page 7 March 8, 2002 Eventually, a prince does appear' in the form of the favorite godson of an exiled French Queen-Mother. And yes, there is a ball. And yes, Clan loses a slipper. And yes, the prince tracks her down by using the slipper: But the ending to Clara’s tale isn‘t quite happily ever... Show morepage 7 March 8, 2002 Eventually, a prince does appear' in the form of the favorite godson of an exiled French Queen-Mother. And yes, there is a ball. And yes, Clan loses a slipper. And yes, the prince tracks her down by using the slipper: But the ending to Clara’s tale isn‘t quite happily ever after: it’s just ever after for all involved. Maguire's story is about the impossible standards beauty inflicts on those who bear it. Plain-Jane Iris can’t live up to the standards of her beautiful stepsister, no matter how hard she tries. The attention of every man that she desires is siphoned off to Clara the moment she steps into the room. Clara is unable to escape her beauty and afraid to embrace it, leaving her the focus of attention she does not desire from her father’s business associates, an oily fellow who holds financial 3 sway over her father, and even the prince. Clara is nothing like the image of Cinderella that Disney and Drew Barrymore have tried to imprint into our minds. Instead, she is human. She is selfish, petulant, and above all, afraid. She has no desire to be the center of attention, but that is her lot in life. Maguire brings his story to a remarkable balance. He teeters among historical novel, fairy tale, and fiction. “Confessions” has elements of all of these, lending the book a very real and concrete setting. A mar- velous twist at the end ensures that this book will be an enjoyable read for anyone who picks it up. Maguire’s “Confessions” has been adapted for television this year, and premiers this Sunday on ABC at 6 pm. Stockard Charming stars as Margerethe in this made-for-TV movie. ;/ its. y fortable on stage. But who wouldn’t be when they are unveiling new material to a group of people? Unfortunately, Doughty made no refer- ence to when a new album might come out. The best part of any show that involves Doughty is his interaction with the crowd. You can tell that he really thrives off this interaction and has a lot of fun with his fans. Another thing you can tell is that Doughty watches a lot of MTV. He made numerous references to the . channel. One particularly funny reference was about the show Cribs, and how if he were ever on it he would say, “Your not a big dog unless you have a bucket of shoes in your foyer.” This is a reference to an . episode he saw where the host declared that you are not a “big dog” unless you have a Bentley in your garage. It is not a concert unless some idiot yells out “Free Bird,” and this show was no different. In response to this request, Doughty said that if any of us ever gets the urge to yell “Free Bird,” we should yell out a request for “Its Raining Men” instead. Such banter between the audi- ence and Doughty really made for a light atmosphere. He really seems to appreciate and care for his fans, which seems to be rare thing in music these days. Doughty concluded the performance with a rousing sing along to the song “Janine.” At the end of the night he came out and signed copies of Skittish he was selling. Overall Mike Doughty gave a fine performance, worthy even of some of the best Soul Coughing shows. Throughout the show, Doughty sang with tenderness and meaning. It was as if he was trying to relate the emotion he felt writing the songs to us in the audience. Doughty came to small rock our socks off, and that’s what he did. By the way, if you want to catch Doughty’s act, he will be in town .w,i§flthe¢hufiun page 4 *7 State Capitol to speak about the benefits of receiving state grants as college students in private institutions. Representing Augsburg Col- lege at the Minnesota Private cellege's Day at the Capitol were stu- dents Jacob Karas, Brooke Stoeckel, Leah Spafford, and Public Relations staff members Jessica Brown, Sara Doty, and Judy Petree. More than 150 private college students, professors, and staff heard presentations from Governor Jesse Ventura, Speaker of the House Steve Sviggum, Assistant Senate Majority Leader John Hottinger and Senator Deanna \Vrener, chair of Higher Education Budget Division. While Governor Jesse Ventura was speaking at the event, he empha- sized and the importance of education in our state, and the duty of col- lege-aged people to be proactive by voting. Senator Deanna Wiener (DFL, Eagan) did not support Governor Ventura’s point of viewon education. and that was apparent when she said, “He is not the king!" After the speakers were finished, students then lobbied more than 57 state legislators to support the Minnesota State Grant program, which provides grants to college students based on their financial need. Because Legislation was in session while we were there. the senator or representative from our district was pulled briefly from the session to hear us speak about the importance of state grants, and what state grants have done for us as individuals. Hopefully, the large turnout at the event showed the legislators the importance of state grants in Min- nesota. . s Any story ideas? Email us at: echo-'fiaugsburg.edu Ghanufions continuedfrom page 1 reversal and takedown in the sec— ond period to lose 4-2 to Andy Kazik of Lawrence (Wis.) in the 184-pound final. Crone, who earned All-Ameri— can honors for his first time as an Auggie this season, finished his initial Auggie season at 34-3. Brad Fisher (Sr., Austin, Minn.) placed fourth for the Aug- gies at 141, losing the third-place match to Wartburg's Wil Kelly 2-1 in controversial fashion. Fisher and Kelly wrestled to a 1-1 tie after the first overtime, and Kelly won the flip for the second overtime, taking the down posi- tion. Fisher, who had to protect the top position for 30 seconds to claim the win, was ‘called for stalling twice in the period, including a call with one second remaining that gave a penalty point -— and the win -- to Kelly. Fisher finished his season 41-3 —— with two of his losses this sea- son to Kelly -- and his career at 118-30. He earned All-American honors for the third time in his career. Kevin Rasmussen (Sr., Owa- tonna, Minn.) moved up a spot from his sixth-place finish last season with 8-3 win over Torn Mulchy of SUNY—Oswego (NY) in the fifth-place match at 197 pounds. Rasmussen dominated the match with two takedowns and built an impressive riding-time advantage to Score the victory in his final collegiate match. Rasmussen ended his season at 32—7 and his career at 92-26. Ras- mussen had lost twice in overtime earlier Saturday to drop to the con— solation round. Mike Flanagan (In, St. Paul, Minn./St. Thomas Academy HS), seeded eighth at heavyweight and a first-time All-American at Augs— burg, dropped a 5-2 match in the seventh-place match to Upper Iowa's Brian Black. Though Flanagan attempted several shots, he gave up two escapes and two takedowns to drop the match. Flanagan. who wrestled at the University of Min- nesota before transferring to Augs- burg at the semester break, finished his season at 11-6. The only other Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Confer— ence wrestler alive in the touma- ment on Saturday. St. John‘s 125-pounder Matt Vos (Jr., Hop- kins, Minn./Sibley East HS) placed third with a 2-1, second— overtime tiebreker win over Calvin Johnson of Springfield (Mass), gaining an escape with two seconds remaining in the 30- second period. Final results Top 5 teams: 1. Augsburg 87.0, 2t. Upper Iowa 810 2002 NCAA Division III Wrestling National Championships Saturday, March 2, 2002 2t. Wartburg (Iowa) 81.0 4. Wisconsin-La Crosse 68.0 5. Buena Vista (Iowa) 63.5 141 pounds Fourth-place: Brad Fisher 165 pounds First-place Tony Abbott 174 pounds Second-place Nick Slack 184 pounds Second-place Ricky Crone 197 pounds Fifth-place Kevin Rasmussen HWT. Eighth-place Mike Flanagan Pick up your cap and gown Get help with your resume Pick out a class ring Visit with the alumni office T V V' Y Y Y V V V V V and more... Order graduation announcements Ask questions about graduate school Get answers to your financial aid questions Order your transcripts for mailing Talk with the registrar's office Speak with a financial aid officer Augsburg College Senior alute All the resources you need in one room... Get the whole story about commencement Congratulations Class of 2002 Mt to you by Augsburg Colin Bookston Questions? Plus: all ISO-I258 Show less
March 8, 2002 ‘E'ESQQrts page 8 Two games, two wins Paul Putt Spons Edhor Simple math means that the Auggies baseball team are 2 for 2. which is as good a winning per- centage as can be expected. The Auggies started the non- conference portion of their season with a double-header sweep of the... Show moreMarch 8, 2002 ‘E'ESQQrts page 8 Two games, two wins Paul Putt Spons Edhor Simple math means that the Auggies baseball team are 2 for 2. which is as good a winning per- centage as can be expected. The Auggies started the non- conference portion of their season with a double-header sweep of the University of Dubuque on Thurs— day inside the Metrodome. Ryan Krautkremer led the charge as he scored the game-win- ning run in a close 6-5 second game. In the first game, Krautkremer picked up the save. coming in to score three last out of the game and had a run-scoring double. He had four hits and drove in four runs over the two-game stretch. Sophomore Adam Larson was at the plate and drove in Krautkre- mer in the second game, as Augs- burg improved to 2-0 overall. Jeremy Nelson and Nick Rath- mann each struck out five batters in their two starts. The Auggies took command in the first two innings, scoring three runs to take a lead, with Krautkre- mer bringing in Pat Marsh in the first inning, and John Peterson doubling to drive in a run and Rathmann drove in a run in the second. Junior Kaleb VanCleve scored an unearned run and Augsburg put ' its final run on the board in the fifth, when Peterson scored on an errant error. Nelson was in for 6 innings of work to score the win, walking one, with Krautkremer finishing the game to score the save. The second game saw more action, but it took until the third inning for any production from either side. Dubuque matched the Aug— gies' 3 on the scoreboard with two runs followed by a run scoring single. With the bases loaded, Krautkremer drove them all in on a double. Dubuque scored in the sixth on a grounder against Aug- gie reliever Russ Bauer. However, Marsh and the Aug- gies added two more runs to give them a one-run lead. Dubuque tied the game in the top of the seventh, when they scored on a passed ball. Krautkremer tripled against to open the bottom of the seventh, and Larson drove him in with a one-out single to end the game. Augsburg returned to action with a double-header at the Metrodome against Division II Concordia-St. Paul on Tuesday. Veteran players, young talent rally forseason opener Paul Putt Spons Ednor r if 7 In last week‘s piece on the Auggie men‘s baseball. Coach Mark Strandemo felt that the team was able to reach some lofty goals. Ask Coach Carol Enke what the softball season can be like and she will tell you with confidence that the team should rank higher then last season‘s sixth—place finish. The Auggies women's softball team is looking to make incremen- tal strides toward becoming a contender this season. One area the team needs to improve in is their ability to win the close games. “This team was 2-6 in one-run games in the conference last year. They know that they want to reverse that stat, and we expect that we can improve,” said Enke. Her pack of incoming and returning players gives her seven of nine starters back with the other thirteen players being young and hungry newcomers. The Auggies have an ace up their sleeve to lead them, as Senior Rachel Ekholm returns as the domi- nant fireballer in the rotation. She is the school recordholder with 248 strikeouts and looks to add to that number this season. “She has always been a very confident pitcher.” Enke said. “She plays hard and expects her teammates to follow her lead." Ekholm is also an accomplished slugger, as she hit a .360 average last season with team-highs of extra—base hits. 2l R815 and a .596 slugging percentage. She is also the career leader in slugging percentage and home runs. Kristen Lideen is another Auggie who can supply some offense as she had a tremendous debut season last year and named to the National Fastpitch Coaches Association (NFCA) AllvMidwest Region softball team (Second-team). She also made the 24- member All-MIAC team as a freshman. after leading the team with a .394 batting average. A cunning thief, Lideen raked in 17 stolen bases, the fourth- most in a season. “She is solid in every skill in the game — hitting, bunting, fielding and throwing." Enke said. “She has a lot of potential." Sophomore Mel Lee helped Lideen to fortify the left side of the infield. “Between Mel and Kristen. you have to hit the ball really hard to get it through the hole, because one or both of them will be diving for it and they’ll come up with it," Enke said. Senior Jennie LaManna hit .309 last season with 13 RBI and is the likely starter at second base, and Heather Yer- bich will battle for the first-base spot with Freshman Christine Mathews. The masked woman will be Jen Lemke, as she makes the move back to catcher after playing a little first base last year. “Jenny Lemke is definitely the vocal leader of the team,” Enke said. “She takes a leadership role both on and off the field.” Sam Kronschnabel and Abby Mildbrand were the starters a year ago and rounded out the top and the 1 bottom of the order. The other outfielder spot is a 1 battle among as many as 10 girls who are fighting for it. “We have a lot of young talent and speed in the outfield,” Enke said. “They can really cover some ‘ territory. It’s really up for grabs.” The Auggies will look to break a 19-year drought from the play-offs, and the season begins with a non-conference game ‘ against Northwestem-Roseville at Plymouth Dome at 2 pm. sponseatpr m _ , The Augsburg Track and Field teams competed quite well at the MIAC Championships held at Carleton College this past week- end. Senior Chrissy Baune led the womens‘ team as she set two more school records and recorded two more All-Conference perfor- mances. The team finished in 11th place while the men took ninth. The mens‘ team was led by seniors Andy Lindekugel and Chris Ohnstad. Both earned All- Conference Honorable Mention awards. Baunes‘ All—Conference honors came in the women’s 1500 and 1000 meter runs. In the 1500, Baune ran to a 4:46.68 to finish third in the 26 person field and set a new school record. The previous record was also set by Baune in 2000 at 4:48.76. ‘ The time was .58 off the NCAA provisional qualifying mark. Baune finished second in the 1000 in a time of 3:01.91, which . bettered the old Recreation Center record at Carleton. Baune’s second record came in the women‘s distance medley relay, along with teammates ‘ Andrea Carlson, Jean Johnson and Amy Mackner. The relay finished in seventh place, with a time of 13:16.09, bettering the previous record by over 10 seconds. The throwing events were led ‘ by junior Kirsten Gulbro. Gulbro lAuggie tracksters finish up at Carleton ' PaulPun finished in seventh place in both the weight throw and the shotput. In the shotput, Gulbro threw 36’ ll 1/ " (11.26m), and in the final round of the weight throw she threw 41’ 3 3/4” (12.59m). In the women’s pentathlon, senior Petra Velander and fresh- man Angela VanBinsbergen com— peted well for the Auggies. Velander finished in 15th (out of 18) with 1952 points. VanBins- bergen was 17th with 1671 points. On the men‘s side. Lindekugel led the team in the throwing events. His All-Conference Honorable Mention performance came in the shotput. where he threw a huge personal best of 47' 9 1/4" (14.56m) to carry him to fifth place. Lindekugel also competed well in the weight throw (45‘ 2 1/4”); however, he failed to make the finals. Ohnstad’s All-Conference Honorable Mention performance came in the 600 yard dash where he placed 6th in the 18 man com- petition in a time of 1:15.40. Ohnstad also ran well in the 800 meter run. finishing ninth in a season best time of 1:58.73. Freshman Alan Wilson also had a great day. Wilson finished seventh in the 800 meter run, in a personal best time of 1:57.83. Wilson was also a part of the men’s distance medley relay team that finished seventh in a time of 10:59.67. Also in that relay were fresh- men Dan Vogel and Paul Sanft, and sophomore Jason Edwards. Third time not a charm as Auggies sent golfing for year PaulPun Sports Editor Gosh, goll darn those Gustavus Golden Gusties! Now that is out of my system. I can say that the Augsburg men's hockey team finished their season last Friday after playing a hard- fought game with the Gusties. The team was not able to solve goalie Dan Melde. the MIAC Co— Player of the Year, this season, as the Auggies scored three goals on 96 shots in their three meetings. Gustavus caught a break mid- way through the first period, but the Auggies rebounded, and David May put the Auggies on the board on an assist from Brad Holzinger. After coming out of intermis- sion tied 1-1. the Gusties sprung free in a minute's time with two goals at 10:29 and 11:11. Down 3-1 after two periods, the Auggies came out of the shoot quickly. with Jaro Cesky cashing in on the Power Play from Jake Wegscheider and Frankie Hueb- ner. Down only a goal. the Gusties were given a chance to expand the lead but the Auggies shut down a 5—3 advantage to keep the game close. The referees then interceded on the Auggies’ behalf, calling two Gustie penalties; however, it turned out to be a disadvantage as the second power play looked disheveled and the Gusties put in a short-handed goal to make it 4-2 with over three minutes to play. A late push for a chance was squelched after the referee called Cesky for a 10-minute high stick- ing call. MMMIMM The game closed. as did the Auggies’ season, at 4—2. Show less
