page 3 %§A&E December 7, 2001 . Langenfeld and “Drive” ambitious Deanne McDonald Staff Writer at center stage. Media Director JoLynn Games was respon- sible for these images. “How I Learned To Drive,” by Paula Vogel, the ambi— tious senior directing project of theatre major Andy Lan- genfeld, is... Show morepage 3 %§A&E December 7, 2001 . Langenfeld and “Drive” ambitious Deanne McDonald Staff Writer at center stage. Media Director JoLynn Games was respon- sible for these images. “How I Learned To Drive,” by Paula Vogel, the ambi— tious senior directing project of theatre major Andy Lan- genfeld, is the coming-of—age story of the molestation and victimization of a young girl, Li’l Bit, by her Uncle Peck. Li’l Bit tell the story in flashbacks as she remembers it. As a result, the actual scenes in this production contain a kind of dreamlike quality, and the only true reality is when Li’l Bit addresses the audience. There were many things that were effective about this production. Most striking was the lighting design by Nick Shrader. The beginning of the play contained a num- ber of movement pieces featuring tableaus which estab- lished the characters’ relationships. These tableaus were lit with incredibly bright flashes of light that lit the entire the- ater, giving an abrupt shock to the audience. Another effec- tive scene that featured similar flashes of light occurred when Li’l Bit participated in a photo shoot for Uncle Peck, and the negatives of the pictures were projected on a screen King of Po Driving was obviously a key component in this play and reflected in the lighting design: three headlight-like lighting instruments lined the edge of the stage. and three stoplight-colored instruments were positioned on each side. The use of color was particularly effective during the chorus scenes and vignettes, as the chorus members dressed primarily in black, which softened the color. The stark spotlight worked well for the stark reality Bit’s real-time monologues addressing the audience. The abstract set of this production served the actors and the play well, as its construction suggested Greek drama, also represented by the Greek chorus within the play. The way it was painted tied in with the meaning of the play. A portion extending from the stage had some painted lines that could be seen as yellow dividing lines on a road that burst into an explosion of primarily red. with some orange and yellow, like a car crash, painted on “How I Learned to Drive” continued on page 7 is back, “Invrncible ’ as ever Jeremy Josephson Contributor The long—awaited Michael Jackson album is now available in stores everywhere. Although it has been more than five years since the King of Pop has released any new music, this album is a decent fol- low-up, although maybe not as good as we would hope considering the large gap since the last release. This album would make a great Christmas present for any Michael Jackson fan and also for anyone who likes the newer, edgy, and head-bouncing R&B beats. “Invincible”, which hit stores on October 30, has a good mixture of fast dance songs and slow ballads that displays Jackson’s unique and breathy voice. The first single, “You Rock My World,” has done well on the charts and the album debuted at number one on the Billboard 200. It still holds strong at num- ber four after a month from the release date. . 6 of the 16 songs on the album were produced by lCHflELJACKSO ‘ .IVIICIIt' a w w ‘ Joel Wolf Rodney Jerkins _who brings the R&B flavor to many of the tracks including “You Rock My World” and “Invincible,” the title track. Although this album doesn’t lack any celebrity help (some names on the album include Brandy, R. Kelly, Babyface, and a rap by the late Notorious BIG), the generic sounding “2000 Watts,“ co-produced by R&B singer Tyrese Gibson isn’t one of the strongest tracks on the album. Although most of the songs on the album are upbeat and story-like, the song “Privacy” is pretty much Mr. Jackson complaining about his lack of any privacy and how the paparazzi should just leave him alone. This track is really strange just for the simple ‘ fact that he is Michael Jackson. and why would someone so famous and scandalous be left alone? It does bring MJ's frustration out in the open about this issue in his life, although some may see it as a feeble attempt to be mean. The somewhat odd lyrics include, “You keep on stalking me, invading my pri- vacy/Won’t you just let me be/ ‘Cause your cameras can’t control, the minds of those who know/ That you‘ll even sell your soul just to get a story sold." The ballads on the album are truly a good showing of Jackson’s voice that many of us have grown to love. The track “Cry”, produced by R. Kelly, is a unique and uplifting song. The song “The Lost Chil- dren” shows Jackson’s dedication to the children of the world, but misses the mark because of the strange children’s voices for the background vocals, and the end, which is a dialogue between two kids that seems more cheesy than effective. This album is a must—have for any hard core Michael Jackson fan and proves that he still has the power to sell records and write songs. With hot dance tracks like “Invincible” and “You Rock My World,” you could definitely clean your dorm room to this album. Although the album is no “Thriller,” the songs for the most part are well-produced, I‘m sure many of you wouldn't mind finding this CD under the Christmas tree. of Li‘l “Ocean’s 11” is fun, cinema-lite A&E Ecaor There aren’t too many people familiar with the original “Ocean's 11." In that film Frank Sinatra and the rest of the Rat Pack plan the heist of three casinos in one night, taking the occasional breaks at smoky Las Vegas bars to croon out a song or two. With his update of “Ocean's 11." Steven Soderbergh (Traffic) isn't so much remaking the classic Rat Pack film as he is retelling the story of the original. He has dropped the musical num— bers entirely. which was a wise choice. The result is a fun, thoughtless film that the audience can lose themselves in for a few hours. Danny Ocean (George Clooney) has got a plan: hit the three biggest casinos on the Vegas Strip and walk away with a cool $150 million. Oh, and the casinos just happen to be owned by the current boyfriend of Danny‘s ex- wife Tess (Julia Roberts). With the help of his hand picked ten- man crew, Danny sets out to do the impossible. The film works thanks in pan to strong performances across the board. The cast includes Brad Pitt, Carl Reiner, Bernie Mac, and Elliot Gould just to name a few. Everyone attacks their own char— acters with zeal, relishing the opportunity to act off of one another. However. the film lacks the style we've come to expect from a director of Soderbergh‘s character. He plays it safe and doesn‘t take any risks with the film. Perhaps overwhelmed by the size of the cast, Soderbergh relies on the chemistry between the actors to move the story along. For the most part this works, but as the trite love story is developed. the film begins to lag. The scenes shared by Clooney and Roberts are dull and unbelievable. As the holiday season barrels down upon us, we will become swamped with mindless, Holly- wood drivel. “()cean's ll" is able to rise above the rest thanks to strong ensemble work from a great cast, This is “popcorn cin- ema" at its best. “Bolivia” bleak but exciting work Angel Overgaard Eeaturesgditor W New films from Argentina premiered at the Walker last Wednesday night. The films were co—presented by the Basilica of St.Mary and included an explanation by a handsome middle aged priest, which was followed by a question and answer period. The film “Bolivia” takes place in Buenos Aires. the capital of Argentina The main character is Freddy. a native Bolivian. He left his home to make money in Argentina and finds ajob as a cook at a local café. He soon faces racism from Argentines, includ- ing the police, because he is dark-skinned, and because the native people feel that for— eigners take away the precious few jobs that are available. Immigrants like Freddy get hired over Argentines because it is illegal for foreigners to work; thus, he works for the equivalent of about $15 per day. An Argentine would not and could not work for so little because Buenos Aires is an expensive city to live. Freddy wastes his hard earned money on phoning his family and then on beer after his sexy Paraguayan co—worker convinces him to go out dancing with her. He ends up sleeping with his co-worker. forgetting about his wife and daughters. After the sex— ual encounter Freddy becomes a bit cocky at work. Oso. a regular at the café continually harasses Freddy and is rude to him. Oso is into cocaine and has borrowed too much money from too many people. He never even pays at the restaurant-—he just puts everything on his tab. 50 Freddy decides he is not going to take any crap from this racist drunk and tells him to be respectful or he won’t make the food he ordered. Oso is outraged at the audacity of the dark—skinned foreigner and pushes Freddy to the ground. Freddy, who apparently has great fighting abilities, socks Oso a good one right in the face and breaks his nose. Oso and his drink- ing buddy are kicked out of the cafe. As the Argentines pull away in their taxi, ()so leans over the driver and shoots Freddy. who is standing outside to sure that they leave. right in the heart. He dies in the arms of a young man, another regular at the cafe. who had a crush on Freddy. The movie ends with the owner of the cafe again putting a sign in the window that a cook is wanted. Israel Adrian Caetano brilliantly portrays the bleakness of city life (fittineg in black and white) that is hidden behind the facade of glamour and wealth. Show less
e . Augsburg '5 December 7, 2001 www.mlsbui-c Volume 108 Issue 9 In this issue: Letter to the Editor: Financial Aid lambasted, page 2 “How I Learned to Drive”, page 3 Increases in blood donation, page 4 Comedian Thirdgill at Augsburg, page 5 Augsburg junior crowned NetPD causes Miss Teen United... Show moree . Augsburg '5 December 7, 2001 www.mlsbui-c Volume 108 Issue 9 In this issue: Letter to the Editor: Financial Aid lambasted, page 2 “How I Learned to Drive”, page 3 Increases in blood donation, page 4 Comedian Thirdgill at Augsburg, page 5 Augsburg junior crowned NetPD causes Miss Teen United States Kellen Bredesen News Editor The first week in November turned out to be a wild ride for Augsburg junior Colleen Carstensen. She was crowned Miss Teen United States on a cruise ship along the Florida coast as Hurricane Michelle wailed all around. ‘ “We were just getting to Florida...and they were evacuating Key West,” Carstensen said. The unstable weather and fear of flying after the events of Septem- ber 11 kept many of the original delegates at home. Even Carson Daily of MTV didn’t travel to the pageant as planned. “For two full days it was so rocky, and it was hard to walk on stage,” said Carstensen. Carstensen’s journey so far hasn’t been too rocky, though. She began doing pageants when she was 16 years old, and her list of titles include Miss Minnesota National Teenager (‘99), for which she won a $52,000 scholarship, Miss Minnesota Beauty of America (‘00), Miss Beauty of America (‘00), and Miss Min- nesota Teen United States (‘01). Carstensen’s trip to the national competition was one of many prizes she received for her Minnesota win. The other gifts were gowns, clothes, photo shoots, and modeling contracts. The Miss Teen competition is Carstensen’s biggest title yet, and she beat every other competitor in every category. The judges evaluated delegates on a ten- minute interview (50%), aerobic wear (25%), and evening gown with onstage question (25%). In a separate talent competition, Carstensen blew the competition away with her piano rendition of Beethoven’s “Pathetique.” During Carstensen‘s interview, she impressed judges by outlining a platform she calls “Accentuate the Positive.” Carstensen explained, “It’s all about learning to use your strengths to compensate for your weaknesses.” Dyslexic herself, Carstensen is an advocate for students with learning disabilities and wishes to educate the public about various disorders and adaptive equipment available to help students. The Center for Learning and Adaptive Student Services (CLASS) program at Augsburg College was one talking point Carstensen used during her inter- view. “It’s the best [center] in the country,” she said. Carstensen wanted to attend Augsburg since fifth grade because of both the CLASS program and the Absence of family leaves Murphy’s understaffed Camllo Power M free ice time Augsburg offers to students figure skaters. Carstensen. who used to train with such well— known athletes as Paul Wylie, Nancy Kerrigan, and Scott Hamilton, ended her rather illustrious skating career just three years ago, due to a vocal cord disor— der that caused her to have breathing difficulties dur- ing competition. “Now I coach high school hockey," Carstensen said. She also teaches private figure skat— ing lessons in Edina. Miss Teen continued on page 7 network woes Aaron Vogel Photography Editor, . Lately, some Augsburg College students have been logging on, only to find that they cannot get any further than the local network: no Web surfing, no instant mes- saging, and no file sharing. Con— fused and annoyed, they turned to the Student Computing Depart- ment for help. Much to the stu- dents‘ chagrin. they found that their connection to the Internet was turned off. Why? Student Computing was forced to do so. By enlisting the aid of companies like NetPD, record companies try to weed out those sharing and downloading copyrighted materi» als. NetPD uses software they developed to download a shared file that matches specified criteria. Then they compare the file to known copyrighted material. If the files match, NetPD attempts to contact the person responsible for sharing the file. In the case of colleges that pro— vide online services. the network administrator receives an email notifying him or her about the “With free, high speed access...college students comprise the majority of those the industry is coming down on.” Students may not have any malicious intent to copy and sell whole albums. like Jay—Z‘s last album, but to the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) and the rest of the music industry, possessing a copy of a song that you didn‘t pay the record company for makes you a pirate. After the recent court victories for the RIAA against Napster. MP3.com and and other file shar— ing services. the music industry as a whole has started to crack down on anyone and everyone sharing files over the Internet. With free. high—speed access and a reasonable amount of coni— puter savvy, college students com- prise the majority of those the industry is coming down on, and Augsburg College students are no exception. infringing files. Generally. col— leges have been quick to {like action on the matter. At Augsburg, if the IP address of the computer with the file in question can be thatched to an individual. that person is con— tacted and warned to stop sharing the files. or lisk having their con— nection shut down. If. howcwi‘. an individual can’t be identified. the connection is shut down and Stu— dent Computing waits for u call from the user. In most cases. the problem can quickly be solved by turning oil the file sharing option on popular programs such as Morpheus. Aim— stcr and LimeWire. Deleting or moving the files in question is also an option; however, similar songs that remain shared can keep the user at risk of being caught again. Christine Fankhanel qumbgtor The Advent of Vespers Staff Writer A Mexican family that worked in Murphy Cafeteria, appreciated by many Augsburg College stu- dents recently ceased working because of false documentation. The family had been working for Sodexho for about a year and left the job about two months ago. The family consisted of Enrique Martinez and his wife Nila, daughter Ruth, Luis, the youngest son, and Enrique Jr. and his wife Jacqueline. “They were hard working, kind, and they always tried to please the customer." said Christ- ian D’Hoy. a senior at Augsburg. D‘Hoy is part of a significant number of students that were sur- prised when they heard that the Martinez family was not working in Murphy’s. Sasha Jovanovic, a sophomore at Augsburg, said, “I liked them. I thought they were cool,” when asked about the Martinez family. Ben Carlson also commented on the Martinez family, “...some of the most friendly individuals to work with, their service made it better to go eat there. It is a loss for Marriott.” Sodexho general manager Doug Klunk said, “We hated to do that; they were wonderful employ- ees. Everyone loved them.” According to Klunk, about two month ago, he received notifica- tion from corporate headquarters in Buffalo, New York, to check on some Social Security cards that did not mach with the employees” names. Klunk proceeded to contact the employees who had problems with their Social Security cards. Absent family continued on page 7 “Like a Rose” unfolding its petals, the twenty—sec‘ 0nd annual Advent Vespers welcomed the community of Augsburg College and its extended community into the season of Advent. Graced by the music of the four college choirs; Augsburg Choir, Masterworks Choral, Riverside Singers, Men’s Chorus, as well as the Vespers Orches— tra, the event of celebration and worship took place on November 30 and December 1 at Central Lutheran Church downtown Minneapolis. This year the gospel of Christmas was expressed not only through scripture and choral selections, but also through the poetry of the reverend and poet Herb Bro- kering. The poetry readings and liturgy were composed especially for this year‘s Advent Vespers and were read intermittently throughout the service, Choral selections in the service included the Augs— burg Choir’s “The Word Became Flesh” by Knut Nyst— edt; “Worthy is the Lamb" from Handel’s Messiah, sung by Masterworks Chorale: and the mass Choir arrangement of “Cold December Flies Away,“ a Cat— alonian Carol arranged by Peter Hendrickson. The closing hymn was the traditional “Silent Night, Holy Night (Stille Nacho,” sung by the entire audience with the first verse sung in traditional German by soloist Rick Penning. r" » . «iii 1 2" math “Myths: (9‘ photo cor/try); oi Var/1 c Hmmmz Show less
