suicide in the couple weeks prior to Kauuova. The questions that l. as many other Augsburgians probably asked themselves were: Why would a pastor commit suicide. especially one who had studied suicide while attaining his Mas— ters? What barriers could this man, who was the first black man to enroll in an all white theologi— cal school in South Africa and whose family was lhc ﬁrst black members of an all white church. not overcome? He had a good job, a wife and two young sons. a seemingly strong relationship with God and two separate com- munities. that of his family and origin, and that of the more industrialized, educated sphere. Lam $10 - 515.7%; ukile your resume. and for “it. and M am My" all,me you gain gum momma lo! sdmol, c Fd‘fth! - Mule - Immune-mm 4» mwmim“ ' tit-wheat!!! 54mm: /"-~n.. O an m u: Jubilee ma, 651-415-9991 IOMMWAn-I ' ' 1-888-558-9991 ACR HOMES. INC.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 01
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: E? :5 .0 in DD :5 Q) £
Show moreE? :5 .0 in DD :5 Q) £< November 2, 2001 I i ;‘www.a]sbule Volume 1 08 c Issue 5 I I In thls Issue: ' The Echo criticized, page 2 “Iron Monkey” Review, page 3 Suicide in Namibia, page 5 Cancer survivor, page 6 Mayoral candidates set priorities Rybak and Sayles Belton battle for your November 6 vote Culley Graham Contributor On October 17, Minnesota Youth Vote and Minnesota Public Interest Group (MPIRG) pre- sented an opportunity for area stu- dents and community members to come together and hear what each of the Minneapolis mayoral can- didates had to say about the cur— rent state of Minneapolis and their visions for its future. This election, between newcomer R. T. Rybak and incumbent Sharon Sayles Belton, gives voters an opportunity to look very closely at each candidate’s stance on the issues, as both candidates are Democrats. The forum on Octo— ber 17 allotted time for each can- didate to make an opening statement, answer questions from a panel as well as the audience. and listen to members of the audi— ence “speak out” about important topics in their lives. Both Rybak and Belton gave well-rounded responses to questions aimed at educating the voter. Rybak explained his four main future goals as mayor of Minneapolis: to provide good management of the city. to tackle the affordable housing cri- sis. to protect our natural environ- the potential ment. and to increase citizen participation in government. He proposes that $16 million be put into affordable housing next year alone to get the 1000 homeless children off of the Minneapolis streets. make housing available for senior citizens and students. reform laws that discriminate against those with poor renting records. and make shelter avail- able to all Minneapolis citizens. Rybak says that higher envi— ronmental standards should be incorporated and enforced in all aspects of city development in order to ensure a cleaner tomor- row. The key to solving problems in Minneapolis. according to Rybak. is to get every person involved in the governmental process. and each citizen should voice his or her opinion. as it is the most effective way to make a difference. Rybak claims that he is committed to reaching across social lines and barriers to make new voices heard. Sayles Belton claims that the most important issues in her cam- paign are to keep crime down in Minneapolis. to improve the availability of affordable housing. and to continue improving the education system. During her past eight years in ofﬁce. Sayles Belton has been committed to each of these issues. and she con- siders them priorities for her next four years. Under her leadership. hits U,~ affects the Minneapolis crime rate is down to a 35-year low. though Sayles Belton admits that the Minneapolis police force needs to work harder on communicating with communities of color and the mentally ill. She is committed to keeping the crime rate down. Sayles Belton’s approach to the affordable housing crisis is to build 2000 housing units over the next three years and put the vacant lots and boarded-up houses all over the city to use. with the help of non-proﬁt organi- zations. Finally. Sayles Belton claims that many of the problems in the Minneapolis education sys— tem can be solved if it is ensured that children in kindergarten through grade three are perform— ing at grade level. When each grade is performing at grade level. future academic success is more likely. Also. families and schools need to work together for the education system to “mix successfully. Though each candidate has a unique position on each issue. both candidates are driven by the people: that is. you. the \oter. Do you want something about the city to change? Make your voice heard: get educated about the mayoral candidates and vote on November 6. Watch for MPIRG on campus for more information about the election. and walk over to the People's Center on River— side (across from North Country Co-op) to vote. This is your big opportunity to have a say about what goes on in our great city: don‘t miss it. Halloween Safeblock 2001 " ‘ postage from Cuba, ‘ emanated a strange odor, and was bound with unnecessary sealing assess the unusual package. Local news media overheard this dis— patch and gave excess negative _\ Due mthesc suspicions fac- attention to the incident. Once and the ongoing anthrax alert, informed of the situation, the package was treated as a pos— police station contacted the bomb squad. Once the pack— age was deemed safe, testing neg- ative for anthrax. The UPS delivery person and the UPS truck were thoroughly inspected, as well. Once all was clear. the UPS worker delivered packages to Augsburg College. Augsburg, under standard security procedures, held their Whoa of anthrax. “the package kit of thresholds, in our , in‘tixis of national university Photo 7.1. ‘r A . "i‘i' packages Tuesday [0 ensure Anthrax scare continued on page 7 Elementary students from the community play Halloween, games at Augsburg's annual Safeblock celebration. Augsburg’s ongoing identity crisis Security department speaks out Committee addresses October 8 arrest David Rettenmaier Managing Editor On Wednesday. October 24. a special committee designed to investigate the October 8 incident with an Augsburg alumnus con- vened a meeting to reveal the results of their investigation. Dick Adamson. Vice President for Finance and Administration and head of the emergency com- mittee. began by narrating the events of the altercatipn involv- ing the alumnus. Augsburg Secu- rity. and the Minneapolis Police Department. At approximately 8:00 p.m.. alumnus Rico Washington entered Si Melby Hall. where a security ofﬁcer asked him for identiﬁcation. “He either did not hear or ignored initial requests." reported Adamson. Washington proceeded down the stairs to the weight room. Three security guards followed after him. even- tually locating him in the men's bathroom. Security again requested his identiﬁcation. and Washington complied. though Adamson noted evidence that he was uncoopera— tive: he waived his Augsburg identiﬁcation card around. mak- ing it difﬁcult for security to con- ﬁrm. At this point. Ofﬁcer Prentice threatened to call the police. and Washington handed over the identiﬁcation for closer inspection. Findings released continued on page 7 David Rettenmaier Managing Editor The role of security at Augsburg College has been a contested issue on campus lately. Due to the arrest of an alumnus (see adjacent article) after the Maya Angelou performance on October 8. many students. faculty. and staff have criticized the performance of security. James Shropshire and Joanne Mulder. student security ofﬁcers. and Scott Baker and Jennifer Kel- logg. senior ofﬁcers. recently had a chance to address some campus—wide concerns and to clear up some discrepancies. Although they are “restricted by conﬁdentiality laws." these security ofﬁcers feel that their voices need to be heard. The ofﬁcers think the gravity of the incident has been exaggerated. According to Mulder. there are many more serious incidents every year: "It was unfortunate. but it‘s very minor. and it‘s been com— pletely blown out of proportion.“ Shropshire added. “It was just unfortunate timing. and the school. in light of all that was going on in one day. definitely had to make it more of a race issue than it really was." Augsburg had dubbed October 8 "a day oi diversity." unveiling a new minority scholarship pro, gram and welcoming Maya Angelou to perform that night. When asked about how the administration responded to the issue. Mulder commented, “I was very disappointed with how things were handled in general. and there seems to he no effort to resolve anything." Shropshire spoke of the committee designed to investigate the arrest: “1 think it’s really unfortunate that when they put together a counsel to judge us that no one from our depamnent. or who has our department at heart. represented us." Baker added. “Anyone on that panel would be hard pressed to explain what we actually do." Baker also spoke of their boss. John Nanoll. being asked to resign within an hour of coming to Security speaks out continued on page 4
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo November 2, 2001, Page 02
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: November 2, 2001 eéOpinion page 2 Scott Anthony Austin Bibus Opinion Editor It is ten—o—clock in the morning in Dinkytown. People in band uniforms. carrying cymbals. Clarinets. and sousa— phones. are clogging all the bagel joints and coffee houses. It is early in the morning for a college student...