March 8, 2002 é’SCommunit Values page 6 Martial. Arts Club kicks off Jeff Moores Contributor It‘s not Jet Li or Jackie Chan, but Augsburg has recruited a Mar- tial Arts instructor with nearly as much experience. This Tuesday marked the first meeting of the Martial Arts Club, a campus orga-... Show moreMarch 8, 2002 é’SCommunit Values page 6 Martial. Arts Club kicks off Jeff Moores Contributor It‘s not Jet Li or Jackie Chan, but Augsburg has recruited a Mar- tial Arts instructor with nearly as much experience. This Tuesday marked the first meeting of the Martial Arts Club, a campus orga- nization dedicated to learning basic self-defense skills, improv- ing strength and flexibility, and staying healthy through a unique activity. Instructor Nina Chenault describes the Shotokan Karate that she teaches as, “a nomcontact style that is suitable for both men and women of all ages and fitness levels." The interest in karate on cam— pus began after a number of stu— dents enrolled in the lifetime spons of karate fall semester class. The students simply didn‘t get enough in the half-semester expo- sure to eastern culture, and requested more training. After three years with Augsburg, instructor Chenault has built a consistent program that meets every Tuesday and Friday in the racquetball court in SiMelby from 3:30 to 4:30pm. Nina Chenault’s experiences include more than 30 years of teaching, competing, judging, and enjoying Shotokan Karate. Her Fifth Degree Black Belt encour- ages beginners or those experi- enced with martial arts to check out the club. The only requirement is ambition for a new activity and comfortable sweats to move in. The Martial Arts Club meets Tues- day and Friday, 3:30-4:30pm in SiMelby. For more information contact Nina Chenault at Photo by Aaron Vogell Instructor Nina Chenault directs Karate club members iin proper tech- nique. Our Saviour’s Shelter offers 1 view into our community Jeff Moores Contributor Every day I hear students crack jokes about the neighborhood we live in. It’s obvious that we aren’t on Summit Ave like St. Thomas or share our campus with fields and forests like colleges in northern Min- nesota and North Dakota. I speak jokingly of the neighborhoods near Augsburg on occasion too, but the Seven Comers, Seward, and Philips communities have taught me valuable lessons. My freshmen AugSem had the assignment of volunteering at Our Saviour‘s Shelter this fall. No sooner had I been exposed to the world of homelessness than I realized how wrong my perceptions were of this part of our culture. Many homeless individuals were once successful. An unfortunate turn of events caused them to lose track of their financial lives, and they are not usually beyond assistance. Also, affordable housing rates in large cities nationwide are not low enough to match the minimum wage and welfare rates. Families often must struggle between making too much to be on welfare, while not having enough to pay for a home and food. The homeless community is made of peo- ple just like you and me. They enjoy life, they are intelligent, and are in most cases working very hard to get their lives back together. My experiences at Our Saviour’s Shelter has made me reflect on the rest of the neighborhood. I notice now how successful these communities are, and how well the diversity forms a community that might not be comfortable for a debutante, but is certainly ideal for a college student. If you have not had a chance to experience what Seven Comers, Seward, and Philips have to offer, visit places like Our Saviour’s, local restaurants, schools, and businesses. Volunteer with LINK or reach out through the Center for Service, Work, and Learning to find opportunities to experience Min- neapolis. Before you leave Augsburg, take away some of the ideas and respect I have gained about our comer of the map. 5% \Vrite rs \Va nted! Send your creative writing to the Augsburg Creative Writing Club. we'd love to publish your poetry, fiction, or creative nonfiction! bennettb@ augsburg.edu ,yé Women’s History Month: taking a look at herstory Nicki Ziegler Canm-A/alues, Educ; In the early [9005 women lob- bied for equal rights on Intema- tional Women’s Day (IWD). Until 1917, it was celebrated on differ- ent days of the year throughout the world. The IWD that changed his- tory happened on March 8. when thousands of Russian women decided to make their opinions heard. They marched for “bread and peace” to protest the shortage of food, the world war, high prices, and unfair treatment. The protest pushed the revolution and inspired a larger strike That week the Czar Nicholas was forced to resign. Since then, the world cele- brates women each year in March. Women have fought for women’s rights and for peace. The National Women’s History Project played a g Baker: I (112mm dLme) California Dreamin'? The Kern High School District Bakersfield, California (www.khsd.kl 2.ca.us) is recrw'ting NEW TEACHERS for the 2002-2003 school year Send your resume to: Personnel Dept Kern ngi School District 580i SundaleAve. Bakersfield, Cali‘. 93309 significant role in dedicating the entire month to the lives of women. This group decided it was time for history to add the accom- plishments of women to complete the story. In 1981, the National Women’s History Project lobbied to have the week of March 8 be Women‘s History Week. Not until 1987 did it expand to the entire month. Programs have been started in countries such as Spain, Japan, and Ukraine, including a women’s museum. speaking events. educa- tional programs, and the designing of National Women’s History posters and displays. The United Nations now spon- sors International Women’s Day and focuses on issues such as the genital mutilation of at least 85 million girls in 28 different coun- tries. Every year in India, grooms’ families burn 25,000 brides to Managing Editors David Rettenmaier Kellen Bredesen Deny—Edict Kayla Scrivner Quentin! Greg Solheid mm Kellen Bredesen David Rettenmaier Qpinign Edith Scott Bibus Afiigdilsm Joel Wolf The Augsburg Echo is published each Friday —— except during intenm. vacation periods, and holidays -- by students of Augsburg College, 731 let Avenue South, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55454. Oplmons- expressed are those of the authors and don‘t reflect those of the supportmg staff. administration. faculty. or the remainder of students. Echo does not necessarily promote the products or servrces it advertises. L____———J death “accidentally” because the dowry isn’t sufficient. Honor killings are still preva— lent in Jordan, Pakistan, Lebanon, Syria, and Iraq, in which family members kill women who have been raped in order to preserve the family name. Legislatures in three states including Illinois, Florida, and Louisiana. have mandated teach— ing women‘s history in public school from grades K-12. There are still many who do not require students to know the importance of women‘s history. In March of 2000, President Clinton addressed the issue by saying, “We must rededicate our— selves to forging a society in which gender no longer predeter- mines a person's opportunities or station in life." 99mm Nicki Ziegler M9391 Angel Overgaard M Paul Putt MEAN Aaron Vogel Drummer Kan’ Lucin comm Joe Huffer mm Boyd Koehler Show less
March 8, 2002 EEFeatures Osterholm continued from page I 3“ or .- This” A Weekly. serial by Jonat Previously; in Spring-Healer! Jack. the Room! New _. r ' . told the story of his dealings with dad firms and my err wonderedth they wouldencounternty-tirk J _ ._ w ye" ‘ 3E0 ‘: Chapter-mm. -- ,... Show moreMarch 8, 2002 EEFeatures Osterholm continued from page I 3“ or .- This” A Weekly. serial by Jonat Previously; in Spring-Healer! Jack. the Room! New _. r ' . told the story of his dealings with dad firms and my err wonderedth they wouldencounternty-tirk J _ ._ w ye" ‘ 3E0 ‘: Chapter-mm. -- , mevlomdmmmmw Upon theoompletion criticisms m.iadoemom ' sat perfectly still, insturmed silence. ldid splash-momentum i discover thatmybrandyglasswasempty. - “ snakebiteandhadtoaskAleisterforanefi. o}, g.‘ “That‘s quite the fantastical stray. it “Monk” Lewis. Sayswouldyou ' ') " “l assure you, this is not the delineation Lieutenant. Although I admit! wouldbe as incredtdous_M.Ml not been a witness to every event.” He'swifily brought the'bnudy to my bedside. [refilled my pipe while he did so. . “You misunderstand me, Reverend. I believe your story, although it stretches all my faith to do so. I have seen the evil of men in the course of my duties, and I find it some small comfort to believe that there are devils behind the worst of it, not just the weakness of human~ ity.” “I can take no such comfort, knowing that it was evil men who loosed these terrors on the world.” In this matter we talked for many hours, I bombarded him with questions; he bombarded me with answers I would rather not have known. Eventually we were interrupted by the doctor’s insistence that I be given rest. . The next month was one of the finest of my life, Aleister and I became fast friends breaking the loneliness that comes with rank (my fellow officers were few, and for the most part, unforgivably dull); Whenever I did not have pressing duties to the 11th Hussara. I aided Aleister in his search for other chapters of Toch’eia Dei. The search was mostly futile, baring the adolescent boy who attacked me in my office at the beginning this and an old be fleeing Toeh’cia Edi the cult. It ‘ L quential, as the man was dying of yellow fever when we Aleister has this strange habit of being grimly dour at one moment, and transforming himself into a sarcastic wit in the next. It seems that hearing the weight of supernatural evil on his shoulders has freed him from all worldly concerns. Thus he can be a dangerous troublemaker when his bloods up. albeit a highly entertaining one. I also became familiar with his young wife Charlotte. I must say she seemed a bit too outspoken to be a suitable wife to a man of God. Then, as 1836 drew to a close, "I received a most unwelcome telegram. My father and my two older brothers, were killed when their boat sank off the Spanish coast. They were returning from Safari in West Africa and must of thought the danger behind them. I was now the 17th Earl of Damhamshire, complete with the duties and fortunes thereof. I retired my commission and returned to England immediately. Aleister came with me, having seen neither hair nor hide of Toch’eia Dci in many months. 1 left my mother in charge of day—to—day business in the family manse, purchased a modest home in London, and busied my self with trying to preserve the family fortune for the next generation. Shortly thereafter, the dark streets of London were to first encounter the bizarre and horrifying Spring-Heeled Jack. Next time in Spring-Heeled Jack, our title character emerge: on the scene, bringing little in the way of good times for our heroes. Day at the Capitol / continued on page 7 \ What’s old, what’s new: Augsburg reflections edly one of the major accomplishments of the last century. there is a very real danger that “the Lion King of infectious diseases" could make a comeback. The rumor that there were only two places the virus existed post-1978 was just that--a rumor. Actually, the former Soviet Union was producing smallpox virus by the metric ton. The anthrax scare in the United States late last year is only a precursor to a scary future. said Osterholm. With 250 [trillion infectious doses per table- spoon. a terrorist could be quite certain of wiping out the entire Sears Tower by dumping a couple spoonfuls into the street—level air intake system. He warned also that a single truck bomb could leave all of New York City with- out water for six weeks, should it explode above the main aqueduct there. v “We know the bad guys know this," said Oster- holm. “We know they’ve been working on [schemes like this]." As for stores of anthrax in the United States. he said. “You don't just bake one cookie; you bake a batch of cookies. We know whoever [sent the anthrax-laced letters] made a batch of it. There‘s more of it.” Tuesday‘s bioterrorism forum was organized by the Sabo Scholars. political science students who receive scholarships from Augsburg alumnus and US. Congressman Martin Sabo and his wife. Sylvia. 4e Photo by AngeE Overgaard Dr. Osterholm signs copies of his book "Living Terrors" after his presentation on bioterrorism. .< v. should bc surpriscd about a future biological attack. either. According to Osterholm. in 1995. “the Soviet Union had 50 metric tons of anthrax spores. We ncvcr found any of it. It‘s all there." Onc major worry is that of rogue nations purchas- ing anthrax or smallpox from individuals or govcm— mcms that have the scientific knowledge to produce the deadly agents. Rogch nations do not need biological expertise to commit an act of bioterrorism. “The 19 men who highjuckcd thosc planes couldn‘t have built a Boeing 747." Osterholm pointed out. "but they knew how to get one." “We do know that Al—Qaida had access to biologic weapons." said Osterholm. Although the eradication of smallpox is undoubt— Day at the Capitol Leah Olson Spafford Contributor I am one of the many students at Augsburg Collch who relies on state grants to assist me in paying for my private college education. Without this state grant. it would not be possible for many other stu- dents from my economic back— ground to attend an expensive privatc collcgc. Because of this. I think that state grants are necessary to insure that everyone has opportu— nities to attend a college like Augs- burg College. On February ZISI. students. fac— ulty. and staff from Minnesota‘s pri— vate colleges were invited to the Photo bv Dave Hrpacok anesota‘s Private Coileges Governor Jesse Ventura opens the Day at the Capitol as he addresses more than 150 represetatives from private colleges throughout the state. Augsburg confessions K. Lucin Staff Writer During the 1972—1973 school year. Augsburg Collch President Oscar A. Anderson had a column in the "Echo" culled “Augsburg Confessions." For Ihosc of us who urcn't completely familiar with the history of the Protestant church. Ihc title of Anderson's column is a play on words mcnnr to rcmind his audience of the roar! Augsburg Confession. the first of thc Protestant Confessions. It “as mount to resolve some of the con- flicts that thc Reformation caused. and bccumc a unhcrsully ucccptcd confessional \tutcmcnl among Lutherans. Anderson's column hud u diffcrcnr goal. “Today, In a ycry scgmcntcd and dn'crxificd situation. no chapel talk. convocation speech. public notice or written memo pro— vides a vehicle for conveying the concern and convictions of the one who is supposed to have the big picture or who is presumed to know where the college is and where it is going." In those days. the “Echo” was more widely-read than it is today. “A col- umn in the "Echo" seemed to be one possi- ble method of sharing a little of my thinking. assuming. of course. that a college president has a chance to do some worth- while thinking at all." The "Echo" may not reach as many members of Augsburg‘s community as it once did. but it's still a good venue for a president or student to voice his or her con- cerns and convictions. During the first half of the your. very few faculty staff members used the "Echo" for that purpose. with the exception of several intrepid students sent in letters to the editor. Over the years. the "Echo" has featured regular columns by John Mitchell and Ron Palosaari of the English department. as well as articles by Religion professor Brad Holt. English department chair Kathy Swanson. English professor Doug Green. Religion professor Phil Quanbeck H. and English professor Joan Griffin. This year Honors guru Larry Crockett and Political Science professor Joseph Underhill-Cady have writ- ten articles for the "Echo." The "Echo" is a student paper. President Anderson emphasized this several times in the very first edition of his column in 1972. stating that "The editor and I have an under- standing that he may reject my material whenever he wishes. which is the preroga- tive of any responsible editor." Anderson was the one who zukcd the "Echo" if he could write a column. not the other way around. Unfortunately. this doesn't happen very often anymore. Editors have to beg. plead, bribe. and occasionally blackmail their writ- ers to write. Most of them like to target stu- dents. which is probably why there have been less faculty/staff articles this year than in. say. 1972. But we need faculty/staff opinions too: these people round out the college and have a unique perspective on things. Some of them have been here for decades and have seen all the college‘s rapid changes. Some of them are brand— new and have come from different cultures and different organizations. We need to hear more voices. from the President of the college down to the grungi- est beer—soaked freshman. Write to the "Echo" next time you have an opinion you want to express. Make your own "Augs- burg Confessions!" Show less
March 8, 2002 The Oscars as we’re concerned Joel Wolf, Jay Wahi A&E Editor/Contributor It’s the same old song and dance heard every year by the nominees. "I’m just so surprised by my nomination," gushes the chosen one, when all along they knew darned well they were a shoe-in. However, this year’s... Show moreMarch 8, 2002 The Oscars as we’re concerned Joel Wolf, Jay Wahi A&E Editor/Contributor It’s the same old song and dance heard every year by the nominees. "I’m just so surprised by my nomination," gushes the chosen one, when all along they knew darned well they were a shoe-in. However, this year’s Best Directors are all honest to goodness surprises: an American ex-patriot making a British period piece; a New Zealander who honed his skills making a film about a rat monkey whose bite could turn people into blood thirsty zombies; a childhood television star; a politician; and an absurdist attempting to turn something out of nothing. You ask anyone of them if they expected their nominations and they will truthfully reply, "No, I’m just so sur- prised by my nomination." And the nominees for Best Director are: Robert Altman, "Gosford Park " Jay: I really didn’t like this film. I felt the story and the characters weren’t fully k developed, and the film went nowhere. Joel: Really? Idisagree. Robert Altman does a good job handling the direction of the diverse ensemble cast, and balances most of the characters nicely. Jay: I think the film goes in too many directions, and gets bogged down by too many minor details that don't pertain to the murder mystery that is supposed to be the main plot. Joe]: The film does get a little muddled down at times as some of the plot lines do seem a little extraneous, but I think Altman definitely deserves this nomination. Ron Howard, "A Beautiful Mind" Jay: I feel it was a detriment to the film that Ron Howard directed it. I thought he gave all the twists away. Joel: You’re absolutely right, Jay, and I don’t think he stands a chance. Howard tips his hand way to early, and takes all the sur- prises out of the film. However, he was able to get tremendous performances out of his entire cast. Jay: That’s just it. Howard‘s nom- ination is more a product of the superb acting of Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly than anything he contributed himself. ‘ Joel: That’s true. Howard's style is plagued with the saccharin—coated sappiness all his previous work is mired with. Peter Jackson, "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" Joel: I thought Peter Jackson did a terrific job with this exciting adaptation. He really brought the world of Middle Earth to life on screen with a meticulous eye to detail. Jay: I agree. I’m glad this pro- ject didn’t fall into the hands of someone like Steven Spielberg, who would have made a far more friendly Middle Earth. Joel: Precisely. Jackson‘s experience making gory splatter- flicks really brought an edge to his vision of this fantasy classic. He wasn’t afraid to give his ores and goblins fangs. Jay: Jackson has done a great job of tak- ing Tolkien‘s words and making them come alive on film. David Lynch, "Mulholland Drive" Joel: David Lynch is the king of the absurd. His twisted vision of Hollywood is truly a Jungian original. His playfulness with cinema archetypes was delightful. Jay: Yes, it is an original film. but Lynch has trouble translating his failed television program for ABC into a cohesive film. Joel: The are a number of loose threads, and the ending of the film is confusing, but that’s part of the novelty of it, I believe. However, it probably won’t win him any votes with the more conservative Academy members. Jay: I believe that there were other direc- tors much more deserving of this nomina- tion than Lynch. such as Christopher Nolan for "Memento. " backwards. I mean he told the story Ridley Scott, "Black Hawk Down" Jay: I refused to see this movie. l feel this subject matter appeared to be handled completely inappropriately. Joel: You are absolutely right. The fact that you can make an event like this seem heroic is obscene. And the winner is... Joe]: My pick is Peter Jackson. He han— dled this adaptation of Tolkien‘s master- piece wonderfully. It was the best experience I’ve had in a movie theater in a long time. Jay: Since I can‘t go for Christopher Nolan. I will pick Peter Jackson. He‘s the best of the bunch. Next week we '/I conclude with f/It' nominees for Best Picture. Cinerella andCall him Michael, please the stepsister Brandi Bennett ,StafiML fl- job as his becomes the companion of van Jay Wahi StafLWritLr, ‘ Small rock reigned supreme last Wednesday night ‘ at the Woman’s Club. Mike Doughty, the former front man for the now defunct New York band, Soul housekeeper. Iris den Meer’s daughter, Clara. Like all Cinderella tales, Clara is a beautiful child, and on her Coughing, was in town that night. Having seen Soul Coughing several times live, I had yet to see any of Doughty's solo shows. I wasn‘t sure what to expect. Hans Christian Anderson wrote it. Disney animated it. Drew Bar- rymore acted it. There are no mag— ical pumpkins or singing mice in Gregory Maguire’s version of Cinderella, “Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.