page 5 EECommunit Values Speech and film upgrades on board for faculty senate Brenda Schmid Contributor The speech and film departments are waiting for the Augsburg fac- ulty senate to decide if their department will receive approval to seek 1.7 million dollars. The departments will use this money... Show morepage 5 EECommunit Values Speech and film upgrades on board for faculty senate Brenda Schmid Contributor The speech and film departments are waiting for the Augsburg fac- ulty senate to decide if their department will receive approval to seek 1.7 million dollars. The departments will use this money to upgrade broad- cast and film equipment, and also to provide additional resources to help students receive a better education. Communications professor Deborah Redmond says that she is wait- ing for the faculty senate to give the okay so they proceed with finding grants and donations to support the new film program. The committee that submitted this request figures on hearing the senate’s decision in a minimum of two weeks. If approved, the funding will go into affect ‘ immediately, allowing the equipment to be ready for students to use by fall of 2002. The funding for the equipment will primarily come form grants and donations from Augsburg alumni. Redmond explained that the faculty senate has to first decide on the f importance of a film major at Augsburg and if students will come to the schoolgfor that purpose; then they will vote. The committee of Augsburg ; faculty that is pushing for the department is a mix of professors from the , English, Communications, and Theatre departments, including Robert 1 Cowgill, John Mitchell, Doug Green, Deb Redmond and Martha John- ‘ son. According to Redmond, the Augsburg studio lacks the equipment for students to produce quality digital films and sketches due to dated equipment and malfunctions. Students have complained about not being able to finish projects because of problems with cameras and sound sys- ; terns. Currently, most schools that have film departments use state of the ‘ art digital equipment, which are the same tools that real television stu- dios use. Garret Noel, a communications major and a film minor, stated, “The broadcast studio is low budget; you can tell when you’re watching your finished project and it looks like it was filmed off a hand held camera bought at Best Buy.” ' Garret will be graduating this spring from Augsburg, so he won‘t ;' reap the benefits of the potential digital equipment next fall. He isn’t pleased about the situation, but he hopes that the younger students will take full advantage of their tuition money and use the equipment as much as possible. Friday is night out for kids Julie Des Jardins Qontribytgig , Friday Night Out is a non-profit organization that provides free Friday evening respite child care for children six weeks through second grade. Friday Night Out serves a variety of families that may be unemployed, in transition, or in recovery. Friday Night Out started over ten years ago when there was a request for child care by the Whittier Alliance. First Christian church stepped in to help families in the Whittier and surrounding community. Other support came form foundations, corporations. and individual contributors. Sociology professor. Gary Hesser, who attends First Christian Church has been one of the program‘s biggest supporters. Students from his class come to volunteer their time; some have even stayed with the program. Current students and Alumni Alisa Berg, Dan— nielle Fladten, Cameron Rowe, and Anna Wames all participate as Room Leaders. Room Leaders are staff who are in charge of one of the rooms. Many Augsv burg students come to volunteer with the babies. tod— dlers, pre-schoolers. and K-2 grade children. Students can volunteer to help play games “llh the children. read books, and help with art and crafts projects. Another great way to volunteer is to use your favorite hobbies or interests to teach the chil- dren. Some areas that are in special need are science. physical education, nutrition. gardening. animals. drama and music. This Christmas. Friday Night Out is giving small presents to the children. Our program is in need of support to help this happen. Representatives will be tabling in (‘hristensen Center on Wednesday December 12 from l0z00 to 2:00. The are asking for donations. lI' unable to donate at this time, please call Julie Des Jardins. Friday Night Out is open on Friday e\enings from 6:00 to 10:00 pm. Children of students. faculty. and staff are always welcome. Thirdgill launders humor Nicki Ziegler Comm/Valiueg, Editor Comedy Night at Augsburg featured Troy Thirdgill on Mon- day, December 3. Over 100 stu— dents gathered in the East Commons for a show sponsored by ASAC—Java Jams, Issues & Ideas, and Augsburg LINK. Troy began his comedy car- reer at 23 in Oregon. Aside from his comedy acts, he is also a pro— fessional actor and writer. You may have seen him on “Beverly Hill 90210," “Martin,” “In Liv— ing Color," “Evening at the Improv," and Black Entertain— ment Television‘s “Comic View.“ Politically correct attitudes were not welcome that night. but Troy enabled the audience to laugh at all of humanity. You missed a great show if you were not there. but be sure to catch him in Minneapolis again. “I M A PUBLICITY COORDINATOR ATA SMALL PUBLISHING HOUSE I M ALSO Sorta] mire; Change the future. “ Adeweeiumdalserviccs hgmthtwhtm wooingtodowkitt? Knymmhosuggafion? mm limtwptr. z-zrunn' .lt-purzmvnr rt hurl-mm Assisiimw um hm r min-v Oils mtrer-wl I';‘t'f‘IIIIr:'- :r‘i‘iiilrJil- that we :‘wl usmlr: ts. writhing at; tmctlw' tr lirzrnitir-r .iruds with a {hunt lr, tip as Lil view-s I’ tam n juvpk-mrlrmui and s. rviie-z.i.'r.«mi. pm us as, I AS A FREE-LANCE PHOTOGRAPHER. IWOULDN T BE AS FINANCIAL WORKER ‘Inu li mutter" . mm newt-nus n- plrun our Amstnmr Presier writv vihgiiiltit}. il‘izi lr‘spwtirl ‘.i lislill s's, You It also met. :5 ii in.“ i.‘ - straw 'Jnl’ I-‘mitn‘s‘iliy “Nth! \ «r Irv slil'i maintain silk; In His .iiipltmui‘: ji'nu’xim 'hurire- int ‘-:i unis [kiylltvliis ‘ K 5.1... ”\ Wr diff“ -.i i'.~'1 irinrr'1’wr ulnrv ENItI'IIIs [.14 an”. in»! ih» ~iz‘j'1'iullilb In a. rt tr; .3 :wtgillrai tn.m-.vri.i;.il “legally”... thfir‘ rm .vu‘ Baht“. (JIMAOMlJ-LII t.- dorm uni s59 -'lii ~-t "H "malt "II-MI .- rp-im‘iihn Hm; ' iGlZi 308-714! it ILH“ .prm-‘iniu iuI _/ GROWING M Y BUSINE SS .--1vlth a. Din/aster 01 Arts in Ellgllsll'.’ To request an information packet: If»? I I uni “10:8 ¢ ;'r.idc‘tij;lzililusirla inns ishl What call ybll do .-. l u 'u it ’.'- 20.‘ .« .- iri.r lALigshurg C0 Managing Editor David Rettenmaier Copy Editor Kayla Scrivner MM Greg Solheid News Editor Kellen Bredesen Opinion Editor Scott Bibus Mimi Joel Wolf CommunityNalues Editor Nicki Ziegler Features Editor Angel Overgaard S orts Editor PaulPun Phot Editor Aaron Vogel Online Editgrs Kari Lucin Ian AnIinson W Jake Collins Facult Advi or Boyd Koehler The Augsburg [fr/m is published each Friday »- except during interim. vacation periods. and holidays »- by students oI Augsburg College. 73] let Avenue South. Minneapolis, Minnesota 55454 Opinions expressed are those oi the authors and don‘t reilcci those oi the supporting stall. administration, Iaculty. or the remainder oI the students The [:1 hr; does not necessaril) promote the products or sen ILL‘\ ll advertises iihe Show less
December 7, 2001 é’éOpinion page 2 Different ways of not knowing, or, the relativity of belief Erika Hammerschmidt Contributor What do we mean by knowledge? If I have a strong belief that something is true and it is later proven true beyond a reasonable doubt, I would tradi- tionally say that I ... Show moreDecember 7, 2001 é’éOpinion page 2 Different ways of not knowing, or, the relativity of belief Erika Hammerschmidt Contributor What do we mean by knowledge? If I have a strong belief that something is true and it is later proven true beyond a reasonable doubt, I would tradi- tionally say that I “knew” it. But if I had a belief of exactly equal intensity that was later proven false, that would not be "knowing." Clearly. our traditional use of the term refers not only to a condition in a person's mind, but to objec— tive reality in relation to this condition. This is not, however, how most people think of the word “knowing” when asked to define it. We tend to look at it as objective reality and belief wrapped up together in the head of the knower. a mental condition that can be understood and identified and, once one has done so. is absolute proof of truth. It is the information that it is impossible for the “known” I fact to be false. And as such, knowledge does not exrst. Objective reality does exist, by definition, but it will never be fully visible to any mind. As Isaac Asi- mov says in The Relativity of Wrong, we can never know the truth. only slowly come closer and closer to It. We can never be right, only less and less wrong. Or, as I would phrase it, we may be right, but we will never know beyond doubt that we are. Perhaps beyond what we consider reasonable doubt--it is the- oretically possible that two and two are not four, that our entire system of addition is logically flawed, that the fact that it seems to make sense to us is a result of deformities in our brains, but the degree of likelihood that most of us assign to that possibility is negligible. And that is really all science is capable of—- degrees of likelihood. The closest I can come to knowing something is to convince myself that it is more likely to be true than untrue. This is what I mean when I respond to those who claim that religion is another kind of knowing, with “We can never be right, only less and less wrong. ” the answer, “Science is another kind of not knowing.“ When I say that I am not religious, I do not claim to “know” that there is no God and no afterlife. I do not dismiss them as impossible; I only say that my mind is unable, at the moment, to conclude that their existence is more likely than their nonexistence. If I were to experience an event or hear an argu- ment convincing enough to tip the balance in favor of the existence of supernatural forces, I would say that I could “believe.” This is all the “belief” I can hope for, and if people who consider themselves completely religious or completely atheistic were to look at their feelings more closely. I think they would realize that it is all they can hope for, too: not cer- tainty, only varying degrees of uncertainty. Belief is not an all- or-nothing affair, but is relative. My mind—-and any other mind following a system of rea- soning that I have any chance of comprehending-sees no “knowl- edge," only different levels of non-knowledge. I cannot understand the question, “Do you believe that ‘x’ is true?" I allow for the possibility that “x” could be false, however overwhelmingly tiny or huge I maintain that possibility to be. I cannot imagine a mind that could believe anything absolutely, without admitting so much as the tiniest chance of being wrong. I do not deny the possible existence of such ; minds, but I strongly suspect that those who consider themselves to think that way have not looked care- fully enough into their thoughts. More accurate than simply identifying oneself as a ‘ believer or a disbeliever, by this theory, might be to rate oneself on a scale of how likely one considers a given belief to be true, from zero to a hundred percent probability. If people examined themselves honestly, I doubt any of them would fall at either of those two num- bers. But I don‘t know for sure. Echo extends holiday wishes Scott Bibus Opinions Editor Being that the next week's issue of the Echo will be filled to the brim with wonderful. award-winning poetry and prose from your fellow Augsburgians, I figured it was my duty to wish you all a merry Christ- mas. In these times of militant nationalism, it is not hard to find reasons to praise America. If you ask me, and I am assuming that you do, the single great— est facet of American altruism is expressed by the fact that everyone gets a Christmas break. As a non—Christian. Ijust think it's super. In the govemment’s recent attempt to foster understanding and to squelch the possible development of religious ‘ prejudices, I think we need to extend this time-hon- ored tradition of proclaiming national holidays in the name of only quasi-national beliefs. I think we need Ramadan and Hanukkah breaks as well. If I am going to miss days of school and work on account of things I don‘t believe in, Ijust want to go all the way. Happy Holidays, and a special thanks to Jesus for allowing students everywhere a week in which the constant struggle to find your way to morning classes through the miasma of a drunken stupor is lifted from your shoulders as if by the light of a heavenly throng. 6 Editors Mock- Ademia A list of sincere sinister thank yous K. Lucin giWJLerf if 7 This is the final normal Echo this semester, and, though I will have a piece in the upcoming Engman issue (space permitting), I won’t get another chance to publicly air any of my grievances until, oh, February or so. What better time to spill some vitriol than now? What follows is a list of people to whom I’m indebted for ideas, anger inspiration, and disgust. First of all, I’d like to thank IT for supplying me with those con- venient Macs in the library. When I went there to type a short paper, there were no PCs open, but the Macs were suspiciously vacant. I decided to give them another chance because I’m not the Evil Bitch some of my other columns would lead you to believe I am. I restarted the computer and began to type my paper on Word. Since it was a short paper and I am a proficient typist, I finished quickly and hit the “File” option on the menu bar. Lo and behold, the Mac pulled a hard freeze and my paper was lost to the Nether Regions of the Hell from which all Apples have spawned. Thank you, Mac. I really appreciated having to do my paper all over again, and I‘m sure my professor appreciated getting it late as well. I’d also like to thank Mur- phy’s Place. Believe it or not, I won’t be thanking them for the food because that hasn’t changed much and therefore doesn't really warrant a complaint or a protest. I’m thanking them for assuming I‘m a criminal just because I’m a student. Has anyone else noticed the wall they’ve erected where we used to be able to leave the place? Take a look. The edifice was placed there to prevent stu- dents from stealing food. As one of the students who has actually never stolen food from Murphy‘s in her life (unless you count tak- ing extra sugar or ketchup by mistake, or heaping a smoothie past the lip of the cup), I resent having to walk all the way around the stupid cafeteria before I can get out. Thank you for helping me lose weight through this new exercise regime. Third on the list of wonderful people to thank this year is the wonderful, wonderful drunkard who threw up outside my apart- ment earlier this year. It was an appetizing sound and when I went into the hall I found out it looked even better! Thank you for providing me with this won- derful college experience--one that I should probably be used to by now, given the frequency that such things happen here. Next up to thank, the Mort elevators. My dear, dear little darlings, no matter how many poor hapless repairmen we seem to get, you always defeat them and break down again the next day--incidentally causing half the campus to be late for class. Thank you for the ten minute delay you occasion every time one of you breaks down. And thank you for not going to the basement on weekends, either, so that I have to bring my laundry up to the lobby before I can get into the elevator. ‘Thank you, too, for opening the door three or four times before closing for real; I‘m sure you're just checking to make sure we really, really, really, REALLY want to go up. For sure. Beyond the shade of a fig- ment of a smidgen of a shadow of a doubt. Really. Thank you all, for making the first semester really, really... interesting. And have a nice rest of the year. . O . , O Registrar not on par In recent weeks the Student Senate asked that students who have had negative experiences with the Augsburg Financial Aid and Enrollment Center to speak out. Toward this end, they issued both a printed survey in campus mail- boxes and an email survey. Unfortunately, I was unable to return my form in time; Thanksgiving dinner being far more appetizing than filling out a form. However, I did not wish my experiences with the aforementioned institution to go unheard. . In my year and a half at Augsburg, I have heard little good about the Center. However, it must be said that they do handle a rather large caseload. That still does not excuse ~ countless errors by poorly trained student workers who han— dle the majority of day-to-day issues. I have been the victim you might say of the student workers’ incompetence twice in just under eighteen months. As a senior in high school, I took the equivalent of ENG lll (Effective Writing) through. Morgan Community Col- lege in Fort Collins. Colorado. I brought in my transcripts and was awarded credit for the class. However. when regis- - nation for Spring Semester 2001 rolled around, I found I was unable to register for a class that required ENG 111 as a prerequisite. This was not a big issue at the time. as 1 was Financial Aid in need of aSsistance able to register in person for the class. I informed the Enrollment Center of this error and was told it would be' corrected. However, when registration was upon us this year, I was unable to register for FOUR classes, all of which ' required the ENG 111 class. Now, this might seem inconse- quential, but I’ll bet that if you missed out on registration for these classes because they filled up, you would be mighty irritated, not to mention if these classes were in your major, as mine are. ' My second grievance concerns something much more serious. Upon receiving my academic award letter in Sep— tember (late due to no fault of the Office), I returned it signed as instructed. At that time, I inquired if there was any other paperwork I was required to sign at the time. I was told “no.” When I went back to the Financial Aid Office a week prior to registration to ask about taking five classes, I was told that I had a hold on my account because I had no student loans, thus rendering me unable to register. Appar- ently, I had never signed the paperwork to take these loans out of the bank--paperwork that I never received despite my inquiries. After a week of frantic paper signing and recalcu- lations to make sure I could pay the exorbitant price Augs- burg demands (don’t even get me started on that), I was told thatalllhadtodowashandinaspccificletterrhatwassent tomy fathertol-IamldlohnsonWhenIshowedupondtc Wednesday morning two days before registration to hand dlepaperimlwastoldthatMrJohnsonwouIdbeoutfor the rest of the week. - Isn’t registration a bad time to grant anyme leave? Shouldn’t people as important to financial Aid as Mr. John- son apparentlyisbepresentduringoneofthemostcmcial financial weeks of the student year? Inclosing, I wouldlikctosaythattheproblemswithmy student loans were handled with considerable aplomb by Mr. Johnson’s superior. I can only hope that my records have been updated with the ENG 111 How- ever, I do not believe that either of these errors should have occurred The Financial Aid and Enrollment Center must be held accountable for careless errors such as the two I was victim of. Augsburg College needs to evaluate and rectify the situation immediately. If they were as cemented about pleasing the students as much they are about pleasing the alumni, then the need for such surveys as the one just issued by the Student Senate would not be necessary. --B. Bennett Show less
page 7 %§C0ntinued Ads October 19. 2001 Nora raced ahead continued from page 4 At least Ivan knew her. That made it all bearable. If she didn‘t have Ivan... But she did. why go down that painful road? If she lost Ivan... That thought chilled her far more than the river had. Perhaps it would be... Show morepage 7 %§C0ntinued Ads October 19. 2001 Nora raced ahead continued from page 4 At least Ivan knew her. That made it all bearable. If she didn‘t have Ivan... But she did. why go down that painful road? If she lost Ivan... That thought chilled her far more than the river had. Perhaps it would be better. she thought. to pretend he never said anything. Ignore her feel- ings, bury them again and keep them buried no mater how he may feel. But if they both felt the same and ignored their feelings... She didn’t know what to think She pushed the thoughts out of her head and concentrated on returning to her reserved Norman persona. She sighed. Spring-Heeled Jack contined from page 4 “Nonsense, Lieutenant. I’d have been just as dead were you any less handy with that pistol of yours.” He poured us each a brandy from the bottle that had been on my desk when I was attacked. he also cut the end off one of my cigars with the very knife the boy had been using. which he seemed to now be keeping inside his vest. “It seems we are in each others dept then,” I said as I took my cigar and brandy from him. He pulled the chair from my desk over to the side of my bed and waited for me to continue. “In which case you can pay yours by telling me what the bloody hell is going on here. that was no Burmese boy. nor did you just happen upon my room." “Keenly perceptive of you Lieutenant. and right on both counts. the boy was Egyptian. and I came to your quarters in my pursuit of him. I would tell you the rest but I hesitate to involve you in matters of the utmost seriousness and danger. of which you could live your entire life in happy ignorance." Throughout he never lost his good-natured conversational tone. as if he were discussing the races and not a matter of life and death. “I tend to become involved in all matters, large or small. that result in venomous serpents being flung at my head." I was more than a little agitated by his tone. but he seemed not to notice. In fact. he gave a hearty laugh at what he per- ceived to be my wit and replied in the very same cheerfulness. “Right you are. I‘m afraid. But that is the most curious part of this whole affair. for you were apparently completely uninvolved, yet somehow became the object of their wrath." He briefly became very thoughtful and gently breathed a bit of pipe smoke into his glass of brandy and watched the cloud form. then drift away. “Whose wrath? You‘re not making any sense. Bombeck: I’m afraid I have to insist that you start." “They call themselves “Toch‘eia Dei". but I have yet to translate that name. But the answer to your question is this. plain and simple: they are an abomination." Pir'k up the next shocking issue of Spring- Heeled Jack: “The Chaplain 's Tale. " ’ Eociai Work Club A new group on campus L'Ihedubisforsocial work. orpotential social work majors. freshman-senior years. 2. ItisaSOClALworkClub: emphasison social de-enquns‘s on Wink. 3. Focus on networking. which is forming relationships with students and professionals in the human service field. 4. Activities: movies. plays. speakers etc... 5. A place to discuss internships, Augsburg a an institution. community service, social work as a department etc... 6. A forum for problem solving. 7. HAVING FUN 2H!!! This is a safe zone andall opinions and ideas are accepted and encouraged R J Ionloono.to.Ion-ooouuoolnloooolnooon.onoonoIOlaIonoonIno.Ino.ocooIIIItolerooooooloooolnlool continued from page 3 becomes Young Charlie's boss. In his old age. he claims that he has only learned one profound truth in his entire life: "In public restrooms. incoming traffic has the right of way." This character serves as another kind of father figure: starchy, stern, and unforgiving. but caring for all that. He stalks through the play as if he has a grudge not against anyone in particular, but against life itself. His pointed comments about the vagaries of the world are a counterpoint to Charlie‘s da‘s grateful contentment. Jar- lath Conroy. seldom seen on the Guthrie stage. steals the show and leaves the audience wishing the author had given his character more stage time. Despite the fact that every individual piece of “Da " is excellent in itself. the production as a whole falls 21 bit flat. Neither Charlie nor the audience ever truly comes to terms with Charlie's da. The play has an unfinished feel to it. and all the acting and directing in the world can‘t change the script. Fortunately, the play remains entertaining and is still worth the $16-44 ticket price. Go. and bring your father. Don‘t wait until he‘s dead to try to resolve any difficulties you may have. because according to this play, ghosts aren‘t any more cooperative than the living. Not when they’re relatives. in any case. Hang out. Hook up ulth NHL? ‘1 It's new and it‘s only at. Verizon wireless. Hip phones with tight. features, like Text Messaging that lot: you Spk 'n Tut, ‘\/verizgnv.cre:ess “0‘5 ‘0 56f: Think about how smart I'll look to mom and dad when they find outl am having UPS pay for my college expenses + YOU AUGSBURG + UPS SUCCESSHI! The ups EARN dt LEARN PROGRAM Package Handlers Part-lime positions available $8.50 — $9.50 per hour Get up to $1,500/sem - $3.000/yr in College Education Assistance Consistent work schedule Weekly paychecks Comprehensive NO WEEKENDS! benefits package United Parcel Service will reimburse Augsburg students at the end of each semester. I Equal I unity Employer Join in. \ APPLY TODAY! ! ‘ l l l 651—681-2800 www.upsjobs.com Voice Mail and domestic long distance MINT] so you “if?! when you want. Umw‘l so you can keep up, are included. It‘s all I? verionwtreless Fllsc available a: gour Ur'llrv'ersl Lg Book Store Show less