Show moreNovember 2, 2001 eéOpinion page 2 Scott Anthony Austin Bibus Opinion Editor It is ten—o—clock in the morning in Dinkytown. People in band uniforms. carrying cymbals. Clarinets. and sousa— phones. are clogging all the bagel joints and coffee houses. It is early in the morning for a college student on a Saturday. but I am excited—giddy almost. The crowds of horn-toting band nerds are making it difﬁcult to get my hands on a good scone in this town. I don‘t have time to wait in line behind six kids with trumpets and some guy who thinks it‘s cool to read the Iliad in a coffee shop. I have an important agenda today: freaks! By the time I get my scone (no thanks to the Tchaikovsky wannabe drum major who took an hour deciding whether to get a double tall mocha express or a Frappacino super-effer- vescent cream cone). I am an hour late at the Bell Museum. On the way in. past the big brass sculpture of the moose with testicles (for real. check it out). I spot a poor bird huddled in a counter. The girl working there asks me if I am a student. I lie and say yes. She says admission is free for students. I thank her. and inform her that I am here to see some freaks. She looks a little confused and says. “The freaks were last week." “What?!?!? Last week?!?l?." I shriek. “What do you mean last week? They only have exhibits for a week now? For one day? What kind of shit is this? No pig with three bodies? No two-headed turtle? No cow hairball? Are there any freaks in there?" “Well.” she replies calmly in contrast to my outrage. “There is a pretty funny looking gopher on the ﬁrst ﬂoor." I leave before she finishes her sen- tence. I had been all set to spend a day at the Bell Museum checking out the freaks. and the exhibit had only been open for one freaking day. And I know why. too. College students like you! That‘s right! You! I can understand why the distant days Band nerds and a complete lack of Jackolopes gawked at. then let us not gawk. But things never should have gone this far. Now it is taboo to travel around with a wagon full of deformed animals and charge two bits a gander. Whence did we come to this? When was the last time you saw a multi-headed goat? Many children watch movies fea- turing talking animals who realize their fate is to be eaten. and are appalled by the fact that we would do such a cruel thing. I ask you. what is worse: To be fattened up until you are juicy enough to eat. or to be taken on a world tour. all expenses paid. just for having a ﬁfth leg? Freak shows provided a livelihood for those animals which natural selec- tion might have weeded out had it not been for the kind hand of camies across the country. Would you like to know what they do with those animals now? The calf with eight horns. the cow with a goiter. the bull with penile gigantism? I’ll tell you what they do. They chop them up and make them into glue! Is this anyway to treat our comer. It doesn't seem to be in any real danger of dying. Probably likes the comer. Whatever buffs your beak. right? I laugh. It's going to be a great day. - Inside I stroll conﬁdently to the powerful scrutiny. LIS. of human freak shows came under such ple” (as Frederick Drimmer would have it) deserve the same fair and equitable standards of employment as the rest of If a person does not enjoy being animal brethren? I think not. In conclusions. friends, let us rein- state the time-honored tradition of the American animal freak show. We have been far too long without our “Very special peo— Mock-Ademia Tenure, academic freedom, and the grading process By \t'tll'llt’d.’ This week this column is not humorous. K. Lucin Stafff Writer 7 Last year at Augsburg. the issue of post-tenure review- inspired enmity between faculty. students. and staff members. Many faculty members thought that students were out to get them. and many students thought that a few faculty members were using their tenured status as a protection against being ﬁred for incompetence or laziness. In any case. most profes- sors would never even think of using their status that way; tenure has a far more important purpose. It ensures academic freedom. and allows the professor to publicly hold opinions that do not coincide with those of the rest of academia while retaining his or herjob security. In this way. tenure is a very important institution indeed. Unfortunately. tenure doesn’t protect everyone. Staff members do not have tenure; of course. they do not usually need as much academic freedom as faculty members. Stu- dents do not have tenure. either. and I believe that because of this. the academic freedom of students is severely limited and even impaired. Back in the medieval period of history. students and teach- ers were much closer in rank than they are now. Certainly the teacher was the superior to the student. but both were involved in the process of dialectic. There was no organized system of grades such as we have now. A student paid a pro- fessor directly. and if a student didn‘t like a particular profes— sor. he could simply leave and pay someone else to teach him, Nowadays. it‘s much more difﬁcult for a student to simply leave a professor. At Augsburg. it involves dropping a class. or. if one is sufficiently irked. withdrawing from school. It's still doable. However. there is a complication that medieval students never had: grades. We may be able to drop a class. but the for "Withdraw" remains on our transcript. If we didn't withdraw. but instead decided to stick out the class (since we can‘t get our money back. after all). we could get a bad grade. Sounds natural. but (and it must be admitted) professors are human beings too. They carry their own prejudices and quirks. and it's very difﬁcult if not impossible to keep them out of the grading process, Most professors don't do it on purpose. but there are a few out there who will deliberately gnc someone a bad grade because he or she had the terrierin to disagree It‘s so hard not to ﬁnd an