“ but there is a beautiful girl and a prince, and yes. even more importantly, there is an ugly stepsister. “Confessions of an Ugly Step- sister" is Maguire‘s second novel. His first, “Mcked,” told the tale of the Wicked Witch of the West from the “Wizard of Oz.” And like that book, Maguire manages to turn this story around until the villain becomes the hero. "Confessions" is the tale of Iris Fisher. a plain. but clever girl who follows her mother and hulking elder sister. Ruth, to seventeenth- century Holland after her father is murdered in England. Motivated by an intense need to survive. her mother. Margerethe. manipulates a painter into taking her and her daughters on as housekeepers. When the painter gets a commis- sion from tulip merchant Cor- nelius van den Meet, Margerethe maneuvers her way into a better pretty face the world turns. Her zealous mother keeps her locked up in the house until it isn’t the mother who keeps her there any-* more, but Clara herself. When Mrs. van den Meer dies during childbirth, it isn’t long before ‘ Margerethe contrives to marry Mr. van den Meer and become the wicked stepmother while raising her family yet another step from the gutter. Freed at last from her mother‘s imprisonment, Clara still refuses to go outside of the house where her beauty is a burden to her. Meanwhile Iris, in search of her own beauty and identity. apprentices to the painter who had befriended the Fishers when they first came to Holland. As Marg— erethe becomes more controlling, Clara retreats to the kitchen, tak- ing up the household chores. “Call me Cinderling. Call me Ashgirl. Cinderella, I don’t care," Clara says in petulant fashion as she turns escapism into her own art form. Cinderella continued on page sound. Doughty did not disappoint. He took the stage at 9:30 in the comfy confines of j the Woman’s Club auditorium and proceeded to rock with a mixture of old Soul Coughing tunes, material off his 1995/96 solo album Skittish, and some new songs that Doughty has been working on. The show started with two Soul Coughing songs, “Lazybones” and “Soundtrack to Mary," to get the crowd into the show. Doughty then went right into a new song, “Sunkeneyed Girl,” which was surprisingly polished. He then sang “The Only Answer" off of Skittish. This is the pattern that Doughty followed throughout the rest of the concert. The songs that Doughty chose from the Soul Coughing library lent themselves well to this MTV Unplugged-like show. It was weird to hear some of those Soul Coughing songs without all the other ele- ments to them. Songs such as “True Dreams of Wichita." “Soft Serve" and “St. Louise is Listening" were carefully chosen, so that Doughty could do them justice without losing too much of the original Skittish, on the other hand, is an album that is almost entirely acoustic. The album's story is funny because Doughty never seriously intended to release it. Some how the album found its way on to Napster and won its audience that way. happy with some of the cuts that were on Napster. so he decided to sell Skittish through his website. www.5uperspecialquestionscom, and at his shows. Doughty was not For any fans of Dougth and Soul Coughing this cd is a must have. The album is somewhat different than most of Soul Coughing‘s traditional mix ol'jau, rock and sampling. but it does have a lot of the same basic sound and smart lyrics as a Soul Coughing record, only done acoustically. The songs from Skittish and the new material were really the highlight of the show. Doughty sang the songs off of Skittish to perfection. Answer" and “Thank You. Lord. For Sending Me the F Train” were sung with a lot passion and were espe- cially well received. Love/It’s Only Life songs he performed were promising even though he still was still working on many of them. singing the song “Lisa Ling Lucy Luc," Doughty had to restart and then later stop to try to remember the next line of lyrics. though. because we were having a great time During some of his new songs he scented to be a hit uncom- "Thc ()nly Doughty's cover of “Real “ was excellent too. The new While The audience did not nnnd M. Doughty continued on page 7 Show less
-'- ‘ww-vw—m—WWUN,‘ page 5 aEFeatures March 8, 2002 You gotta Angel Overgaard Features Editor “I know that we changed the country,” said ' Charles McDew, the keynote speaker for the final event of Afrikana History Month. The Afrikana Soul Food Dinner, a delectable culmination of Feb— ruary’s... Show more-'- ‘ww-vw—m—WWUN,‘ page 5 aEFeatures March 8, 2002 You gotta Angel Overgaard Features Editor “I know that we changed the country,” said ' Charles McDew, the keynote speaker for the final event of Afrikana History Month. The Afrikana Soul Food Dinner, a delectable culmination of Feb— ruary’s events, took place on Friday, March 1 at 6:30 pm in the East Commons of Christensen Cen- ter. The meal consisted of macaroni and cheese, col- lard greens, baked beans, fried chicken, dinner rolls, and peach cobbler for dessert. Soul food is about good company and good times, which are brought together by good food. The talk by McDew, a co-founder and former member of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC), was entitled “College Student Activism and Service in the 21st Century.” SNCC was founded in 1961 by a “radical” group aged 16-20 to protest the continued racism in the United States. The group was founded on the premise that their ending would be implicit in their birth: after five years, the members of SNCC would simply quit. This provision assured that the men did not put anything off, they didn’t have to worry about who would carry on the group’ s legacy, and they were able to maintain the amount of energy such a daring and courageous movement required. Eleven Photo by David Rettenmaier Come and get it! Everyone lines up to eat some soul food. have soul Photo by Angel Overgaard Charles McDew, co-founder of SNCC. speaks at PASU's Soul Food Dinner. of the original sixteen members died in their fight for freedom. Recently, the former members of SNCC helped create a movie to portray what really happened in Mississippi with regard to voting and treatment of Afrikan Americans. was a response to the movie “Mississippi Burning," which, according to McDew. was far from the real- ity of the times. Unlike “Mississippi Burning,” which portrayed the FBI and the white men as the heroes, “Freedom Song” shows that the real heroes were the local black people that united and accepted imminent death. According to McDew, we need to continue the fight against racism and need to take a so-called “radical” View in order to pound out a new vision for a new society. To be radical means to change things from the roots. In order to fully get rid of the classification of race and racism we need to revisit history and acknowledge that something horrible and atrocious, slavery, occurred in our country. The government needs to attempt to mend all the iniquities of the past, starting with revising portions of the Constitution that subjugate particular persons. We need to educate, acknowlege, accept, and appre- ‘ ‘ peacemaking. ciate all people as one species. Look for the movie “Freedom Song" and the actor, Stan Shaw, who plays McDew in the docud- rarna. The proceeds from the movie are going to the Black History Archives, which are being established The movie “Freedom Song” ‘ Fourteenth Annual Peace Prize Forum The Fourteenth Annual Nobel Peace Prize Forum, “Striving for Peace: Who is Responsible?" will be presented in cooperation with the Norwegian Nobel Institute in Oslo and the five ELCA colleges of Norwegian heritage at Augustana College in Sioux Falls. South Dakota, March 8—9. The Forum honors the 2000 Lauerate, Kim Dae Jung, President of South Korea. and will examine personal obligations and efforts that contribute to peacemaking. including an exploration of the possibility of peace and reunifica- tion of the Korean peninsula. Kim was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize by the Norwegian Nobel Committee for his personal work in furthering democracy in South Korea and East Asia, and for striving for peace and reconcilia- tion with North Korea in particular. Using South Korea’s president as an example, the Peace Prize Forum will assist attendees in awakening their own personal responsibility in creating a more just and peaceful world. How can indvidual citizens take actions to diffuse years of hostility and hatred? The Forum was created to offer the opportunity for Nobel Peace Prize laureates, diplomats, schol- ars, and the general public to share in a dialogue on the underlying causes of conflict and war in mod- ern society and on the dynamics of Augsburg is well represented at the Forum. Emiliano Chagil. Director of Hispanic/Latino Stu— dent Serices, will present “Walking in Tupelo, Mississippi. Faculty celebrates Peace Corps Day David Rettenmaier nganaginfliitfl W 7 , , m National Peace Corps day is not exactly the most anticipated day of the year for most people, but for four Augsburg faculty, it is a time to reminisce. Professors Kathy Swanson, Cass Dalglish. Susan O’Connor and John Mitchell discussed their experiences with the Peace Corps and their mostly fond memories. In 1967, Kathy Swanson arrived at a small village in Thailand with her husband for a two year stay. They both taught Eng- lish——she to girls and he to boys. Thailand, a neighbor to Vietnam, had seen the effects of war, and as Swanson said. she quickly realized that their single biggest purpose in the village was to pro— vide an “antidote” to the prevailing con— ception Americans. “We weren‘t the movie Americans." she said. "We weren‘t the soldiers on R&R. we weren't the missionaries: we were just regular people." Cass Dalglish and her husband had a similar experience in Colombia. In 1967. during the aftermath of la violencia, thou— sands of people fled from small towns that had been sacked by marauders and ended up in the city. where Dalglish was sta- tioned. Her purpose in the city was to help organize and create housing for the migrants into the city. Dalglish remembers setting up a free health day where residents could come for check ups. but it was a bittersweet day: so many people came that many had to be turned away. Susan O’Connor braved the Peace Corps experience alone. She was assigned to Tetouan, a large city in Morocco. She worked with deaf and mentally handi— capped children in that city. As a Western woman in a mostly Islamic country, she said she initially felt uncomfortable, but as people became acquainted with her, her situation normal- ized. O’Connor stated that the most difficult aspect of the experience was the culture shock of returning to the US. Everything seemed so wasteful to her--all the produce in the supermarkets that would go to waste, the ten different kinds of shampoo-— had become foreign to her after serving in Morocco. John Mitchell also felt the culture shock of returning to the US. After a two year teaching stint in Liberia. which he called “the happiest years of my life." he faced indifference among his family and friends toward his volunteer work. No one cared. Although Mitchell realizes that the Peace Corps experience does not ensure peace (as its name seems to suggest). he finds value in his attempt to educate Liberian children. Still. he thinks, joining the Peace Corps benefits the volunteer more than those at the receiving end. “It is my P.H.D.." he said. "It is a fin— ishing school for people with heart and courage." the Journey toward Peace: A Guatemalan perspective after years of war and poverty." Tom Morgan. Vice President for Admissions and Enrollment Man- agement. will cover the topic “Resolving Conflict throuin Delib— erative Practice," Adrienne Kaufmann. Academic Coordinator for Global Studies. will present “Pcacebuilding: Skill. Art and Discipline.” Barbara Lehmann. Assistant Professor of Social Work, will speak about “Confronting Sibling Rivalry: Creating forums for Chris— tian, Jewish. and Muslim intercul— tural understandings." Rosemary Link, Professor and Chair, Professional Studies Divi- sion, Department of Social Work. will discuss “Making Room for One Another: Experiential Educa— tion in Human Serive as a path to Global Awareness and Action." M. Joe Young. Director of the Pan-Afrikan Center. will present “Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr: a Response to Terrorism." Marilyn Sharpe, ChiefAdminis- trative Officer of the Youth and Family Institute. will reinforce “Parenting for Peace: it All Begins at Home." Cathy Peters will present “Visions of Peace: The Role of the Artist, Past, Present and Future.“ Finally. the Coalition for Stu- dent Activism will have a panel to discuss issues relevant to peace and justice with similar ELCA groups. Information for the above arti- cle was attained from the Forum's Program Information and Registra— tion Material. Legal-ease Got a college degree and no plans? It 5 never been easier to begin a career in law. With your degree, it takes just 4 months to become a paralegal at the Minnesota Paralegal institute. We offer day and evening courses to fit any schedule and we re approved by the American Bar Association. 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ll) ‘5 March 8, 2002 Augsburg ‘www. lsbu]ec@ Volume 108 Issue 14 In this issue: A letter from Screwtape, page 2 An Oscar dialogue: who will win Best Director?, page 3 Students lobby at Capitol, page 4 Martial Arts Club, page 6 Men’s hockey season ends, page 8 Again and again and again! Augsburg... Show morell) ‘5 March 8, 2002 Augsburg ‘www. lsbu]ec@ Volume 108 Issue 14 In this issue: A letter from Screwtape, page 2 An Oscar dialogue: who will win Best Director?, page 3 Students lobby at Capitol, page 4 Martial Arts Club, page 6 Men’s hockey season ends, page 8 Again and again and again! Augsburg wrestling pins down third straig Courtesy of Augsburg College Sports Information WILKES-BARRE, PA (3/2/02) In the end, it came down to one match. When Tony Abbott beat Upper Iowa University's Jorge Borgen 2-1 in the 164— pound championship match Saturday night, he clinched Augsburg College's eighth NCAA Division III wrestling team national title in the last 12 seasons. The Auggies, leading by six points going into the final session and by just two points in the team race after the consolation finals, won by six points over both Upper Iowa and Wartburg (Iowa) on the final day of the championships, held at the First' Union Arena at Casey Plaza. i Augsburg accumulated 87 points to win the national title for the third season in a row, a feat unprecedented in the 29 year his: tory of the Division HI tournament. Augsburg's eighth national title is also the most in Division III history. Upper Iowa and Wartburg finished with 81 points each, while Wisconsin—La Crosse finished fourth with 68 points and Buena Vista (Iowa) placed fifth with 63.5. Abbott was the only individual national titlist for the Auggies, who had three wrestlers in ' championship matches and six ting better and better. He epito- mizes the one percent improve- ment a day phi- losophy that our program has. " Abbott scored a second-period escape and held on for 1:31 of riding time to gain an extra point and the 2-1 decision, which was enough overcome stalling calls for i Miesy '5; t“: ‘ . .. a r. w to Tony Abbott locks horns with Jorge Borgen in the championship of the two 165 lbs. class. Abbott was the Auggies only champion. ht national title . who earned All- American Hon- 'ors. "He was the most improved wrestler we had as a freshman. from freshman to sophomore. from sophomore to junior and from junior to senior." said Augsburg head coach Jeff Swenson. a penalty point in the third period. "I knew it was close. and I knew that one or two of us were going to have to win. for sure." Abbott said. "My match was really important because I was wrestling 3 guy from Upper Iowa. and that's a big swing either way—-\\'hoever wins. I knew ifl would win. it would help seal the deal. which is the case now." Augsburg‘s two other finalists fell short of their goals of winning national titles in Saturday's finals. Nick Slack, the l74-pound national cham- pion in 2000 and national runner~up last year. lost in the championship match 12-8 to and. though Slack cut the advantage to 8-7 early in the second period. the Montclair State wrestler remained in control through out the match. Slack. a threevtime .»\ll—American and holder of the second longest “in streak in school histor} «so from MOO—(ll ). had his current 31-match \\in streak end \\l[ll the championship loss. falling to 43-2 on the )ear. He finished with a career record of I30» 13. though he lost just three matches in his last three seasons. Ricky Crone (Jr. Apple Valley. Minn). a transfer from Northern Iowa, gave up a Courtesy of Augsburg College Sports information The national champions pose for a picture. Posing with the title is becoming a tradition, with eight Division III titles in 12 seasons. "Tony Abbott just kept on get- Ed Aliakseyenka of Montclair State (NJ). Aliakseyenka built a 6-2 first-period lead Champ'ons continued to page 7 Osterholm predicts Voter turnout triples at the polls since last year Mod/Bredesen win election in a landslide: 254 - 109 Dave Rettenmaier Co-Managing Editor", Voter turnout for the student government elections last Friday and Saturday totalled 363, which is triple the number recorded last year. Bradley Mod and Kellen Bre- desen won the presidential and vice-presidential offices with 254 votes over Jim Martin and Nathan Grand, who pulled in 109. The 2002-2003 Senior Class President will be incumbent sena— tor Grant Iordahl, who earned 56 votes. Other senior senators will be Andy Zetzman (52), Sarah Habberkom (50), and Christian Shada (16). George W. Bush received one write-in vote. Juniors will be represented by incumbent senator Stephanie Lund (class president with 53 votes). incumbent Sarah Prozinski (47), incumbent Jason Stock (13). and Laura Wade (8). The sophomore race was a close one. with only two votes separating incument class presi- dent Kat Iordahl (67) from new— comer Xia Xiong (65). They will be joined on the senate by incum— bent Jake Karas (47) and Mario Bolton (31). Rachelle Engelking and Jessica Laine were close behind. with 29 and 25 votes respectively, but they did not win sen- ate seats. Although Weekend College (WEC) is allotted 12 seats on Sen— ate. only one name was printed on the ballot this year. Incum- bent Mer- cedes Weishalla will take the WEC presidency with 11 votes. Four other students received write-in votes for WEC. but they did not receive the four votes required in order to take office. . Inauguration will be held in late April, according to current Augsburg Student Body Vice President Bradley Motl. Applica- tions for the paid positions of Sec- retary, Treasurer. and Finance Secretary are available on the Sen— ate Office door in Cooper's Attic. Christensen Center. Freshman seats and other vacant positions will be up for election in September. Meetings of the Student Senate take place Thursdays at 8:30 pm. and are open to the public. bioterrorist attack Kellen Bredesen Coilianaging Editor 7 In the world of biology, there is white science and there is black science. According to Michael Oster- holm, former Minnesota State epi— demiologist and current special advisor to Health and Human Ser— vices Sec— 7 thing unscathed." he said. “I have no great hope that the intelligence community would see [an attack] coming." On Sept. 11, 2000-21 year to the date of the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks-Osterholin published a book waming of such terrorist activities. Living Ter- rors: What America Needs to Know to ret “ Survive Toilymy We should have my Thom son, irig there pis a Biolormr- very thin - n is! Caru- line not surprised. simple between vividly What [he describes “good guys" do and what the “bad guys” do. Bioterrorism is “all within a graduate student’s ability today in a number of our microbi— ology programs.“ said Osterholm Tuesday. Osterholm spoke to a group of over 100 students and concemed community members in Augs— burg's chapel during a Sabo Scholar public forum. Osterholm directs the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota. but these days he spends most of his time in Wash» ington working on bioterrorism preparedness issues. "It doesn’t leave me optimistic that we're going to get out of this some of the scenarios the federal government has recently explored in more depth. After all. ()ster» holm said, biologic agents “can cause terror and panic [and]...destruction oi a nation." “You have the double hit of the real impact and you have the impact of panic and tear." hc warned. ()stcrholm lell a meeting at Block ii of the Pentagon 12 hours before the terroristegmdcd passen- ger plane hit on Sept. ll. 200]. “We should have been shocked but not surprised" about the olhcr events ol the day. he said. And it doesn't sound like we Ostorholm continued on page 4 Show less