October 19. 2001 .2 aaSports page 8 Mac-Attack is sacked for loss Osberg leads Auggies t0 eleventh straight win versus Macalester Paul Putt Sports Editor 7 77 77 77777 77 A few words come to mind when thinking about the Auggies‘ win over Macalester this past weekend. I think of kindling. human... Show moreOctober 19. 2001 .2 aaSports page 8 Mac-Attack is sacked for loss Osberg leads Auggies t0 eleventh straight win versus Macalester Paul Putt Sports Editor 7 77 77 77777 77 A few words come to mind when thinking about the Auggies‘ win over Macalester this past weekend. I think of kindling. human pylons. and cupcakes. Macalester’s secondary can be described as kindling, due to how they were burnt for 249 yards in the air. Mac‘s linebackers were human pylons. as the Auggie backs weaved through them for 234 yards. Moreover. Mac‘s defensive line were cupcakes. as they had zero sacks and were beaten up by the front line. The score was indicative of the game. as the Auggies rolled to a 5044 victory at Edor Nelson Field. They had a full house on Homecoming. The Auggies wasted little time in lighting up the score- board. as Quarterback Dave Fransen connected with Mark Johnson on his first pass of the game. The strike. Johnson’s seventh touchdown on the year. was a 50—yard completion that knocked the wind out of Macalester early. The Auggies second drive was more methodical than the first. as backs TJ Bramwell and Ben Paul carried the ball nine times. strolling 51 yards until Paul eventually pushed it in. The defense couldn‘t let only the offense pad their stats. Safety Brent Peroutka pulled down one of his two interceptions. effectively stopping a 56—yard drive. The Scots showed the only signs of life in the second quarter as their defense intercepted an intended pass to Johnson in the end zone and followed it with an impressive eight play. 80-yard touchdown. With another defensive stop. the Scots marched again into Auggie territory. They were stonewalled by the Auggies. failing to convert on a fourth and eight from the 33-yard line. With the ball. the Auggies pushed for a commanding lead as Tony Warren and Sammy Gross made two key Time to step up for volleyball Bethel, St. Olaf in way ofpost-season Paul Putt ‘t AUSSIE? 4" Coach Jack Osberg gives the victory speech to his'men after a 50-14 smashing of Macalester. catches along the way. while Paul and Bramwell grinded the Scots on the ground. Fransen then found Jamie Smith on a beautiful play that found paydirt for the touchdownuSmith‘s first touchdown of the year. Fransen converted the two-point attempt on a keeper that put the game at 20-7. After a penalty on the kick—off. the Scots were backed up to their 19-yard line and were pressured by the Auggies. Mitch Theisen made a tackle behind the line of scrimmage and Sam Harmer recorded the first sack on the day for a 10— yard loss. The Mac punt traveled only 19 yards. putting Augsburg in the position to capitalize before the half on a Tim Mauseth field goal. They entered the locker rooms with a 23-7 lead at the half. In the third quarter. the Auggies took their game to a higher level. According to Coach Osberg, “We came out and had a fabulous quarter. We played well defensively and offensively. Our young kids then went in. finished up by beating them down on both sides of the ball.” The quarter saw complete domination with Dave Sherry and Joe Cullen combining to sack the Macalester quarter- back, causing a punt that the Auggies promptly pounded in for a one-yard. Ben Paul touchdown. Three straight uncom— pleted passes forced another punt. which Andy Matzke returned for a score. The route was on as Nate Moore dashed for a 52-yard score. and back-up quarterback John Tieban hit Jon Boeck for his first collegiate score. “Boyer. Paul. Bramwell. Moore all ran well again as a group." said Osberg. Fourteen Auggies ran the ball and nine had completions, leading to 483 yards of total offensive. Chike Ochiagha had his first collegiate sack for Augsburg. a five yard loss in the fourth quarter. as did Tom Stefanacci. Sherry’s 1.5 sacks put him 5.5 away from the school record of 14 in one season. Next up. the Auggies face Gustavus. With all the attention focused on Gustavus. Osberg expects a competitive game. “We‘ve got to play a good four quarters of football. We can't have a slip like we did in the second quarter against St. Thomas...ln years past they have had a good blend of passing and running in their offense. We’ve got to shut down Thor- vick; he runs a good play action. It should be good." The Auggies roll into St. Peter for a 1:00 pm. showdown with both teams tied for fourth place in the MIAC race. rimetime Player Chrissy Baune “Sr-- Marshall, Minn. Chrissy Baune. captain of the women's solid contest. with the two teams cross country team scored a personal best time for the second consecutive sub-lQ—minute time Sports Editor The MIAC volleyball play-offs are taking shape already. and with two matches left. Bethel and St. Olaf both have clinched a post— season berth. A three—way tie for third has Concordia. St. Thomas. and St. Mary‘s seeded third. fourth. and fifth respectively. unless one of them Wilts and suffers two losses. St. Ben’s and Augsburg. how- ever. are fighting for the sixth and final spot. Unfortunately. the Auggies have the toughest road to travel from here on out. with the top two teams coming to Si Melby Hall. St. Olaf has already caused the Auggies problems. with two losses in non-conference play. while Bethel proved to be the league leader by defeating St. Olaf decisively in three straight games. With this sort of competition. it may be easy to write the Auggies out. but stranger things have hap- pened. Said Coach Ryan Dehnel. “What it‘s going to come down to is the leaders on our team step- ping up and playing well while we play above our lack of experience. St. Olaf has now lost. so they are a little less inhuman...[Against Bethel] we have to be smart and figure out a way to get Kelly Lar— vick paired up across [outside hit- ter Katie Larsen]. as Kelly has shut down some of the best out— side hitters in the conference." The Auggies were put in this scenario with a crushing loss to Concordia in three straight games, 30-28. 30-25. and 30-21. The first two games featured a Photo by Paul Putt Lisa Miller and Andrea Speiss look on the play as they get a rest on the Augsburg bench. equally matched. From the perception of Dehnel. “We just got out hustled more than anything. They worked really hard and they were just making plays. We weren‘t mak- ing any." Concordia. the youngest team in the league. with 11 freshmen. continued its dominance of Augs- burg with its third straight win at Si Melby Hall. by playing well defensively and offensively. “Every game we were in. but every game we struggled around 22. 20 points. They were a little scrappier then us and yet they worked really hard every single game, and that was the differ— ence." Leading the Auggies was Laura Wagner with nine kills and 19 digs. The Auggies also played the St. Thomas tournament over the weekend. Paula Pogatchnik earned All-Toumament team hon- ors with her four—match totals of 34 kills. 40 digs. and 4 blocks. The Auggies split the four matches 2-2. with wins against Upper Iowa University and with Presentation SD. The Bethel match is on Wednesday the 24th. as the Aug— gies celebrate Parent’s Night at 7:30 pm. The St. Olaf match was played on Wednesday. October 17. Check the web at for updated information. in the 5,000 meter race. Her time of l8:57.4 was nearly half a second faster then the previ- ous best she set in the UW—Stout/Eau Claire Midwest Challenge on October 5. She finished in fourteenth place overall out of 309 competi— tors. She has recorded ll times under 20:00 minutes in the 5000 meter race during her tenure at Augsburg. Baune is expected to con- tend for the national toumameut after her all- conference season last year. St. Peter unheavenly to men’s soccer Paul Putt §po7rts Editor 7 7 7 7 7 Augsburg men’s soccer traveled to Gustavus this past week and nearly stole a win away from the Gusties. Unfortunately. the men came close but to no avail. as the Golden Gusties came out on top 3-2. The game started in the Gusties favor as they pushed early on the Auggies. notching a quick 1-0 lead in the 10th minute after a Gustie received a pass behind the defense and put it past goalie Han Zeller. The Gusties controlled the half as they furthered their lead off of a comer kick as the Gusties found the ball in the box and put the biscuit in the basket. The Gusties outshot the Auggies 8-2 in the first half and 17-6 for the ame. g The Auggies clawed their way back behind the strong play of Clarke Athman as he came of? of the bench for Jason Clark and made an imme- diate impact. In a span of six minutes. Athman squared the Auggies at 2-2. He now has three goals on the year. Too bad for the Auggies that he could not convert on the third chance he had: that would have given the Auggies the lead, but he rnisfired wide. Gustavus later capitalized on a shot from inside the box to pull ahead for good 3-2. Coach Mike Navarre was overall pleased with his team‘s effort: “We're very young, we’re still starting almost all sophomores and fresh- men so we’ll grow up as we go." Show less
October 19. 2001 EECommunit Values page 6 A collection of drag c t. 5., Slim & Clyde, first page winners Nicki Zl“{l‘r’. Sean, second prize winner Nicki Zlcgl Francesca Summers, third MC lZiC-qlo! Echo Monica West Nic‘m Ziec 70 The ladies of LaFemme Lounge judging the students NéCkl Ziegler Echo... Show moreOctober 19. 2001 EECommunit Values page 6 A collection of drag c t. 5., Slim & Clyde, first page winners Nicki Zl“{l‘r’. Sean, second prize winner Nicki Zlcgl Francesca Summers, third MC lZiC-qlo! Echo Monica West Nic‘m Ziec 70 The ladies of LaFemme Lounge judging the students NéCkl Ziegler Echo Camille Collins Students attend NACA: meet “Screech” Nicki Ziegler CommunityNalues Editor 7 Eleven students and staff attended the National Association of Campus Activities Conference in Sioux Falls. SD. Each year the Upper Midwest Region comes together to for the purpose of provid- ing educational programs. performers. and activities for colleges. This year marked a special place for Augsburg. in which we received the ‘Making a Difference Award‘ for an outstanding program concentrating on current issues. Our CASE Day (Creating a Safe Environment) called for attention when students. staff. and faculty annually pull together to create an atmosphere of alcohol safety and fun. This opportunity allowed people to view show- cases in which musicians. speakers. and comedians would perform segments of their routines. Viewers then have the option of talking to the booking agen- cies on site to bring the performers to their campus. The group even got to have their picture taken with “Screech” (Dustin Diamond) who now does stand up comedy and performs in a band. During this time, the group can also take part in the activities they want to bring, such as wax hands or picture taking in oversized chairs. In addition to showcases, there are educational sessions to attend. Two students from Augsburg presented their own called. "fuming the Titanic: Initiating Change on Your Campus.” There were also dances. theme parties. and game shows like ‘Hollywood Squares‘ to be played. One student attending the conference. Thomas Howard, .lr.. stated. “It was an opportunity for every caliber of leader to come together and share ideas for one common purpose: uniting community." at Augsburg Nicki Zngle"ECl‘iQ Betty be Good NICM Ziegler Echo Lady Stardust Drag show exhibits Auggie and local talents Nicki Ziegler Community/Values Editor On Monday. October 15. ASAC. QSU. and Mortensen Resi— dence Life hosted a Drag Show and Contest. Five queens from the Gay 90‘s LaFemme Lounge performed and then judged students on their own routines. Over 400 people came to enjoy the show. tip the queens. and cheer for their friends. Five contestants entered to compete and show their talents as well: Betty be Good. Slim and Clyde. Lady Stardust. Francesca Summers. and Sean. First prize went to Slim and Clyde; they won a $100 gift certificate to Target. Second prize went to Sean. and he won a $75 gift certificate; third prize went to Francesca Summers. and she won a $50 gift certificate. Thank you to all the contestants and students for making this a success! This event is becoming more and more popular each time. and if you missed this one. you can look for it again in April during Pride month! K _.,ii:rn,Ecrc Roxy Marquis as Madonna K _u‘C c Eric CeeCee Russell ] C Managing Editor David Flettenmaier W Kayla Scrivner L_aygut_Edit_0_r Greg Solheid Niufidit—or Kellen Bredesen W Scott Bibus A&E Editor Joel Wolf CommunityNalues Editor Nicki Ziegler Features Editor Angel Overgaard S orts Editor Paul Putt mm Aaron Vogel 99mm Jake Collins Faculty Advisor Boyd Koehler The Augsburg Echo is published each Friday -— except during interim. vacation periods. and holidays —— by students of Augsburg College. 731 let Avenue South. Minneapolis. Minnesota 55-154. Opinions expressed are those of the authors and don't reflect those of the supporting staff. administration. faculty. or the remainder of the students. The Echo does not necessarily promote the products or services it advertises. L___J O the Augsbur Show less
October 19, 2001 EEFeatures page 4 Ave Edvard! By K. Lucin Staff Writer He picked up the manuscript and began to read in the thick. rolling accents of Norway. so reminiscent of the dark winters and bright summers of that land. If we hadn't already been listening to him for half an hour. we... Show moreOctober 19, 2001 EEFeatures page 4 Ave Edvard! By K. Lucin Staff Writer He picked up the manuscript and began to read in the thick. rolling accents of Norway. so reminiscent of the dark winters and bright summers of that land. If we hadn't already been listening to him for half an hour. we probably wouldn't have understood one word in three. but hearing someone speak with a thick accent is like watching a Shakespearean play: after the first twenty minutes the ear becomes accus- tomed to the way the language sounds. and every- thing becomes intelligible. In this case. Edvard Hoem‘s accent fit his written words per— fectly: dreamy. surreal. but at the same time concrete and immedi- ate: “He was the last farmer in the western fjords to grow roses and believe in Heaven. That‘s what he himself claimed afterwards..." Edvard Hoem is a very famous. high—profile author in Norway. accord- ing to Frankie Shackelford. who translated his “Ave Eva" into English from its original Norwegian. Hoem‘s works are read in every high school in Nor— way because of his use of new and original forms of literature. The author says that he became a writer “because of a combination of family secrets and the tradition of storytelling." Before he began to read the first chapter of the translated “Ave Eva" to us. he gave the aspiring writers in the room a single piece of advice: “You've got to find your own voice." Most of us have heard advice like this before. but it never hurts to hear it again. Edvard Hoem defies genre classification. This particular book. said the translator in her introduc- tory speech, is part history. part social commentary. and part mystery. The author is sometimes classified as a political author because of his extensive use of political themes. But since he loves history. Hoem also includes plenty of historical background in his writings. “Ave Eva" is supposed to be a dialogue with Milton (a literary piece?) but the subtitle of the English translation is “A Norwegian Tragedy." )) visions. Apparently this book is a history. a social commen- tary. a literary dialogue. a mystery. a political com— mentary. and a tragedy. not to mention a uniquely Norwegian work of art. Hoem read it like a plain old book, in a quiet. almost grandfatherly way. It‘s just a story. he seemed to say with his eyes. and began to tell it like a story. iweekly Serial 1" it r x 5 “He wanted to conjure up a lost paradise that a present- day mind could not comprehend. It was a blend of facts and the wildest of A Norwegian story: the author‘s accent and the open— ing line mentioning fjords ensured that we would never forget the setting of the piece. nor its impact on the events of the story itself. The large room wasn’t full. and they hadn't put the heat on high enough. so the chill helped the atmosphere a little bit as well. Norway is cold. we remembered. and some of us put our coats back on and went to the back of the room to get coffee in between the readings. The second read- ing began in Norwe- gian. because most of the listeners understood the language. I didn‘t. but Hoem provided for the rest of us by reading it over again in English. This piece was more real than the first. to my mind; it was a story about one of his ancestors. who had led a curious life as a teacher who had. for one reason or another. never gotten to teach. Instead he went to prison and learned how to make fiddles. I remembered then that my Norwegian great-grandfather had played the fiddle. The old music is a second-hand memory to me. and because of Edvard Hoem I can almost hear it now. The best description of what Edvard Hoem creates was written by Hoem himself. in his book. “Ave Eva". “...it was as if he were speaking to an audience far removed from little Norway. He wanted to con- jure up a lost paradise that a present-day mind could not comprehend. It was a blend of facts and the wildest of visions.“ His voice was perfect for his words: concrete and yet dreamlike. soft and yet strengthening. I felt my Norwegian heritage in a way I could not have felt it before: Edvard Hoem has made the fiddling of my grandfather come to life in my mind. using nothing but words and the rolling Staff Writer » , last week in Spring-Heeled Jack, our narrator met a chaplain named Aleisrer and an agitated pit viper, which brings ma I: In his Majesty’s Service, Part 2 ' FmTheJourmdofBeanndnEmmW_- ' I awoke some immeasurable time later in no " pain. Iwasinmyowncomfortnblebedbeingtended-hyaum‘ling physician. _ fl _ ‘ ' .. “You’re a lucky m m” H: to ‘i “I’ve nevor thought myself lucky befa'e, Doctor. butif you so.” Iwasrubbing‘themshoukiaasispokc. ' “Here, take this for happenedto hen small cap of I danum. “Yes, you are very lueky,.that particular breed of viper is armed with a biotoxin ralher‘than a nemoxin, and so you should completely recover. If that a cobra or a pufl' adder, you nnghthaven‘emorstherestofywrlife. As itis, you wouldhave certainly died had the Reverend Bomheck not given you a stimulant to keep your heart from stopping.” “The Reverend Bombeck? That man who fought like the very l, devil with his bare fists against a knife wielding savage?” I sat straight up on my bed in shock despite my weakened state. “I hope not like ‘the very devil’, Sir, every man must do his best.” It was the man himself, the Reverend Aleister Bombeck, who had apparently been sitting in a heavily cushioned chair in the corner the whole time. He lit a match and applied it to a long stemmed pipe before continuing; “least-wise he must do when in the service of He blew a smoke ring and gave me a coy halfnsmile. “Doctor, kindly excuse us, I wish to speak privately with the rev- erend.” “Certainly, just make sure you don’t exert yom‘self, you need another day of bed rest before you can resume your duties." With that he left, and Aleister started lighting a few more lamps and can- dles. He said nothing, so I spoke first. “I suppose I must start 'by expressing my gratitude for saving my life as you did. Rest assured that I won‘t forget it.” Spring-Heel“ Jack \ continued on next page 7 accent of the Old Country. Nora Raced Ahead Medieval fiction with modernity Be creative, win money Monday, November 5, 2001 is the submission deadline for ._ John Bugman astuj‘” dent literary 50¢th Mm)! the, ‘ . Judges at. maximums” mpem‘ ' rwflhs‘ * e MAKE A DIFFERENCE! WHILE WORKING IN THE COMMUNITY WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES. ’ - Full-Time (wlbenefits) - Part-Time - No Experience Necessary - Over 30 Metro Locations 0 Very Flexible Schedule Earn $10 - $1 5.75/1“. while you gain great experience for school. your resume. and for life. r M uhuul um tin-hem] [in illfli‘renlml J Call The ACR Jobline Today 651-415-9991 If Outside The Metro Area N 1-888-558-9991 HOMES, INC. Laura Eliason ContributOL, z ,- z , , , , Nora raced ahead. Thor‘s hooves thundering over the dry wagon path. thundering in her ears. pink from the cooling air. and thundering in her heart churning with confusion. Part of her wanted to race on forever, faster than her emotions. part of her wanted to turn and coquettishly challenge Ivan to race with her. She realized how strong their bond was when he was sud- denly next to her and just as quickly pulled ahead. For a moment she just watched him. golden hair flying and cheek bones turning red. Another week before they would go on a picnic again. Another week until she could once more be herself. Another week before she could--she couldn't think about it. The chance that it wasn‘t real made it too painful to even accept as a possibility. Their picnic had always been on Firstday. the rest day. A week had never stretched out this far in front of her before. But those things he had whispered when he thought she was asleep—~did he truly think she was beautiful? “Now that I know. it‘s difficult for me to believe that the others can see you as a man... you are so beautiful...