excuse to pick on someone w ho disagrees with you in everyday life; it must be much harder in academia. where the science of dialectic (argumenta— tion) reigns supreme. dear and faithful friend. In other words. stu- dents have no academic freedom. They are subjected to the dictates (gener- ally benevolent) of their s'uperiors in a way that even non— tenure track faculty are not. If a student wants to get additional education after college. he or she will need ade- quate grades for that purpose. grades which professors give out. grades which are inevitably biased (though usually very minimally 50). Sometimes these grades are very biased—a few professors seem to take disagreement very personally indeed. and come down on it like a ton of bricks on a soft- boiled egg. Students can’t simply pick up and leave like they could in the medieval period, Our grades continue to follow us after we switch schools, or even after we graduate and try to ﬁnd a job. There is no institution like tenure to protect the acade- mic freedom of students. It could. of course. be argued that we have not earned academic freedom yet. and that we need to go along with what the more educated say before we get our own say on academic matters. But then what happens to dialectic and argumentation? If Socrates believed his students were not worth arguing with. and that their opinions were by deﬁnition absurd. he never would have claimed dialectic as the ultimate learning tool. Perhaps we are too immature in temperament to use dialectic properly: Socrates did say that ideally one shouldn‘t learn it until later in life for that reason. However. I believe that the more practice in argumentation we have. the more effective we will be later in life. whether we go into business. law. or become professors ourselves. We do not learn argu- mentation in high school. where subjects are taught with a great degree of dogmatism. We only have that opportunity in college and graduate school. But if we have so little freedom to disagree. how can we participate in dialectic? Sometimes the only choice one has is between a good grade or arguing what you actually think. even though you disagree with a professor. And tragically. we usually end up choosing grades. just because so much of our future may depend on them: scholarships. jobs. destinations. In a sense. that is the ultimate academic freedom—to choose between integrity and our own futures. Community and of College. ‘ Wemmmmmmmmwnw require us to have contact with all variwsaatesornand. Theywilloﬁcntirnes a I Challenge ourAuthority and die Rides-9am We don't view ourbadges _ IcametoAugabm’gwithadegrccinLawm. whee Departmant. by I’ve my Minnesota Peace I have been able to do so, because this encouraged me to attend several related triﬂing’rc‘ach year. John Nanoffscntmetobecomeanaﬁonullycd- tilled Self—Defense ‘ " -‘ ‘ Instr-octet: I have been teaching classes to women ‘on this campus for two years. ' The oﬂicers on this department have been thor- oughly trained and certiﬁed in Emergency Respomc and Defensive Tactics this year alone. I want for this campus community to be aware thatour >x Security Department has several members with many years of exemplary service. In addition to the senior officers, we employ dedicated and professional student security ofﬁcers, as well as dispatchers. The students gain valuable life experience outside of the classroom while working within the ﬁeld. They are being groomed for a'career in Law Enforcean We in the Security Department wish to provide a safe and friendly learning environment for all. We are highly capable and prepared to serve the needs of this college. Sincerely, Jennifer Kellogg Augsburg Security Ofﬁcer To Whom It May Concern, ‘ , t I am writing this lettertoinformihcnewspaper about the numerous grammatical and spelling errors fotmdinthisweek‘sismofthe . Ionly readtwomiclesandwasarnazedattheabnndanceof errors found in just two articles. I prefer not to name the articles with the errors because I do not wish to incrimi- nate the authors of those articles. I do not believe the errors were the fault of the author, but rather the fault of the editor(s). Iamnotaregularreaderofthembml am an Augsburg student who can spot what I believe is nothing short of a blatant disregard for the English lan- guage. I believe if the stall rereads this week’s newspa- per, the members will understand what I am talking about. I would also like to say that never in my life have I been compelled to write a letter such as this. but in this case I am astounded that the material in this week’s issue of the Echo was deemed ﬁt to print. My goal in this letter is not to offend anybody for I understand that students and faculty use their free time to assemble this newspaper and probably get very little in return, but I also believe that as Augsburg students and faculty we would like to see the highest level of excellence repro- scntingourcollege. Iamnotangryinthcleastandl apologize if this letter seems like an attack on hard working people. It is not. I simply believe that if the gemstaﬂ‘istrulyintercstcdinprinﬁngqualitymc- senting Augsburg College students, this letter will be taken seriously and changes will be made. I know this newspaper can achieve a high standard of professional- ism andlwouldn’thave writtcnthislcncrifldidnot believe that staff of the Echo could meet the challenge. Thank you for your time. Sincerely. Andrew Black AW “MW! -' Wm» whoa» --x . . /.._..,.,,...r,, a devalue...” h a. . mwaW .4; ~une~ / « ran—r ~
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo December 14, 2001, Page 07
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: ti W W ~ mm «3— ‘Y'inumrh‘r (— run-1“: .v-- ""7‘ mm .w‘ Av"; ., ,.~.. 4.. v. . .Vfal-erv, .. -‘ .~., . I”). page 7 gilohn Engman Issue December 14, 2001 Editors note: due to spatial limitations, the two short stories, “If the World Ended, Would I Notice? ” and “Closed or Opened?” which received...