March 8, 2002 EEOQinion page 2 @ MOC First Lines, Augsburg Style K. Lucin Staff Writer “*7 >____d So many books have great starting lines. But how would the very first lines have gone if they had been written at Augsburg? Let is find out. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was... Show moreMarch 8, 2002 EEOQinion page 2 @ MOC First Lines, Augsburg Style K. Lucin Staff Writer “*7 >____d So many books have great starting lines. But how would the very first lines have gone if they had been written at Augsburg? Let is find out. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness..." “It was the warmest of times, it was the coldest of times, it was the age of the squirrel, it was the age of post-tenure review..." “Tale of Two Cities,” Charles Dickens “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single per— son in possession of a good fortune. must be in want of a liberal arts education at a small ELCA—allied Minneapolis college.” “Pride and Prejudice,” Jane Austen “This is the story of what a Woman’s patience can endure, and what a Man’s resolution can achieve." “This is the story of what a staff member’s patience can endure, and what a student’s resolution can achieve." “Woman in White,” Wilkie Collins “‘Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,‘ grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.” “Christmas won’t be Christmas without any beer," grumbled Jo, lying on the ugly institutional carpet. “Little Women,” Louisa May Alcott “A squat gray building of only thirty-four stories. Over the main entrance the words, CENTRAL LONDON HATCHERY AND CONDITIONING CENTRE, and in a shield, the World State’s motto, Community, Identity, Sta- bility.” “A squat gray building of only three stories. Over the main entrance the words, AUGSBURG PROPAGANDA MINISTRY, and in a shield, the World State's motto, Edu- cation, Service, Making Lots of Money.” “Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking 10:45, 10:48, 10:57, 11:16, and 6:02.” “1984,” George Orwell “The most merciful thing in the world, 1 think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." “The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate any of its contents while under the influence of a sufficient number of general education classes.” “Call of Cthulhu,” H. P. Lovecraft “Call me Jonah.” “Call for a pizza.” “Cat’s Cradle,” Kurt Vonnegut “‘To be born again,’ sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, ‘first you have to die."‘ “To register for classes,” gasped Financial Aid growling into the phone, “first you have to fill out forms 34A, 15B, 9942F, S436R, MMR, MLA, MIA, BRB, COD, DOA, and deposit 1.2 million dollars into our checking accounts before tomorrow afternoon.” “The Satanic Verses” Salman Rushdie “Should I have taken the false teeth?” “Should I have taken the false teeth? They were free..." “The Cunning Man,” Robertson Davies My dear Belbantam: Your' previous correspondence mentioned your despair that your charge has gone to Augsburg College, a school closely linked to the Enemy. Do not be anxious, you will find it fairly easy for a demon to be successful there if you keep your wits about you. It is fairly easy to lead a young human into the regu- lar college vices of drinking, drugs, and sex these days. Morsels of that type are plentiful, but not very satisfying. If you want to take a more challenging approach you could have a tastier meal. First attack your human‘s view of the institution, that blasted outpost of the Enemy. Whisper to him that as a Christian school it should always be a concerned with compassion and charity. Of course this compassion and charity should always be directed at his desires. Steer him from thinking that he should install the qualities he expects of a Christian school in himself before he starts criticizing. Teach him to blame all of his problems on others in order to avoid any self-reflection, which is always dangerous especially when he is on the Enemy‘s turf. You will be surprised how easy it is to convince him that he is being treated unfairly. Perhaps he did poorly on a test. Tell him it was the professor‘s fault. He didn't drop the class in time? It was the Enrollment Center’s fault. Soon he will say those words, which will ring like music in your ears: “I thought this was a Christian school.” From there it is only a small leap to him thinking Augsburg to h sincee apologies to C .S. Leis 6 Editors be hypocritical and thereby voiding any of the Enemy’s propa- ganda especially that nauseous Faith and Reason discussion that the College President is so found of prattering on about or that disgusting Education for Service motto. I must say. hypocrisy is such a wonderful thing. Young humans grow so concerned with rooting it out that it blinds them to the Enemy’s so called truths. If we cannot discredit the message, at least discredit the messen- ger. The key to success is to develop a healthy level of selfishness. As long as he believes he is in college to simply improve his sta- tion in life, he is ours. He will whine about the burden of reli- gion classes. Calls to reflect on his vocation will fall on deaf ears. Whisper into his ear that all that matters is having that degree. not the content of his education. He will not realize you are lying. I shall write you more in the future. I believe you will be successful at Augsburg. Your friend and mentor. Screwtape PS. A human writer, CS. Lewis collected and translated some of my previous letters to Wormwood and published them. I would suggest that you read some of my advice to perhaps avoid my nephew’s failure. To the Editors, K. Lucin’s opinion piece in your Mar. 1 issue regarding “Churn rates and complaints" is right on in urging students to speak up about concerns. Those of us who work in the Enrollment Center really do want to improve services. We have read the Student Senate survey results and those of another survey of Week- end College students conducted in the fall. A few weeks ago, I sent a campus-wide email urging students to participate in an Enrollment Center student advisory group. Listening to students will help us to priori- tize issues and invest resources where they will have the greatest effect. Send your comments to me at olson@augs- burgedu. or call (612) 330-1740. Julie Olson (Class of 1990) Enrollment Center Director What form of terrorism scares you the most? . Kb Civilians being bombed. peo- ple taken hostage-—mostly the uncertainty of not knowing what could happen. closets at once! Kcilah Gibson Freshman Gurayn Sylte Sophomore If all the boogeyme of the world jumped out of all the kids‘ Anthrax. With torture you can just bare it. but anthrax makes you sick. Mike Coleman Junior Brook-Lyne Mayne Senior What really scares me is the terrorism our government is begining to impose on the rights and minds of its citizens. Bio...cause you can't see it. They could diusguise it as hair- spray. Bobby Brown Sophomore W‘QM er»...‘ .. .. Last“. “#17; . Show less
said. Of course. Marquis de Sade said the same thing hundreds of years before. Josie Bissett said, “Dreams come a size too big so that we can grow into them.” Historians are unsure whether King Kong heard it from her or not. The Roman author Seneca opined, “It is bet- ter, of course, to know... Show moresaid. Of course. Marquis de Sade said the same thing hundreds of years before. Josie Bissett said, “Dreams come a size too big so that we can grow into them.” Historians are unsure whether King Kong heard it from her or not. The Roman author Seneca opined, “It is bet- ter, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.” Ben Stein would say the same. continued from page 3 dures, based on continual assessment of campus diversity. Additionally, the committee is empow- ered to promote skill-building initiatives, to mon- itor diversity performance issues at all levels, to recommend changes where needed, and to evalu- ate their implementation. 0 As a Strategic Planner The Committee regularly and systematically identifies ways in which diversity can and should be linked to all aspects of the College; identifies areas where such linkages should occur; and rec- ommends ways to make those linkages, where practical, in anticipation and in advance of possi— ble diversity conflicts. It ties such recommenda— tions to the strategic mission of the college as expressed in “Augsburg 2004”. °As a Consultant The Committee makes itself available to groups that seek or would benefit from assistance in evaluating their programs, building diversity- related competencies, and in making connections between disparate groups on campus. The com- mittee also seeks to bring new ideas and best practices regarding diversity to the campus to ensure that current thinking is an integral part of Augsburg ’s diversity initiative. - As a Catalyst The Committee sparks campus interest in diversity and in commitment to diversity by actively encouraging cultural and inter-cultural competencies through training, social interaction, entertainment, and educational opportunities. It maximizes the effectiveness of such competen- cies by highlighting diversity work and reward- ing diversity effectiveness. In this role, the Committee helps facilitate an intentionally diverse learning environment through the promo- tion of diversity awareness, acceptance, and understanding. As noted above, the Committee operates as an adjunct to the Office of the President and takes its strategic direction from that office. The Commit- tee is served by a Consultant on Diversity Direc- tion who reports to the President. From time to time, the Committee may also work with other resources in the implementation of its work, as directed or approved by the President. The Committee comprises no less than 20 members and no more than 40. Membership is open to any and all individuals who are staff, fac— ulty or students enrolled full or part-time. Com— mittee Bylaws state at least one member also should be a member of the College Council. Any faculty. staff, or student interested in seeking membership should contact one of the Membership Subcommittee: Jim Trelstad-Porter. Aaron Kolb. Ann Klarner, Melissa Freitag, or Ann Garvey. Garvey is one of the Committee’s four co—chairs along with Dan Jorgensen, Joe Young, and Betty Wade. Five subcommittees--Membership. Training, Programming. First Response. and Public Rela— tions-deliberate and mediate specific issues regarding committee governance, or particular issues requiring investigation before considera- tion by the entire body. The Committee meets formally on a monthly basis to either consider new business brought to its attention by members or others. to further the interest of old business. to evaluate progress toward objectives. or to do all of the above. Stu- dents. faculty. and staff with an idea or an issue are encouraged to send a message to diver- sity@augsburg.edu. April 19, 2002 i; Roommate wanted: (preferably male) to share large 3+-bedroom house in Bloomington with 2 female law students and 1 male Production Assistant. $400/mo includes utilities, Direct TV with NFL package, laundry and DSL Internet. No deposit. Pets OK. Available after 5/1. 952-346-9538 evenings and week— ends. Any story ideas? Email us at: echomaugsburg.edu g Talk until all tests are open book. Introducing 0 by Owest.“ Unlimited local minutes.* $39.99 a month. Including Wireless Voice Mail. Caller ID. Call Waiting. Buy the Audiovox® phone for $79.99, pay a $35 activation fee, and Owest will give you the first four weeks of service free. Interns u irles I Broaden I I Visit a Qwest store near you. Minnesota ride the light 2 ROSBVIIIE‘ anetonka . 131m Ridgedale Drive 2100 North Smelling Avenue Q e S (952; 5469115 5””9 40 (651) 638-9630 Call 1-866-461-3713 or go to www.qwestwireless.com. 'Whencallmg inyouHome CmerageAream the Owestwneless network to 509le": area codes. 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April 19, 2002 a)": O 0 5m page 8 Baune, men’s relay team Everybody win at Quintangular Men ’s and women’s track both finish fourth in St. Cloud Paul Putt Sports Editor The Augsburg Auggies com— peted in the St. John‘s/St. Bene— dict's Quintangular track and field meet Saturday. and saw Chrissy... Show moreApril 19, 2002 a)": O 0 5m page 8 Baune, men’s relay team Everybody win at Quintangular Men ’s and women’s track both finish fourth in St. Cloud Paul Putt Sports Editor The Augsburg Auggies com— peted in the St. John‘s/St. Bene— dict's Quintangular track and field meet Saturday. and saw Chrissy Baune again make the headlines. Baune scored a first place tri- umph in the women’s 1500 meter run and a second place finish in the women’s 800 meter run to lead Augsburg‘s women‘s track team to a fourth place finish with 45 points. Baune's time was an impres— sive 4:53.46 minutes in the 1500 meter. beating her nearest com- petitor by over a second. She also faired well in the 800 meter as she finished with a time of 2:25.08. Teammate Hannah Dietrich also ran well in the 800 meter as she was only 3.5 seconds off Baune's pace. The men's relay team was also victorious. finishing the 1600 meter relay in 3:25.24. Chris Ohnstad and Alan Wilson competed in the 800 meter for the men and took second and third. with times of 1:58.48 and 1:59.37. respectivly. The men's team also managed a fourth place finish with a score of 57.5 points. Tommies beat up Mathew Shannon notched a fourth place finish in the men's 200 meter dash as he crossed the line in 22.74 seconds, and then earned a fifth place finish in the 100 meter dash with a 1 1.40 second sprint. Kirsten Gulbro continued her consis- tent season. scoreing three top-six finishes in the women‘s throwing events. Gulbro's highest place was in the shot put as she finished third with a distance of 11.18 meters. She followed that up with a fifth place finish in the hammer throw (34.06 meters) and sixth in the discus (27.51 meters). Andy Lindekugel recorded two top-six finishes: a third place fin- ish in the hammer throw with a toss of 40.44 meters. and a sixth place finish in the shot put with an throw of 12.42 meters. Other Auggies who scored points were Matt Swords in the javelin. Petra Velander and Matt Swan in the long jump. and Paul Kirsten Gulbro puts her shot far Sanft in the triple jump. Concordia-Moorhead won the women's meet. while St. John‘s won the men's meet. The Augsburg athletes will travel to Lawrence. Kansas. this weekend for the University of Kansas Relays. Softball, baseball both fall to MIAC powerhouse into the 001 Club activity on track 0 be varsity sport by 2003 Paul Putt SmrtiEflcLi not Augsburg women's athletic director Marilyn Florian announced the addition of a new club sport. swimming and diving, that will be moved into varsity competition by 2003. The current landscape of Augs— burg athletics consists of nine men's varsity sports and eight women‘s varsity sports; the deci- sion to add a sport will bring the total sports offered at Augsburg College to 18. As everyone knows. Augsburg does not have an aquatic center on campus for the team to use. so they will travel to the Philips- Bryant pool in Minneapolis. The decision to add swimming and diving came after the results of a survey of female athletes con- cluded that swimming and diving would be the optimum preference for the student body. The announcement also put Tina Neill in the role of the school's first coach of swimming and diving. Neil] is the current coach of St. Catherine's and she served as the St. Catherine's swimming and div- ing head coach since the 1999— 2000 school year. The Wildcats have finished eighth place once and ninth twice in her tenure at St. Catherine's in the Minnesota Intercollegiate Ath- letic Conference. She is also the current chair of the MIAC Swimming and Diving Coaches group. Neill is no stranger to the MIAC as she has previous experi- ence working with both Macalester and Carleton‘s swim club. "We are very excited to be starting a swimming program at Augsburg." Florian said. "Having an outstanding coach in place to help build the program is very positive." on the Auggies Paul Putt Sports Editor Women’s Softball Times are tough for the Augsburg soft- ball team. In the midst of a slide. they faced league leader St. Thomas and then saw the slide continue. With the slide comes frustration. The Auggies had a chance to take the first game when they had the bases loaded; however. they were unable to convert and left with a 3—1 loss. After a close first game. the Auggies were blown away 7—0 and left feeling the bruises of a 1-7 record in the MIAC. St. Thomas improved to 19-5 overall and 6-0 in MIAC play while Augsburg reside at 5—13—1 overall. Due to the removal of the air structure over Edor Nelson Field. the games were moved to the University of Minnesota com- plex with the Auggies hosting. even though it did not feel like it. The first game was a pitchers' duel between Augsburg's Ekholm and St. Thomas starter Stacy Tamble. Ekholm picked up five strikeouts and walked two. while Tamble struck out seven while allowing three walks. Down 1-0. Augsburg tied the game in fifth. when Sam Kronschnabel walked and scored on a sacrifice fly by Ekholm. The lead was short lived as the Tommies regained control in the top of the sixth and held the lead through the inning. The Tommies went to the bullpen with one out in the bottom of the seventh inning. as Augsburg had loaded the bases with the hcan of the order due up. Augsburg's top hitter. Rachael Ekholm, hit a grounder to the shortstop who threw home to force out the baserunner. Jennie LaManna then struck out, ending hopes of a comeback. Augsburg's Kron— schnabel, Kristen Lideen and Becky Ruckel had two hits apiece. In the second game the Auggies missed opportunities to put runs on the scoreboard as they had four Auggies walk and six get aboard with hits. But five Auggies struck out and Augs- burg stranded 10 runners in the second game. compared to only three for St. Thomas. After a neck and neck battle through four innings. St. Thomas opened the flood gates on back—to-back doubles. then advanced with scores due to fielding errors. The Tommies added to the lead in the sixth and left the Auggies sucking wind with a loss. Ruckel went 2-for-4 and Chris— tine Matthews went 2-for-3 to lead the Aug— gies while Ekholm recorded three strikeouts and walked two in the second game for Augsburg. Augsburg plays in MIAC doubleheaders on Wednesday (4/17) at 4 pm. at St. Mary's. Men’s Baseball They call the heat of June or July the "dog days of summer" because of the miser- able atmosphere each day. Unfortunately the Auggie baseball team has hit the "dog days of spring.” dropping seven straight and were decimated in two games by the MIAC and National Champi- ons. the St. Thomas Tommies. The Tommies picked up wins of 11-2 and 4-0 and improved to 16-4 with a perfect MIAC record while the Auggies are now 7- 19 and 1-7 in league competition. The game was held at Midway Stadium with Augsburg the host team, but the Tom- mies looked more at home as pitcher Bryan Edstrom threw a complete game, one-hit shutout in the second game. and the Tom- mies bats did the work in the first game putting up 11 runs of support for their pitch- St. Thomas put the kibosh on any possi— ble comeback with a six-run fifth inning and seven hits to go into cruise control. Nash went 2—for-3 to lead Augsburg. Joe Pontrelli took the loss, with Russ Bauer pitching in relief. Augsburg returns to action on Saturday (4/20) with a 1 pm. doubleheader at St. ers. John‘s. Ryan Krautkremer had the lone Auggie hit. a first-inning 0d h single and then Edstrom then e t e mowed down the Auggies. retir- ing 13 in a row over four-plus innings With only four base runners the entire game, the Auggies could not do much to stay com- petitive with the Tommies. Augsburg starter Jared Lynch took the loss. though he pitched well. striking out one and allow- ing just five hits in 4.1 innings of work. Three Auggies followed in relief. Five runs in the first three innings gave the Tommies a big lead in the first game. and a six- run effort in the fifth inning clinched the victory. Three runs came across on fielder’s choices in the first inning for the Tommies: how- ever. the Auggies cut into the lead in the bottom of the third. when Travis Akre walked and Frank Huebner was able to bring him home on a base hit. Sammy Gross then singled and scored later on a single from Collin Nash. 4/14/02 Baseball Game] R H E Univ. ofSt. Thomas. 3020600 -1112 2 Augsburg College.... 002 000 0 - 2 6 1 Win - Lindstmm (2-2). Loss - Pontrelli (0-2) 04/14/02 BaseballGameZ R H E Univ. of St. Thomas. 001 010 2 - 4 8 0 Augsburg College.... 000 000 0 — 0 1 l 04/14/02 Softball Game 1 R H E Univ. ofSt. Thomas. 010002 0- 3 7 0 Augsburg College... 000 010 0 — 1 7 1 Wm-Tamble Loss-Ekholm(5—7) 04/14/02 Softball Game 2 R H E Univ.ofSt.Tlnrnas.1003021- 7 7 0 Augsbm’gCollege....(XX)lX)00- 0 61 Show less