“ Those words rung over and over in her head. She had lain there. hardly dating to breathe. afraid to let him know she was awake. while her heart raced. Could it be? He had talked with such tenderness... Could it be he had a spark of the same feelings she had carried for so long? When she finally did pretend to wake she had been so happy to see him asleep. As she waded into the river. almost too cold to bathe in any more. she pondered the meaning of this new development. She wanted to say something--but what? Wait. she told herself. watch him throughout this next week. But now the week seemed so long. “No. I don't think either of us could get away for an extra picnic this week." he cheerfully chuckled at her. slightly puzzled. “Why do you ask?" She vaguely remembered saying something about the beautiful time of year as she threw Thor‘s saddle on. Now. as red and gold whizzed by her she put on a burst of speed and easily out distanced Ivan. As she exploded out into the meadow Ivan called out to her. laughing. “Nora!” She slowed and stopped. swinging Thor around to meet Ivan. They were getting too near the castle to have their horses running. He trotted up to her. “Nor- man,” she corrected him. He blushed and smiled up apologetically. “It‘s so easy for me to forget.“ Now it was Nora's turn to blush. She didn’t answer; she just turned away and started walking towards the castle. She was so happy for the chill in the air. Her chest bindings and baggy clothing. hiding her femi- nine fonn. became so hot in the summer. She glanced over at Ivan and caught him looking at her. They both blushed. “What?” She asked him happily. He regarded her for a moment with a half smile then shook his head. not entirely sure what to say. and turned to face forward. Nora didn‘t know what to think. She turned to gaze at the castle and sighed. Five years ago it had meant freedom to her. Freedom from her childhood. from the village she grew up in where they all knew and hated her. freedom to work. to live a life she cre— ated for herself. Now as she made friends with the ser- vants. the knights. with her fellow workers. and even friends with the royal family it meant hiding. Hiding her true self from everyone most important to her. Everyone but the youngest prince. Nora raced ahead continued on page 7 Show less
October 19. 2001 FILM As WE’RE CONCERNED Fairy tale “Serendipity” delivers a good time Deanne McDonald Staff Writer “Serendipity” is a romantic comedy starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale (“Pearl Harbor”) as two New Yorkers who meet by chance in a Bloom- ingdale’s depart- ment store in New... Show moreOctober 19. 2001 FILM As WE’RE CONCERNED Fairy tale “Serendipity” delivers a good time Deanne McDonald Staff Writer “Serendipity” is a romantic comedy starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale (“Pearl Harbor”) as two New Yorkers who meet by chance in a Bloom- ingdale’s depart- ment store in New York City. They spend a serendipitous evening together. though at the time they both have significant others. When John Cusack's character, Jonathan. acci- dently loses Sara’s (Kate Beckinsale) num- ber in the wind. Sara is deter- mined to leave their meeting together again to fate. This first meeting is just not at the right time. Fast-forward to some years later when both char- acters are apprehensively on the brink of marriage. Enter the respective best friends played by Jeremy Piven and Molly Shannon who counsel the individu- als and eventually help him and her search for his and her other half. As romantic comedies g0, “Serendipity” isn’t breaking any new ground. but it doesn‘t need to. The fairy—tale quality of the story of any romantic comedy asks the audience to suspend belief for the sake of the characters, just long enough to enjoy the sexual ten— sion and characters presented. Even with the hokey story described above, “Serendipiry” succeeds on the chemistry and character level. which are most impor- tant to a romantic comedy. The characters of Jonathan and Sara share a two— halves-of—a—whole. I-know-what-you‘re-thinking chemistry. Their best buds are typically a little off (John‘s friend writes obituaries for the New York Post. and Sara‘s runs a new age store but doesn‘t believe in any of the stuff she sells). Surprisingly. it works. mainly due to the cast. “Mulholland Drive:” so good it’s scary Nick Heisick Staff Writer Did you see “The Strait Story". director David Lynch's last film? I don‘t know why Jeremy Piven (PCU) is not cast in more movies. This guy is hilarious and he and John Cusack are terrific in their scenes together. Piven has a dozen great lines and his speech when Jonathan's about to get married is a riot. Cusack and Piven have been friends since they were eight years old and this is the second times they have played friends in a movie (first time: Grosse Point Blank). Their comfort level with each other is apparent on screen. Beck— insale and Molly Shannon gel well together. too. Shannon‘s spirited voice of reason is a good contrast to Beckinsales reasoned romanticism. I usually can‘t stand Molly Shannon. but this movie allowed her a chance for more gentle. genuine humor than she projects on Saturday Night Live. Cusack and Beckinsale are charming and goofy together. Cusack is in full “say anything" mode. so if you didn't adore him in that movie (as any reason- able person does) you might as well forget about “Serendipity”. He is the heart of the movie: Lloyd Dobbler fifteen years later. Beckinsale is very affa— ble and not nearly as prim as her British accent sug- gests. It’s never really clear why she is in the US. in the first place. but it is not a question the movie cares to address. Last. but not least. in the casting department. Eugene Levy (American Pie. Waiting for Guffman) nearly steals the show as a Bloomingdale‘s employee that Jonathan buys into helping track Sara down. The salesman is a buy—the—book employee who can- not grasp any part of a whole picture. and does not care about the purpose of the book he lives by. Just another off—the—wall comic character. he embodies the spirit of the movie by playing its opposite. “Waking Life” a mixture of animation and pretension Karl Lucln Staff Writer .. . . ., A thriving London writer retums to his parents‘ home in Dublin for his father’s funeral. only to find out that his father‘s ghost is alive and well (in his own mind. if nowhere else). Furthermore. the da in his head is just as interfering and embarrassing as the real one had been! . The Guthrie's production of Hugh Leonard‘s "Do" (the Irish word for "dad") is poignant and gentle, but not as intense as past Guthrie pro- ductions have been. It lacks the vivacity of Amadeus. the Guthrie's only other play this season. Fortunately, the script doesn‘t call for intensity and passion, just annoyance, frustration, and tenderness. which the Guthrie’s “Da” has plenty of. Charlie‘s attempt to come to terms with his father takes place in a series of flashbacks, set mostly during Charlie‘s teenaged years. The elder Charlie. played with considerable aplomb by veteran Guthrie actor Stephen Pelinski, looks on as his mother (Barbara Bryne) tries to deal with his petulant teenaged self, played by a different actor. .loe Delafield. Young Charlie sasses his devoutly Catholic mother. but at least he understands her. Neither Young Charlie nor the older version can understand his father. In a pitifully embarrassing scene (even for the audience). Charlie’s father enthusiastically declaims his reasons for wanting Hitler to beat the British (allowing the Irish to get their homeland back). Later his father humiliates Charlie in front of a girl. Of course, older Charlie understands his father a little bit better than his younger self did—~but still cannot comprehend his, philosophy of life. "People like...your foster- fathe-—they thank God for a fine day and stay diplomat— icaily silent when it rains." one character comments. Despite everything, Char- played. Both of them are bitter and confused; the cider one simply handles it more maturer than the boy. Charlie's da, por— trayed by Tony Mockus. is nearly as inscrutable to the audience as he is to Charlie. His thankfulness strikes a foreign, inexplicable note into the play, particularly given the poverty and difficult circumstances he lives in. Perhaps this was Hugh Leonard’s intent. According to him. the play was "mostly biographical." Unfortunately. the audience never fully understands Da, not even by the end of the play. The real gem in “Do” is Dramm, a magnificently caustic businessman who “Do,” Da, be continued on page 7 You remember if you saw it how comforting it was. or you remember. at least, the last “nice” movie you‘ve seen. Mulholland Drive is as close. in similarity. to that movie as you are to achieving your hopes and dreams. This distance in your relationship between yourself and your dreams. whether or not the reality of yourself. is the most horrifying nightmare you could ever dream. And what your plans. the illusion of your life. mean in the face of the reality of your eventual death is exposed in Mulholland Drive. David Lynch has been called the modern master of surrealism in pop- ular culture. In his latest work he supports this statement. creating prob- ably the only work of art you'll see in which the surrealism is capable of rivaling the surrealism of the recent events in the world. Using similar techniques developed in bhis past Works. Lynch‘s overly contrived style. understatement through overstatement. is employed masterfully to affect the movie's audience. “Mulholland Drive" borders on the incomprehensible. The insanity of the plot. eerily balanced by the abnormal sanity of the characters in this environment. produces less of a reasonable purpose to the film and more of an intuitive apprehension of its meaning. As the movie plays with your conceptions of reality. with layers building upon and eventu- ally folding in upon itself. it serves to send your rational right—brain into a state of paralysis. the purpose of with which Lynch uses to access emotions and intuitions of the left—brain. In all. the movie is very disturbing. If you don't have the patience to sit through a three-hour movie with barely the slightest idea of what is going on (the all-holy plot) even after it is over. save yourself from see- ing this movie. However. if you don’t mind losing sleep over the mean— ing of a movie. or if you'd like to see Billy Ray Cyrus act. then "Mulholland Drive " is the road you’ve been looking for. Joel Wolf A & E Editor “Waking Life” is a surreal trip through a sub— conscious dream world where everyone spouts philosophy. This is a film. not a movie. There is no plot and no characters-~expect the random phi- losophizer. lt demands to be viewed. not watched. and actively seeks viewer participation. Unfortunately. what we are participating with doesn‘t exactly offer much in return. The film centers on the dreams of Wiley Wig— gins (“Dazed and Confined"). His dreams are episodic bursts of philosophy that question just what reality is. The answers reflect a broad back— ground in many schools of philosophy. Transcen— dentalist ideals passed down from Emerson lie side by side with thoughts on dream interpreta» tion and Freudian psychology. There is one problem with “Waking Lift/5' it tries to prove its smarts but ends up seeming very superficial. Those with any background in phi- losophy will get annoyed with how the film never delves deeper than the surface of any one idea. The film is a crash course in Philosophy 101, Because the film bombards us with one idea after the next. we are left feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. but once we are able to take a step back and think about the ideas the film sets out. we can see how superficial this film really is. The film is an enigma. While on one side we are left feeling robbed ofany depth ofthought. the film itself thrills with innovative animation and filmmaking. The filming itself was done two years ago with store bought digital camcorders. A crew of three people. consisting of Director Richard Linklater ("Dazed um/ ('mrfm'r'rl.” "'I‘In' Newton Bovv). Producer Tommy l’allotta and a sound person. The real marvel of the film. though. is the arri- mation. Once filmed and edited a team of 30 artists went to work. They took the film and applied animation to every frame. The finished product is an innovative dream landscape with surreal flashes of the physical world that lll\p|lL‘Ll it. Unfortunately. a good looking film dot-sift always make a good film. There is no dcplh to the film at all. The script is not as smart as l.rnkl;rlcr would like the viewer to believe. llc ll‘lC\ to wow us with his understanding of lots of philosophies. but all he succeeds in doing is proving he’s rcad “Philosophy for Dummies." Show less
0 0+: Page 5 e S October 19, 2001 Students protest discrimination Augsburg organizations stress unity Brandon Hofstedt ’ . . antrjbytpr - _ _ 1 . L- p . A speech prepared for Saturday s szt-m On Saturday. October 13, at half-time of the Homecoming football game, a group of Augsburg students... Show more0 0+: Page 5 e S October 19, 2001 Students protest discrimination Augsburg organizations stress unity Brandon Hofstedt ’ . . antrjbytpr - _ _ 1 . L- p . A speech prepared for Saturday s szt-m On Saturday. October 13, at half-time of the Homecoming football game, a group of Augsburg students gathered outside Si Melby to protest against the recent incident between an Augsburg alumnus and Au sbur securit . ° The dgemonstritors, consisting of various student organizations on N H campus, sat outside Si Melby chanting and holding signs that displayed WE ARE STUDENTS. ALUMNI, AND COMMUNITY MEMBERS their intolerance for discrimination and hate. DEMONSTRATING TO PROMOTE EQUAL AND FAIR TREATMENT OF ALL STUDENTS AND The students involved stated that this protest was not only due to the PEOPLE IN OUR CAMPUS COMMUNITY. recent confrontation between the recent graduate and security, but also WE WILL NOT TOLERATE HATE. that this was “the last straw“ for numerous incidents regarding security WE BELIEVE THAT AUGSBURG COLLEGE CAN BE A SAFE and racial minorities over the past six years. The group clearly stated ENVIRONMENT WHERE ALL ARE WELCOMED AND C ELEBRATED that their objective for the sit—in was to show student discontent toward REGARDLESS OF RACE, ETHNICITY. SEX. RELIGION, OR SEXUAL discrimination and to impact reform on how potential conflict is dealt ORIENTATION. WE WILL NOT TOLERATE HATE. with on campus in the near future. WE CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST. BUT TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A The protesters looked to use this opportunity as an informative POSITIVE SITUATION OUT OFA NEGATIVE ONE. NO ONE DESERVES TO venue for reaching a large group of the student body. parents and BE MISTREATED BY CAMPUS SECURITY OR ANY OTHER INSTRUMENT alumni. This collaborative effort by the different student organizations OF THIS INSTITUTION. was only the first step in an ongoing process to impact changes on cam- I WE WILL NOT TOLERATE HATE. pus. AUGSBURG COLLEGE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR UPHOLDING ITS MISSION STATEMENT AND CODE OF CONDUCT WHICH STATES THAT NO FORM OF DISCRIMINATION IN REGARD TO RACE. COLOR. CREED, RELIGION, SEX. NATIONAL ORIGIN. DISABILITY. OR AGE IS ACCEPTABLE OR TOLERATED. INTIMIDATING. DEMEANING. HARASSING. THREATENING. ABUSIVE. OR VIOLENT BEHAVIOR TOWARDS ANY INDIVIDUAL OR GROUP IN ANY WAY THAT THREATEN S THEIR PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH OR SAFETY IS NEITHER ACCEPTABLE NOR TOLERATED. WE WILL NOT TOLERATE HATE. THE KEY WORD IN COMMUNITY IS UNITY. WE BELIEVE THAT OUR DIVERSITY IS A GIFT. UNITED WE STAND AGAINST ABUSE OF THE SYSTEM. IF YOU ARE PART OF THIS COMMUNITY. THIS ISSUE AFFECTS YOU. THERE ARE CERTAIN ISSUES IN LIFE WE CANNOT IGNORE. WE CHALLENGE YOU TO TAKE IT PERSONAL. AT AUGSBURG COLLEGE: WE WILL NOT TOLERATE HATE. «3“ ' Photo courtesy of Brandon Holstect 5' - 'Campus iscipline. reported - ‘ i I Violations for academic year Imported Violations: 00-01 99-00_ Alcohol/Drug violations intoxicated (legal dfianLQQQ) 5 ' M3, - _ underage drinking/possession "95 W 43 hosting underage drinkers 247 W 167 7 7 possession of alcohol in restricted or public area _ W We . M _ 3 _ of legal drinking age. but present where there were underage students ushg alcohol 29 47 illegal drug use/possession 63 19 net assault 1 0m WWM 2 13 Verbal um 13 9 image alcohol possession arrest 2 0 Am" r - _,_0_ _ 1 DUI met 0 1 Dieordedy Mon - Ilium-pone 0 1 Taking oollgg property 6” M 4 M or other We Mn 0 1 Vandalism _ _ 6 WWW _ , {rim Uri-cooperative WSecurlty/Campus official 12 7 mu” ‘ mung) 5 .9.- . mm 71 _ 7 , Semi-i We 1 3 in ii. melatonin 7 1 Fatallyan new 3 0 at m nee pouw 1 0 We! m 1 0 WM on output 1 g 0 Total iii-abet ol incidents tor 2090-2001 3492 .(Total mnberomcidentsjg 1993-99=111) ,_ l(Total number of incidents for 199900 a 234) Total for 2000-01 - , of, (Total number of students for 1998-99 = 96) (Total numberotstudents for 1999-00 :20!» 1 Some students were found not guilty of the reported violation. . ., ,, a We had a total of 361 hearings, as some needed follow-up on their follow through on sanc- [OR TICKI .1 S & INFORM/H ION GO 0N1 [N11 “ODS. . 3 Several students were seen formultipie mm. thetotzlnumberofincidents is Mum mlnnesotaothSt'a-Ng the numbetofindividml salient-S who m m ' (m (A! 1' 612-371-5656 or 1-800-292-4141 Show less