Show moreti W W ~ mm «3— ‘Y'inumrh‘r (— run-1“: .v-- ""7‘ mm .w‘ Av"; ., ,.~.. 4.. v. . .Vfal-erv, .. -‘ .~., . I”). page 7 gilohn Engman Issue December 14, 2001 Editors note: due to spatial limitations, the two short stories, “If the World Ended, Would I Notice? ” and “Closed or Opened?” which received special honors in the ﬁction category, cannot be printed in their entirety. Excerpts of the stories are printed below. .WI K. Lucln I COME HERE EVERY MORNING. IN THE WINTER, sometimes I have to wear an extra sweater and a fuzzy woolen hat, the kind with the lumberjack earﬂaps. Some: where in my house there is probably a pair of gloves, but I never wear them. Mittens keep my hands warm and turn them into soft, lobster-like pincers. What can you do wear- ing gloves that you can’t do wearing mittens, anyway? Nothing worthwhile, that’s for sure. The season hadn’t turned yet, so the leaves were only just beginning to ﬂame their colors in honor of their incipi- ent freedom--and death. Only one tree lives up here, on this cliff, so it has the leaf market cornered. Rocks have an easier time here than anything alive; even in the spring the grass here grows in twisted clumps, as if the world were too frightful to survive in alone. It’s the kind of place where Jane Eyre met Rochester, the kind of place where the three witches prophesied to Macbeth. No one normal would ever come here on purpose. My kind of place. I can’t see my breath, but it’s pretty cold. In my ﬂuores- cent green anirnal-paws I carefully carry the Box, which isn’t very heavy today. After a few minutes of staring at the water below, grey-pink in the aftershock of sunrise, I sit down on my rock, the one that weathering has forged into an ideal (albeit chilly) chair. I open the Box, and remove the object from it. Today’s object is a mirror from a car door. The car it came from had had stylish maroon paint, and most of what was originally on the mirror is still there. I remember the day it came off the car pretty vividly even now. Mother came home early that day, earlier than she’d Closed or Opened? ever come home before. I was sprawled out on the couch watching cartoons, and as soon as I heard the door slam I realized that I was a dead duck if I got caught. I turned off the TV so that I could pretend I’d really been doing my homework, but my heart pounded in my chest like that sta- plegun my father had used the day before to fix the screen door: ka-PUNK, ka—PUNK. As she entered the room, I realized that my pre-Algebra textbook was upside-down in my lap, and ﬂipped it around, staplegun—heart plummeting like Wile E. Coyote after a failed attempt to get dinner. Then I saw my mother’s face, and knew that there was something wrong far beyond my neglecting my homework to watch TV. Her face, usually stony with determination, was empty. Her makeup had migrated south across her sallow face, making two bluish streaks that sparkled gently in the dim light of the lamp beside my couch. “Mom?” I said uncer- tainly, beginning to get an inkling that something was really wrong. My pre-Algebra book slid off my lap, onto the faded couch cushion. “What’s wrong?” She sat down beside me, with her deadened eyes and her scrubbed—soft hands, and said, “I went to the clinic early this morning, for a few tests, and they found a lump in my left breast.” She closed her mouth, thin lips set in a rigid grimace that I’d never seen before, not even that time I threw a rock at a neighbor’s horrible cat. Then it occurred to me that the appointment had been early, she’d known all day long, had been dealing with it for many hours already. In that moment, I suddenly understood many things about life and death and my own mother, who sat there beside me like a tear-streaked porcelain doll. First, that my mother was only a human being after all, with many of the weaknesses I had myself: she had cried, and was afraid. Second, I found out what a glorious person this was, this woman I had thought was just another soul—deadened adult ——she transcended my mere mother in that instant. Third, I realized that she was mortal, and that someday this beauti- ful person with a soul of steel would die. And if that traitorous little lump of tissue wasn‘t cancer- ous, it might be soon. I don’t know what emotions showed on my face, but I believe she knew exactly what I was thinking. After all. she had caught me in sixth grade when I had dared to smoke a single cigarette (and had frightened me out of ever trying them again). I had loved my mother before this. but I had never liked her or felt compassion for her. “Mom?” I said quietly. “Could you tell me about it? Will there be a test to find out...what it is? What exactly did the doctor say?” I wanted to ask what she‘d been doing all day to preserve her sanity, but didn’t dare: even if she was a person now, she was still the person who had ulti— mate control over how much TV I got to watch. She gave a little half-smile I‘d never seen on her face before. “Actually, he said that the likelihood of it being cancer is very small. We already took the test, and the results should be in tonight or tomorrow morning. The clinic will call the moment they know.“ My mother took my hand and squeezed it, so hard it hurt. But I squeezed back anyway. “I took the day off tomorrow, thinking I was going to stay at home and wait for the phone call, but... but I’ve changed my mind. What would you say to getting out of school early and going to the 200 instead?” My eyes nearly popped out of my head. My mother was encouraging me to skip school?! Plainly, the stars had fallen, the world had turned upside down, and incidentally someone had kidnapped my mother and replaced her with someone more... more like me? ——If the World Ended, Would I N once?— Erika Hammerschmidt Jun 6, 2054, 9:32 A.M. I can ’t believe I got up so late. The plants will be dry, right when they need water the most. I forgot to write this last time, but the melons are budding and the cucumber blossom is almost dead. I bet the fruits on those will be as big as the pumpkin I grew last month. I guess I was right. Sugar water is almost as good a fertilizer as the stuff the professor told us to buy at Eden ’3 Gardens. Wait till second summer term starts. Wait till Biology 342, Studies in Plant Life. The look on her face will be worth spending the ﬁrst term of summer growing produce. The other students, of course, will call me a nerd and sit as far away from me as possible, but what’s new about that? I think maybe the other students would have handled this differently, but I can ’t imagine doing so. When I 'm curious about anything, from fertilizing plants to getting a look at inﬁnity, I won ’t stop till I ﬁnd it out. The organic energy project was that way. Ever since I read about the possibility I wondered if it would work faster with a colony of worms. Of course, it ’11 never be the source of the world 's electricity, with or without worms, but it’s like I said, when I 1 get curious, everything else plays second ﬁddle. I mean, besides the time and effort of building it, having worms in here at all breaks one of my major