April 19, 2002 eaCommunit Values page 6 Celebrating Asian Heritage Nicki Ziegler Comm.Nalues Editor On April 15. the Augsburg Asian Students Association (AASA) kicked off Asian Her— itage Month with a cultural booth in the Christensen Center lobby. AASA builds a network of friend— ship and... Show moreApril 19, 2002 eaCommunit Values page 6 Celebrating Asian Heritage Nicki Ziegler Comm.Nalues Editor On April 15. the Augsburg Asian Students Association (AASA) kicked off Asian Her— itage Month with a cultural booth in the Christensen Center lobby. AASA builds a network of friend— ship and support for Asian and Asian American students and their peers through various activities. AASA provides opportunities to practice leadership through ser— vice on its executive and special committees. Membership in AASA is voluntary and open to any Augsburg College Students. On April 23. Lee Pao Xiong, director of Urban Coalition, is speaking on Asian Americans in the Twin Cities area. Lee’s speech will be about the contribution that the Asian—Pacific American com— munity has made to this state and some of the challenges facing our community. Lee is currently on leave from his position as the Director of Government and Community Relations for Concordia Univer- sity in St. Paul. There he serves as Concordia‘s ambassador and liai- son to the community and govem— ment officials to pursue his advanced degree. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Politi— cal Science from the University of Minnesota and a Master of Arts in Public Administration from Ham- line University. He is currently pursuing his Doctorate in Public Month Administration Degree at Hamline University. On April 27. AASA is sponsor— ing a Variety Show featuring poetry reading, singing. and tradi- tional clothing. Ly5, local Hmong hip hop singers. are well known in the Midwest area. Ly5 music is a combination of Boys II Men drama and N‘Sync sparks. They are the most popular and well— known new band in the Hmong music industry right now. Mongrel will also be performing and is one of the very few Asian American performing spoken word artists in Minnesota. Mongrel artists con- sist of talented poets who are of the Korean and Philippines roots. This group also speaks of issues in America and of the Homeland. On May 3 there will be a “Still Real" presentation on Asians in the entertainment industry and a DJ Dance with Still Real DJS. MUPS and ROCKUSS. On May 6, Professor Elaine Kim, Chair of Asian Studies at University of Califomia-Berkeley. will be speaking about Asian American Visual Arts and Literature. All of these events are open to the public and free for Augsburg students. staff. and faculty. To find out more information. you can check out their website at www.augsburg.edu/panasia. Become a contestant at the DRAG Extravaganza & Contest! Drag Kings and Queens are welcomed. 1st Prize: $100 gift card to Target 2nd Prize: $75 gift card to Target 3rd Prize: $50 gift card to Target Visit \vww.augsburg.edu/asac to sign up or call x1124 You can also sign up on Wednesday. April 24th in the CC. lobby & meet one of the perfomters from the Gay 90‘s!! Pride Month Events: Friday, April 19th ABSOLUTION A night of dancing, food, and prizesll (Prizes include: XFest tickets and lots more!) East Commons 9pm-Midnight Tuesday, April 23rd Homosexuality & the Church Christensen Center, 4:30pm Tuesday, April 30 Drag Show & Contest East Commons 8:30pm Featuring Drag Queens from the Gay 90$!l qsu@augsburg.edu Photo courtesy of New Light Media photographer M. Nanette Marting In a scene from the film, “Journey to a Hate Free Millennium”, a silent angel protestor stands tor love and acceptance amidst the hatred of Rev. Fred Phelps. They are outside the courthouse during the trial of one of Matthew Shepard’s murderers. The protest included many friends and supporters of the Shepard family and was created by a close friend of Matthew's. A commitment to ending hate, building compassion Nicki Ziegler ComimJVailues Editor Stories of compassion and hope were told on April 16 through a documentary entitled “Journey to a Hate Free Millen— nium." One of the producers, Brent Scarpo, visited Augsburg to discuss the film and the issues sur- rounding hate. The documentary was based on interviews from families and friends of James Byrd, Jr.. a black man who was dragged to death in Jasper, Texas; Matthew Shepard. a gay male college student who was brutally beaten and tied to a fence to die in Laramie, Wyoming; the 13 Columbine High School stu- dents that were murdered. The film also featured an ex-neo-Nazi who is now an educator for toler- ance and diversity. Scarpo talked about hate and stated that “somewhere along our journey we learn this unnecessary i “me [0 self: I Think about how smart I‘ll look to mom and dad when they find outl am having UPS pay for my college expenses. + YOU AUGSBURG + UPS SUCCESSHH Package Handlers Part-time positions available $8.50 — $9.50 per hour Consistent work schedule Weekly paychecks Get up to $1,500Isem - $3,000Iyr in College Education Assistance APPLY TODAY! ! Comprehensive benefits package NO WEEKENDS! United Parcel Service will reimburse Augsburg students at the end of each semester. _?'5- El Equl wan-fly Enufloya 651-681-2800 www.upsjobs.com lesson--and in my opinion. it's about time we unlearn it.” His message was about model- ing the behavior we want to see in the world and about taking risks to talk to people different than our- selves. In a conversation I had with him, I told him about the events going on at Augsburg regarding GLBT issues. I said that nothing is ever done to our faces. but through emails and writing the word “fag- got" on our floor signs and “fag pride" across bulletin boards. He replied, “Oh yeah. because that would take courage.“ It takes courage to confront someone you have issues with. Scarpo also talked about how the latest group of people our country hates: Muslims, people from the Middle East, and anyone who “looks” anything like what we perceive a terrorist to be. He mentioned he has been on four planes where the pilot has asked a particular person to get off of the plane. After the speaker and film, Augsburg students, staff, and fac- ulty stayed together for a candle- light vigil and listen to the songs of Randi Driscoll‘s “What Mat- ters," All proceeds of her CD go toward anti-hatecrime charities. Michelle Morse. Augsburg junior. also performed a song she specifi— cally wrote for the vigil. He left us by asking if we were part of the problem or part of the solution. If you overhear offen— sive language or see someone defacing a QSU poster and you don’t do anything about it. then you‘re part of the problem. In the end we are all “part of the human experience, part of the human family." Make the decision not to hate. r Augsburg 0.) .2 +4 Mana in Edit rs David Rettenmaier Kellen Bredesen Copy Edith Kayla Scrivner mm Greg Solheid Nfl§ Editors Kellen Bredesen David Rettenmaier Scott Bibus am Joel Wolf L The Augsburg Echo is published each Friday -- except during interim. vacation periods, and holidays -— by students of Augsburg College. 731 let Avenue South. Minneapolis. Minnesota 55454. Opinions expressed are those of the authors and don't reflect those of the supporting staff, administration, faculty, or the remainder of the students. The Echo does not necessarily promote the products or ‘ mm ni N l E it r Nicki Ziegler 5mm Angel Overgaard M PauIPufl MM Aaron Vogel M91 Kari Lucin comm Joe Huffer Easu—ItLAdJED—r Boyd Koehler A Show less
page 4 5m 0 0% &E April 19, 2002 Bawdy humor hits and misses Deanne McDonald Staff Writer Canterbury Tales: the presti— gious Guthrie Theater presents Chaucer--the height of snobbish highbrow theater. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas: a naughty unabashed crowd-pleaser at the Orpheum starring... Show morepage 4 5m 0 0% &E April 19, 2002 Bawdy humor hits and misses Deanne McDonald Staff Writer Canterbury Tales: the presti— gious Guthrie Theater presents Chaucer--the height of snobbish highbrow theater. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas: a naughty unabashed crowd-pleaser at the Orpheum starring sex—goddess Ann-Margret. Who would expect these two musical comedies to flip definitions? “Canterbury Tales" is taken straight from Chaucer‘s Old Eng- lish. but it has been updated to the present and. with additional mate- rial by Minnesotan writer/per— fomier Kevin Kling. moved to a Minnesotan local parson. This is where the crowd-pleasing comes in. and one local reference in par- ticular gets the audience going. The pastor urged one character to hurry up and get dressed for the next sketch because. “The Gover- nor is here!" whereupon the actress emerged half—dressed and incredulously exclaimed, “The Governor? At a play?" As for naughty. Chaucer’s sto- ries almost all ran along the lines of grossed-out humor and the Guthrie’s version retained all of this. The highly imaginative visu- alizations the actors brought to the crude humor were often hysteri- cal. particularly in the campy “Reeve’s Tale.” “The Cook‘s Tale.” basically an extended song and dance num- ber by Leenya Rideout. the actress playing the cook. seemed out of place but was very well per- in the right direction provider. New Grad RNs discover an exciting future at Other benefits include: EOE. New Grad RNs... Begin your career Find what you're looking for at Abbott Northwestern Hospital. the Twin Cities’ largest health care our state-otthe-art facility. Call us for an on-site tour at your convenience-See the difference. Patients are the reason we exist. People are the reason we excel. formed. The cast of the produc- tion was superb and pulled off the entire production with flair. Guthrie regulars Richard Iglewski. Sally Wingert. and Jim Lichtsheidl were terrific as usual. obviously enjoying the chance to let loose in the cast of crazy characters each performed. The actors from New York were great as well. In fact. every single actor had many beau- tiful moments. really making this an actor’s show. “Whorehouse” could be called an actor’s show as well, or more accurately. Ann-Margret’s and the large numbers of old people who came out to see her. Ann—Margret is old. She danced and sang very well and she’s a big star and all. but it was impossible not to notice the contrast of the youthful energy of the chorus of girls dancing around her. She gave the impres— sion of holding herself together. until the very last number when she let loose and really danced. Gary Sandy as the Sheriff Ed Earl was another old star that the fur coat wearing audience members came to see deliver his trademark: humorous, curse-word filled lines. Overall. “Whorehouse” did not offer the naughty humor it seemed to promise; the title was basically a tease. The songs were not mem— orable. the choreography was often hilarious in an embarrassing sort of way. and, while I admit- tedly had a pretty good time. my experience was more about peo— ple/performer-watching then actu- ally enjoying the production. On-site BSN Completion Program - College of St. Catherine Tuition I: School Loan Reimbursement Relocation Reimbursement High Wages - Flexble Staffing Options Excellent Nine/Patient Ratio Unique New Grad Residency Program Straight night differential— $4lhour for regularly scheduled RNs. Apply to: Humn Reoourceo, 800 East 28" Street, Ilinneqaoio, IN 55407-3799. Fax: (612) 8636485, Ph: (612) 863-8790 or emit to: ronnne.lowio@ dtinacom or rochelostewmwnacom Call to arrange an oneite tour! 4! a. ABBOTT ' NORTHWESTERN HOSPITAL an..ch Blues Ex losion: raucous, wild, an super SEXY David Rettenmaier Co-Managing Editor If the blues has an identity that is all style-- seamy and booze filled—-it is the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Not to say that they don’t sound bluesy. they do, but they also sound punky. funky, I_ kinky. and heavy. ' If you haven’t heard of Blues Explosion before. don’t worry-—you’ve probably heard their music. Unfortunately. they had several songs on the “Road Trip” soundtrack. How a quasi-indie band got on a teeny movie sound- track. I don’t know. But let’s look past it--this new album is damn good. The band’s new album “Plastic Fang" is the fifth since their inception in the mid— 19803. The first song “Sweet and Sour” shows Blues Explosion with a little more melodic sophistication than the wild. crunching. half song, half noise that they’re used to. In fact. “Sweet and Sour.” along with a few other cuts on the album. sound a lot like Ten Years After. Jon Spencer seems to emulate Alvin Lee’s vocals, and Judah Bauer's guitar is a little more scream than crunch-Alvin Lee style. But the whole album isn’t this clean. “Shakin’ Rock ‘n ’Roll Tonight” is typically wild and nasty. Russell Simmins’ drums bash the opening of the song. Spencer’s vocals kick in with typical rock ‘n’ roll exhortations. adding the band’s name for filler: “Hang on fellas there’s a rock today, get down! Come on, rock ‘n’ roll Blue Explosion style.” This is Blues Explosion at its best. You may not usually enjoy when bands use their names in the songs. or when “rock ‘n’ roll” is every third word. but you have to understand Blues Explo- sion. Rocking the socks off people is all they’re about. Jon Spencer is the master of Showmanship and he’s sarcastic as hell--so is the music, if that’s possible. Their studio albums show this some, but you see it more in their live shows. Spencer is sort of a kicked up Elvis Presley——an oft made comparison—-he croons and cries like the King. But he also screams and grunts. By all accounts. Spencer is a supersexy frontman. One more unfortu— nate thing: Spencer is a jeans model for Calvin Klein. I say this only to suggest that he’s hot. The only major flaw in the album is “She Said,” which is supposedly their big single and have already done a video for. The song has no discerning charac- teristics. It blends into the rest of the album. as if it’s the average of all the rest of the songs. It’s sort of not that loud; what power it has is in the vocals. The drum beat is typical and the guitar is almost nonexis- tent, except in the chorus. I suppose this is the kind of banal shit that the masses like. But I like this band a lot, so I’ll think of something good about this song...Um, hmm. I guess Spencer’s vocals get pretty soulful at the end of the song. He can sing. The Blues Explosion will be playing at First Avenue on May 7, with legendary indie patriarchs Dub Narcotic. Tickets are $15. Buy their album first. though. don‘t just take my word for it. 4? tar—rm 1i Jamar-ii m 'rbtocted sex tor whatever reason - tho A miss 0 couple of pills, you didn‘t in”. ‘ were sexually ossauttod, you can getting pregnant. Emorgonq' ' .anu Show less
April 19, 2002 é’éFeatures page 3 The Diversity Committee: history, mission, goals Dan Jorgensen, Anne Garvey Co-Chairs, Diversity Committee WW The posters you’re starting to see on campus aren’t advertising a website...at least not yet. The posters, designed by current students, advertise the... Show moreApril 19, 2002 é’éFeatures page 3 The Diversity Committee: history, mission, goals Dan Jorgensen, Anne Garvey Co-Chairs, Diversity Committee WW The posters you’re starting to see on campus aren’t advertising a website...at least not yet. The posters, designed by current students, advertise the Diversity Committee at Augsburg College. Augsburg’s mission is to nurture future leaders in services by, among other things, “an intentionally diverse campus community.” So what does that mean? What does that look and sound like? The Augsburg Diversity Committee is one group striving toward this diversity and looking to answer the questions posed above. An intentionally diverse community is more than a diverse group of students, who on the surface appear to be different, and then co—exist, without interaction, while getting their degree. Likewise, an intentionally diverse campus community encourages community members to look beyond surface similarities to learn more about one another. And, creating an intentionally diverse campus community is not the sole work of a committee--it’s the work of everyone on campus. A diversity committee has actually existed at Augsburg since 1991, when the Board of Regents, at the suggestion of President Charles Anderson, estab- lished a standing committee on diversity. Lee Cook, Assistant to the President for Diversity, was the first chair of this committee. The committee’s purpose: to study and suggest ways to improve the campus cli- mate of diversity, monitor current activities, and pro- pose needed action to the president for implementation. In 1993, this committee published its philosophy and rrrission, which included a commitment to: l) Becoming a community that was characterized by shared values emphasizing dignity, respect, and equal opportunity for all students, faculty and staff mem- bers; 2) Achieving an environment in which people of all backgrounds are appreciated for their contribu— tions, both locally and globally; and 3) Achieving an environment in which all individuals on campus will develop values reflecting the dignity of all persons. That committee continued its work along these lines throughout the 19905. Kathy Lufti chaired the committee when Dr. Frame arrived as President. President Frame endorsed the continuation of the committee, and supported committee work on train- ing, inventorying diversity—related achievements, developing a protocol for handling incidents of racial or inter-cultural tension, and developing some system for measuring progress toward the college’s diversity goals. In the fall of 1998, the Board of Regents outlined nine critical goals to help implement a strategic vision document known as, “Augsburg 2004.” One such goal was: . Continue to develop a climate which both maxi- mizes the welcome Augsburg provides to people from a broad range of cultures and supports the edu- cational experience which can be gained from the interactions among members of its diverse commu- nity. “Augsburg 2004” explicitly states that the college will fully integrate diversity into all aspects of cam- pus life. The vision was in response to the objection that the current free—standing Diversity Committee is directly responsive to the president. A non-goveming body of volunteers committed to helping the college reach its diversity goals, the Committee’s mission is to assist the governing structure of the college-- including the president, all officers, staff, faculty and students--in implementing the “best practices" regarding diversity. The point of this mission is to create and support an environment in which the “isms” wither and our sense of community is strengthened because of our differences, not in spite of them. The Committee will accomplish Augsburg’s goals by acting in the following roles: 'As a Change Agent The Committee has been granted the authority to lead the college’s diversity initiative by creating tac— tics that further the implementation of the diversity vision, and by developing new policies and proce— Diversity continued on page 7 Yoshida family talent Compiledby tion, The Angel Overgaard FMIIQI,,.,,,, From March 15 to April 18, the Gage Family Gallery dis— played “Artistic Inheritance: Stu- dents of the Yoshida Family." The Minneapolis Institute of Art also hosted an exhibition enti- tled “A Japanese Legacy: Four Generations of Yoshida Family Artists.” The exhibition featured eight artists from the Yoshida family, spanning four generations and over 100 years. In conjunction with this exhibi- Gage Gallery featured the legacy of one member of the Yoshida family, Yoshida Toshi. In 1970, and again in 1974, Toshi taught Japanese woodblock print- making at Augsburg College. The Gage Family An Gallery presented the works of seven stu- dents of Yoshida Toshi: Suezan Aikins, Noboru Sawai, Susan McDonald, Mary June Erickson, Micah Schwaberow, Carol lessen, and Yoshida Tsukasa who is both student and heir to the Yoshida Hanga Studio. The featured picture to the left was done by Yoshida Tsukasa. This information was taken from http://www.augsburg.edu/ galleries. Family Art artistic / \ Sp ring- Heeled Jack A weekly serial by Jonathan Helland Previously, in Spring-Heeled Jack, lord Darnhamshire discov— ered that Charlotte had been wilfully been aiding SpringHeeled Jack and that she was aiming his own pistol