October 19. 2001 !__L\-‘t_JI , Volume 108 In this issue: Mock—Ademia. page 2 “Waking Life" Review, page 3 Discrimination protest, page 5 Drag Show photo collage, page 6 Senate sets goals for year Kellen Bredesen News Editor 7 Augsburg’s Student Senate set its goals for the 2001-02 academic year... Show moreOctober 19. 2001 !__L\-‘t_JI , Volume 108 In this issue: Mock—Ademia. page 2 “Waking Life" Review, page 3 Discrimination protest, page 5 Drag Show photo collage, page 6 Senate sets goals for year Kellen Bredesen News Editor 7 Augsburg’s Student Senate set its goals for the 2001-02 academic year on Sunday. Members of Sen- ate said they will strive to be more representative of all students, work on election reform, promote the visibility and accessibility of the Senate, and improve the rela- tionship between students and the Enrollment Center. The Senate will refer the goals to standing committees for oversight. President Brendan Anderson said he is optimistic that Senate will accomplish its goals. “We’re ahead of the game right now,” he said. “By the end of the year, we’ll see quite a few improve- merits." One goal, Senate promotion, is already underway. Sophomore Class President and Parliamentar— ian Nathan Grand is constructing a web presence for the group. “The most important resource on the web page is the ongoing visi- bility of the senators," said Grand. “Now from anywhere in the world [students] can find out who their senator is." Students can email their representatives using links on the student government page. . “That‘s going to help student government for years to come to have that template in place," com- mented Anderson. Anderson stressed that Sen- ate's goals turned out to be inter— related. For instance. the Senate recently discussed the possibility of online voting for the spring elections. The measure would increase visibility of the Senate and improve the representative nature of Senate through greater voter turnout. Another goal requires senators to voice the concerns of many Students say prob- constituents. C a. Photo by Michelle Morse Nicki Ziegler and Andy Langenteld. the head Homecoming royalty for 2001. smile from eir thrones. omen RECEIVED * a: luderTom Dudile’sofioe meccived'a lettereon— . daily mean bacteria. us. President Bush said Man- in}. ANTHRAX in no. mm'dmmchwdmywhmmcaesof lems with the Enrollment Center should take priority with the Sen~ ate “probably eight times out of ten," said Anderson. Improving the relationship between students and the Enrollment Center is at the top of this year‘s agenda. “[Students] should know that it might be easier than they think to be proactive." encouraged Ander- son. “The system is set up so that we can address student concerns quickly and effectively." The Stu- dent Senate urges students to con- tact their senators and attend meetings. "We’re making this place bet- ter through distributing the [stu- dent activity fee] money. but we're also making this place bet- ter through addressing [student] concerns,” Anderson said. The Student Senate meets at 8:30 pm. each Thursday in the Century room. Play? chad Tharp pins the hit on a . Joe Gotten looking to support the Photo by Paul Putt College f_inances: a balancrng act Administration looks for higher WEC enrollment to complement bursting Day School Mel B. Freitag Staff Writer Augsburg's financial stability is the latest subject on many student and faculty minds this fall. The bud- get. essentially the front lines of financial constancy. experienced a deficit of approximately $275.()()() last year. This sum is relatively small compared to Augs- burg’s $44 million gross revenue. but the numbers are still alarming. What provoked this financial setback and what are some possible consequences? Vice President of Finance. Richard Adamson. reported last Friday that many suspected justifications and doubts can be ruled out. Since Augsburg's endowment is smaller than its competitors”. the administration must run on “operating dollars opposed to the endowment fund." This is not a new trend. However, Augsburg’s endow— ment actually rose from $16 million to $26 million this year alone. so lack of donations from alumni is not the cause of the cut. The day school enrollment is busting at the seams; Umess Hall. the freshman dormitory, is overflowing with students. Conse— quently, the seemingly significant budget cuts will have “no effect on future planning." such as the pos- sibility of a new Science building. And although companies to which colleges out— source. such as Sodexho, usually charge equal or less money to operate. the administration decided against outsourcing facilities management. The college sounds surprisingly healthy in many of the areas that would be blamed for the budget cuts. So if future planning has not been tainted or outsourc— ing utilized, what is the source of the financial woes? The WEC and Master’s Program‘s enrollment experienced a 10 percent decrease this fall compared to last, according to Adamson. “This is serious from an operational standpoint, and the President had to take it seriously." Every year. the budget is projected by the previous year’s percentages. and evidently the college did not anticipate such a substantial decrease. “We had budgeted at a certain level. and the fluctua— tion was large enough to make budget operation changes...we cannot afford to operate in a deficit position.” “We had budgeted at a certain level, and the fluctuation was large enough to make budget operation changes... We cannot afiord to operate in a deficit positon. ” This unanticipated loss of students can bc attrib uted to “increased competition in the adult markct and [increased] academic standards onlinc.” Since adult education has become a more ticccssiblc and popular form of stud) in the past dccadc. .»\ugsburg College must readjust its standards to be cvcn more accessible to the adult population. Conscqucntly. thc college asked itself. “Are we listening to what the adult market is telling us?" Frame admits that thc college may have "lost track of the way in which lhc world of vocation and education interminglc." He noted that “From a revenue and cost point of view. the Weekend Collcgc Program is very cl‘l’cctivc." Essentially. Wl{(‘ is a “repackaged” educational format taken from the day school. One of the greatest financial benefits of week- end college is that thc stu- dents don't rcccivc financial aid. Last year. Augsburg handed out between $9 and $10 million dollars in tuition grants for the day school program. As Frame notes, “A dollar's worth of WEC rev» enue has fewer costs associated with it than under graduate revenue." WEC students pay a considerably lower tradition. but Frame adds that “Costs of the WEC have already been home for the days school.“ With the combined efforts to balance the currcnl budget along with improved marketing plans tor adult education, the college is confident it will crcatc financial certainty again. Adamson is “very optimistic" regarding the mar— keting initiatives for increased WEC and Master's Program‘s enrollment, He also rcassurcd that this plan would be a “short term cycle," and the adminis- tration hopes to "turn enrollment trends back around by next fall." Awareness and acknowledgement of financial sctr backs is the first step in regulating any unccrtaintics The administration is pro-actively pursurng a solu- tion. “We would not be good stewards of Augsburg College if we did not acknowledge and take the proper precautions." Adamson claimed. Show less
October 19. 2001 isopinion I page 2 Matting] commas or? @9516] @@@@D@ by Morgundi Tongas Freshman reflects on college expectations Carolyn Herman Staff Writer When I came to college. I was subconsciously expecting the stu— dents to reflect the type of stu- dents l was accustomed to: the students... Show moreOctober 19. 2001 isopinion I page 2 Matting] commas or? @9516] @@@@D@ by Morgundi Tongas Freshman reflects on college expectations Carolyn Herman Staff Writer When I came to college. I was subconsciously expecting the stu— dents to reflect the type of stu- dents l was accustomed to: the students residing at Northland College. where I spent much of my childhood To understand what I mean. you have to under— stand Northland. The institution is basically the last outpost of a crowd who won‘t let go of the l9ot)s and 70s. This is the place where the soapbox preaching. tie—dye wearing. dred- sporting. tree hugging. PETA pro- moting. hemp weaving vegan crowd finds their spiritual home. I am not stereotyping here--these students really exemplify every generalization tirade about the "alternative" crowd. These are the kind of students who gripe at their professors if they don‘t use recycled paper. These are the students who write songs such as “You Gotta leunk the Trent. " (I‘m not making this up.) They are up in arms at the slightest social or environmental provocation. I once heard some— one saying she was going to a protest at the band shell later on that night. When someone asked what was being protested. the Iron- chalant reply was "Oh. I don‘t know yet." In short. this was a crowd ready to get down and dirty about social justice and environmental awareness. And although they sometimes scared me a little. I felt that they were basically in a good place. They cared about every— thing around them. from the rights of people. to the rights of animals. to the preservation of the natural world. Pretty good causes. right? I guess ljust assumed that the pas— sion for justice went with the age group. and that I. too. would quickly be overwhelmed with causes to support when I got to college. And now. somehow. the two pictures don‘t seem to match up. There are organizations on cam— pus that espouse these causes that are so dear to my heart. granted. But the average student probably care if there isn‘t a designated recycling bin for each distinct type of trash. The student isn‘t too riled when her professors hand out eighty pages of freshly printed. non-recycled paper (if the student does get worked up. the reason is probably just the massive work load). And she‘ll probably sleep just fine even after hearing that the food service does not have a pris- tine labor. environmental. or social justice record. What happened to the student who would be willing to boycott a company because they tested on animals? Where is the passionate street comer environmentalist. the one who makes you think twice about buying two boxes of Styro- foam plates for your dorm room"? When did the rebel with a cause get lost behind the conformist with a politically correct opinion? I am not saying that these peo— ple don‘t exist. However. these movers and shakers seem to be keeping a bit of a low profile. I haven‘t been here for long. true. but I'm used to hearing about causes when there is even a whiff of foul play or suspicion. To settle into a routine of study. party. sleep. study. party. sleep is easy for any student. I guess I‘m just asking the average student to put aside the complacency of college life for a few minutes-~and maybe find a soapbox. Three movies not to see even i our 11' e depended on it (and I mean thjdfl f K. Lucin Sgtajf Writer 7 » Some movies are bad. Some movies are terrible. But some movies are so horrible that you should tear out your own eyeballs and eat them (without ketchup) before you allow yourself to watch them. Beware: the Chamber of Movie Horrors is about to be opened. “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank" is unquestion- ably the worst movie ever made. What can you say about a movie when the best part was the end. just because of the sheer relief of being able to stop watching it? What was Raul Julia thinking when he agreed to be in this piece of trash? Were the writer. the cast. and the producers all on drugs when they started this thing? The plot is so ridiculous and complicated that it could only be equaled by the superb incompetence of the writing. The movie has something to do with incarnating an animal body. Casablanca. and an evil mega—corporation. And it probably has something to do with two guys who’ve been drinking for twelve hours. and have hit that point at which anything seems brilliantly witty. “Why don‘t we write it down and some movie studio will buy it and we'll all make money out of it. ha ha ha. pass the tequila. please!" Two words. my fellow Norwegian Americans: Uff da. While not quite achieving the stellar inepti— tude of “Oi'erdrmm at the Memory Bank". “Hollow Man" also makes it onto the "Worst Movies I‘ve Ever Seen" list. Again. we have a fantastic actor appearing in a movie that only the stoned could like. In a lame rip—off of the standard “Invisible Man" plot. a scientist figures out how to become invisible and tests the formula on himself. immediately going from a mere weirdo to a psycho killer lunatic mur- derer who also happens to be a pervert. Or maybe he was a pervert before. Either way. “Hollow Man " manages to hit all the major clichés before the evil, scary. bad guy finally gets killed. Unlike “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank". this movie can be made enjoyable provided that you either: I) sit beside creative. intelligent friends who like to make fun of movies while you watch it, or 2) stay up for thirty-six hours straight before the movie by drinking a hundred and forty-seven cappuccinos. Preferably both. “Pearl Harbor" wouldn‘t have qualified for the top three (or should that be bottom three?) if it had- n’t been for the last twenty minutes of the movie. in which every major cliché of every horrible war movie is played out with the subtlety of a drill press and the majesty of a moldy grilled cheese sandwich. Ben Affleck was wooden. a two dimensional charac- ter. Josh Harmett, usually competent, did nothing to expand his poorly written character. In this movie. both male leads and the female lead. Kate Beckin- sale. are afflicted with writers who couldn’t write their way out of a paper bag. Of course, the plot littered with a cliche-ridden mine field. doesn‘t help much. The only part of this movie worth watching is the half hour in the middle in which the invasion of Pearl Harbor actually hap- pens. Lots of things explode in a nice display of movie special effects that scream “LOOK! MOVIE SPECIAL EFFECTS!!!“ The most sympathetic and well-written characters in “Pearl Harbor" are unquestionably the Japanese: by the time they finally arrive you want to blow up the characters too. and you’re just sorry you can’t get to their copies of the script to make the job complete. For the love of God. never watch these movies. If you must watch these movies. get a lobotomy first. It will be less painful in the long run. The U.S and m—iddTe-ezstfa bFief but poignant history Before the birth of Christ the Western World has occupied and oppressed Eastern lands. Alexander the Great conquered Persia under the guise that he would rid the world of tyranny and oppression. Alexander also believed himself to be a descendent of the gods. He continued his campaign into Egypt and India. He established an oppressive rule that was continued by Rome. After the divine revelation of the Qur’an to Muhammad, the Islamic Empire began its own con- quest. The Islamic presence was already strong in Arabia and Persia. and by the 25th year of the Islamic calendar, Amr ibn Al—Asi occupied Alexandria. By 733 BC, the Islamic Empire had entered Spain only to be stopped in Poiticrs in France. The Islamic empire’s occupation of the Iberian Peninsula. although partial at times, lasted until 1492. Although the east—west conflict is much more elaborate then this. it has remained a tit-for—tat skirmish in which no one specific party is able to claim full responsibility. Towards the end of World War II the United States asserted itself as a global power, and as a strong rep- resentation of the Western World. The United States has built its image on the foundation of the idyllic principles of freedom, liberty and democracy. The image and conduct of the United States on foreign soil has not necessarily reflected these principals. In I945. President F. D. Roosevelt met with King Abdel-Aziz ibn Saud. originator of the current Saudi regime. They struck an agreement in which the United States received unrestricted access to Saudi oil. in return for U.S. military backing of the Saudi Royal Family. This wouldn’t be the last time America backed a dictatorship to attain economic goals. In 1971. for example. Chile democratically elected a socialist president. The new socialist administration national- izedtheooppcrmines. ThiswasnotintheUnited State’s interest. The CIA trained and funded aCoupc deta. OurgoodfriendPenochetprivatizodthemin— ing industry and carried on terrorizing the country. In 1980, President Jimmy Carter issued a statement in response to the Iranian Revolution. The statement read: "An attempt by any outside force to gain control of the Persian Gulf region will be regarded as an assault on the vital interests of the United States of America [and] will be repelled by any means neces— sary, including military force." This policy held for internal threats as well. In 1981 the Saudi Arabian National Guard squashed an anti-Saudi rebellion. President Regan responded by saying that he would not let Saudi Arabia turn into another Iran. Roosevelt‘s agreement was again tested in 1990. Iraq invaded Kuwait. Before the United States even addressed the problem of Kuwait, Opera- tion Desert Shield was launched to protect our oil interests in Saudi Arabia. Eleven years after the con- flict the U.S. military forces remain present in the Persian Gulf. The Saudi government that the United States pro- tects is a totalirian government. The government does not have a constitution guaranteeing the rights of its There are no public protests criticizing the government. Those who rebel are murdered or exiled,aswasthecaseofOsamabinLaden. President Bush said something to the effect that we will rememberthe day ofSeptembcr ll, but will move on from here, in order to protect freedom. Those people. President Bush likes to remark, hate freedom. Do we seek to protect the ideal of freedom. or do we wish to protect our freedom. whatever the cost is to others? On the morning of the terrorist attack many peo- plesaidthatwcearnedourfreedornataoost,and sometimes people must die to protect it. What com arewewillingtopayforthefreedomofthepeoplein Saudi Arabia? Anything. As long as it's below $1.29 “3 mm V... .r. . . WA. “when...” ..,.....«,-_ VO'Q my 0 t... ..v ‘ - mam-w n-v; Jh‘ Show less
sEDuck Butter November 30, 2001 Change the future. A degree In social services is great. but what are you going to do with it! May we mice a suggestion? Elihu: i, .gg‘m. 13~:I\][I , . s] . izi l'.’ .IL hum-- “E’il t ‘ - 3‘ ‘.r Ills ,:-~_..g 1.. r- t . '1‘ =le nu .ii www.mhumcphumtu . w! z = i; t... Show moresEDuck Butter November 30, 2001 Change the future. A degree In social services is great. but what are you going to do with it! May we mice a suggestion? Elihu: i, .gg‘m. 13~:I\][I , . s] . izi l'.’ .IL hum-- “E’il t ‘ - 3‘ ‘.r Ills ,:-~_..g 1.. r- t . '1‘ =le nu .ii www.mhumcphumtu . w! z = i; t 4: win;- Hu-II. tits. Hun. by” lfil2l SIR-7115i: l.‘ll .I u. .1”... , .3 . ; lege offers the oilow Think every meal agency understands what you near: “Mumeumrg‘tEgan:an Transition"- sueu again. lucky - » _ 1 T! “‘6‘” ~ > - for lo“! we ‘1 “Nation Buildina,_ Globe ' ‘ the l Ready? TA RAVEL - Take 311 14th Avenue SE 612.515.1800 www.5tatravel .com “H; SPRING BREAK INSANITY! www.inter-campus.com or call 1- 800-327-6013. Guaranteed low- est prices! We're the best — forget the rest! Fifteen years experi- ence! We have the hottest desti- nations, parties and hotels! Wanted: Representatives and organizations, earn top $$, free trips and build your resume! Earn a free trip, money or both. {Mazatlan Express is looking for students or organizations to sell Our Sprink Break package to Mazatlan, Mexico. cost a The Center for G obol I" “I I based in Windhoek, New to wi 11 reg; - South innit“ 'f ' rid” spring . "9 Studyjssues of iobatization,~socio reconcrhation whi e experience? Afr: '5 natural beauty, warmth, and exc' t ‘ - F-utfill Augsburg (gariemldeétggation perspectives on . part in an internship cg rience - Study wn‘h students from coll . . ties across the U. . — Live in an exotic warm climate (For the some a semester at Au sburggé) « RECEIVE A 500 DEEgIOCL‘IANT AI ARE TO Call x1159 or stop by Murphy Place for more infor- mation or an application. STUDENT TRAVEL 4 f’ i’ at! I ATTN: SEXY Did you know that is art A, ‘ ‘ ALCOHOLICS .V 3 3,)? Namibia; ng loco ’es. and universi- I awe No Gimmick. . . Real Science! Former Viagra pharmacist has now created a revo- lutionary herbal pill that is guaranteed to increase your penis size by 1, 2, 3, or more inches in just a few short weeks! This amazing new product works by simply taking 2 pills every day! OUR UNCONDITIONAI. GUARANTEE Simply try the product for 30 days, and if after the 30— day period you do not experience a minimum I" gain in length, simply send the empty bottle back to us. We'll refund you IOO% of the cost, including shipping! With our guarantee, our product must work for you... or we‘ll lose money on every sale! This amazing product is called ExtenZe. If you simply take 2 ExtenZe pills every day... your penis will grow a huge 27% more! Does It Really Work? Over 95% of men that try ExtenZe say it does. How Do You Compare to Other Men? Did you know the average penis size is between 5 and 6 inches, measured from the top? No one wants to be average! Our Grow Guarantee All we ask is that you try ExtenZe for 30 days. After 30 days, if you do not see a significant increase in the size of your penis, just return the empty bottle back to us and we‘ll refund you IOO% of the cost, including ship— ping. With this guarantee, our ExtenZe product must make your penis larger... or we will blow wads of money on each sale! Why Have a Bigger Penis? With today's technological advancements in chem— istry and medicine, there is no reason for a man not to have a larger, healthier penis. A man with a larger, harder penis will be more confident and experience greater pleasure from sex. Most women, when asked, say they are not satisfied with an average—sized penis. ExtenZe can not only increase the size of your penis and give greater pleasure to you and your partner, but can also give you the ability to experience harder and more frequent erections. Give yourself and your partner the ultimate sexual present. Surprise them, with ExtenZe. *Results may vary. LIMITED TIME OFFER, SO ORDER TODAY! ORDER DIRECT 626-440—1747 M to F 8:OOam to 6:00pm Pacific Standard Time Disclaimer: this is a real product and a real advertis- ment. (953) 893-9679. The St. Paul St. Patrick's Day Association is lookingi for Miss Shamrock 2002 and Blarney Brother 2002 candidates. Candidates must: *Have an outgoing person- ality *Be a wee bit Irish *Be available for public appearances starting in early February through March 2003 * Be at least 21 years old *Not be inhibited about uri- nating in public Miss Shamrock, along with Mr. Pat, lead the St. Patrick's Association Royal Court. The Blarney Broth- ers escort Miss Shamrock and her princesses on all public appearances. For more information please contact our website www.stpatsassoc.org or call our St. Patrick's Asso- ciation hotline at 651-256- 2155 MAKE A DIFFERENCE! WHLE WDFIGNG IN THE COMMUNITY WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE DEVELOPMENTAL assumes. m 810 - 515.7%... while you gain gm madame tor schml, your resume. and Im- lib. Ltd find an min #5va 0 MTmetmbac-flsl thc c bohemian”! 0 Mailman 0 Hunt” CallMAflMfln-My 651-415-9991 A ACRHOMES. INC. lommmnm 1-888-558-9991 Show less