rules, which is that I never break rules. No! that they're techni- cally pets, but I 'm sure they (an 't get through any loopholes in the Residence Life guidebook Which doesn't matter because the rules are stupid. They allow ﬁsh because they never leave their tank. but they won 't allow worms that never leave the generator: No one is ever going to know. It’s not as if I ever get any visitors. Who visits someone who does biology experiments because she wants to? Who visits someone who can build an organic energy system? In short, who visits a nerd? Someone told me once that I am a true scientist. But someone also told me--and I have a feeling it was the some person--that I think logically, and that contradicts. Logic may be useful for satisfying curiosity, but curiosity is not logical. At least not pure curiosity. Pure curiosity is a useless varia- tion on a useful emotion. It makes sense to want an answer if it can help you, but to want to know just for the sake of knowing... it gets people into trouble more often than not. But every once in a while, it helps. And drat it, I’ve missed the ﬁve to nine a.m. time frame. That's the most common . time for someone to be in the Star Trek chat room I mentioned in the entry on June 5. It's a ridiculous chat room, really, but it’s the only one my stupid search engine would ﬁnd. The words you type never show up on the screen till you leave and come back and sign in again-J don ’r know what you can see if you 're in the room with somebody, because I’ve never had that good luck——and while it tells “So-and-so has entered the room at such-and-such time, ” it never says when someone leaves the room, so you can 't actually even tell if someone is in there with you. But judging from the entry times, anyone there would've had to be waiting several hours to still be there when I showed up. And they 'd have to have ignored me when I said hi. Like everyone else. Maybe I 'm such an outcast that even people in a chat room, people who have never met me before, know not to try and make friends with me. Marie Susan shoved her diary away in the drawer next to the big brown notebook that contained her will. This document was two pages long, in Marie's handwriting, and could in itself have been a character sketch of her. She was to be cremated and interred without an urn (“or any container that is part of humanity’s futile attempt to deny the fact that we decay and become part of living things again”) All money she possessed at the time of her death was to go to her favorite pet store (“to work toward resolving the dire ﬁnancial straits common to all attempts to sell lovingly hand-raised exotic animals in competition with busi- nesses that mass-produce them or catch them in the wild”) Her possessions were to be donated to charity (“except for items worth over $100, which are to be sold and the proceeds to be treated as is the rest of my money”) Her inventions went to an engineer cousin of hers (“if this is impossi- ble, to any organization interested in putting them to use; if no organization is interested, to anyone of my next of kin’s ' choosing”) And her diaries she left to her psychiatrist, a noted author (“to be used, if he wishes, in any writing he may do about me or my disorders; please note that I con- sider them to be my only means of achiev- ing immortality and wish for any useful or insightful thoughts contained therein to be published if at all possible”) “You know,” she whispered ( Marie often spoke her thoughts aloud, in a nearly inaudible, breathy voice, when she was alone) “that’s another thing I suspect most college students don’t do. ‘Young people never think about dying,‘ adults say. ‘They act like they‘re immortal.’ And then when you talk to adults about death, they say. ‘Oh, you‘re much too young to think about that now!” She reached the end of her breath and continued her thought, still in a whisper, while inhaling. “And I’m not. Everyone‘s going to die. People my age die all the time. And if a kid so much as expresses a wish for who inherits her things, they think she‘s about to kill her- self." She turned to face the Star Trek poster on her wall, where she had taped a piece of paper saying, “To Boldly Split Infinitives that No Man has Split Before" next to the Starﬂeet insignia, and a piece of a chop- stick wrapper, with the characters for “Long Life" and “Prosperity.” next to Spock's head. “I wonder why I care about what hap- pens to my stuff when I die. I won’t need it. I won’t even know what’s happening to it. Because I’ll be in hell. I can‘t convince myself there's more than a forty-percent chance God exists. And you’re supposed to have absolute faith. How do people get absolute faith, anyway? I can’t. So either I won‘t exist at all, or I'll go to hell. You don’t think they let you know what’s going on at home, do you? When you’re in hell?" Spock stared at her disapprovingly. “But we evolve to do what's right for the species, notjust what's right for the indi— vidual. Otherwise why would people want to have babies? I guess I‘m feeling my instinctive need to contribute what I can to future members of my species. That‘s logi- cal, isn‘t it?“ The look of disapproval seemed to soften just slightly. “You know, I‘m really weird. I can ana— lyze human behavior from an evolutionary viewpoint, but I can't tell what I'm sup- posed to say, what I'm supposed to wear, when I’m supposed to make eye contact. anything. I’m split in half. One side of me wants to fit in, the other side is saying, ‘Wait a minute. People? Crazy, compli- cated, illogically behaving people? How are you going to figure out how to fit in with them? And why do you want to'.’"' The nineteen-year—old. mildly autistic college girl and the half—human. half—Vul- can science ofﬁcer of the Enterprise regarded each other for a moment. “We have a lot in common, don't we?"
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo December 14, 2001, Page 08
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: OSW'O h December 14, 2001 ohn Engman Issue page 8 Life Skills continued from page 2 shut her locker. and that the girl hadn't answered. and. having the mind of a three-year-old, as she knew all Life Skills Children did. probably hadn't understood the question. She repeated it. very slowly,...