at her head. And, due to time constraints, I used more adjectives and similes than I am completely comfortable with. Chapter 6, The Accomplice: Part 2 From the journal of Benjamin Evans, Lord Darnhamshire I dared not turn and face Charlotte while the abomination that was once Aleister Bombeck stared me in the face with his demonic eyes. It seemed infinitely more important at that moment to stand tall against the fiend than it did to preserve my own life, but only for a moment. “Charlotte, what are you doing, he’s a monster!” I yelled, still not daring to look away from Spring-Hesiod Jack. He preened before the stretching his neck and basking in my fear. “He’s my husband." Her voice was cold, with no hint of its ear- lier hysteria. “Aleister’s your husband, not this abomination!" Jack’s lip curled up and a low growl reverberated through my spine. I braced myself for an attack but he moved much faster than I could react, in a heartbeat he’d grabbed my arms, pinned them to my sides carried me across the room and slammed me into a bookshelf, stealing my breath. Than it began to speak, it was speaking in another language, growling guttural tones with no pauses in the words, but even as he did so another voice, Aleister’s own could be heard clearly in Eng- lish. “She is MINE, seduced by my darkness long before that pathetic priest...” he stopped abruptly and I saw a magnificent transforrna— tion. The fire left his eyes and his pupils rounded out again, his iron claws retreated from the wounds they had driven into my arms, and the wiry frame of Aleister Bombeck, wholly himself, quivered from the effort of holding me two feet of the ground. Charlotte saw none of this. “Its true, I’m afraid, so terrible sorry to deceive you,” she smirked at me while resting a hand tenderly on Aleister’s shoulder, “don’t get me wrong, I’m quite pleased that Aleister was chosen. he’s far more fun than old Lord Esterton ever was." Aleister and I shared a meaningful glance at this confession, and I was unceremoniously dropped on the floor as Aleister spun around to face his wife. His hand swept around clasping her wrist and pulling the pistol sharply against his chest. His free hand removed the ridiculous conical helmet and he stared at his Wife for several moments before speaking. “I think you should leave now; leave or kill me." He spoke softly through gritted teeth. “But, Aleister 1.. .1” “Leave Or Kill Me!” And so she left. I slowly got to my feet, walked over to Aleister, and reached out for the pistol that he still held by the barrel against his chest. “You should end it, you should kill me before 1 hurt someone." He said it slowly in obvious effort to hide his emotions. Neverthe- less, I could here the effects of Charlotte’s betrayal in his voice. “No,” I said firmly, “not while there’s another way.” “There is no other way.” He replied in a whisper. That night, the Reverend Aleister Bombeck checked himself into St Bethlehem’s Asylum with me at his side, and was safely locked away where he could harm no other. Is this the end of Spring—Heeled Jack? Of course not, don 't you remember the first issue? Two heart-pounding, edge-of—your-seat issues remain. so come back next week for Part I of the conclusion to Spring-Heeled Jack. \ What’s new under the sun: a historical perspective The college is just too large to know shorthand, and label people according to 7 themselves,‘ added Schncidcr. lt's impor~ Campus roles versus individual people K. Lucin Staff writer,,,. , In February of 1996, the co—editor in chief of the Augsburg Echo. Eric Schneider, said he‘d “come to realize that many people take their roles on campus too seriously." He went on to explain his belief that people tend to stereotype and pigeonhole others according to the groups they belong to, rather than getting to know them personally. This pigeonholing is a danger in any community. but becomes an even greater hamrd in a small community like Augsburg. everyone by name, but it’s also small enough that we know many people by their reputation, and even more through their affiliation with certain groups: the Echo, the wrestling team, student government. QSU, weekend college, campus ministry, the Tai Chi group, or the international stu— dents. Whether the group is formal or not seems not to matter. According to Schneider, “Every respec- tive group gets its own stigma and deper- sonalization ensues." However, I'm not sure that “depersonalization” is really the way to put it. Over-simplification might be a better word. Because there are so many people whose names we can’t remember, we use their respective groups. Perhaps this is a necessary mechanism, and perhaps not. Either way, it can cause a lot of trouble because people do not always agree with their organizations’ policies. This is easily illustrated. There are prob— ably many Republicans who think that George W. Bush is incapable of doing any— thing more intellectual than tying his shoes. There are probably just as many Democrats who think that Al Gore has the personality of a very intelligent and wordy piece of granite. “When stereotypes are perpetuated enough. people tend to live up to them. with many Auggies running the risk of actually becoming their perceived roles rather than [am that we all remember that people arc more than the groups they belong to, and that it's far more imponant to be yourself than to conform to any group, even a group you dearly love. Schneider seemed more worried about the “campus stigma" of being on the licho staff than anything else. However, he did have a valid point. "Ultimately. it‘s important to remember that we're all individuals that do have lives outside of our perceived Auggic roles," said the Echo (Jo-editor in I996. We are our roles. But we are also more than our roles. Show less
___.W,_ N page 5 April 19, 2002 Jazzand the Revolution Nukes and Fritos “Spirits of Havana ”.' Documentary with a Cuban Beat Joel Wolf A&E Editor As part of our spotlight on the SLPaul/Minneapolis International Film Festival, I will take a look at oneofthemanyfilmsthatwillbe showing. “Spirits of... Show more___.W,_ N page 5 April 19, 2002 Jazzand the Revolution Nukes and Fritos “Spirits of Havana ”.' Documentary with a Cuban Beat Joel Wolf A&E Editor As part of our spotlight on the SLPaul/Minneapolis International Film Festival, I will take a look at oneofthemanyfilmsthatwillbe showing. “Spirits of Havana” is a docu- mentary with two subjects. 'lhe film seems to be about Canadian jazz musician Jane Bunnett, but really the film tries to open the eyes of the viewer to life in Cuba after the fall of communist Russia. The documentary is in two parts. The first part of the film follows around a husband/wife jazz ensemble as they tour across the Cuban countryside, recording with various jazz legends. This is a yearly trip for the couple, and Jane Bunnett has even earned the name “Cuban lane” from mem— bers of the Canadian press. Starting out in Havana, Jane and her trumpet—playing husband set out on a cross country trek to capture the sounds of Cuba. Their rehearsal style is less structured than what we may be used to—- musicians run out in the middle of practice to work on their rustic automobiles. However, the end product is some of the best damned jazz music one will ever hear. The filmmakers fly to point out how dangerous this jazz music was before the 1959 revolution. One of the musicians even relates how the Batista government (in conuol prior to Fidel’s bloody coup) imprisoned him. In post- revolution Cuba the people are now allowed to not only play their music. but also they get the oppor— tunity to record in the hopes of exposing their rumba sound to new listeners. 'ItlS use“ ‘ "flew-- Md The engaging scenes, though, are the ones that don't involve music. Early in the film, Jane’s husband gets a chance to talk baseball with some people on the street. For those of you who don’t know, Cubans most are passionate about their baseball and are will- ing to pit any of their teams against any team in the Majors. They aren’t afraid of the Yankees or even the Twins. Another scene takes lane to a hairdresser. In a hilarious aside to the camera Jane’s husband calls her new hairdo “a disaster." That’s not the importance of the scene, however. Edited into the middle of the scene, a young girl sings in Spanish of peace and freedom, topics we Americans don’t always associate with our neighbor ninety miles south of Florida. This is what the filmmak- ers are trying to do. They want to get viewers to see another side of Cuba. It is a side that the Ameri- can media has overlooked in their portrayal of Castro as an evil com— munist Chieftain. The second part of the film centers on a musical instrument restoration program started by Jane and her husband. Part of their yearly trip takes the couple to a school for the arts where they repair instruments and teach a few classes to the children. They also bring a number of new and used instruments that have been donated by families in MITSUBISHI‘S EDUCATIO” 0 DOWN Canada and the States. The film- makers, in 'a broad way, attempt to show the shortage of goods that i every Cuban faces from the fall of the Soviet Union. It is a direct attack at the outdated embargo still carried by our government. By showing the shortage of musi- cal instruments, the filmmakers : hope to point out to the viewer that this isn’t the only shortage facing 1 the Cuban people. However, it is in these scenes that the viewer starts to drift away from Jane as the subject. She comes off as cold and even annoyed when she works with the kids. It seems that the language barrier is too much for her to over- i come. I find that interesting since she has no problems playing with adult Cubans who speak little English. “Spirits of Havana” is an insightful documentary dealing with the economic problems fac— ing Cuba since the collapse of the Soviet Union. The filmmakers are ' very subtle in their attack on US. policy with Cuba, using music as a means to unite the two worlds. If only they could have found a dif- } ferent person to follow around. . Sonnenfeld Brandi Bennett Sniff Writer After a seven month shelving due to the events of September ll. “Big Trouble” finally reached the theaters two weeks ago. In fact, it’s not hard to understand why the film was postponed--it is, after all. a movie centered around a Russ- ian nuke. On the other hand, the plot, which bursts with implausi- bility, is so out there that it could never be possible. “Big Trouble” is based on the I first novel by Pulitzer Prize win- ning journalist Dave Barry. Barry. who writes a column for the Miami Herald, is known for his humor and teams up with director Barry who brought such films as “Get Shorty" and “Men In Black” to the screen. The film features an ensemble cast with the names of Tim Allen, Rene Russo. Stanley Tucci, Tim Sizemore, and J aneane Garofalo, who all deliver off the wall, over the top perfor- mances. Allen stars as newspaper columnist Eliot Arnold who gets fired for kicking in his editor‘s computer monitor, starts an ad agency, becomes a “loser,” and is the father of disgruntled son, Matt (Ben Foster). Miami’s finest (Janeane Garofalo and Patrick Warburton) show up when Matt attacks wealthy and corrupt Arthur Herk‘s (Stanley Tucci) stepdaugh— ter Jenny (Zooey Deschanel) with a squirt gun as part of a high school game called “Killer.” Meanwhile, Frito munching burn Puggy (Jason Lee) witnesses ‘ the whole thing, as well as the two I o INTEREST PAYMENTS FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR” AND A $500 REBATE 'hhlhhflhflhmthuwmuwwddmabout:llml-ouflti the-numb! and: non- I-ym—uuh-bahwupflan flatmates—Sn datum 3360.90:- ms uln- mhn “Imam “Ilium m muses-m mun-gm. ilhfli at mil-Wyndva “ti-ni- ne “shun-quota“, in ududl bun-"mu EDGE PROGRAM: uwhhhfi’iludw, ‘ hit men who were hired to kill Herk for embezzling. Oh. and did I mention there’s a bomb? Yup, Herk, pissed off at his bosses for trying to kill him, goes to some Rus— sians who operate the bar Puggy works at. buys a nuke, and then gets kidnapped by two idi- otic thugs, Snake (Tom Sizemore) and Eddie (Johnny Knoxville). They take Herk to his house, take bunches of money from him. and swap Herk for his stepdaughter (I guess they think she‘s more tractable). Then. with Puggy carrying the silver suitcase with the bomb in it. which looks like a garbage disposal. they head off to the airport to split for the Bahamas. With the nuke. Let's just say that at this point. some Feds show up, operating under an Executive Order some— thing-or-another, a high speed chase happens. there‘s some goats. and the bomb gets smuggled onto a plane. Outrageous and full of off- color humor, this movie abounds with fun moments. Garofolo delivers her usual dead—pan sar— castic humor, Sizemore and Knoxville act wonderfully stupid (there’s a great scene with nylons where they can‘t see through them while they kidnap Herk). and hit— man Dennis Farina suffers through the antics and a terrible talk-show, making fun of Florida Gators fans. The plot is terribly incongru- ous, never really making much sense. Insanity prevails. with numerous plot threads winding in and out of the story. making an insensible and incredibly fun movie. Despite the presence of a nuclear weapon. the most danger- ous weapon of the movie is really a squirt gun, because whenever it appears. real bullets also appear. thanks to hitmen. drunk security officers, and the bullets invariable ability to hit Herk‘s brand new television. In the end though. this movie really is about love. Herk‘s wife (Russo) leaves him for Eliot Arnold; the stepdaughter, Jenny. and Matt Arnold get together; and Puggy gets the Herk's gorgeous maid (Sofia Vergara). As Arnold says at the end. “Sometimes it takes something profound to bring two people together; sometimes all it takes is Fritos." ad“ History Club: upcoming event April 28th @ 6:30pm “Where the Spirit Lives,” hosted by Professor Eric Buffalohead in the library Show less
E :3 .9 (I) o m www.a sbu cc a 5:" 4.» April 19, 2002 Volume 108 Issue 18 In this issue: QSU denied: students, faculty react, page 2 Diversity comittee: history and goals, page 3 “Big Trouble,” hilarious romp, page 5 Asian Heritage Month observed, page 6 Men’s and Women’s track finish fourth in St... Show moreE :3 .9 (I) o m www.a sbu cc a 5:" 4.» April 19, 2002 Volume 108 Issue 18 In this issue: QSU denied: students, faculty react, page 2 Diversity comittee: history and goals, page 3 “Big Trouble,” hilarious romp, page 5 Asian Heritage Month observed, page 6 Men’s and Women’s track finish fourth in St. Cloud, page 8 Somalis discuss education and health David Rettenmaier Co—Managing Editor At the Somali Seminar on Tuesday, April 16, speakers and Augsburg students expressed con- cerns that people do not care to understand the large Somali com- munity in Minneapolis. By some estimates, there are approximately 10,000 Somalis liv- ing in the Minneapolis area, most of which reside in the Cedar- Riverside neighborhood, of which Augsburg is a part. Dr. Siyad Abdullahi, one of two keynote speakers for the event, provided an overview of why so many Somalis come to Minnesota. He said, in general, that Minnesota was a welcoming place to settle. More importantly, though, most merely followed the lead of those Somalis that origi- nally settled in Minnesota. When the first family immigrated to Minnesota others followed because there is a “strong sense of community” among Somali peo- ple. One example of their commu— nity was what he called “The Star- bucks Bug.” The Starbucks on the comer of Riverside and 25th Street has become a hangout for Somalis in the area, a venue for socializing and community soli- clarity. Dr. Abdullahi specifically came to speak about health care prob- lems for Somalis. Generally, the problems of Somalis access to health care are due to miscommu- nication. Often, when Somalis first immigrate to the United States, they speak very little Eng— lish and cannot begin to “navigate the system," which is very differ— ent from their own. But the problems run deeper. After leaving their war-tom home- land, Somalis tend to be suspi- Adventures in the Arts Music Therapy Week shines spotlight on Augsburg program Sara Seekins Katie Lindenfelser Contribugirs 7 Music Therapy Week is a state- wide recognized event. The Bach- elor of Science in Music Therapy at Augsburg was created by Roberta Kagin in 1978. The degree follows the national stan- dards for the board certification. Augsburg is unique in that it is the only private college that offers this degree in Minnesota. Minnesota has a high concentration of music therapists, which allows for an enriched education for Augsburg students. This is the published definition of music therapy according to the American Music Therapy Associ- ation: Music therapy is an estab- lished allied health profession using music and music activities to address physical, psychological, cognitive and social needs of indi- viduals with disabilities. The pro- fession was establist in 1950 as a result of work done using music with patients in Veterans’ Hospi- tals following World War II. Today, over 5,000 music therapists are employed throughout the United States in settings such as hospitals, clinics. day care facili- ties. schools. community mental health centers. substance abuse facilities , nursing homes, hos- pices. rehabilitation centers. cor- rectional facilities and private practices. Nearly half a century of research in music therapy sup— ports the eflectiveness of music therapy in many areas such as facilitating movement and overall physical rehabilitation; motivatv ing people to cope with treatment: providing emotional support for clients and families; providing an outlet for expression of feelings and providing process oriented psychotherapy. The schedule of events for next week, April 20-27, includes: Saturday, April 20 - Music Ther— apy Association Annual Spring Conference from 9—3 pm. at the Masonic Homes Monday, April 22 - Capitol Hill Day, with music therapists lobby- ing for music therapy from 9-12 pm. Tuesday, April 23 — “Adventures in the Arts," a day for kids in grades four and five to celebrate the arts, sponsored by Augsburg music therapy students and VSA arts of MN. This takes place in the music building from 10-2 pm, and volunteers are welcome. If anyone is interested in volunteer- ing, please call Katie at x6565. cious about other social and politi- cal systems. “There‘s a distrust of anything govemment[al];" Abdul— lahi says, “there's a distrust of anything institutional." The second major problem that Somalis have when moving to the United States is education. Qamar Abraham, executive director of LEAD, a leadership program for immigrant women, spoke about educational barriers for Somalis in the Minneapolis school system. Most of these problems can be categorized as discrimination. One of the most obvious manifes- tations of discrimination is the general disrespect for the clothing that Somali women wear. As Muslims, they must adhere to dress codes, but the primarily Christian mainstream refuses to understand these religious require- ments. Abraham also finds that some teachers are not accommodating toward Somali immi— grants. She says the mindset is often, “You’re a Somali; you wouldn’t understand it.” In general. though, Abraham finds Somali experience in Min- nesota to be over- whelmingly positive. Several Augsburg students echoed this sentiment in a panel following the speakers. Muhamad Hussein, Dega Ali. and Abdul- rashid Salad all have had a positive Augs- burg experience, but there are problems. Low enrollment is one. Hussein com- mented, “We feel like endangered species at Augsburg.” The pan— elists suggested that Augsburg try Photo by Kellen Bree-egos Melekesh Tessema and Dega Ali Serve up some authentic Somali food. to welcome Somali students by getting involved with the sur- rounding comrnunity. Attendees Photo by Dawn {Mrmmnw German students serve beer to their peers. This table in Christensen Center was part of a week- long observance of International Students Week. As of Wednesday, Asian, Latin American, and German students had all tabled in Christensen. Don’t worry, the beer was non-alcoholic. Wednesday, April 24 - Music ther— apy student recital at 7 pm. in Sateren Auditorium. Everyone is welcome. Friday, April 26 - Second Annual drum circle in Murphy Park at 12 pm. Everyone is welcome to join! Photo courtesy oi Katie Linoentelser A tew Music Therapy majors: (tst row L to R) Jenna Hammel. Jana Skn’en, Melissa Huebsch. (2nd row) Maureen Parker, Katie Lindenielser, Mandy Brobst, Sacha Hammer, Sarah Lahr, Jody Montgomery, Prof. Roberta Kagin. ‘ Augsburg, Trinity connect again Kellen Bredesen Co-Managing Editor In the Augsburg tradition of partnership with community orga- nizations. the college has joined in a task force with the West Bank‘s Trinity Lutheran Congregation. The Augsburg—Trinity Work Group, made up of Trinity repre— sentatives and Augsburg adminis— trators, staff, faculty, and students, is exploring new partnership opportunities with Trinity. The scale and nature of the joint pro- jects are yet to be determined. The Work Group has explored community outreach, worship. and educational goals. At its next meeting, the group hopes to hear an update from a similar commit— tee Trinity has formed with Uni» versity Lutheran Church of Hope. Trinity Congregation has been connected to Augsburg since the college's inception in 1869, and the church has seen Augsburg through its Augsburg Academy. Augsburg Seminary. and Augs— burg Collegc days. Although Trinity and Augsburg share a rich Scandinavian past. the two have gradually become more distant in membership and activ- ity. Still, Trinin has office space on Riverside Avenue and holds Sunday worship services in Augs- burgk chapel. Trinity has a pastoral vacancy and has invited Augsburg religion faculty members to preach at Rs Sunday services in the coming weeks. Show less