page 3 Din lebeiiies November 30, 2001 Exclusive: interview with an Auggie’s ass Rosy Cheeks The ass-ass-inator I recently had the great privilege to sit down with one of the finest minds in our wonderful state. That state, of course, is Minnesota. That 4 fine mind is the one and only Hugh J ass.... Show morepage 3 Din lebeiiies November 30, 2001 Exclusive: interview with an Auggie’s ass Rosy Cheeks The ass-ass-inator I recently had the great privilege to sit down with one of the finest minds in our wonderful state. That state, of course, is Minnesota. That 4 fine mind is the one and only Hugh J ass. After receiving a BA. in English from Augsburg College, Mr. Jass took a post on Governor Ventura’s election campaign. He has been behind some of the governors boldest political moves, including his first appearance on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno.” Recently, Mr. Jass retired from his cabinet position on Ventura’s staff, citing irreconcilable differences. M: Mr. lass, let me begin by saying just what an honor this is for me. I have been following your career since you were first published in the “Augsburg Echo" years ago. J: Fart. M: Yes, well. thank you. Now. why did you leave your position as Chief of Cabinet-thingy? J: Fffffbbttt! M: Really? Have you ever seen “The Running Man?” If you ask me. that movie is some of Governor Ventura‘s best acting. don‘t you think? J: (Faintly squeaking) Fart. M: I’m sorry. I didn‘t catch that. J: (Much louder) FART! M: My. that was a juicy little remark. My final question: Can you believe we elected a professional wrestler for Governor of Minnesota? I mean. what were we thinking? J: No comment. mas; poor of layout this issue. Cross Country team doesn’t quite make it P. Langston Longshanks Piratefleelgncer At a post-season reflection ses- sion last Sunday, Augsburg’s cross country team mulled over the sad fact that it fell several thousand miles short of its goal this year. “We feel like we could have done it...gone the extra mile," said Head Coach lvanna Runn. “but there were obstacles in our paths." The team cited the Mississippi River, the Rocky Mountains. and the Pacific Ocean as examples of the “tough terrain" that stood in its way of a, true cross-country run. “I was really excited at the beginning of the season." said junior runner Taylor DaLine. “I really wanted to run to Hawaii especially, but that just wasn’t in the cards for us this year.” Part of the blame for the team‘s utter failure to run across the country fell to a lack of direction from its coaching staff. “They ‘ told us to go north, when obvi- ously the Atlantic coast is to the West.” said one disoriented run- ner. E ,* .3. .3, .. t’ . ' -, A." a.» " maps. We spent most of the sea— son trying to fold them the right way. so we didn’t get very far.“ added rookie runner Candice Usall. The Auggie cross country run- ners used some controversial training techniques. as well. “We had a Forrest Gump movie marathon.“ said one sopho— more runner. “That guy is a real someday. minus the body hair." The team also ran in traffic for added adrenaline. but discontiued this practice midseason. due to a fatality on 1-94. A less rigorous season is on deck for next year, despite compe— tition from other MIAC schools. “I just don‘t know how they do it.” said Coach Runn. “We were exhausted by the time we got to “We didn’t have very good role model. “Hairy Poker” excites I.P. Freely Review for, “Money Shot" Magazine For years now. the adult film industry has scram— bled to parody the latest Hollywood masterpieces. With the release of “Hairy Poker and the Sharon Stone." director Bal Sakk surpassed anything ever released in the field of hardcore porn. even creating a parody that outshines its predecessor. Hairy Poker is a down and out cable repairman with a special gift. When his business begins to flounder. Hairy goes back to school to get a bachelor of sexual and magical arts. or a B.S.&M.A.. from Skroo U. Along the way he meets a lonesome Swedish tourist on the train ride. who gives Hairy a I want to be like him the Iowa border." audiences Bulbous Backdoor, a wise old sage who shows Hair) exactly how to hone his special gift. So school begins for Hairy. and along the \\;l} he encounters a number of odd characters. The most memorable part of the film comes when Hair) regis» ters for his classes at the oflicc of nocturnal emis- sions. Ron Jeremy makes an appearance as Hagi'oiii. Hairy‘s giant. wooly sidekick. In the final climax of the film. Hagroin and Hairy make a Sharon Stone sandwich that will be burned into \ iewers‘ memories forever. Director Bal Sakk creates a hallucinatory Lil'ctlllle scape with some of the best girl on girl action ever In M. , _ _. wherever we had space “‘53! 37°“ filled this Send stuff ‘ chance to show off his gift. Hairy quickly comes to the end of his train ride. and he arrives at Skroo U. At the opening ceremony. he is introduced to the president of the university captured on video. Overall. I give “Hairy Poker and the Sharon Stone" a big hairy palm up. Be careful. this film may make you go blind. Coming out...with a vengeance [When e’re I look afield and see] or: Oyster Cloister When e’re I look afield and see A couple with their hands entwined It seems to me as if my mind Was beset upon by flapping flocks Of airborne nether-lips all squawking \Vith a rubbery caw. "Look here. recall those pairs you saw? Merry as the good should be? Well stop your eyes and lift your jaw, For you belong to me! I am the curs'ed crease you crave. The chasm you request. Or should I say the gash you glut At your saliva gland's behest. You will never be like other girls. Who crimp their hairs in nests of curls And spend their fantasies like change At the candy store On the extroverted Often turgid Counterpan to that mange—crested Omately vested Spelunkable portal Which clutches your mortal soul Like an immortal slave. So feast your eyes, Be jealous, cry! You will never love a penis. This is your curse. It is the worst: For if the world of love’s a sky, And the northern star’s the leftward thigh, And the other’s Orion with his sword held high. Then in between is the astral eye of god, And this shall be your zenith." Soto the earth I fell. What shame! What a terrible spot I'm in! Not to love that which sticks out! But that which foldeth in. —anonymous (circa 900 B.C.E) heck this shit: Box! Vindication of the rights of me Johnny Blonde Without A Cause This is it. I'm going to do this. I need the world to know who I am. I desire vindication-~a release frorii my horrible bonds. Well, here goes: I‘m a white, Christian. male and I come from a mid» dle class family. What's more. I‘m 100% German, and probably a full blooded Aryan. Though I‘d like to think I would have hated him. Hitler would have loved me, with my blue eyes and my chiseled chin. I can hardly live in our world with this shame. My father didn‘t drink bottles of vodka and break them over my head. My mother didn't die in a helicopter crash or of breast cancer. In fact. my mother and father aren‘t even divorced—they are still happily married! Why could» n't my life be filled with more suffering? Why can't I at least be guy'.’ lfl were gay. I could be writing poetry. but here I am. stuck on stalc prose. My emotions are all dead all the time because I have nothing bad to think about. I try really hard to make myself ciiipathi/c With the plight of the world but I can‘t. Alas. I have no minority in me. In addition. if I were colored. or whatever it is you‘re supposed to say these days. I could say all those awful "racist" words and they would be taken as a sign of affection. l yearn to be Samuel l.. Jackson. barking slang and taking names. But I‘m merely a "cracker." all trail and bro- ken. dissolving in the chunky stew that is society From all aspects of me. I emanate banality. but how could I change" I'm writing this to express myself because l don‘t believe I've cvci done that before. And it feels kind of good. In tact. I think I might write more. What do you think'.’ Or have you heard enough" Show less
ugsburg G.) £
Show moreugsburg G.) £< November 30, 2001 Volume 1 08 r. C °Pr www.a sbu ec t E R 74 Issue 8 EDIT 31021? Bush links smokers to AI-Qaida Packman Anon-smokerthgeartgg-gdl, c In a recent address to the nation, President George W. Bush announced a new campaign against the nation’s tobacco users. “We have ample evidence,” he said, “to suggest that smokers have long been conspir- ing with Osama bin Laden and his rogues. They are plotting the overthrow of the uni- verse." When asked how smokers are implicated in this scheme, Bush replied, “There is a secret society of tobacco giants who inscribe encoded messages on each pack of cigarettes. The buyers then decipher these codes using complex equations. and proceed to utilize that information for the purpose of overthrowing the government." As an example, Bush described a discov- ery he made on a pack of Camel cigarettes. He said that on the front haunches of every Camel, there is a man standing with what appears to be an erect penis. “That is their symbol,” Bush said, “so let this be a wanting to all Americans--whenever you see the pro- file of an erect man, assume your dealing with these madmen.” However, that is only the beginning of the tobacco companies’ subliminal messages. “It’s like looking into those Magic Eye pictures," he added. “If you stare at it long enough. all kinds of things jump out at you." R.J. Reynold’s Tobacco Company. makers of Camel cigarettes. flatly denied these allega- tions. “It’s absurd." said Camel‘s spokesman. This last statement has been the cause of some controversy and concern. Senator Paul Wellstone, prefacing his statement by con- demning the act of smoking. said. “I hope he means the reduced life expectancy of tobacco users, and not eradicating them." “Bush is creating There is some some off-the— * 7' W i e r r' . r " . * suggestion that wall conspiracy “I don ’l‘ glve a (f‘ Bush intends the theory in order to boost his ratings. those tobacco fiends latter. As of Janu- ary l. he will be Let‘s face it: . . gathering all smoking isr't like me. They Will all known smokers to exacty apopu ar b d d [n a hidden-base in actrv1ty arfiy— 6 ea soon Utah, inhis words. more. 6 “to interrogate spokesperson ’ these individuals would not comment when the press asked him about his personal frequency of erections. A recent poll supports R.J . Reynolds” state— ment: the president’s approval rating has sky— rocketed. 89% of Americans say Bush is our best leader since Reagan, and the remaining 11% (who happen to be confessed smokers) think Bush is a lunatic. The numbers are polarized. but that’s the way Bush wants it. “I don’t give a hoot if those tobacco fiends like me or not. They will all be dead soon anyway!” routes from Bush’s goons. Obese Snappy McBouya and discover the extent of this collusion." In a press conference after the address. Bush was asked how smokers are linked with the Al—Qaida network. “We’ve found nothing direct as of yet. but when you consider the inherent evil in each group. there must be some connection." Then Bush became visibly angry. “While I'm on this Earth. these bas- tards cannot and will not live on. I was put here to stamp out evil. and God willing. I will prevail!" Smokers across the country are reeling in fear. John Mellencamp. who confessed smok- ing heavily. said. "I used to smoke tour packs a day. but I had a heart attack. so I had to cut down to two. Now it seems in order to save my life. I'll have to quit altogether. I just don't know if I can do it." He is currently writing a song entitled. “The Smokers' Song." with the chorus. “Fight authority all you want but smokers always lose." The president‘s address came two days after R.J. Reynolds announced that they would buy out the American Spirit tobacco company for $300 million. Bush immediately saw a link: “I always respected the people over at American Spirit. They don't put any additives in their tobacco. you know, I suse pect that they were about to blow the whistle on these activities and R.J. Reynolds needed to shut them up." Bush finished his address with a warning to the nation‘s smokers: “The time is now to break all ties with evil. We are watching you. so do not think you can hide your addiction. The US. Government does not tolerate terror- ism and we will not tolerate you." On January 1. the nation‘s smokers are being asked to report to the nearest FBI field office for detainment. Your mother: loving provider of breast-milk or disputed [and mass? valuable source of lubricous oils for decades. The Spanish king has responded simply with Photo by Scott Anthony Austin Bibus Donning his westernized turban and plotting the death of President Bush, Augsburg student and smoker David Rettenmaier plans possible escape Augsburg students die As has come to be expected in recent years. your mother made headlines early this week in a political debacle the United Nations Summit has termed nothing less than “a disastrous misunder— standing the likes of which can only be compared to Augsburg security operations." In an unlikely blunder. the king of Spain. on a routine scouting mission for new tcn‘itories. appar— ently mistook your mother for a sizeable land mass and claimed her in the name of God and the Span- ish Empire. This event is curiously unlinked to earlier attempts made by Green Peace members to role your mother into coastal waters after mistak- ing her for a beached whale. Several small island nations have raised dis— putes over the Spanish king‘s attempted acquisition of your mother. sighting records which show they have been using her as a mooring point and as a the stunned exhalation. “That‘s a huge bitch." Shortly after your mother was awoken from her mid—ocean beauty nap by the intrepid conquistador. she was reportedly mistaken for a 1a\i while \tcar— ing a raincoat. These reports correlate with earlier eyewitness testimonials suggesting that. at one time. a helicopter attempted to land on your mother‘s back. having mistaken the llormcl logo on her t—shirt for a landing pad. Moments after an emergency meeting with a circus tent manufacturer. your mother appeared (now fully clothed) before a group of reporters to field questions regarding the recent inyasion ot her generous personal space. When one reporter asked what she was planning to have for dinner. she apparently het'tcd her loot onto the podium and shouted. “Corn!” In conclusion. it is apparent that your momma don‘t wear no sox. \ in parking stampede Hicky Bigler Commuter1y Editor This week. Augsburg is utterly sad to announce the sudden death of two students. At 5:00 am. on November 26. hundreds of restless stu— dents gathered outside in the Quad to wait for parking permits. They waited for the doors of Sverdrop to open. and stood ready to run for what has been dubbed the “mad dash" to secure a parking permit. With only two security officers present. these students were forced to fend for themselves. One security officer suddenly yelled. "Go!" Students shoved and kicked others to get to the doors first: unfortunately. two students were caught in the maelstrom and left Earth to meet their maker. When con- cemed students asked Terri Dolney. the primary parking permit posses- sor. if the pemiit process would change due to this recent tragedy. she replied. “Oh. it‘s worked tine for years now; I can‘t foresee any changes. Those two students probably didn‘t have their registration fonns with them anyway." A service will be held for these two students. and campus groups. such as MPIRG. will soon ask for signatures on petitions for more park— ing spaces in the future. / Major stuff occurs For the past few days, momentous events have been taking place in cities across the country. Ranging from awful,«terribte stuff to wonderful, inspiring things, these incidents have had a profound effect on the way Americans live. More on an this later. Bomlpsover , Justwanted to let NatiOn, My World Scientists mess with genetics Scientists have cloned a human embryo, and now the race is on. Labs ‘ are competing to clone Bill Clinton and harvest his genitalia for transplant purposes. People still like to shop Economists report that people are actually still spending money, despite impending economic doom. Sales of X-boxes are through the roof because. asoneshopperputit.mykiddoesn’t carettwegopoor.” Show less
November 30, 2001 Turtle Heads page 2 K. Lucin Staff Writer W Good morning, friends - ' and fel- qulrre S. ‘, \\ low t], ,L/ Augsbur- gians! This week’s column won’t be funny! It will not be sad, either! I am using this week‘s column to show you lots of happy bunnies and joyful squirrels and cute... Show moreNovember 30, 2001 Turtle Heads page 2 K. Lucin Staff Writer W Good morning, friends - ' and fel- qulrre S. ‘, \\ low t], ,L/ Augsbur- gians! This week’s column won’t be funny! It will not be sad, either! I am using this week‘s column to show you lots of happy bunnies and joyful squirrels and cute, cute little fuzzy creatures of the forest. In fact, I think those cute, little, adorable animals are the most important things about going to Augs- burg. Puppies should be available in every building, and instead of devoting our time to our studies, we should learn how to cuddle those sweetie-pies more effectively. Together, with the precious itty— bitty rodents and fuzzies of all Bunn " Kitties! Moek-A-Moek Ademia kinds, we can put an end to meanness and cruelty. Everyone will love each other and love cute, little bunnies and mousies and kitties and puppies! Every- thing will be nothing but happiness and sweetness and light! Augsburg will be the most beautiful place in the world and it’ll be the bestest col- lege anyone can go. Our enrollment will go up and the campus will be overrun by delightfully furry mam- mals! Hurray!!! Kitties! Puppies! Squir- relies! Mousies! Bunnies! A blatant disregard for the English language Una indiferencia descarada a la idioma inglés. mayon’a de hombres clasificaron Todo 0dio Hate Mail, Editor W 7 Le gusta a hablar en inglés? No me gusta. Tengo una indifer- encia descarada a la idioma inglés. Recuerdan cuando su maestro trata de ensefiarle inglés adecuado'? Recuerdo, pero no me importa. Tengo una indiferencia descarada a la idioma inglés. Algunas veces cuando estoy hablando a otras personas y no pueden entenderme. Pienso que ta! vez debe tener una poquita de respeto a la idioma inglés. pero no puedo porque no tengo ninguno respeto a la idioma inglés. C uando mi mama, quién habla inglés. trataba de ensefiarme decir regalitos de mis parientes. No 10 hice. Tengo una indiferencia descarada a la idioma inglés. En serio, no me importa que escribo porque no tengo ninguna preocupacion de ninguna cosa, especialmente la idioma inglés. Tengo una indiferencia descarada a la idioma inglés. No quiero escibir mas pero necesito ocupar mas espacio; por consiguiente, voy a divagar. Por cierto. tenga una indiferencia descarada a la idioma inglés. Voy a escribir de una proyecto que hice por la clase de espafiol. Para empezar, vamos a hablar de algugunos pensamientos sexuales de los hombres. Segtin mi infor- macion, los hombres les gustan’a la experiencia posible como rebien y que sentiria afortunado si tuviera un amor de una noche. Estes hombres probablemente tienen una indiferenia descarada a la idioma inglés. Ahora odio espafiol también. Por eso no voy a escribir mas porque no solo tengo una indifer- encia descarada a la idioma inglés pero tengo una indiferencia descarada a la idioma castellano. Este articulo chupa un pene. Me bajo mis pantalones y sacudo mi culo a todos. Tengo una indiferencia descarada a todo, especialmente a la idioma inglés. agraciados a cena o cuando recibi tener un amor de una noche. La WWF vs. Augsburg wrestling Features winner take all, final match Paul “Get in the hole" Putt Sporty Spice 7 77 W "W _W Sports or sports entertainment? This Saturday on pay-per—view. only one man will survive, as the superstars from the WWF take on the 7-time national champion Auggies in a no holds barred fight. The battle has been brewing for years: the Auggie grap— plers have constantly battled the stigma that the WWF gives amateur wrestling. The grapplers have defended their trade verbally to other athletes and to the average person by deny- ing the reality of the WWF. However. looming over everyone is the face-to—face conflict when Auggie Nick Slack defected from the Augsburg wrestling team and joined team WWF. The war began. Auggie wrestlers invaded the WWF at a house show at the Target Center. Led by Darin Bertram‘s interference in The Rock's match. the Auggies attempted to gain control of the mat by dominating the center and opting for the down posi- tron. With the WWF stars confused as hell, Nick Slack stormed the ring, knocking the Auggies out of it, until Joe Moon hit him with a steel chair, screaming, “I should be at 174. not you! I’m hurt so you’re gonna hurt. You can’t even beat a physically chal- lenged person when it counts!" Coach Jeff Swenson has gone into seclusion because of the event, as has Stone Cold Steve Austin. Latest reports claim spotting the two at a local eatery, slamming tall, frosty cold ones. Assistant coach Sam “Don‘t call me Brutus. the Barber Beefcake" Barber emerged as a mediator in the event. He has set the match to be an elimination match with only one way to win: submission. The under card will feature the WWF Divas tak- ing on the Auggies‘ managers in a bikini contest. able, immssihle. I only that my eyes did normatiieflr v in their sockets after seems that unatterable vileness. It: m beyond description, beyond even thought in its grotesquerie. ‘ ' Andeventhe sightofitseemed‘toimpress uponme akindof oppressivedteadthatchilledmetomy vexybones. Sincethatday the burden-of that fright has clung to me, engulfing me in a mael- strom of fear and anxiety. The fiendish cream had... but no, I will not risk madness in‘a futile attempt to describe the indescribable. The tentacles! The pincers! The slimy fur! All these must remain undescn'bed lest I risk the sanity of my readers. I will never burden others with the horror of that horror! As I closed my eyes, my sanity seemed to return to me but briefly, and my knees buckled. The things I saw in the room that did not totally defy description were men, about twenty-three of them, all in long white robes, holding colorful banners. They stood iria circle,gsinginginaforeign tongue words I can only attemptto reproduce here; K’Qom-B’ie-Y’ah.” What this foulness porteaded _ I cannotimagine..'1hey shambbd grotesquelyin acimle. as'if drunken orhalf-asleepthemse‘IVes. ,Inthecenterofflrateifle But no, I cannot sayit! .It me even now, that middle ofthe white-robot! m. [If I have one wishfor madmaismamormwinmbeacedwimsomena hideous and evil May it lie form: yd“? along with its great-auntie Yogésotltoth and its my v gurath. anditsthirdcousintwice-remowdcmulhu! Ifyou‘only‘ knew as I dojust how’hom'hleit was! I will not burden yeawith thatcrttelty. I _ ) ( Oh,andtheiewassomechickwiditentaelestoo. .- yButldidn’tgetherphonenumbém - ' ‘ ,’ “Playgirl” can’t ride ass of disaster “Playgirl” magazine is terribly upset. In a press release Tuesday, Playgirl’s Director of Calendars, Harry Nutsens. said the company was very disturbed about the sales of their 2002 Men of Meddle wall calen- . dar. “I can’t believe that with all the patriotic sentiment flying around, our calendar sales are still in the gutter,” he stated. “Playgirl” stopped the production of their wall calendars when, in 1998, the company was stuck with a warehouse nearly full of unsold, unwanted calendars. “We couldn’t give them away,” one distributor cemented. “I blame the damn feminist movement!” After the terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington DC, a wave of gratitude towards firean and police officers swept the nation. Hoping to capital- ize on this, Playgirl‘s Men of Meddle wall calendar features racy pho- tographs of American firemen and police officers. “What is it with you people?” the release went on to say. “ You love these guys; why don’t you want to love them for the rest of next year?" Apparently “Playgirl” has once again been stuck with large quantities of the calendars, having failed to find anyone who had any interest in them. The more notable "Playboy" magazine has taken a different approach to this mass hysteria, er, patriotism; “Playboy” has chosen to use the Internet as its means of capitalizing. Despite the obvious obsta- cle regarding troops‘ access to personal computers in the isolated regions of Afghanistan, Playboy playmates will be corresponding via email to soldiers in the field. No mention yet from Playboy of a female public servant calendar. Show less