Show moreOSW'O h December 14, 2001 ohn Engman Issue page 8 Life Skills continued from page 2 shut her locker. and that the girl hadn't answered. and. having the mind of a three-year-old, as she knew all Life Skills Children did. probably hadn't understood the question. She repeated it. very slowly, enunciat— ing the words with ultimate clarity: “How...do...we...shut...our...lock- crs'?" We! How do WE shut our lockers! The girl was by now visibly struggling to keep her temper. She'd heard of a royal “we” implying the ﬁrst person singular; now there must be a Life Skills “we” imply- ing the second person. and she didn‘t like it. If she just said “quietly” she could put on her coat and her boots and get down to Bus Number l7 exactly on time and be at home doing her Spanish in under ten min- utes. But she couldn‘t say “quietly” because she felt so degraded that her mouth wouldn‘t open because her teeth were clenched together so hard, and she wanted to SCREAM! What was Miss Carrie doing now. damn it? Miss Carrie was leaning over the girl with her lips in a little round O—shape. as if she were about to kiss her, but instead she was making a sound. clearly, distinctly, so as to leave no doubt whatsoever in the little three—year-old‘s mind as to what she was doing: “Qu...Qu...Qu...“ Like Aunt Barb. Like Aunt Barb when Cousin Max was eleven months old and she was trying to get him to say “boat.” She was prompting her. She was prompting her with the ﬁrst syllable of “qui- etly." She honestly thought the girl didn‘t know what she wanted her to say and she was PROMPTING her. The girl's teeth were clamped together so hard she felt as if they were going to break. Instead. they opened. And she hit her social worker. A Lethal Dose continued from page 3 down at the other cup placed just as dastardly as its twin: the amount he had already consumed guaran- teed him an acute onset of caffeine-induced psy- chosis. His mother made sure that he was educated on the things he put in his body. Ernie drank the ﬁrst espresso at the counter and turned towards the door. but found his body reluctant to leave the air- conditioning. Every step moved in closer to a heat- ing element. Outside. the heat molested him and stole his wal— let. Ernie managed to ﬁnd a seat under the awnings where he could rest his sweaty head against the win— dow. He began to ﬁnger the keys in the pocket of his shorts until the jingling drew stares of disap— proval from the other customers. His foot started tapping the sidewalk uncontrollably. The urge to he trusted it. estpnoesl We’rethe‘bestiw” ‘ mummaamwpssmee - Fraternities - - Sororities - Clubs - - Student Group - Earn $1000—$2000 this semester with the easy Campusfundraiser.com three hour fundraising event. Does not involve credit card applications. Fundraising dates are ﬁlling quick- ly, so call today! Contact Campusfundraiser.com at (888) 923-3238. or visit www.campus- mam He hated her like he hated to stick his hand into small. dark places and look for lost trinkets. Ernie's belly ached and his eyesight oscillated like it was hooked to a wah-wah bar. Things moved closer then further. closer then further. He stood on the comer staring into the sweaty face of a man in a suit waiting for a green light. Ernie was convinced he was dying. The man's face was beet red. and Ernie couldn't tell how close he was to him. Ernie watched the man's lips move. but heard nothing. Heavy breath, bad breath. purple like an eggplant. escaped from the man‘s mouth and enveloped Emie‘s head. "Wow." Ernie screamed suddenly into the man‘s face and walked across the street without so much as a glance at the oncoming traffic. The light was green. 30K/YEAR + RENT FREE LIVING! ARE YOU GRADUATING SOON? LOOKING FOR A PEOPLE ORIENTED JOB? LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO LIVE? LOOKING TO BUILD YOUR RESUME? LOOKING TO PAY OFF LOANS? ACR Homes. Inc. is looking for intelligent, motivated people to live-in and manage homes that serve people with physical and developmental disabilities. Compensation includes: 30W; private 2-3 hr live-in space; most utilities paid; competitive beneﬁts; generous retirement plan. Families are welcome, no pets and no tobacco use. Applicants must be well organized, good at multitasking, professional in manner and appearance. College degree pref, HS diploma req. Interested candidates will undergo a 5-7 hour screening process. Call 651-415-9991 for more information. HOMES. INC. “0‘3 to Self: Think about how smart I’ll look to mom and dad when they ﬁnd outl am having UPS pay for my college expenses. AUGSBURG + UPS + VOL) SUCCESSW m “,5 Get up to $1,5001sem - $3.000Iyr in EARN a. College Education Assistance LEARN PROGRAM Package Handlers Part-time positions available $8.50 — $9.50 per hour APPLY TODAY! ! Consistent work schedule Weekly paychecks Comprehensive benefits package No WEEKENDS! United Parcel Service will reimburse Augsburg students at the end of each semester- www.upsj obs.com STUDENT TRAVEL Equal Otllnily 5:“pr walk. tojump up and down. roll around on the pave- ment like a ﬂaming chicken screamed in his head. Claustrophobia swallowed him and Ernie stood sud— denly out of his chair. he paced the front of the cafe. He had to move. a gravitational force had hooked itself into his ribcage and was pulling him around like a marionetteuhe felt no urge to stop it, As he walked. he realized he hated his mother. 'egao‘ Mana in Editor David Rettenmaier Copy Editor Kayla Scrivner Layout Editor Greg Solheid News Editor Kellen Bredesen Opinion Editor “That was a naughty thing too,” his mother’s voice said “Never trust the lights. people drive right through them. You wait. Look both ways - red. green yellow. it doesn’t matter." “Shhhhh,” Ernie said aloud. He began to count the people on the sidewalk. “One. two.three," quietly he counted under his breath. He wasn‘t going to go home until he was finished. Think every travel agency understands what you need? Guess again. lucky for you, we do. Ready? ’2» ‘ anAVEL 317 14th Avenue SE 612.515.1800 www.5tatr'avel .com PSYCH STUDENTS: MENTAL HEALTH ASSISTANT North Memorial Health Care is seeking a Mental Health Assistant to work in our 26-bed locked Crisis Intervention Unit. Duties include documenting patient behaviors and unusual clinical signs/changes, provid- ing basic personal cares, and assisting in the manage- ment of aggressive patients. Qualiﬁcations: 2 years collegiate work in behavioral sciences required; psych- related work experience preferred. Position is part- time, night shift 20~24 hours per week, great beneﬁts package included. On-call positions also available. Augsburg thc Szzngaﬁ Fax: (763) 520-5228, send or e-mail resume to: Joel Woli tara.gundacker@northmemorial.com. MAKE A WM“! “'3'” 5 Edit” ‘ . WHILE WORKING IN THE COMMUNITY wrrll N‘ k' Z'egl Masai... North Memorial PEOPLE WHO HAVE DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES. ’ f. H - Full-ﬁme(wlbeneﬁi3) Angel Overgaard smrts Editor Earn $10 - $15.75/hr. while . Pamnme Paul Putt 3300 oakdale AVe- N- i yougaingreatexperience for school. . mamman phom Edna, Robbinsdale, MN 55422 your resume. and for life. . 0mm Mam W! Aaron Vogel Equal Opportunity Employer "m “M'W’mWW-"Mmm" - Very Flexible Schedule . E . K 9":ng rs Call The ACR Jobline Today commissioner . Jake Coums Earn a free trip, money or both. "mum. mm m /\‘K BMQ Boyd Koehler 1-888-558-9991 MAZATLAN EXPRESS ls LOOKING FOR STUDENTS on ORGANIZATIONS TO SELL oun SPRINK BREAK PACKAGE T0 MAZATLAN, MEXICO. (953) 893-9679.
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo December 14, 2001, Page 04
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: December 14, 2001 géjohn Engman Issue page 4 My father’s burden my sister tells‘me of the night when I was four and our mirthless father, red-faced, was playing heaven’s angry messenger, his dinner, like a neglected pet in winter, forgotten and growing cold in the face of limited time salvation....