April 19, 2002 fiOQinion page 2 6 Editors Let Them Eat BAGLS! Doug Green QSU Faculty Adi/cisterns, , Perhaps in adapting my title from the famous words falsely attributed by Rousseau to Marie Antoinette, I am in danger of unjustly accusing the President of the Student Senate of similar princely... Show moreApril 19, 2002 fiOQinion page 2 6 Editors Let Them Eat BAGLS! Doug Green QSU Faculty Adi/cisterns, , Perhaps in adapting my title from the famous words falsely attributed by Rousseau to Marie Antoinette, I am in danger of unjustly accusing the President of the Student Senate of similar princely high-handedness. When President Brendan Ander— son decided to exercise his legitimate authority to veto the Senate’s commissioning of QSU, the ratio- nale he presented, a copy of which I have read, cer- tainly suggested some legitimate reasons not to commission QSU (or any other group, though it does- n’t say that explicitly) at this time. It was also full of inaccuracies about the history of QSU. Unfortu- nately, because of its belated justification. however reasonable sounding. the veto appears to be a person- ally motivated coup de grace. Others can speak at length to the actual history and record of BAGLS/QSU, which elected to change its name only last spring. The by-laws of QSU are closely modeled on those of BAGLS though they now stress the inclusivity the group had always intended and built into its original principles—thus the new name Queer and Straight in Unity. As a fac- ulty adviser to BAGLS/QSU-essentially the same organization despite the name change—since 1989, I would be the first to admit that a group supporting an often beleaguered minority on campus (read the rele— vant Echo archives over the past fourteen years) has had its ups and downs in terms of membership and support. To be frank, it has generally been very diffi— cult for women and nearly impossible for men to come out and be out on this campus-~students or staff/faculty. For that reason I think it a miracle that a few brave students have kept this organization alive until its gradual but sustained blossoming over the past sev- eral years. initially by increased involvement in pro- gramming. alone and in collaboration with other organizations. and gradually through increased mem- bership. The group has also served those who. for a variety of reasons. could not or would not join it openly. In this regard. the history of GLBT students at Augsburg is best understood as part of the larger history of the GLBT population in the US. though clearly at Augsburg such self-conscious understand- ing is apparently a long way off. Certainly, great strides have been made on this campus. particularly Augsburg College President Charles Anderson‘s clear statements that we adhere institutionally to the Minneapolis Civil Rights Code on the issue of sexual orientation and the current President‘s unambiguous support for Augsburg’s domestic partner benefits. But we all know that changing rules and laws is very different from chang- ing hearts and minds. The timing of the veto. despite some good reason- ing. suggests that behind the last-minute legalistic reluctance there is something deeper and. for me. sadder at work here. which we can hear in these words: “It is this kind of success that makes me con— fident that putting off QSU's commission until their “I think there are more contribut- ing factors than [don't know about." important QSU.“ step --Sara Seekins. Senior “1 think that it would have been an --Lindsay Bonner. Senior stability can be verified once and for all is by no means a negative thing." The words, though presum- ably well-intended. sound all too familiar, especially in the context of American social and political his- tory. Moreover, as an English professor. even though I know the phrase was not intended in this way, I can’t help but laugh, rather bitterly, at a call for any group affiliated with the H—word to put off their aspirations until “their stability can be verified” by someone else! By whom? A jumble of geneticists? A den of demographers? A sortie of sociologists? A swagger of psychiatrists? A homily of homophobes? Views of homosexuality (the narrowest and most clinical of applicable terms) have never been unbiased (clearly my own aren’t), no matter who was doing the look- ing: how much stability would be enough and how on earth could it be written into new general proce- dures for commissioning student organizations? And why the call for such procedures now--at the eleventh hour? Look, I know that Brendan Anderson has to be working from sincere good intentions: there was a certain bravery involved in taking the stand he thought necessary on a controversial action. I admire that. though I don’t agree with the action and think that the argument not to commission should have been made very early in the debates, which had been going on for some time before last week’s vote. Not making his views--and his intentions-—clear early on has given rise to all sorts of unnecessary suspicions about motives, suspicions that hurt not only QSU but the effective operation of student government. What‘s done is done. At this point. and from the admittedly safe distance of sabbatical leave, I would encourage QSU to protest the veto by all legitimate means, as it intends to do. I hope many others will support their efforts. But I would also suggest that until such time as clear guidelines are devised for commissioning, if that is what is really at issue here, NO OTHER ORGANIZATION should be commis— sioned either. That prohibition is inherent in Brendan Anderson’s rationale, but it needs emphasizing. No one need point out that any process devised to govern the commissioning of student organizations should be based on input from groups seeking to be commis- sioned as well as from other individuals and groups and that in the current climate the final procedures will be scrutinized for fairness. The whole question of whether groups already commissioned (under the irregular procedures of the past?) will have to resub- mit or undergo review in light of new guidelines has not yet even been raised but is highly relevant: it also makes me wonder whether this highly contentious route is really the best way to go. Finally. I hope for the sake of all the organizations involved that “their stability”--or rather their track records, their histories--will not be foreshortened and reshaped because they changed their names or revised their charters to reflect better the campus and community constituencies they serve. Do you tlji‘nk QSU should be a hired organization? commiss “Given that PASU was commis- sioned two years ago. it seems that the decision has more to do with the fears of bigoted homo- phobes than clear guidelines." -—Matt Pavelka. Senior to commission ‘ regarding Anderson not straight with queers and allies Nicki Ziegler Comm.Nalues Editor At last week's senate meeting, we experienced the joy QSU’s commission for only a few sec- onds before President Brendan Anderson vetoed the motion, which was already passed by sen- ate, and read his statement. As co- chair of QSU, it is the content of this statement that I am concerned about. It contains a lot of false information. One of the largest concerns is that there are no clear-cut guide- lines for commissioning an orga- nization. Although it is true that there are no guidelines, this is not the fault of the organizations. There has been no concern the commissioning process until now. Another concern was based on our stability. Anderson assumed that since QSU changed its name a year ago, this signifies how unsta— ble we truly are. The truth is. we decided to change the name to match the college mission more closely and also to be intentional about including straight, transgen- der, and questioning students. We are an organization that has been established with numerous pro- grams for 14 years. Our former name was Bisexual and Gay/Les— bian Services (BAGLS). It is false to say that all of the founders of QSU’s name change are still its active leaders. Our previous co-chair stepped down before December of 2001 and was replaced by a freshman that has been trained to lead this group for next year. I am confident that the concerns about turnover and insta— bility are unnecessary, as every organization experiences turnover from year to year. We also have more active members than ever before. Commissioning QSU would have been an important step to recognizing the importance of gay. lesbian. bisexual. transgender, and questioning students here at Augs— burg College. Editor’s note: At last Thursday’s Student Senate meeting, the senate voted to change QSU's status from “chartered” to “commissioned.” President Brendan Anderson vetoed the motion and read a statement, which can be viewed at the Echo Online: http://wwwaugsburgechecom. There were not enough “yes” votes in a separate motion to overturn Anderson’s veto. Mock-Ademia Reaz‘tributions K. Lucin Staff Writer Most people like to read quotations, but often, they would be much funnier if someone else had said them. For instance, Walter Winchell actually said “A friend walks in when the whole world walks out," but it would have been much funnier if Benedict Arnold had. The African proverb. “Hold a true friend with both your hands” would have been much more interesting if Captain Hook had said it. Gracie Allen, a comedienne with a clever turn of phrase, actually said “Never place a period where God has placed a comma," but every Eng- lish professor on this campus has said it, too. “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." said the beautiful Audrey Hepburn. Eng and Chang. the original Siamese twins, meant it. Steven Wright said, “You can’t have everything,” and asked “Where would you put it?” Zsa-Zsa Gabor wonders about this every day. Grandma Moses very wisely said. “Life is what we make it." So did Dr. Frankenstein. “Enjoy yourself. “Hell yeah! A group with QSU’s experience should be commis- sioned!" —Mel Freitag, Senior If you can't enjoy Mock-Ademia continued on page 7 35%?“ "I don't real] care." —Tyler Montgomery. Junior Show less
page 4 March 22, 2002 Ringworm continued from page I gon with the brainless ferocity of yaks. But now they can't eat a roast beef sandwich until they have devised a differential tensor equation for the resilience of the bread or drawn a scatter graph of the distribution of salt on their fish patty... Show morepage 4 March 22, 2002 Ringworm continued from page I gon with the brainless ferocity of yaks. But now they can't eat a roast beef sandwich until they have devised a differential tensor equation for the resilience of the bread or drawn a scatter graph of the distribution of salt on their fish patty in order to seek out naturally occuring equilat- eral spirals. I mean, come on! Nick Slack missed the whole season because he was busy solving pi! What did that, get him? A Nobel Prize? Can‘t hang that on the gym wall! And whatever happened to the days when wrestlers used to pump iron while looking at themselves in the mirrored walls of the weight room? Now they just draw math equations all over them and spend more time having schizophrenic delusions than they do screaming, “Push, you weak bastard! Push!" I think we need to examine our priorities here. Are we really willing to sacrifice years of total domination in the world of Greco-Roman wrestling for a team with a 4.98 GPA? Call an exterminator and pesti- cide bomb those mats. Death to brilliant ringworm! Lets get Augsburg back the way it‘s supposed to be: where the wrestlers are dumb, the women are gay. and the tuition, is well above average. "Ole [0 self: I Think about how smart I’ll look to mom and dad when they find outl am having UPS pay for my college expenses. AUGSBURG + UPS + YOU SUCCESSIIH Get up to $1,500lsem - $3.000/yr in V College Education Assistance The UPS EARN d: L EA R N PROGIIAM Package Handlers Part-time positions available $8.50 - $9.50 per hour APPLY TODAY! ! Consistent work schedule Weekly paychecks Comprehensive benefits package NO WEEKENDS! 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The address is http://www.penisresource.com. / Benefits of our penis enlargement program include: * Increased penis length and girth, especially while the penis is in a flaccid state * Firmer, longer-lasting erections * More powerful orgasms * Improves your sexual confidence * Learn how to train your muscles to control and withhold ejaculation * Our exercises make a number of men multi-orgasmic. *Qver 60 pages of original, nonrepetitive, and informative documents, covering every thing from anal sex and aphrodisiacs to erotic massage and the Kama Sutra. * Doctor—recommended exercises to help cure and prevent erectile dysfunction (impotence) » * Help prevent urinary and prostate disease and prevent and rehabilitate from Peyronie’s Disease Excerpt from our ‘penis enlargement’ section: “First. moisten and soften the skin of your penis using any lubricant. Then using one hand, gently but firmly grasp your penis behind the head, and pull your penis toward the floor. Then use your other hand to rasp the base of the penis, and slowly pull the skin and muscle tissue downwards. Stop pu ling just before it starts to hurt. Hold that position for several seconds. If ou become erect, stop. and wait for the erection to subside. This exercise “milks” the penis, encouraging new growth and development in differ- ent ways. The head and shaft of the penis are encouraged to lengthen, and the base is encouraged to widen. . Each pull downwards constitutes a rep. This exercise is extremely taxing, so do it eve other day. At first, try to do 50 good repetitions. 31‘ his will be enough to spark some seri- ous growth. After you are done, you’ll see that the flaccid penis is enlarged and espeCially long. The huge immediate gains are temporary. but you Will start noticing small increases every week. Build up to doing 200 reps 1n a single sitting — if done properly. this should take 15 or 20 minutes to complete.” . Remember all your penile questions and problems are just a click away @ htt :// . en' source.com. Kp wwwp isre j J2; F 3 “Avera McKennan is really a great place to work.” l Karen Brown, RN. CORN. Avera McKennan nurse tor 11 years. Ask Karen Brown why she loves her iob .it Aver.) McKennan. She'll tell you there‘s an art to nursing, and it begins with a focus on exceptional patient care. “I ’m proud to be part ot’an organization that listens to me, values my skills and judgement and encourages my professional (1 velopment. I ’m caring for my patients. backed by the region’s most complet network of resources. ” And ioining the Averi McKennin family of care is more than just a good- career move. it's .1 move to the Sioux Falls community. consiStentlyjranked among the best places in the country tor quality of lite. With .1 booming economy, excellent schools, safe neighborhoods and endless opportuniric for run a: leisure, Sioux Falls is .1 great place to live! 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page 3 March 22, 2002 Hot nude hobbits seduce viewers Ron Jeremy Contributor to our delinquency The Academy has a new category for the Oscar awards this year: Best Adult Film. However. this is no contest. There is a front runner above the other four nominations this year. It’s the Disney—produced... Show morepage 3 March 22, 2002 Hot nude hobbits seduce viewers Ron Jeremy Contributor to our delinquency The Academy has a new category for the Oscar awards this year: Best Adult Film. However. this is no contest. There is a front runner above the other four nominations this year. It’s the Disney—produced “The Lord of the Nipple Rings.” The story centers on a band of companions who have been chosen for a dire quest. They must destroy the evil Nipple Ring of Power before it falls into the hands of the Soreass. the evil demon that constructed the nipple accessory in the first place. Leading the way is Grabass. a powerful sorcerer with a mighty wand. He has entrusted the nipple ring to his good friend Homo Baggins with the warn- ing of never piercing his nipple. Homo of course disobeys Grabass only to be detected by Soreass and his dominion of sex slaves. It tums out that the nipple ring has the power to turn the wearer invisible, which Homo takes great advantage of. In one such scene Homo has fun with himself in the corner while Stripper the Ranger goes at it hot and heavy with a lovely elfin maid. With Soreass hot on their tail, the band takes off for the mountains in order to escape. Once inside the dark cavern. the company takes turns trying on the nipple ring and sneaking around and playing pranks on one another. The best of these pranks is when Homo is given a good donkey punch. leaving him on the ground cold for two days. What makes this film a shoe-in for the Oscar this year is the terrific direction by Peter Jackoff. His eye for detail is exquisite. and the performances he‘s able to get out of his actors are amazing. It looks as if they are truly enjoying themselves. The money shots are great as well. The camera gets so close to the action the audience feels like they might get a little something on them as well. I The other great quality of this film is the actors themselves. Classic porn star Samantha Cox is ter- rific as the elfin maid that is passed around the group. making it hard for the Academy to overlook her in the Best Actress category as well. But the best performance is the cameo by Ron Jeremy as Dildo Baggins, Homo‘s uncle. I guess it was a good idea to cryogenically freeze those porn stars from the early 2lst century. Jeremy really gets under the skin of his character as he gets under the sheets with Homo and discloses the nipple ring to him the first time. This is one of the best cinematic achievements of our century. The Lord of the Nipple Rings has it all: intrigue. sex. a great cast. sex. a wonderful director at the helm. oh and lots of sex. Gays take over college Nicki Ziegler One hot editor! ALERT! ALERT! The ECHO has just received inside informa- tion regarding the gays on cam— pus. They only need to recruit two more freshmen to receive a brand new toaster! Run! Augsburg College has seen an up rise in the amount of “homo— sexuals" at an alarming rate. Where have they come from. you might ask? The federal govem— ment‘s special task force has uncovered an organization called United Recruiters Get A Yes (URGAY). This organization sends out groups of people to campuses around the country to recruit as many gays and lesbians as possible. URGAY organizers haw been pulled through the press and are being charged by right wing politi- cians with the latest attempt to grab the children. One hetero student. who wished to remain anonymous. stated. "I hide in the darkness and hope they don‘t catch me!" In a press release yesterday. President Frame said. "I was not aware of how quickly the hetero‘s were being assimilated. At this rate next year. all freshmen will be gay!” President Frame himself has experienced the powers of the URGAY; his wife was recruited by‘ the gays two weeks