April 27, 2001 $899113 page 8 Ready...set...records broken Cross country teams compete in Northfield Christina Baune Staff Writer Last weekend, the Augsburg track teams were in Northfield at Carleton and St. Olaf. They fared quite well as three records were broken and personal bests were set. At... Show moreApril 27, 2001 $899113 page 8 Ready...set...records broken Cross country teams compete in Northfield Christina Baune Staff Writer Last weekend, the Augsburg track teams were in Northfield at Carleton and St. Olaf. They fared quite well as three records were broken and personal bests were set. At the mens' meet, freshman Matthew Shannon ran the first sub-22 second 200 meter dash ever at Augsburg. Shannon finished 2nd in a 21.94 to set the record. Also finishing second was Desman Oakley in the 110 meter high hurdles. Oakley finished in a time of 15.34. Oakley also ran well in the 400 meter intermedi- ate hurdles as he placed sixth in 57.41. In the 100 meter dash, Derik Thaden finished 3rd in 11.07. Jon Boeck and Richard Woods also ran well in the 100, as they finished 10th and 15th, respectively. In the relays, Augsburg competed well. In the mens‘ 400 meter relay (Woods, Thaden, Boeck, and Shannon), the Auggies finished 3rd in a time of 42.78. In the mens‘ 800 meter relay (Allen Lund— berg, Christian Dawson, Matt Swords, and Luke Trees). they finished 10th in 1:38.75. In the mens’ 1600 meter relay (Oakley, Thaden, Chris Ohnstad), they finished 4th in 3:23.90. In the distance events, the team competed just as well. Eric Bloemendal placed eighth in the 10000 meters, with a time of 33:02.51. Finishing fifth in the 3000 meter Steeplechase was Christian Dawson, running it in 9:48.14. In the 5000 meters. both Ryan Nevin and George Spears continued to break their personal bests as they ran to a 16:41.23 and 16:50.26, respectively. In the 800 meters, Chris Ohnstad also set a personal record, as he placed eighth in 1:57.45. In the field events, the highest place came from freshman Luke Trees who finished seventh in the high jump, clearing 1.81 meters. Matt Swords set a personal record in the javelin by throwing 40.68 meters. In the hammer, Andy Lindekugel also set a personal best by throwing 40.10 meters to finish 9th. Lindekugel also finished 12th in the discus with a toss of 40.14 meters. In the shotput, Andy Lindekugel (12.20m)and Jon Dahlin (10.85m) competed well. In the long jump, Mike Adler set a personal best with a jump of 5.48 meters. At the womens’ meet at St. Olaf, one record was set along with personal bests. The 3200 meter relay smashed the previous record by over 30 seconds as they finished seventh in 10:09.11 (Chrissy Baune, Amy Mackner, Danielle Slack, and Teresa Lewandowski). In the 800 meter run, Baune ran well as she fin— ished sixth in 2:20.62. Freshman Rhia Gronberg, - [against the Scots competing in her first collegiate race, ran to a 3: 14.21. Lewandowski set a personal best in the 400 meters, running a 1:03.03. The womens’ 400 meter relay (Petra Velander, Sarah Schultz, Slack, and Mackner) 14.02. In the 200 meters, Velander ran a 29.43, and Schultz ran a 32.40 for the Auggies. In the field events, senior Jeni Eckrnan repre— sented the throwing events well. She threw a 36.88 meters in the hammer, and 27.54 meters in the dis- cus. In the long jump, Velander went 4.19 meters. l l The teams have really been doing a great job, as ‘ new records are set each week. So far, the mens’ 100 3 meters. 200 meters, 400 meter relay. 1600 meter relay, and the womens’ 3200 meter relay have all set new records. Keep up the good work! Next week, the teams will be at the Drake Relays and Gustavus. Augsburg men’s golf looks for consistency in the second half of the season Paul Putt Sports Editor The Auggie men‘s golf team has had one com- plaint front coach Brian Ammann: consistency. The team has had scores ranging from very good to average. Unfortunately, for the Auggies the rest of the MIAC stays at one level—damn good. In fact. according to Ammann, the Auggies are battling in the toughest district in Division III golf, with UW Eau Claire and St. John‘s in the top five and Gustavus closely behind in the top ten. "We have had a bunch of good numbers when a guy gets a 70 one day then an 80 the next." said Ammann. " Our goal in the last couple of touma- merits is that we must develop 4 golfers who get quality scores all the time." Hans Anderson has been one of the leaders on the Auggies as he finished last weekend sixth in the Mankato State Invitational. After a first day 69 that put him near the lead, he scored a 75 the next day. He was one of 15 who had fewer than 150 over the two-day tournament. Augsburg finished seventh overall; however, four of the teams that was in front of them in their district (2 from St. John’s, Eau Claire, and Gus- tavus). The other participants were Tim Olsen (74- 79), Sean Anderson (78-80), Thad Bloberger (77-82), and Adam Botten (80—80). The Auggies finish the year at the St. John’s Invitational and the St. Olaf Invitational next week with the first on Sunday and Monday followed by the tournament in Northfield on Thursday and Fri- day. First year reflections upon writing for the Echo (it isn’t that bad) Paul Putt Sports Editor After reading the commentary found in the Echo this issue from a disgruntled reader. I thought about the message and decided to write my own opinion considering the sports section. The Echo is your newspaper and the workers here at the Echo (8 regu- ltusl are trying to provide news that we like to write and you like to read. The argument was raised that we focused on too much of the same type of news like the GLBTS. sports, or the fine ans department. Speaking from npenence this semester. I feel that the Echo improves as people care. By this. I mean that The Echo writes only what is relevant in our minds and what we take an interest in. If people do not tell us what to write. we will just keep writing the same types of tuticles. l hmc not seen an article written this year submit- ted on behalf of many of the organizations on cam— pus. With Days in May. no one from ASAC wrote an article or emailed us wanting to do one. Why not is my question? Being a person who loves sports. I decided to write to improve one aspect of the paper. the sports section. I went to various coaches and asked them all their opinions on how the games went and did not try to rewrite something that people would not be interested in. I wrote about the trainers and athletic directors and got a great response from those articles. Yet. 1 could not have written them if these coaches were not responsive to talking to the newspaper (p.s. thank you coaches). Students who moan that the Echo is not writing good articles also are not submitting articles. We are willing to pay for submissions. We pay people who can draw for art regarding a story. people who have opinions about an issue. or people who can take pic- tures for campus and community events. I think that the sports page has improved. and I am delighted when a coach or an athlete appreciates my articles. Similarly. the writers of the Echo love when a per- son has an article to submit and does it English majors are not necessary but if you want to do a one- time article. you can do it and not even do much more Primetime Player . Junior Rachel Ekholm , - Auggie softball bounces back Paul Putt Sports Edito_r_i if A _ fl _gvi7 iflflwr After a six-game winless streak, the Auggie softball team beat up on the lowly Macalester Scots in a doubleheader on Tuesday. The Auggie defeated the Scots behind a dominant performance by junior Rachel Ekholm. Ekholm allowed just 1 run in the two games as she upped her record to 11-9 and earned her third shutout. Ekholm has been the winning pitcher in all the Auggie wins this season. She was as dominant at the plate as she went 4-4 with two doubles and scored three runs and two RBIs. The first game saw the top of the order come out and provide some offensive as they scored five runs on six hits. The Auggies also saw outstanding hits out of Jen Lemke as she had a run-scoring triple. The second game saw senior Brenda Selander drive in a run on a bunt and Ekholm scored when no one covered home plate. Freshman Heather Yerbich had a pinch-hit in the sixth inning to drive in Karin Tweeten. Coach Carol Enke was pleased with the team's effort. “Defensiviely we‘ve been ok but we have had trouble and con- tinue to struggle when we have runners on base." The Auggies left a total of 10 players on base in the two games. “Hopefully we‘re going to hit a hot streak in the second half. We have to start hitting the ball and hit it hard for extra bases." Outstanding contributors on offense have been freshman Kristin Lideen, Jennie LaManna, and Ekholm. Lideen is batting .355 and leads the team with 8 doubles as the lead-off hitter, hits with 27 and is second in runs with 17. LaManna is hitting .313 and is second with 12 RBIs, and is third in hits and runs. The Auggies are looking forward to taking on the MIAC with 10 games remaining in five doubleheaders. Our past is your present! WALDON WOODS ANTIQUES Minneapolis: 213 Washington Avenue North (612)338-2545 Buffalo, MN: 2612 Highway 55 S.E. (763)682-5667 29 vears as an outstanding Minnesota dealer! Our _ merchandise includes furniture, stained Iglass, archr- tectural pieces, clocks, collectibles, flow ue china, and more! Show less
% i April 27, 2001 s°§Continued Ads page 7 . ,_ Commentary continued from page 2 genocide is not a new phenomenon. Since the beginning of civilization mass crimes against humanity have taken place. There would not have been a Hebrew Exodus from Egypt in 1446 be if Hebrews had not been oppressed... Show more% i April 27, 2001 s°§Continued Ads page 7 . ,_ Commentary continued from page 2 genocide is not a new phenomenon. Since the beginning of civilization mass crimes against humanity have taken place. There would not have been a Hebrew Exodus from Egypt in 1446 be if Hebrews had not been oppressed and enslaved by the Egyptian Pharaoh of that time. Black Americans descended from US. African slaves have forgiven the rest of the country for hundreds of years of oppression and cultural death, even though no apology has been offered. The victims in all examples demonstrate forgiveness as an attitude and action of strength. What takes place after forgive— ness differs from case to case. After the Jewish Holocaust twenty top Nazi government officials were tried and convicted for their crimes. Several were executed and the rest received life in prison. It is obvious that more than twenty individuals murdered innocent Jews during the Nazi regime. However, the crime was so great and the victims so many that the leaders were punished for the crimes they caused down through the ranks. In South Africa, the new leadership and Archbishop Tutu have decided that healing is most important for their people. The truth about crimes committed during Apartheid has been identified as a catalyst for healing. Black South Africans have expressed their desire to bury the bones of their murdered loved ones as their top priority in most cases. A proper burial service leads to closure and healing for the victims of Apartheid. Healing could not be accomplished without hon- esty and disclosure of information surrounding the deaths of the victims. “Without amnesty, information leading to the recovery of the remains of victims would forever stay buried with these victims in a silent and hidden grave. In America, nothing has been done to amend the oppres- sion that continues against Black people. Furthermore three quarters of all white Americans view any form of apology and or reparation for US. crimes against Black people as unde- served or an unearned hand out. Some white scholars actually believe that Black people should be thankful for Slavery because it granted us US citizenship, and that welfare is pay- ment enough for four hundred years of oppression! Christians understand the importance of forgiveness from man to man and God to man. We who have exercised forgive- ness on an individual basis realize how difficult it can be. The Bible teaches us that forgiveness is an act of faith——meaning that more than likely when we humans are called to forgive people for hurting us, we will not feel genuine forgiveness in our hearts. We may intend to forgive, but in most circum- stances the true feeling of forgiveness comes long after the words have been said and the action committed. On the flip side, if humans wait to forgive one another until we truly “feel it” in our souls, forgiveness will never take place. In Matthew 5:7 and 5:9, Jesus teaches during the Sermon on the Mount that “Blessed are the merciful, for they are shown mercy. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God." Again in Luke chapter 6 verse 37, Jesus com- mands us “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you shall be forgiven.” This is why forgiveness at times is an act of faith for humans. Through this faith comes healing and courage to move on. As long as humans remain self-centered and sin against one another, forgiveness shall remain an attribute of the strong and selfless. EGhO continued from page 2 ” havgetwiee had meyoccasion in myacademic ,,, of two helpful staff mem— incidents. The overall attitude of a: begenersl irritation at having to help “ . i am not alone in this. Unretumed phone calls, mice and an apparent lack of concern somehow dent top my priority list when assessing who should at commencement. Then again, what does my I’mju'st a student. I Which hails me to another point: why has no one consulted the studmts? It is, after all, a ceremony for the students. The smdcnts earn their degrees, which are con- ferred by the faculty who taught them. Seems a tidy package. l’erhaps I’m glossing, but it seems that a cere- mony designed for the students (and their families) should be. about the students. Why would staff, self- described as committed to students’ needs, wish to detract from a ceremony for the students to address their own needs? If they wish merely to celebrate with the stu- dents, then they should do so from the stands with the students’ families, who also played a supporting role. No one is unwilling to acknowledge the vital role staff plays, to give them their due recognition. Perhaps we should institute a Staff Recognition Day, during which students and faculty formally acknowledge the staff’s many contributions to Augsburg. The question remains whether the staff’s marching is important enough to risk diminishing the accomplish- ments of the smdents. I should thinknot. Further, the that the staff performs an equal function to the faculty erodes and degrades the traditional integrity of the Academy. The vaunted ideals of higher education cannot be equated with the banality of an administration. So much for the Great Chain of Being, I guess. The Academy is not a business, despite the efforts of many to make it so. It is an insult to the faculty and to the stu- dents to suggest otherwise. , Lest I appear too biased, let me gripe at the faculty for aforement: I am agog that the student body was not addressed in this matter. Students look to you for guid— Marching in May recognized at the bachelor’s level. This sort of elitist attitude is not supposed to exist at Augsburg, or so went one of the lines that sold me on this school. Fortunately, I do not believe most of the faculty here posses such an attitude. None of my professors have ever made me feel like they were some sort of god to be worshiped. In fact, all my professors have been tremen- dously outgoing and have gone above and beyond expec— tations. None of them has ever made me feel that I am lesser than them because they are professors. Thus, I believe faculty should march with us because they have been WITH US for four years, not above us. But let me say that if faculty narcissism is the only argument these particular professors can come up with against staff marching: you lose! Though Boeh’s e-mail seems to have sparked the debate, it does not reek of the arrogance that Professor Emeritus John Benson’s does. He writes, “I wondered i Guthrie ance in their life decisions. I wouldn't want to think that responsibility is lightly undertaken. You enlighten and teach young minds. You change forever the courses of lives. Yours is a noble profession that should not be sullied by base politics. What message are you sending the stu— dents? You are all poignantly aware of the importance and function of ceremony. Think back on your own academic careers and ask yourselves how you’d feel if your own cer- emonies were overshadowed by this very issue. Suppose all the work, long hours of study, anxiety and research were suddenly ancillary to internal political machinations- it would have been disgraceful. Shame on you for keeping this a secret from the students and for failing to consider their needs. I heap scorn on those of you choosing to boycott the commencement. While I understand the underpinnings of such a notion, I cannot say that I‘d exchange your personal pride at the expense of that of the graduating class. My confidence in your commitment is utterly gone. You dis— honor the ideals for which your profession stands. Those not boycotting have my deepest respect and most profound gratitude: to you I make an appeal to think of the students. Teach by example. I am aware that my knowledge of the issue is limited, and therefore imposes a limit on the (woefully inadequate, I’m sure) scope of this article. But suppose that students imagined themselves to be ‘mere annoyances to be dealt with’ between nasty e-mail transmissions (and I mean nasty). Is this an opinion you want students to have? I speak generally for the student body when I say that we prioritize both faculty and staff. We write the papers and fill out the forms. We attend the lectures and we meet the deadlines. We learn to cope with expanding minds and accumulating debt. I don’t think for a moment that either faculty or staff ruthlessly perpetrated savage self—interest or maliciously kept the student body in the dark; but I have room to argue that the priorities of both are grossly malad- justed. The author wishes to remain anonymous because he fears staff retribution. His views do not necessarily repre- sent those of the Echo. r continued from page 2 when Augsburg‘s excessive egalitarianism would step over the line. Here it, clearly has. . . . to include staff is to quite radically change the character of that faculty event." Perhaps I am confused, but commencement is NOT a “faculty event." To claim that it is, is sorely mistaken. The only professor who seems to have publicly recog— nized this is Micheal Schock when he writes, “If we want to set social policy through ritual, do that at the from end of the student experience at Augsburg College. Consider the graduation as the ceremony for our great students." Thank you Dr. Schock. Though it is probably too late now to change any of this, I hope that the powers that be will reverse this deci— sion. At least wait until next year: talk to the students, poll the graduating class, do something. but do not let staff march until you know if that is what the students want. Letter credit. Even in the last alumni maga- zine Maggie quoted Allison in an arti— cle. That is not professional. On a more sensitive