Show moreDecember 14, 2001 géjohn Engman Issue page 4 My father’s burden my sister tells‘me of the night when I was four and our mirthless father, red-faced, was playing heaven’s angry messenger, his dinner, like a neglected pet in winter, forgotten and growing cold in the face of limited time salvation. Maybe he imagined God’s punishing breath on his neck or heard the sovereign voice in the ticking of the living room clock and frantic, thought this was his only chance to bring his daughter to God. He spoke in shouts and probably spat, pounded ﬁsts on the table, sending forks to the floor, milk jumping, startled, out of glasses. I remember sneaking chewed-up beef into the white liquid, the dark color betraying its hiding spot so that he shouted louder, barking of hell and the devil and ungrateful children wasting food. Maybe something in his eyes showed the terrible weight he carried, heavy as a dead child, her soul burning in the underworld. so I sobbed myself into submission, not understanding how this Jesus would ﬁt in my heart but needing the yelling to stop, wanting to ﬁnd a place where this frenzied Father was not near. He has since declared, more than twice, that it was his proudest moment of me, and I wonder what his memory looks like, and if he recalls the fallen silverware, the frightened wailing ofa four—year old, the look of silenced fear in an apprehensive wife, in a prepubescent, shoulder—slumping elder daughter, or if he simply felt that weight lifting, imagined the breath of God shifting to his anxious ear, whispering ofa job well done. Fog Carl Sandburg said that the fog crept in on little cat’s feet I can see that now — it’s been creeping closer all day soon it will envelope me in my apartment too like the many tall buildings it has swallowed before us - I breathe in deeply the thickness fills the air and then coats my lungs, the same way it is covering my ﬁnger tips slowly it creeps up my arm - grey — and comforting quiet blanket slowly puts the city . to sleep - those who live here think these lights must never go off tonight they have no choice the last glimmer is squcated - quiet darkness befalls us all --Christine Fankhanel --Marla Depew The Snails, everybody knows, Are torpid gastropods. Not fast enough. When autumn blows Through his ochre teeth. 50 they freeze. Ice gathers all around them In resplendent fragmentations. Staggered. one atop the next, Like feathers tiered in rows On goose necks. Bullet Proof I wish you had never been born. Pathetic. Stupid. Embarrassment. He says I’m the prettiest one in the class, I hope that doesn’t offend you. Boring. Disgusting. Pig. People only like you because you’re Different. Crippled. Passive. No one will ever want you. I’ll take what’s yours and make it mine. Weak. Replaceable. Liability. You are nothing. You will become nothing. Just like my mother. Screwed up. Fragile. Freak. Hey beautiful, How’s about a date? Callous laughter stops, The word retard under his breath. Ugly. Terriﬁed. Shell—shocked. My picture, With its lips poked out, Eyes poked out, Face poked out. I sit here. In a soft palace No longer afraid of the monsters underneath my bed. Not after what I’ve seen. What I’ve heard. What I’ve read. --Stephenie Noggle Snail Planter Try as you might, You cannot ﬁnd them. They all belong to me. And I have picked them all, ‘ So next year, when the snow is gone Aground in grassy ﬁelds, You will ﬁnd, By tracks of slime, But I shall plant them, too, like seeds. The harvest my work yields. In rows about your gardens, And in between your weeds. I know where each one grows, Though frozen now they be. «Scott Anthony Austin Bibus .7” «A u. «~M». .-
Show less

Title: Augsburg Echo December 14, 2001, Page 06
Collection: The Augsburg Echo Collection
Search Result: December 14, 2001 ailohn Engman Issue page 6 Alexis Twlto DREAMS TELL A LOT ABOUT A PERSON AND ABOUT what a person is experiencing at the time of the dream. I have had many strange dreams, and have even had reoccur- ring nightmares. Whereas most of my dreams and even nightmares have long since...
Show moreDecember 14, 2001 ailohn Engman Issue page 6 Alexis Twlto DREAMS TELL A LOT ABOUT A PERSON AND ABOUT what a person is experiencing at the time of the dream. I have had many strange dreams, and have even had reoccur- ring nightmares. Whereas most of my dreams and even nightmares have long since faded away into the deep abyss of my unconsciousness, one in particular remains in my memory as a reﬂection of my past. The nightmare that I have come to refer to as “The Wall Dream” was a reﬂection of who I was and of the circumstances that affected me. When I was nine, I found myself in a confusing world that seemed utterly uncaring about me. My family was having problems and so even among them, I felt alone. I never realized how lonely I was until I looked at and analyzed my reoccurring nightmare. I am on top of a thin ledge. It’s probably only a foot wide. so I have to be careful not to move so that I fall off. There is a wall behind me. It is cold andﬂat. Leaning against its smooth surface sends a shiver down my spine. I don ‘t know exactly how high up I am, but I must be extremely high because I cannot see the ground. It almost seems as though I am on a ﬂoating ledge in outer space, out among the clouds and stars. But there are no stars. There is nothing around me. It is dark, but I suspect that the dark has less to do with the time of day than it does with the absence of life. There is a slight breeze. though I am not cold. However. the darkness in the air gives me an eeriefeeling. My family is on the ledge with me, yet I still feel alone. Mom. John, I, Adam. and Dad are all here. We are all spread out along the wall on the ledge, as we are in a line-up. “Who is the guilty one?” I wonder. “Who will the ﬁnger point at? " It is probably me. No one is talking. My family is confused and scared. Their eyes are wide with fear and astonishment-~everyone ’s except mine. My eyes are downcast and contemplative. I know why we are here. It is a test. We don 't know what to do. We just stand still on the ledge, alone and fearful, hoping that someone will rescue us. Thefaint pleas ofpeople below usﬁnally break the silence. We are not completely alone after all. The whis- pering voices from the depths below cry, “You have to Jump! Make it to the other wall and climb down. " Before we all can ask the mysterious voices, “What other wall? " a tower appears before us. The new barrier is parallel with ours. It is different, though. Our wall only has a ledge, but the new structure looks much more excit- ing. Laid out before us is a taunting vertical sea ofbal- loan—looking objects. The wall is not stationary, either: The gentle breeze is causing it to sway in a lulling and seductive manner. When swaying, the wall is anywhere from eight to ten feet away. The two giant structures leer at each other. Both are void of any real purpose. They, along with my family, are the only things that matter in our realm of nothingness. One ofthe walls is our problem; the other is our possible solution. We are isolated from the world below except for he Ledge the faint cries rising to our ears and these walls are our only comfort. Though there is not a signiﬁcant distance between the two walls, I know that it will be tough for us all to make it from our ledge to the balloon wall. My family will not sur- vive the test. My mom, especially, cannot do it. She is so over-weight that it is a challenge for her to just stand still on the ledge here. And poor Adam, he’s so little. How is a four year old going to be able to jump eight feet? John and I are eight and nine respectively; we should be able to make the jump. Dad will have no problem. The ﬁve of us decide to make the move. We all get in a position to make the easiest jump possible, and wait until the breeze blows the wall closest to us. Dad says, “Okay, get ready... " But something goes wrong. Mom makes a move too early and then she tries to stop herself I don ’t know how to feel as I watch my mother cascade down into oblivion, to her death. My mom, the person who bore me and gave me life, is gone and now I am the only girl left in the family. My brothers, my dad, and I are stunned by what has happened, but strangely, no one mourns her loss. We press on. My dad begins again by saying, “Get ready. Here it comes. Jump. " All four of us crouch low and use every muscle ﬁber in our bodies to get across the great void of nothingness that separates us from our possible return to safety. John makes it over