ago. She has been spotted with the popular group Dykes on Bikes. Cow farts destrOy O-zone Peter North @MlormGyL- .7 Due to the Pneumatic Cow Doubling of 2879. Earth H’s atmosphere has been composed of 87 percent methane for over 200 years. As you all know. because of the replacement of armored cars with armored cows, bovines and cockroaches were the only animals to survive the Ted Danson nuclear fallout. Congress‘ deci- sion to counteract the resulting over—balance of farting animals by constructing huge Aerosol spray cans along the Atlantic and Pacific-times-Z oceans has caused a mighty big hole in the Mo—zone layer (which replaced the Ozone layer in 2006 when the world needed mo zone). At first. con- gress thought this was a fine coin- cidence and that the hole would let all that noxious butt-gas out into space. Of coarse. we would soon learn that space is composed entirely of anal miasma. So things just got worse. Recently. there has been a movement among the Oompa Loompa Herbalist colonies of West Carolina to create seeds that grow in mustaches. If they suc- ceed. men will be able to plant fra— grant flowers directly in their mustaches. This will prevent much of the uncontrolled vomit- ing that has become a way of life. though it will do nothing to rem— edy the debilitating neural side effects that a life of methane expo- sure can produce. Congress has already called for an act to pre- serve as historic monuments the vomiting troughs on Riverside Ave. This reaction comes as a result of pressure from con- stituents who want to maintain old-world values and traditions. Feminists have cited the pro- posed herbal-mustache-plant— growth solution as a sexist one. Many women do not have the ability to grow mustaches. and few are willing to undergo the rad- ical hormonal treatments and ovary—descending surgeries required to grow one. Advocates of the other side say woman are asking for it. They proclaim new lines of clothing, like the fashion— able Labia Gear, as ' models of feminine promiscuity and corrup— tion. The conservative. male-gov— erned group “Say No to Camel Toe” has led the charge to imple- ment the herbal solution. Spokesman David Duke LXV said at a press conference yesterday. “If they want to live so bad they can plant rhododendrons in their pubic hair! They seem to really love showing THAT off!" Mr. Duke was sporting a mustache sown with prototype Snapdragons, As a reply to this outburst. the women of the world have threat- ened to use the rocket boosters installed on the underside of their island to leave Earth II forever. The loss of Isle Big Booby Baby Machine would be a terrible blow to North Virginia‘s political situa- tion, seeing as how they would lose two seats in the senate. Another hetero couple bites the dust at the hands of gays on campus! Nu Cw Back to the future We thought it would be a good idea to look forward and see what’s in store for us all. From acrobatic monkeys to FCA singing and playing guitar in the middle of busy interstate highways. we dug up some craaaaaaazzzzzyyyyyy stuff! Take a look. 3001: 3000: 2500: 2225: 2100: 2075 : 2050: 2025 : 2020: 2015 : 2010: 2005: High quality H20 freak delivers “power bomb” Enrollment Center returns a phone call Squirrels extinct; college rejoices Vertical parking catches on Murphy’s gets even grosser Students mortgage houses they don’t even own yet to pay for college Snow emergencies declared 52 weeks in a row! Superman real and living on the West Bank, teenage girls say Safe sex is cybersex, but is it fun?: Your opinions Dance squad does a good routine President chooses not to disclose his “personal business if-you- know-what-I—mean" Vocation-mania sweeps the nation! Gays take over the whole world Gus Yourfriendly gulligan Man A sudden merger between Pepsi and Gatorade will result in the exploration of a super caffeine energy drink. The new beverage is already being hailed as the future of athletic supplements, as it will supposedly replace electrolytes twice as fast and dramatically reduce the lactic acid build-up from exercise. The cooperative effort has already begun a promotional campaign that includes old. mediocre athletes such as Randall Cunningham of the Dallas Cowboys. Craig Billington of the Washington Capitals. and Felton Spencer of the New York Knicks. Opposition has arisen among competi— tors. chiding the drink as the next "quick fix" to fitness. Local customers were shocked by the actions of an aquatic engineer from New Orleans. A Mr. Bobby Boucher XXX was extremely distressed about their recent promotional campaign that lampooned traditional beverages like water, “A — A - According to—to the facts. the o - o -0nly way to re—re— replenish your body is th—thr—through High Quality H20." Mr. Boucher went on to brutally assault a customer of the new beverage by delivering a “Power Bomb cou— courte—courtesy of Captain lnsano." He was lured into the physical alterca- tion by the customer's taunts. Accord- ing to witnesses. the customer said, “Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better. it tastes better too...Water sucks. I! really really sucks. Water sucks." Unable to detain the mad man. the police have deemed him mentally unable and are considering him dan- gerously stupid because of an imbal- ancc in his medulla oblongata. A spokesman for the merger is fearful that Mr. Boucher may strike at the unveiling ceremony in a month. 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Volume 1 O8 erio March 22, 2002 Issue 16 The future ain’t what it used to be The Echo’s Vogel travels to year 3043, brings back Augsburg’s future past Rufus Master of the phone booth Mi Things change from time to time. As our intrepid Photo Editor Aaron Vogel found, very little remains the same... Show moreVolume 1 O8 erio March 22, 2002 Issue 16 The future ain’t what it used to be The Echo’s Vogel travels to year 3043, brings back Augsburg’s future past Rufus Master of the phone booth Mi Things change from time to time. As our intrepid Photo Editor Aaron Vogel found, very little remains the same from now to 3043A.D. He recently had the opportunity to cross the river of time, and in fact to stop there and fish a little. Surprisingly, in the 3lst cen- tury Augsburg still exists. But it is vastly different. There are no pro- fessors, no classrooms, no dorms. and no library—-at least in the sense that we think of them now. As you might expect, a thousand years and then some has been more than enough time to implement online everything. Augsburg is run online, along with the world. Time, no space When Vogel emerged from his time machine (actually the steeple Mutant ringworm debilitates wrestlers Gooby Trumbola inymsfiatflover Ear. For the third year in a row, the Augsburg Wrestlers have failed to make the Nationals. This three— peat of defeat comes as no sur- prise. We have come to expect this sort of performance ever since the entire wrestling team was infected with super—intelligent ringworm. It seems that intelligence and good wrestling have an inversely proportional relationship. Once scientists discovered that the Si-Melby wrestling mats were infested with big—brained para- sites, the long tradition of quality wrestling at Augsburg was over. Having been instilled with the propensity for abstract reasoning, the wrestlers have lost motivation. They can no longer give 110%, because they are infuriated by the logical impossibility of that notion. Luckily for Augsburg, the foot- ball players have been unaffected by these vemtinform think-bugs. (Although a few did contract the ringworm from the pads on the work-out machines in the weight room, these cases only resulted in syphilis, and the players were able to translate their funky posture and spontaneous muscle contrac- tions into a wicked running game that has garnished Augsburg a 10— 2 record this season! Go Aug- gies!) But back to the genius wrestlers. These guys can‘t buy a match, mostly because they keep contemplating the implication of a symbolic currency that is no longer based on any form of tangi- ble rarity and increasing returns to the globo-socioeconomic para- digm. They just can’t focus! didn’t show up to play. In fact, as wrestler Kevin Rassmusen told us after his match yesterday, “I didn‘t come here to play, I came here to resolve Xenobe’s paradox. Apparently they don‘t give you trophies for THAT!" I think the problem is a lack of conditioning. 1n the glory days. wrestlers used to fill Murphy’s all day. pounding down chuckwag- Ringworm continued on page 4 Primetime Player Tinea Corporis — Sr. — Funk, NE Corporis, otherwise known as “ring- worm,”finishedouttheseasonwitha 436-10 record. beating out mono, hepatitis, and ebola as the number one infectious disease in NCAA wrestling. Hislastmatchmokhimalmosttodie lirniLashishostprovedneadytoo cleanly to infect. Cmporis should be 1 WMfothispusevaanoe. GO AquiE must! , copying They 3 that tops Augsburg’s “Mr. Vogel," said the Chapel, apparently voice. which he now built by some fed- recognized to be that up physics pro- of middle—aged fessor), he bearded man. "this thought the is what‘s left of damn thing did— Augsburg." n‘t work. All He explained to that buzzing him that not and whirring long after spit him out he in what looked like the exact same Chapel on the exact same day. Not until he walked outside. did he notice any difference: “I thought somebody had left me a gaseous little present just outside the door ‘cause man did it smell like shit out there. You couldn‘t imagine it.” And then he started choking, his eyes watering. but oddly he couldn't stop taking deep, like-it‘s—Spring breathes. He would find out later that the envi- ronment had been pumped full of sulfur, which serves to preserve all the structures that are no longer used. He wandered in the stink for hours. looking for people but found nothing. All Augsburg‘s buildings still stood, but they were eerily empty. Finally. when searching around Cooper‘s Attic. he heard a faint hum from below. He saw a small trap door on the floor creek open and a set of eyes, which said, “Hi. Why don’t you come down here where it‘s nice." The voice was gravily but inviting; Vogel had no other choice, so he climbed down into the dark tunnel. While he followed the shape in front of him, a din of what sounded like a newsroom became louder and louder. They came to a huge steel door; his leader opened it and Vogel was flooded with light and hundreds of people at key- boards, on phones, in front of machines. but the machines made all the noise. They glanced up at him and returned to their work. left Augsburg, the school decided to offer online courses. and thanks to the wonderful IT Department, it became one of the leading institu— tions in that market. However. as Augsburg progressed more and more into that mode, the campus proper suffered, and an aging (and some think hopelessly senile) President Frame began firing the staff. An uproar ensued and when the Unions got involved. Frame could fire no more. Before he retired though. Frame forced the faculty to design an extraordinarily in—depth cur— riculum. ostensibly to “carry Augsburg through the 21st cen- tury," but his real intention was to get rid of all Augsburg‘s Profes— sors. Once the curriculum had been implemented online. the fac- ulty was gone. and the Unions were powerless to stop it. “For almost a millenium now, Augsburg Online has been running on its own accord. and we the staff have been typing, calling. and organizing nothing-avow become zombies." He trailed off. “But our wages are good and we‘ve negotiated an excellent ben- efit package. “Still, we want it to be back to the way it used to be——when stu— dents wandercd the campus and we offered services that few peo- ple used but that we could feel good about offering—we need someone to ensure that Augsburg has a physical future. For exunr ple. we still run the Echo every week. but just like in 2002. no one reads it. If people gave a rip about stuff, this never would have hap- pened." She looked at Vogel intently: “We've been waiting for you for a long time. Mr. Aaron Vogel, will you be our Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan?” Vogel says he smiled. very cool. very collected. With a sense of purpose. he asked. “What num- ber um I thinking of?" [Jurrng Ins stav In Augsburgis future. Vogel hurl a (‘llunu' tr) Milt/l t/le ('lt't'llth’S ()f the Et'lm'x fillltl‘t’. the following t.\‘,\[l¢' selection (it'his findings. contains (1 1'. Stallions!" Together we are “Wild ‘ ’ .-«' i W _ 3% you, they say I long- heldbeiie‘ftha‘twaterisagood ” Aeoqrdlngtoa [ spokespersontromtheAmerican embassy in Australia, “water is good no matter which hemisphere you’re in.” BobbyBoucher agrees. The peace, war, peace, war Majorworldpowerscannotdecide ’whemertowagewaroneadroflier orbepeaeetut. ‘Peaceisso Nation,wfiy World \ Consumers prefer “square meals” 831% have skyrocketed for toodleomputer/travel/educationlentertai 1 . nment (in other words, just about ? everything) industry giant Microsoft. “These meals are well-rounded--with an edge!” said Bill Gates llVCD. Echo way behind the times The Augsburg Echo is now the only newspaper in the whole world to still be published on real paper. “We’re such losers,” sobbed Editor Penny Loafer. “Did you know that it you spray Windex on Astrobright Goldenrod paper, it will turn red? she Show less
March 22, 2002 FLU-I Students burn in sun, don’t get credit for it Trap-Jaw Evil Henchman Augsburg administration has come under vicious attack during the 3005-3006 academic year for its General Education require- ments. The current system requires one "intergalactic travel experience" before... Show moreMarch 22, 2002 FLU-I Students burn in sun, don’t get credit for it Trap-Jaw Evil Henchman Augsburg administration has come under vicious attack during the 3005-3006 academic year for its General Education require- ments. The current system requires one "intergalactic travel experience" before graduation. “I hated my trip to Mars." said Junior Jenny Jillioopsie. “It was so mundane. I’m sure it was just like taking a tour of Hennepin County back in the day." Other students concurred. “I went all the way to Pluto. spent a whole semester doing tests on all the aliens there. came back. and found out it doesn‘t even fulfill the intergalactic travel requirement. The people in the registrar's office say Pluto isn't technically a planet and that it just wandered into our solar system. I think that's a bunch of processed lunch meat right there." said one sophomore. Efforts to improve the college‘s general education system have been going on for more than a thousand years. Last week marks the anniversary of a landmark set- tlement involving the college's newest policy. Augsburg paid an estimated $55 quadrillion to the families of four unwitting wrestlers who highjacked a rocket and went to explore the sun. “We never heard from them again," commented the Dean. “It's always sad when a student suffers a horrible, disgusting. painful. tortuous death." 1: Fish-boy gets an A For the first time since the implementation of Equal Rights for Sentient Beings. which Includes the Fish- Headed Mutants Act. a fish-headed curiosity scored an A on a geology exam! Congrats Fish Boy! in the right direction Find what you‘re looking tor at Abbott Northwestern Hospital. the Twin Cities‘ largest health can provider. New Grad RN: dsoovor at oxati future at our stated-thean aolity. Call New Grad RNs... Begin your career Augsburg as soon as you leave Dear Augsburg. I just wanted to write this letter to tell you how 9 SE‘.‘ " » .' as .. ,_ m 4 :Zy ' it ‘; t. m .. A weekly serzal by-a _ _ S . Lanwéeufimnymmmdmamm «swag-Hem ' [m only the second time in the [Wand-some your: that I have been new [memorandfmm the fronting-a We plat-mist, so this week renders “hunted!” macerharlqmbackro'myordroutimofpmenrimdidbmw pointlesslyardaaicmge. ' ‘ \ ‘ a» g»; at q» 3 c t. L; §vvr Legion ofherMajesty the mnemtmwmmmmmmm colour oftheskywas , ~ 7‘ 1 r. ~ Thoughldarenotsaywhatvileforcesnmedtheskytosominora pitch, I suspected it was no other than the work of that‘hidoous con- ductor himself, Yogsoflaothothothothothal. “Look yon, Lord Arthirnideas Lubrioous the 2nd ,” said‘I. “Both the skies not appear to thee a hoary shade of thm-wlnch-is-not-procisdy- black-and-otherwise-krroWn-as-grey?’ “They do,” he replied, “There is the foul work of the Ocka-Pae in this, and their malevolent religion, the Tay-ae-ina—winnnnn.” Then he flung a serpent at me, which I deftly averted with the speedy administratiOn of a mongoose. I stood to confront the man before me and tochallengehimtoaduel, butthcmnnheforcmcwas no longer a man. ~ Lord Arthimideas Lubricous the 2nd had become some other and most terribly more than a man. His countenance was other than human. It was horrible, ifI wound to describe it to you here you would most certainly die ofhorror , Thevery words I writedown,ifthcyhadtodowithtlmtvilc,inde— scribable visage, would melt right through the page and burn you on - t , "c ‘ : j ass adjectivesluse,forifyouevcnglimpsedashadowofthcgtote$t1uc form which my words suggest your brain would explode md take your skull along! ‘ ‘ g . Turnawayfromthesepagesnow,beforethcnamroofthisugly thing enchants you even through the sparse descriptive phrases that I otter. The very thought of that bestial mutant makes my fingers wet with icky swaat, makes my brain swoon as if from opium-induced hal- lucinations by which I might discern the true identity of the Ripper...wait, wrong one-dhncnsional Victorian mwm was I? 0 yes, the shocking, terrific, grimappalling, emailing. dreadful, fearful, frightful, thrilling, tremendous, dire; heart-breaking, tending, tending, odious, ‘ . a A. ofl’ensivc, » M” ’ italfillllillh I ;~: \i 6 Editors when I was born! Thank you for being so wonderful! IT: You helped me fix my computer so many times. and every single time. you showed up within minutes of my call. with a smile on your face and a free cookie in your hand! bugs, and the Macs never crashed on me! (Thank Your software had no _ us tor an on-site tour at your convenience—See tho drttoronoo. _ Other benefits indudo: ' - ' ' On-oito BSN Completion Program - College of St Catherine . Tuition & School Loan mm 0 Relocation mm o Highflagoo-FlubloSutfingOptiom o Excel-rd NIndPotiont Ratio - Unique New Grad Residency Progom Straight night diftorontial- “thorn tor regularly scheduled RN: Apply to: Hun-n Home”, 800 Eat 28‘ Strut. W. W 55401-3799. For: (612) 863-5485. Ph: (612) era-mo or mil to: tantrum nllinaoom or mkk.dom@dhnoom Call to arrange an make tour! EOE Patients are the reason we exist. a People are the reason we excel. » ABBOTT . NORTHWESTERN HOSPITAL Alumna-h wwwallinacom wonderful my experiences at Augsburg have been these past four years. Yes. I am a graduating senior and I intend to give lots and lots of money to the col— lege when I get my first job as a famous movie actor. but let me move on to the gist of my letter. I want to thank everyone who was so nice to me. The faculty gave me had grades, but that‘s totally cool with me because I deserved them. and it was my fault for not going to class or getting my homework done or taking the finals. They were so great! And the Enrollment Center! You guys were always so sweet and helpful. I never waited in line over there. and everyone knew the answers to any questions I asked. even “What is the meaning of life?" (By the way. thank you for that particular answer: you have given me a mission in life and a really good reason not to take math classes any- more!) My applications were processed the same day I sent them in. and I don't know how. but you totally have a handle on everything that I ever sent in! I‘ll bet that you still have that pre-application form my parents turned in twenty-three years ago you for explaining why they have no floppy disk dri- ves, too. I learned never to poke a sharp implement into my computer because of you.) I don’t know why so many people complain about your depart- ment--they must be really stupid! And finally. thank you all for the easy graduation requirements! I only had to take one class outside my major, which left me with plenty of open slots so that I could take Underwater Basketweaving 101 eighteen times! It was wonderful. and if anyone at Augsburg ever needs an underwater basket. let me know! I owe you so much! I will donate lots and lots of money as soon as possible. and I will force all my children to go to Augsburg! A Satisfied Auggie .. -. mum“... ... «r ,.".,........,-a.._ a“... a w. Show less