subject, I am really tired of the GLBT issues being focused on so heavily in the Echo. I know they are important issues, but if you are going to have so many articles on being gay then you should have an equal amount of articles on being straight. I also think it is unfair to have so many articles on how gay men and lesbian women are discriminated against. So many of my friends have had difficulties. been abused, and taunted for being gay, but just as many have had incredibly positive experi- ences. I feel for Nikki Ziegler and Thomas Howard‘s experiences they shared in the Echo. but the glass isn‘t always half empty. Augsburg College and Minneapolis is wonderful place that is willing to accept diversity. Can someone write about a positive experi- ence? I am also concerned with the taste 1 of the articles. The last edition included a poem by Mel Freitag that was totally inappropriate. She vividly described a sexual experience. Sex, in my mind, is something private. I don’t want to read about someone‘s lack of “wetness” in my school paper. I think we have for- gotten that we go to a religious institu- tion. I am appalled at the language in this poem; it was totally disgusting. Who allowed this in the paper? My last concern is over the quality of the paper. I attend a class at another ACTC school. Their paper is very well done and looks professional. I am afraid that my high school, maybe even my junior high had a better school newspaper than the Echo. Every week I find a plethora of spelling and gram— matical errors. The Echo is in need of some editing. I don‘t want to hurt those of you who spend so much time on this paper. I only want you to see why you hear so many of our grievances. continued from page 4 To someone who has read the novel, it is interesting to note some more detailed connections. In the novel, Hes- ter’s husband is named Chillingsworth, and in the play the father of Hester's first child is named Chilli. In the novel, the father of Hester’s child is the priest, Dimmesdale, and in the play, the father of Hester’s fifth child is named Rev- erend D. The acting in this production is superb and believable; the audience was actively involved in all the events occur- ring on stage. Kelly Taffe, as Hester, in particular, was incredibly vulnerable and strong. Seeing her desperate and tragic struggle was terrible, but very hard to turn away from. In individual monologues, each of the characters representing the five fathers of Hestcr‘s children confess that something drew them to Hester; through Taffe’s grip— ping performance we are drawn to watch. “In the Blood" is definitely not for the thin-skinned: it contains graphic depictions of sex and violence, and coarse language. Those familiar with “The Scarlet Letter" may enjoy analyzing correlations; others may enjoy the Greek chorus use at the beginning and end of the play, as well as the characters poetical monologues. It is hard for me to recommend a play such as this: so well performed. yet so harrowing and depressing. cont. from page 2 writers/editors doing all the work. As you stated, we can only know so much about what's going on at Augsburg. We need students like you. students who had the luxury of having an out— standing junior high newspaper and who should therefore be knowledgeable about the news— paper busincss, to get off the couch and DO SOMETHING about it. Otherwise, your point is moot. Erica Huls Features Editor echo@augsburg.edu for information about next year’s positions. Make LOTS of MONEY! Show less
April 27, 2001 page 6 College unwilling to spring for Judy Shepard Nicki Ziegler Associate Comm.Nalues Editor The month of April has been dedicated to a gay— straight alliance. with activities going on throughout the month. As the end of April nears. it is time to start reflecting on different... Show moreApril 27, 2001 page 6 College unwilling to spring for Judy Shepard Nicki Ziegler Associate Comm.Nalues Editor The month of April has been dedicated to a gay— straight alliance. with activities going on throughout the month. As the end of April nears. it is time to start reflecting on different events and what some people are saying about them. There has been a lot of support from students. fac— ulty. and staff for the variety of events held by the group formerly known as BAGLS. We have helped to sponsor and support movies. the drag show. the 2nd Moon music series. decorating the walkway, Kate Bomstein. Bryant Lake Bowl. plays. and a variety of events at other colleges. In collaboration with many groups. we wanted to invite Judy Shepard to come to campus next year for Homecoming. Judy Shepard is the mother of Matthew Shepard. who was attacked and killed because he was gay. His parents formed the Matthew Shepard Foundation to help fight against hate crimes due to his violent death. Judy now travels to speak to groups about hate crimes that are committed not only against GLBT people. but violence and hate against all peo- ple. The Student Senate turned down the grant pro— posal. in which Judy would have been sponsored by Augsburg College to speak at a local high school. There was much concern about spending money from this year's budget on next year’s events. of which there are no guidelines written for. Andrea Cobery. who abstained from voting. stated that she thought. “It should be something that future senators, or people still in school next year. should get the Our World If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely IOO people. with all the existing human ratios remaining the same. it would look like this: There would be: 57 Asians 2| Europeans 14 from the Western Hemisphere (north and south) 8 Africans 52 would be female 48 would be male 70 would be non-white. 30 white 70 would be non—Christian 30 would be Christian 8‘) would be heterosexual ll homosexual 59 percent of the entire world‘s wealth would be in the hands of only 6 people and all 6 would be citizens of the United States 80 would live in substandard housing 70 would be unable to read 50 would suffer from malnutrition I would be near death I would be near birth I would have a college education 1 would own a computer When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective. the need for both acceptance and understanding becomes glarineg “Hearing comments such as these only makes it more clear to me that we need her education on this campus. . . chance to vote on." Regarding financial concerns, Cobery also stated. “I don‘t think this is the only rea- son it was voted down." Freshman senator Nathan Grand raised the ques- tion of whether or not we needed to talk about gay and lesbian issues on campus. Hopefully, this grant proposal will be taken back to next year’s senate and voted on again because his even asking if we need it tells me that we really do. There have been some people who think the GLBT profile on campus is too high and are “getting sick of it." Hearing comments such as these only makes it more clear to me that we need education on this campus to teach tolerance. I am surprised. however, that none of these people took the initiative to speak their opinion by writing to the Echo. All stu- dents were invited to write his or opinions to echo@augsburg.edu, and we did- n’t hear from anyone throughout “ the month. This month was only a stepping-stone to greater things. After tolerance is understood, we can move on to cel- ebrating in our differences. Going into next school year. a new group will be seen. We are no longer BAGLS: we are now Queer and Straight in Unity (QSU). We have chosen the name based on a discussion with Kate Bomstein and seeing a need to unite people on this campus. We want to offer support for anyone who needs to talk about sexuality or coming out issues as well as offer- ing a place for GLBT and straight students to come together. When next year arrives, we will be much more visible and a stronger part of the Augsburg commu- nity. What history The Annual Health Fair, “TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, IT’S A JUNGLE OUT THERE,” took place on Tuesday April 24th outside in the quad and inside Christensen Center. After a kick-off at Chapel. an afternoon of health related games, information. and activities was provided for students by the staff at the Center for Counseling and Health Promotion. Informational booths included topic areas such as alcohol and drug use, athletic training, body image, fitness, diet, sex- ually transmitted diseases, safety, and more. Free 15-minute mas- sages and blood pressure checks were provided for students as well. left out Famous GLBTs “closeted” in text books, outed by the Echo Laura Waldon CommunityNalges Eiditorig “Within the typical secondary school curriculum, homosexuals do not exist. They are ‘nonper- sons” in the finest Stalinist sense. They have fought no battles. held no offices. explored nowhere, written no literature. built noth— ing. invented nothing and solved no equations. The lesson to the heterosexual student is abun- dantly clear: homosexuals do nothing of consequence. To the homosexual student. the message has even greater power: no one who has ever felt as you do has done anything worth mention— ing." -Gerald Unks. editor. The Gay Teen In history textbooks. on televi- sion. and in the news. people‘s identity as a gay. lesbian. bisex- ual. or transgender (GLBT) indi- vidual tends to go unmentioned or be hidden from public knowl- edge. As a result. heterosexuals are closed-off from learning about sexual diversity. and GLBTs see no role models for themselves. This lack of GLBT visibility can be damaging to all people— L‘l‘l‘i‘rk‘m- ga) or straight—because when we do not recognize people‘s identities and cannot relate to »From (‘tmrmmrit'rrrion World .llugay'nr'. them. it becomes possible for us April/Ma} Wm). as reported in Robert L. to commit great atrocities against Dilenschneider‘s annual 1997 Report to them. This logic is most evident Clients in war: when we do not know who's on the other side of the fence and when we "demonize" them on the news and in political cartoons, it is easier for soldiers to kill them and for non-fighting citizens to give their full support. Likewise. if GLBTs remain closeted and invisible in our his- tories, people will continue to commit hate crimes against them, and furthermore. other GLBTs will continue to feel alone in their experiences and in the world. As a result—and in honor of Pride Month at Augsburg College— BAGLS and the Echo wish to rec— ognize famous GLBTs with the aim of raising awareness and giv— ing value to those identities that have. until very recently. gone unacknowledged. The following is a list of famous individuals who have self—identified or been reported as gay. lesbian. bisexual. or trans- gender. You might be surprised by who you find on the list! Aristotle — Greek philosopher Socrates — Greek philosopher Sappho - Greek poet. 600 BC. King Edward II — England. I284 — 1327 Marie Antoinette — French Empress. 1755 — I793 Eleanor Roosevelt — US. Stateswoman Martina Navratilova — World famous tennis player Greg Louganis - Olympic swim- mer Actors and Actresses: Mont— gomery Clift. Rock Hudson. Cary Grant. James Dean. Rupert Everett. Greta Garbo. Angelina Jolie. Lily Tomlin. and Ellen De Generes. Michelangelo - Artist Leonardo DaVinci - Artist Peter Tchaikovsky - Composer George Fredrick Handel - Com— poser Elton John - Composer Leonard Bernstein — Composer Calvin Klein - Fashion designer Gianni Versace - Fashion designer Christian Dior - Fashion designer Janis Joplin - Singer Sinead O’Connor - Singer k.d. lang - Singer/song writer Michael Stipe - Singer of REM. Boy George - Singer David Bowie — Singer Johnny Mathis - Singer Little Richard — Singer Gertrude Stein - Writer Virginia Woolf - Writer Willa Cather - Writer Tennessee Williams - Writer Walt Whitman — Writer Oscar Wilde — Writer Kate Bomstein - Writer/enter- tainer The information in this article came from the following sources: Show less
0 April 27, 2001 3‘3 Joel Wolf Staff Writer Tom Green has built his career doing outrageous things in public locations. Whether it is sucking on a cow’s utter or running through a soccer game in a giant inflatable bubble. he’s always pushed the envelope while pushing people’s buttons... Show more0 April 27, 2001 3‘3 Joel Wolf Staff Writer Tom Green has built his career doing outrageous things in public locations. Whether it is sucking on a cow’s utter or running through a soccer game in a giant inflatable bubble. he’s always pushed the envelope while pushing people’s buttons at the same time. With his new feature film “Freddy got Fingered.“ Tom Green ups the ante in shock enter- tainment. but as far as a film goes it falls short of the mark. It comes off as a ninety minute Tom Green show rather than any sort of film. The story centers on Gord (Tom Green) and his attempts to become an animator. He leaves home for sunny California with dreams of becoming the next Charles Shultz. His father thinks he’s going to work in a cheese sandwich factory. Once out of the house though. Gord realizes its not as easy as it looks and quickly gives up and moves back home. All of this Melissa Bawek Staff Writer W Casting its web on screens nationwide, the dramatic thriller “Along Came a Spider" was released in theaters beginning April 6. 2001. ‘ Derived from James Patterson’s first best-seller novel of the Alex Cross l series, this movie is a prequel to the 1997 film “Kiss the Girls.“ Dr. Alex Cross (Morgan Freeman) is a psychologist whose expertise is in criminal profiling and is invited into a case by the kidnapper him- ‘self. Wanting Cross to admire the patience and carefully calculated meticulous work, Gary Soneji (Michael Wincott) hoped to outdo the Lindbergh kidnapping of the 305 and in turn create a “Crime of the Century." i The movie begins by giving the viewer the impression that it’s a psychological thriller. however it evolves into a mystery that involves unexpected twists that weren‘t initially assumed. It’s as if the produc- ers were unsure of how to bring the original movie plot to an end and as a result decided to throw in a couple of bloody deaths and story twists. Freeman’s character, Cross, was also downplayed. Cross‘ profes- photo courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox happens in the first fifteen minutes of the film. and on top of that Green has all ready masturbated a horse, stuck a gun in his mouth to get a meeting with a big animator. and gutted and skinned a deer in order to “get inside the animals" as the animator sug- gested. The plot acts as a way for Green to get from one outrageous situation to the next. In fact it may have been called "The Toni Green Movie." The only things missing from his MTV show are his parents. In the transition from TV show to movie they were replaced by the very talented but woefully miscast Rip Torn as his father and the recognizable Julie Hagerty. in the film most of the torment is aimed towards his father. He just does not understand Gord. From one scene to the next. Gord makes his way ‘ through the film. Just a few of the things he encoun- ters along his way are a still born child that he revives by swinging it around by its umbilical cord, which he then promptly chews through. an elephant and its ejaculate. and a wheelchair bound rocket enthusiast that enjoys a good leg whipping. The all make funny segments and would have made wonderful TV shows. Unfortunately this is a movie and we ask a little more from a film than we would from a TV show. Green wrote and directed the film as well as starred in it. He also directed most of the segments on his show as well. Maybe that is why the film feels so fiat. Green knows how to direct good TV. What he needs work on is how do you make a good film. sion is profiling criminals by looking at the hidden meaning of actions and processes in order to uncover the psychological aspects that moti- vated the suspect. The movie however did not play upon the impor- tance. brilliance and talent that Cross has in decoding the secret messages left by those yearning for attention and recognition. For those of us who are unable to predict the outcome of thriller movies and are able to enjoy things at face value, the film was defi- nitely an “on the seat of your pants" thriller that keeps pulses beating at the maximum level. “Spy Kids” thrills all ages Allison Heimkes MEEGHQE - amassed- -. Movies aimed at children audiences often suffer from the same ailment time and time again: Stupidity. However. Spy Kids rises above and beyond the typical kid film cliches and makes itself into an enjoyable movie going experience for audi- ences of all ages. The plot line is simple enough: two international spies decide to marry and give up the spy life to start a family...until they are again called into service. Leaving the kids with a sitter, the spies set out for one last mission. until something goes wrong. Soon. the kids learn of their par- ents‘ secret lives and decide to take matters into their own hands and rescue them from the clutches of their diabolical ene- mies. While a certain degree of cheeziness is necessary for any Five Hot Mamas: Women of Opera Tuesday. May 8 7:00 p.m. Sateren Auditorium kids film of this nature, Spy Kids is blessed with a cast who seem to have fun with their roles. The dia- logue is as fast paced as the action with clever lines and quips flying through the air almost faster than the audience has time to process. The humor and jokes are worked in subtly and most solicit laughter as opposed to groans. The kids appear smart. yet believable, the villians are delightfully wacky and the parents provide healthy doses of sarcasm as they face their own trials and sticky situations. Pair these lead roles with a crazy set of supporting robots. monsters and minor characters, and the film’s faces stay fresh and enter- taining all the way through. And then there is the action. This is indeed a spy film and Spy Kids does a fantastic job of being a parody of both the James Bond and Mission lrnpossible films. The gadgets, everything from computerized sunglasses to per- sonal jetpacks, are fun and will have every kid in America wish- ing they were real and readily available at the local Toys R’ Us. This film has a noticably big budget and all the special effects, explosions, and computerized characters are done very well. As a whole, Spy Kids makes a great movie-going experience for anyone, whether you‘re a sea— soned James Bond fan, a ten year old spy wanna-be or just a col- lege student in search of a fun film. The violence is all in good fun and never malicious. There is no bad language in the film and it has been approved for viewing by some of the most pro- tective of parents. If you are sick of the regular shoot “em up or stupid humor of movies of late, Spy Kids will be a welcome and enjoyable change of pace. Secret agent sound, dash of Spanish flair Brendan Anderson Staff Writer For such a hip and fresh kids spy film. Spy Kids director Robert Rodriguez assembled one of the largest groups of film composers ever conceived. A total of ten composers had a hand in providing the underscore for the film. The bad guys theme is accredited to Danny Elfman along with various other bits of score. Robert Rodriguez composed the main Spy Kids theme himself with some help from friend. David Garza. Other composers were then brought in along the way to add more abience including John Debney, Harry Gregson Williams. Gavin Greenaway. Heitor Pereira. Chris Boardman. Marcel Rodriguez and Tito Puente. The icing on the cake is the spanish acoustic guitar stylings of the group. Los Lobos. With all these different composers working on the score. one would assume the result would be a disjointed and fragmented set of musical cues. Fortunately. this is far from the case. The themes were apparently written first. and most of the tracks center around at least one of those themes. There is an intentional Spanish flavor throughout the score due to the fact that the main characters are Spanish. Another reason for this ethnic influence may be the desire to parody the music from “serious” spy film. Mission Impossible 2 which also was heavily laiden with a Spanish feel. But if this score is a parody. it out-does itself by easily surpassing the music from Mission Impossible 2 in energy and quality. The music itself has a very “secret agent“ feel with plenty of pop beats and moments with drum set and guitars. The term, “orchestral rock" comes to mind. but the fantastic performance of Los Lobos gives the rock style a more dignified voice. The brass is edgy and the horns are powerful as they combine musicly to tell a story of good guys. bad guys. gadgets and sharp wit. The highlight of the album comes in the main Spy Kids theme. "Oye Como Spy" as the tempo flies and the pulse creates a hip. lighthearted spy groove to fit the film like a glove. Hints of Danny Elfman‘s scoring can be heard as a soft high choir enters periodically to make the score even more respectable. If there is any drawback to this album. it is the short running times. The longest track is just over three minutes long. but this was necessary due to the fast pace and scene changes the film demanded. This music is definitely not an “artistic statement" but it sure as heck is fun to listen to. In the CD insert. director and composer Robert Rodriguez says. "The goal was to make the coolest Spy Action Music this side of Bond. with a childlike inno— cence. freedom. and life. So slip on some shades. and groove to the tunes of Spy Kids. You won't believe your ears!" Show less