to the wall ﬁrst, then 1. Adam jumps after me, but his little legs don 't have the power to propel him to the other side. He doesn ’t make it over My dad is the last onto the wall. The loss of Adam is sad, but we all know that he was too weak to make it the whole way. Fate is taking its toll on our family. We seem to be failing the test. Dad, John, and I begin our descent towards safety, but the going is not yet easy. The balloons are very strong. The rubber is thick and somewhat stable, but every now and then a balloon or two breaks free from the wall and gently ﬂoats down into the darkness like Mom and Adam. We careﬁllly climb down the wall for what seems like hours. John and I are about even with each other and Dad is a little bit farther down. John makes a step for a balloon below him. Before he can get a secure footing, however; a balloon breaks free. My brother lets out a terriﬁed shriek that pierces the still night air. He begins to tumble down- ward. My dad makes a grab to catch him but the weight on his own balloons become too much and so he, too, falls to his death. Father and son, John and John Jr., meet the I samefate--together I am terribly overcome with grief. I am not unbeliev- ably sad at the deaths of my entire family, for some reason, but I am upset that I am alone. The last of my family, my support, is gone. My family has failed the test. We are torn apart. Will I, too, fail? I will have to try to make my way to safety. The realization that I have to try to make it by myself. however, is the scariest thing of the entire experi- ence. Can I do it? I wonder.. [Then I wake up.] When I was nine I began having this reoccurring night- mare. It frightened me more than any other dream had up Spitting Mad until then. In the third grade I started to realize that my life was not perfect. I became frustrated and angry with myself, my family, and the world. My home situation was particularly volatile and my own life was extremely busy for a child. I spent most of my time apart from my family. Naturally during the day I was in school, but directly afterwards I rushed off to swim practice for the national circuit swim team I was on. I returned from swim practice everyday at around 7:00 pm, muscles sore and exhausted. But even once I was home, I still never had time to spend with my family and friends. As I routinely and meticu- lously punched away on the gentle ivory keys of my tat- tered keyboard with my swollen and clumsy ﬁngers every night, I could always hear the bustle of life happening around me. Crammed into my tiny square room with only my homework, chlorine-scented duffel bag and work-out gear, and keyboard, I could hear the thuds, bangs, and yelps from my brothers wrestling down the hall. The epidemic that normally spreads with the giggles and laughter of chil~ dren never made it from my brothers’ room over the wall that separated us. Sometimes I could hear the swearing and heated arguments between my parents sneak up the stairs and into my room like an eerie black poisonous snake in a place where its unwanted. “I can’t believe you were at the bar all night again yesterday. You’re such an a$$hole!" my mom often shouted, only to be quickly followed by my dad saying, “Shut up dam*it! Leave me alone.” Noises weren’t the only things to penetrate into my busy little world inside my room. The savory smells of my dad’s delectable food danced in my nostrils. Dad’s famous chili, baked chicken, homemade pizza and so much more were the only things that tempted me out of my isolation. For the few moments I did join my family for dinner, I almost seemed to be a part of their lives. I was asked a quick and polite, “How was school today, Alexis?” or “What did you do at swim practice today?” at the dinner table. Though I eagerly responded every time, after a minute or two the topic of conversation changed to something more interest- ing and applicable to the lives of the other family members. When the meal was over, I retreated into the solitude of my walled in space. Set upon the ledge of my loneliness, I was not to return again for hours, if at all that night. I was so different from every person I came in contact with when I was growing up. I felt as though I were alone in the world, condemned to ﬁgure out life on my own. My family was no source of comfort for me. I wanted them to be. I wanted to be Daddy’s little girl, but his alco- holism, perpetual unemployment, and abuse made me so mad that I could not even stand to be with him in the same room. I wanted to be friends with my brother, John, but he ignored me, making that impossible. I wanted to get along with my mother, but her inaction angered me as much as Dad’s vices. I wanted to ﬁt in and to be happy. But things just never worked out that way. And when I had “The Wall Dream,” I guess my subconscious became just as con— cerned as my conscious about how lonely I felt. In my everyday life I found myself on a ledge with others around me, and I tried not to let them perish into the darkness. (in the style of Amy F usselman ) Kellen Bredesen I‘M so MAD I COULD JUST SPlT. AND I hardly ever get mad. I‘m one of those people everyone wishes would get mad just because it would be novel. What made me so spitting mad today--what made me say the F—word at least 15 times in a row--was a postponed job interview. Let me explain: I‘m a college student. I‘m a college student who really needs a summer job in one week. And fucking Kathy cancelled the interview. I was supposed to wake up my room- mate Mary at noon so that she could “just be up" for an hour before we would leave. and she would drive me down l-94W. Washington Avenue. 26th Avenue. and 2nd Street. Then I was going to ﬁnd out from Kathy what she wanted me to do this sum- mer for my job. Kathy is the circulation manager for a brand-new magazine that caters to non-proﬁts. I really want to work there. So far today, I have done the following things. Ignored two consecutive phone calls that woke me up at 11:00 am. Climbed down from my college—issued, dorm-style top bunk. Checked my voice mail and listened to one message from Kathy. (There is a meeting that has come up that I really should go to. Can we reschedule for later?) Reschedule for later? No. Please, no. Ate two pieces of peanut butter toast and drank one glass of water to get rid of mom- ing voice. Called Kathy‘s ofﬁce phone. Called Kathy‘s cell phone. No answer. Took a shower and picked out job interview clothes. Just in case. I kind of have a pressure headache now. And my eyes are sore. I think it's from all the drinking I did until 5:30 this morning. No, I‘m not bad and irresponsible. Mary and I celebrated my friend Tom’s birthday last night. The three of us played Go Fish and Beyond Balderdash and drank rum and Coke in the living room. I think that’s pretty wholesome. So I wait for fucking Kathy to call back. I don’t iron my green slacks or put on makeup yet. I watch CNN Headline News. Firestone and Ford split up, I ﬁnd out. President Bush is going to raise $20 million for the GOP at a gala tonight. Unlike Bush, I will never make any money, especially this summer. Kathy calls at 1:30, the time I am sup- posed to have my interview with her--the interview we planned after months of phone tag and uncertainty. (I’m sorry I had to reschedule. When is another good time for you?) She sounds like she is chewing something while she is talking on the phone. I hear lip-smacking and gulping. I ask if later this afternoon would be all right. (No, I am probably going to leave soon. How about Thursday?) We set the new interview for 9:00 am. on Thursday, a time when I will not even have a car available. That‘s right. I won’t have a car on Thursday, but I will have one in seven days, and then ﬁnally I will be able to grocery shop when I want to, I will be free to leave at odd times of day, and I will drive to my summer job. If I ever get a summer job. Five minutes after I hang up with Kathy, I decide to call her again. I want to know things about the job. Like how many hours I will get. And like how much I will be paid. These things are important because I have interviewed at another place already where they treat me a lot better. I know these kinds of details about the other job. But I really want to work at Kathy’s maga- zine. I call her ofﬁce phone. I call her cell phone. No answer. I look at the baby ﬁsh that I found in our ﬁsh tank yesterday. I hope the bigger ﬁsh won’t eat them. I say the F—word a bunch of times. Now I’m so mad I could just spit. Maybe all summer long.
Show less